Found

by Claudia Burgoa

  “I’ll fix the North Bay contract,” he proposes. “I’m calling Hunter, he owes me a few favors.”

  Hunter owes me more than a few, and I have to cash one too.

  — —

  To: E. McFee

  From: Hazel Beesley-McFee

  cc: Scott Everhart

  Subject: Contract

  Attached find the new maintenance contract. We are hiring you for two years, added a two-week termination clause and a ten thousand dollar fine to the party who requests the early termination. Please advise of any change or courier the signed documents to my office at your earliest convenience.

  Regards,

  Hazel

  I press send and slam my hand against the desk when the window warns me that I forgot to add an attachment. Ugh… what happened to lunch and leaving soon to meet my new puppy? The fuzziness in my stomach increases as I think about Scott. I hate our current situation. The wanting to have a real connection with him.

  — —

  To: Hazel Beesley-McFee

  From: E. McFee

  Subject: Apology

  Bee,

  I am sorry for rushing out of your office the way I did after the bomb you dropped on me. If I already felt like I had failed you, now I… fuck, this is just too much to discuss in an email. Just know I’ll make everything right between us. We made a commitment, and I plan on showing you I meant every word I said.

  Yours,

  Elliot

  I should send him a dictionary so he can look up the meaning of words like loyal, commitment, and forever. Not that I’ve made a serious commitment myself, but at least I’m not careless about it. I turn to my bare shoulder, looking at the flowers going down it. I made that commitment a year ago. This is something I want to keep forever, along with the lotus flowers that run down my spine. They are a reminder that the strongest most beautiful flowers emerge from murky waters.

  The souvenir I kept from my marriage doesn’t have any significance, only the reminder of what we had once upon a time. It has to go. I send an email to my lawyer requesting to initiate the paperwork to change my name back to Beesley.

  — —

  To: Hunter Everhart

  From: Hazel Beesley

  Subject: Last Name

  Hi Hunt,

  Can you help me regain my maiden name, please?

  Give some kisses to Wills, Charles and a big hug to you.

  Hazel Bee.

  — —

  To: Hazel Beesley

  From: Hunter Everhart

  Subject: Last Name

  That’s a strange request. I mean, after all these years. But, don’t fear. It’s simple. I’m attaching the forms I need you to fill out. I have your power of attorney up to date. I’ll take care of the rest after you courier those back.

  Ready to come home?

  We miss you,

  Hunter.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear.” —Sammy Davis, Jr

  Hazel

  Planning keeps my mind moving and my body grounded. That doesn’t mean that my plans come through every time. It’s been more than a week since I decided to renovate the house in Santa Cruz—by myself. Today was the first evening I had free to go shopping for tools. I’ve discovered that a hardware store is like Sephora, but instead of getting things to beautify my body, these are to enhance my house. I should go back home and watch YouTube videos to learn about the best tools on the market and how to use them. My list is obsolete. A drill isn’t just a tool.

  “Who knew there are so many kinds of drills?” I compare the black and orange box versus the blue one.

  “You could’ve asked me,” Scott says, serving me with a smug smirk.

  Apparently, he knows all about tools. I glare at him in return, and continue shopping.

  “Tools, I’m buying tools instead of food and toys for my puppy.” I pick the black box and place it in my shopping cart.

  He takes it out of the cart and replaces it with another brand.

  “Stop switching what I buy,” I sneer at him.

  “Quality, you want high-quality power-tools,” he explains, adding two pairs of protective glasses and a double blade electric saw.

  “No, what I want is a dog.” I let out a frustrated breath of air.

  I stop in front of the table electric saws. “Should I buy one?”

  He shakes his head. “If you need one, we can order it online. It doesn’t fit in your tiny car. Can we talk about buying an SUV?”

  “Dog,” I repeat. “I want a d-o-g. Not high-quality lifeless products that won’t bring me any joy.”

  I pull out my phone and look at the picture of Rosie. “She was beautiful but what did they say?”

  Scott presses his lips tightly. His face is turning red, and he’s doing his best not to laugh in front of me.

  “I blame you for this.” I poke him in his hard chest.

  “She’s with a nice family,” he adds, tilting his head. “The lady at the shelter offered you other dogs.”

  Someone adopted the dog I wanted. We’ve been too busy to look for houses, dogs or start the renovations. “I don’t want a small dog, and I didn’t like that woman.”

  His brows rise, and his smirk widens. “Are we talking about the volunteer?”

  “Yes, the one who was flirting with you—and you were playing her game.”

  “Jealous?”

  “Curious,” I lie, adding a sledgehammer into my cart. I busy myself, reviewing my list before I smash the hammer against my head for showing him how I feel.

  “Did you like her?” I suck on my bottom lip. “I can set you up with her. You know I like doing the matchmaking shit. So far all the couples I’ve brought together are still happy—and married.”

  His eyes become two slits. “We’ve talked about this before. I don’t need you to find me someone.”

  “Well you were getting a little too cozy with her,” I retort, which makes little sense to what he said.

  His jaw clenches. Those eyes darken, and my mouth salivates because I’ve seen him do this before he takes me. He pulls the two pins holding my hair up, letting it all loose. Running his hand through it, he secures it and removes it gently exposing my neck. Bending over, his lips touch my neck, trailing all the way up to the back of my ear. “The only woman I want to be cozying up with is you. After I fuck you. Hard. All. Night. Long.”

  My lips part. I gasp as his voice makes my core clench. “Scott.” The thought of him between my legs makes me wet. Needy.

  He releases me, taking the notebook, I hold. “But I won’t because you have another man’s last name. And he wears your ring.”

  Scott rips the list in half, looks at what I already have and leaves.

  Scott: I’ll buy the rest. Meet me at the exit when you’re done.

  Hazel: Why did you leave like that?

  Scott: I need to cool down. I can’t fuck you in the restroom. But I bet you’re ready for me.

  Hazel: Shut up!

  Scott: Are you going to miss me tomorrow?

  Hazel: As much as you’ll miss me.

  I sigh, waiting for an answer, but after a couple of seconds, I put my phone away. This is a dangerous game we are playing. I’m thankful and upset that he’s leaving for the next couple of days. He has a few meetings in New York. But having him so close and not being able to touch him is getting harder. I focus on my list. Starting tomorrow, I'll spend my evenings in Santa Cruz cleaning the house. The dumpster arrived today, and Operation Spring Cleaning will be in full gear.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” —Buddha

  Hazel

  Someone is knocking on my door. I’m trying to ignore it, but it’s becoming louder and urgent. Who could it be? My parents’ house has been empty for years. Hardly anyone knows I’m here. I lean the trash bag in my hands against the wall. I survey my sister’s room. If she
were ten years younger, I’d call her and give her a piece of my mind for being so messy. Then again, I bet my old room has just as much trash as hers. Reaching for the hand towel I brought, I clear the sweat dripping from my forehead. Tomorrow, I’m calling a cleaning crew. I can’t imagine trying to tear down the walls while cleaning at the same time. It’d be impossible to finish one task before I’m itching to clean the debris.

  “Hazel, it’s Elliot,” I hear a loud voice coming from the other side.

  My heart stops as my stomach tightens. We haven’t spoken since the altercation at my office. I press my back against the wall and stop breathing. If he doesn’t see me, he’ll go away. But when I turn toward the living room window, I spot him looking around the house. I chide myself for taking down the drapes.

  “Please, let me in, Hazel,” he taps the glass lightly, staring at me.

  I draw a frustrated breath. My phone buzzes at the same time I’m unlocking the door. I ignore it assuming it’s Elliot.

  “Hey, do you need help?” He inquires, looking around the house.

  Do I need help? I glare at him, still seething from the last time I saw him. Waiting for him to apologize or … what do I want?

  My phone buzzes again. I pull it out and smile when I see whose it from.

  Scott: I had dinner with the family. We missed you.

  The second one is a picture of Gramps table with my place set, and a scribbled sign that reads reserved. My heart clenches as the nostalgia hits me hard in the center of my chest. I miss my family too.

  “Help?” I frown, staring at my phone.

  I wish I were in New York. That wish of wanting to clone myself, so I can be in two places at once appears for the second time in less than twenty-four hours. Last night, Willow sent me a video of Charlie asking for his Bee. It broke my heart. Tonight, they reserved me a seat. I bet it’s right next to Gramps who sits on the head of the table. I should be home talking with him about the apartment building he wants to buy in Brooklyn.

  Hazel: I should plan a trip back east. When are you coming back?

  Scott: Sunday, I’m sending you my schedule for the remainder of the week. Let me know if you can video conference during some of the meetings. I need you to smooth a couple of deals for me.

  Hazel: Do you remember when you used to run your company without me?

  Scott: Those were boring times. Now, I have a beautiful woman who can crack her whip and make things happen.

  Hazel: I don’t have a whip, but if you’re into that, I can buy one.

  Scott: My only thing is tying the gorgeous Beesly woman to my bed. Come to me and I’ll demonstrate how fun it is ;-)

  I squeeze the phone as my core clenches with desire. The burning ache—the longing. The desire of his touch makes my entire body needy.

  “Are you okay?” Elliot asks.

  Snapping myself out of the trance, I nod and type a message to Scott, hoping that he stops. It’s not a good time for sexting.

  Hazel: Send the schedule over, I can shuffle things around. I have to go.

  “Sorry, you were saying?”

  He steps into the house, shutting the door. “This place looks like hell.”

  “It could’ve used some love in the past few years.”

  “You abandoned it.” His bitter voice resonates through the house.

  I chuckle, bitterly. “You still don’t get it, do you? I left because staying would’ve drowned us both.”

  “I understand why you left the first time. You had to go to school. It was the second one that I …We could’ve survived the storm. Together.”

  “You lied for years. It broke me,” I say, shaking my head.

  ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

  Elliot

  “I had to do it,” I blurt. “It was easy money. Having two jobs made sense. I didn't know you were helping me.”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” she responds, her eyes flaring. “The least I could do was to care for them. I considered them my family. Your mother helped cared for us…”

  Hazel’s gaze drops. “We were married, that made me part of them.” She shrugs one arm. “At least that’s what I thought.”

  “Was it worth it?” She spears me another glare.

  “I earned more than I could’ve as a bouncer,” I repeat myself, trying to repair what I broke.

  She twists her lips a couple of times, her gaze lost on the horizon. “Did you enjoy it?”

  I swallow hard, running a hand through my hair as I think about those days.

  Once I stepped into the club and changed my clothes, I became a different person. A single man who liked to entertain the ladies. The desperate guy who tried to feed his siblings and care for his mother stayed behind.

  Yes, I enjoyed it.

  The ladies wanted me to dance for them. I focused my attention just on them. I made them feel as if they were the only one in the room. It was hard to do but worth it at the end. Letting them touch me, was a bonus. It was easy money, the more I let them have me, the bigger the tips.

  There wasn’t a place for Hazel. Only during the allotted times when she’d called to update me on her day. School, classes, work. And I dreaded those calls, tuning her out and saying just the things she expected me to say. I'd add something about my morning work because she wouldn't understand what I was doing for my family.

  “It was a job,” I state, not wanting to explain much about it. “How about you? I keep thinking about you going to college. But I never added all the hours you had to work.”

  I watch her, her eyes concentrate on me, but her mouth isn’t moving. It’s like I handed her a quantum physics problem and her brain froze.

  “What’s the question?” She frowns, finally looking at me. “You said something about school, work and I’m not sure what you asked.”

  “In my head, you had a regular college life. Friends, parties, games. Duke is one of the biggest basketball schools. I pictured you tailgating, going to homecoming parties.” I add, shoving my hands in my pockets.

  I think about all the fun I had during my freshman year and the things that I missed when I had to drop out of college.

  “But now I’m piecing things together. I am wondering when you had time to have fun,” I say, looking back at her. “Replaying every conversation we had, I only remember you talking about school, work and your lazy roommate. I don’t think you ever mentioned friends. Only your grandfather.”

  She bites her lip shaking her head. “I was too busy to do anything else, but I'm sure I mentioned the Everhart brothers.”

  I scratched my head, trying to recall them but I come out empty. If she did, I wasn’t paying attention at all.

  “But it sounds lonely.”

  “I needed no one because I had you.” Then she laughs, but the laugh sounds bitter. “But in fact, I was all alone. Wasn’t I? You were here in your world, getting through everything that was happening, one day at a time. I wished you had trusted me. Trusted that I was your partner, not dead weight.”

  Lowering my voice, I confess, “I had to freeze us, so I could work at the club. If I didn’t forget about you, I couldn’t let them touch me—”

  “You forgot me?” She gasps, her mouth falling open.

  “It sounds worse than it was,” I defend myself.

  She wags her fingers at me and snorts with contempt. “How far did it go, Elliot?”

  Suddenly, a hot flush of shame hits me boiling my skin, while regret stabs me with a sharp knife through my entire body. I twist the wedding ring on my finger, staring at her. This isn’t how I wanted to have this discussion. I came to invite her to dinner, not to discuss our past.

  “Were they better than me?” She asks, stabbing me with an unwavering glance.

  “I never had sex with them while we were together.”

  She crosses her arms. “But you let them touch you, didn’t you? I saw that longing kiss.”

  I rake my fingers through my hair. “There was the occasional kiss.”

  Her eyes close for a
moment. She breathes a couple of times while holding her stomach. My chest tightens as I witness her pain and imagine it had to be a thousand times worse when she saw me.

  “We were kids, Hazel. My family needed me.”

  The pain drawn on her face is making everything come back again. “I lost myself after that night. Your betrayal broke me.”

  “Hazel,” I mumble her name, but I don’t say more.

  I’m at a loss for words, of strength. I promised to protect her from everything. But she wasn’t safe from my stupidity.

  “It hurts a thousand times more when I know that you had to forget about us.” She releases her arms, loosening her neck. Her lips curl up just a little, but the smile just doesn’t look like the one she usually has. “I understand that you had to make choices. But maybe you could’ve ended things between us.”

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything,” I beg for her forgiveness.

  There’s nothing I could’ve done differently back then, I focused on my family. They were the only thing that mattered.

  “Dad’s death nearly killed Mom,” I explain again. “I couldn’t let that happen. We were devastated by his loss. Can you imagine what would’ve happened if I lost both of them?”

  Shoving my hand through my hair, I pace around the room. How can I fix what I did? Whatever I do, I have to give her all the space while I convince her to trust me again. Not that I deserve that trust. Everything I did was pardon with the excuse she had a new life with friends and school. I expected her to call one day and say, “we’re over.” Instead, she worked herself into madness to help me.

  “I sort of understand it. You lost your father, and you stepped up.” She glances at her phone, the same she’s been gripping since I arrived. “I’ve seen it with my guys. They lost their parents and their way.”

  “Is there a way to start again?”

  “Again?” She frowns.

  “We're soulmates.”

  “Elliot.” My name is a small whisper.

  Chapter Nineteen