Switch (Black Ties Book 2)

by Brynn Ford

  I caught his grin before I turned back to the screen. A busty blonde girl with long hair started crying over a sassy brunette taking over her time with the man of attention.

  “Oh, come on. Who are these people? Actors, right?”

  I huffed, “No, it’s a reality show.”

  “I’ve never met women who behave like that.”

  “Are you kidding?” I laughed.

  “What?”

  “Sweetie, every girl who ever wanted to sub for you was one of those girls,” I pointed at the screen.

  “Okay, maybe the ones I turned down.”

  “Have you forgotten Molly?”

  He chuckled, “Okay, Molly was not my best choice. Early days. But she wasn’t whiny like that,” he nodded toward the TV.

  “Not with you, Master,” I smiled, watching the shiny, young things on the show, “Molly was a damn fine actress.”

  “Oh?”

  “You don’t remember that night at Black Ties? She came out of the bathroom balling her eyes out?”

  His brow furrowed as he thought, “Yeah, I think so. But I’d put her through a really painful scene. No one is immune to crying over a scene. You had your fair share of tears with me.”

  My stomach clenched at the memory, the way he made me feel like the center of his universe when he bound me, hurt me, made me come while screaming his name.

  I swallowed down the wanting, “That’s not why she was crying.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I was in a stall while she was talking on her cell phone.”

  “Phones aren’t allowed in the club.”

  “Right, but she had one anyway, sweetie.”

  “She never was very good at following the rules.”

  “And you went far too easy on the poor little darling. You almost had a psycho stalker in that one.”

  “Oh, please. She was fine.”

  I grinned, “If you say so.”

  “Okay, I’ll bite. What was she saying on her phone?”

  “She was saying she was head over heels in love with you.”

  “So what? All of my subs thought that at one point or another. It’s only natural to love your Sir.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself,” I scoffed, “They weren’t in love with you. They were in love with your raw sexual magnetism. None of them knew the real you.”

  Not like I do.

  “Fair enough,” he smiled and I realized I was no longer paying attention to what was happening on screen, “So what else did Molly say?”

  I grinned, “She was planning your wedding.”

  He laughed, “Stop. That’s not true.”

  “It was going to be black and white. A black-tie affair, in honor of Black Ties, of course, where you both fell in love.”

  “No way.”

  “A winter wedding, rooftop at night when it’s snowing.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Why was she crying then?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at the memory, the same way I had nearly lost control that night I overheard her saying all this from the bathroom stall.

  “Because she was just so damn happy to have found you. The great love of her life. They were happy tears.”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose and I nearly lost it with laughter.

  “Jesus. She was my shortest contract. We were only together for maybe three months, tops.”

  “And she knew you were her soul mate a month in.”

  “Well, fuck. Obviously she was wrong,” he shook his head with a small chuckle.

  “What ended up happening with her anyway?”

  He ran a hand through his hair after setting his clean plate down on the coffee table, “Um. She was deported. Canada.”

  A bubble of true belly laughter burst from me, forcing me to set my plate down and go grab a glass of water from the kitchen. I came back in, still fighting the giggles, and settled back down on the couch beside him. He turned to face me, hooking an elbow over the back of the sofa.

  “It’s good to hear you laugh, sweetheart.”

  His expression was sobering, taking me from light-hearted chatter with a friend to something more.

  It always felt like something more with him.

  That was the reason why I had asked him to stay away. It wasn’t anyone’s fault Vaughn had been released early and I could totally appreciate Law giving him and Desi space tonight because they didn’t have one of their own. They needed that time alone together to reconnect and Law was a damn good man for taking Desi in while Vaughn was in jail.

  But none of that meant I was in the right head space to process my feelings for him. Feelings that seemed to keep coming up again and again. Feelings I had to be careful with. Feelings I had to guard against because he didn’t want the same things I wanted.

  My voice was quiet but sure, “Don’t look at me like that.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like you want something from me.”

  He sighed, “I’m sorry.”

  I turned quickly toward him, tucking one knee beneath me, “Why did you come here tonight? I mean, I understand giving them space and it’s great that you were kind enough to give up your apartment to them for the night. But why come here? Why not get a hotel room? Why not work one of your clubs even if you’re not needed? You’ve always been a workaholic. XO is opening soon, so I just don’t get it. Did you come here to torture me emotionally?”

  “Christine, I…” he paused on his words, an unusual hesitation for such a confident man, “I miss you.”

  Indignation took hold of me, “How dare you say that to me?”

  “What?”

  “How dare you? How dare you come here unannounced like this when I asked you to stay away? How dare you come here and look at me like that and tell me you miss me? I told you I can’t handle you with everything I’m going through. I gave you a boundary, I asked you for space. You’re not respecting what I want, what I need.”

  He retained a calm demeanor, though I knew him well enough to see through the cracks, to see that his level of frustration matched mine.

  “I’ve given you space, Christine. I haven’t seen you or spoken to you in two weeks. How long am I supposed to go on pretending that we’re not friends? I feel like you’re holding our relationship hostage.”

  “Our relationship?” I stood up, looking down at him, “What relationship? There’s nothing more than a one-sided friendship here. There’s no partnership. No give and take. No compromise. You want to be in control and there’s no middle ground with you.”

  “I’ve never had the control when it comes to you. The fact that you don’t see that, that you can’t see how much you’ve forced me to change just so I can be a blip on the radar of your life tells me that you don’t really know me at all.”

  “You really think you know everything, don’t you? That you’ve got it all figured out?”

  He sucked in a sharp breath as he stood and stepped toward me, “The only thing I’ve figured out is that…” he faltered, stepping back and running both hands through his hair, “…fuck. It doesn’t even matter.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, “Oh, and here I thought that what you had to say mattered more than what everyone else had to say. So, please, do tell.”

  He sighed and spoke to me with a soft voice, “Fine. The only thing I’ve figured out is that I need you in my life. Okay? You’re the only constant, the only exception to all my contracts and negotiations and fucking self-imposed rules. You’re the only woman who has ever taken the time to get to know the real me. And yes, that scares the shit out of me because I don’t know what the hell to do with that, how to be with a woman who knows me as more than Sir, as more than just her dominant. I fought letting you in for a long time, but just like you, you found a way past my barriers. You did it a long time ago and you don’t even realize it. I’m terrified of being anything other than the dom you know. Because if I let you see all of m
e, Christine, the good, the bad, the fucking ugly, if you don’t like what you see, then I’ll lose you again. I don’t wanna lose you.”

  He was being open and vulnerable. He was saying the things I needed to hear. He was telling me what I wanted to know. Still, my shoulders tensed and my brain flooded with memories of Asher doing the same.

  I knew Jasper, I knew he wasn’t like Asher, that he never could be. But my heart was still in pieces, the fabric of my soul still weakened from Asher’s abuse, from his betrayals of my trust, my respect, my love. In my damaged state, all I could think about was retreating inward, protecting myself, shielding my heart from this man that I didn’t dare let myself fall for, lest he ruin me completely.

  He was oddly tentative as he reached out for me, placing his warm hand against my cheek as he shuffled closer. My body melted in natural response to him, my head falling heavy into his hand.

  Don’t give in.

  He’ll hurt you.

  He’ll ruin you.

  I knew I needed to get away from him. I needed a physical barrier to keep me from falling into this trap and begging him to love me. I stepped back out of his reach and turned, marching around the coffee table, and storming off to my room. He chased after me.

  “Ris, wait.”

  “Don’t touch me like that!” I shouted at him, slamming my bedroom door shut and locking it just before he caught up with me.

  I was panting inside my room. My heart was racing, thumping wildly in my chest. My stomach clenched and I felt sick from the tidal wave of emotions.

  He spoke to me from the other side of the door, “Ris, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you. I know. I know I’m just making things worse. But when I’m near you, all I want to do is touch you.”

  Don’t.

  I placed a hand on the door, moving closer to it so he could hear me, “Your whole life is sensation, Jasper. All you ever want to do is touch beautiful women. I’m no exception.”

  “You’re wrong. I know I’ve made a lifestyle out of my need to touch. To cause pain and pleasure. I know why that makes me sound insincere to tell you that everything about you is exceptional to me.”

  “Insincere is the understatement of the century.”

  “I know words can’t be enough to explain to you what I feel,” I heard a light thump against the door, “Fuck, Christine, if only you would let me kiss you, really kiss you. If I could kiss you, you would understand why I need you so much.”

  Oh, God.

  I was desperate for love and acceptance after feeling so powerless to save my own reputation after the trial.

  I knew I couldn’t trust my emotions.

  I knew I couldn’t let myself lose sight of the truth.

  “I’m broken right now,” I reminded him.

  “I’m sorry,” he groaned, “I know my timing is terrible.”

  I dropped my forehead against the door, “No, your timing is perfect. It’s so perfectly you. You only want women when they’re broken. So you can fix them and set them free. Baby birds, Jasper. It’s what you do.”

  My eyes were damp. I scrunched my face against the oncoming flood of tears as I felt the sobs rising from my chest. I swallowed, trying to hold them back. I was met with silence on the other side of the door. I inhaled sharply and pulled my shit together, determined not to wait for him to respond.

  “Please, just go. Let me be,” I said through the door.

  “You were always my Angel. Always will be.”

  I didn’t dare utter a word in response. If I had, I might have given in and believed he was truly ready to be my man.

  Chapter 24

  Ris

  “Would the defendant please rise for the verdict?” the Judge announced.

  Asher and Darcy stood on the last day of his trial and I held my breath.

  This is it.

  This was the moment that would make all I had been through in this trial worth it or that would break me entirely. It was the moment the jury would announce the final decision reached on whether Asher would be guilty as charged or set free as innocent to terrorize me again and again.

  Though Darcy Jackson’s defense had been an ill-conceived, last-ditch effort orchestrated by Asher to hurt me one last time, there was still part of me that feared they would proclaim him not guilty for lack of physical evidence. It was unlikely given the way the prosecution so elegantly eviscerated him as the unethical piece of shit psychiatrist he was. But the justice system had failed so many times before. It was why I’d become a public defender. It was also why this moment could turn out to be my worst nightmare.

  Desi and Vaughn were beside me. I knew Law was there in the courtroom, too. I’d seen him come in and sit near the back, but I hadn’t spoken to him since the night of Vaughn’s release nearly two weeks ago.

  It felt wrong not to have Jasper by my side, but I still felt the comfort and strength his spirit gave me in the room. It meant everything to me that he was there for me that day, even with the distance between us.

  As the jury foreman stood to read the verdict, Desi held my hand and squeezed. I took a deep breath and shifted in my seat, sitting a little taller, straightening my spine.

  The Judge spoke, “Let’s start with the charges for the night of December 31st, 2018. Foreman?”

  “For the charges of aggravated assault and battery, we, the jury, find the defendant guilty. For the charge of attempted second-degree murder, we the jury find the defendant not guilty.”

  Air rushed out of my lungs.

  It’s okay.

  It’s not done yet.

  There’s one more charge.

  One more charge to put him away for good.

  I felt eyes on me, the eyes of strangers, the eyes of loved ones. Everyone was watching me, including Asher. The sick bastard was watching me with a smile.

  I swallowed hard and plastered a look of indifference to my face. Desi held my hand with a fierce grip in show of support. I couldn’t help but wish Jasper held my other hand. I dared a quick glance over my shoulder and immediately my eyes landed on him at the back of the room. He was looking at me. I couldn’t decipher the expression on his face, but it gave me comfort. I gave him a small smile before turning to face the front.

  “And the charge for January 4th, 2019?”

  This is it.

  “For the charge of attempted first-degree murder…”

  I chanted over and over again in my head as time stood still for a brief, horrible moment.

  Guilty.

  Guilty.

  Please, please, say guilty.

  “We, the jury, find the defendant guilty.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand.

  Desi yelped gleefully beside me.

  The Judge pounded once on his gavel to settle the courtroom which had suddenly bubbled from a simmer to a boil in hushed celebration.

  “Given the media circus surrounding this case, I’m prepared to issue sentencing today so as not to prolong the emotional suffering of the plaintiff. I think she’s been put through enough.”

  “Your Honor, if I may –” Darcy started.

  “No, you may not,” he turned to address the prosecuting team, “Has the plaintiff issued a victim impact statement?”

  “Yes, your Honor. Here’s her written statement. She doesn’t wish to address the court further at this time.”

  The statement I wrote was passed to the bailiff, then to the Judge. He took a moment to read through it, then set it aside, leaning forward on his elbows to address Asher directly.

  “On the guilty charge of aggravated assault and battery, I’m sentencing you to seven years with time served. You’ll receive an additional sentence of fifteen years and a $25,000 fine for the attempted first-degree murder with the opportunity for parole after ten years served. The sentences are to be held consecutively for a total of twenty-two years in a federal penitentiary.”

  The cool, collected, public persona Asher had crafted and carried out so spectacularly throughout
the trial finally cracked and crumbled. He spun and found my face in the crowd. He stepped toward me in a fury, pointing his index finger at me with an outstretched arm.

  “I should’ve smothered you in your sleep, you fucking cunt. You’ve ruined my life!”

  I didn’t react.

  I couldn’t.

  I was numb.

  I was in shock.

  It was over.

  He was going to prison for twenty-two years.

  Twenty-two years.

  As the bailiff and guards rushed to cuff him and drag him from the courtroom, the crowd erupted in hushed whispers and gasps of surprise. My reaction to him was on pause, delayed as I took in this new information and tried to process it.

  Twenty-two years.

  “Court adjourned,” the Judge dismissed.

  Twenty-two years.

  Desi’s arms wrapped around my shoulders. Blake, with the prosecution team, came to shake my hand. I heard mutters from strangers of “brave” and “strong” and “congratulations.”

  Congratulations?

  Twenty-two years?

  “Ris?” Desi broke me from my shocked state.

  “Twenty-two years,” I mumbled.

  I turned my head to see Desi and Vaughn smiling at me, “Yeah. Twenty-two years. You did it. You put him away.”

  “It’s over,” I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and my cheeks twitched with the urge to grin, “He’s going to prison.”

  “For twenty-two years.”

  Desi pulled me into the biggest hug, wrapping me in warmth and pride. When she finally pulled away, I smiled and sighed.

  “I need a drink.”

  “Let’s go get one.”

  “I don’t feel like going out. The media will be hounding me.”

  “Oh, right, of course. Well, maybe we can celebrate at your place? Girls night? I think Vaughn can manage without me for one night,” she looked back at him over her shoulder to confirm and he nodded.

  “That sounds amazing, sweetie. But maybe tomorrow night? I think I’d like to just enjoy the peace at home. For the first time, I’m actually looking forward to going home. I don’t know why.”

  “Makes sense to me,” Vaughn said, “Do you need me to muscle you past the reporters?”