Switch (Black Ties Book 2)

by Brynn Ford

  “No, it’s fine. I should probably go make a statement, anyway.”

  “Are you,” Desi started hesitantly, “going to say hi to Law?”

  She looked off toward the back of the courtroom. I followed her eyes and saw him still sitting there in the back, alone, typing away on his cell phone.

  Is he texting a new sub?

  Has he moved on from me already?

  The sight of his dark, wavy hair shading his furrowed brow made my heart thump. I wanted to go to him. I wanted to be at his side. I wanted him to have been the first one to hug me when the verdict was announced.

  Part of me wondered if I had made a mistake in asking for space when I so desperately ached to be near him. But no matter what was or wasn’t happening between us, he was there for me and I needed to show him gratitude. I could suck it up long enough to be polite and thank him for being there for me.

  I nodded, “Yeah, I should say hi to him. You two go on ahead. I’ll text you when I get home, let you know I’m okay.”

  I gave Desi a quick kiss on the cheek and received a giant bear hug from Vaughn before they took off. I waved at Law as I walked toward the back of the courtroom and motioned for him to follow me out into the hallway. They would be presiding over the next case soon, so I gestured for him to come with me. I walked down toward the short, hidden hallway, knowing he would find me there outside the custodial closet.

  He used to fuck me in that closet, when I was first his sub. He would come find me between court appearances and drag me inside. I remembered the way he would lift my skirt over my hips, push my panties down around my ankles, shove me up against the shelving unit, and fuck me from behind. He would always come inside me, put my underwear back on, and insist I wear the come-soaked panties the rest of the day.

  I shivered at the memories, crossing my arms over my chest and pacing in front of the door to that very room.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” his smooth voice grabbed my attention and I turned to face him as he strode toward me.

  “Hey,” I said with a small, nervous smile, “Hey, um, I just wanted to thank you for being here.”

  “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world,” he said with a sad sort of sincerity, “How are you feeling?”

  I sighed, “I have no words. I mean, I’m relieved, really relieved that I don’t have to worry about him being free and coming after me again. But…” I trailed off.

  “But what?”

  “I was with him for a long time, you know? Something happened to him. Something changed. I knew a different Asher in the beginning.”

  He ran a hand through his hair, “Yeah, I knew that Asher, too. When he still had some good left in him.”

  “I loved him. This whole process has been like…I don’t know what.”

  “Like mourning a loss?”

  I nodded, “Yeah. But that verdict. It’s…” I smiled, “It feels good. I feel like maybe I can finally start to move forward. Put this all behind me.”

  He gave a half smile and let out a breath, looking hopeful, “I’m glad for that, Christine. You deserve a happy ending.”

  I started to reply with a sexy, snarky retort about getting a “happy ending” as would normally have felt perfectly acceptable with him, but I stopped myself because things were different. Still, the thought drew my eyes back toward the custodial closet door. Just a glance. Just a brief remembrance of the way things used to be between us.

  I let my arms fall to my sides, “You deserve that, too, Jasper.”

  His crystal blue eyes caught mine with a sparkle of hope and he nodded, unusually quiet.

  He took a small step toward me, “This is so fucking awkward. I don’t know how to…is it okay if I hug you? I’m just…twenty-two years,” he grinned.

  I grinned back, “Twenty-two years.”

  I stepped forward, reaching for him, slipping my arms around his neck. I let him close the space between us as he curled his arms around my waist and pulled me so, so close. I stiffened for a moment. I was afraid to take down those bricks from my wall. I was terrified he would take advantage of its weakened state and burst right through it, leaving me exposed and vulnerable to heartache I wasn’t ready to endure again.

  He was holding his breath, matching my caution with caution of his own. But then the warmth of his body sank into mine, bathing me in the comfort and safety I’d always felt in his embrace. It was so easy, so natural to sink into his arms.

  After moments of tense silence, I let my cheek brush his, tentatively and unconsciously seeking out the familiar feel of his skin on my skin. He sighed and one of his hands slipped up my back, tangling into my hair as he found the back of my head and held me in place, willing me not to move away from him.

  I didn’t want to.

  I wanted him to hold me this way, to want me this way. But I still didn’t believe he was capable of letting go with me. I still didn’t believe that he was ready to be what I needed, if he ever could.

  “Jasper,” I started, but he interrupted and held firm.

  “I’m hoping for that happy ending with you, Christine. I’m waiting for you.”

  “Still?” I slowly pulled away to look at him but kept my hands on him, terrified to let go, “You never were waiting for me. How can you say you want me still?”

  His eyes intoxicated me with a flicker of desire and a small sparkle of faith, “I know what I want now. I didn’t before. I was stupid before.”

  “I can agree with you on that point.”

  “Come over tonight. Let’s celebrate this shit storm being over. Let’s talk about us.”

  I shook my head, “No. Jasper, no.”

  We let go of each other when I looked away and he took a step back. All the air in my lungs rushed out of me as if he drew it out himself, as if the air that kept me alive relied on his presence to stay within me.

  He looked tired, so tired. His shoulders hunched as he ran a hand over his mouth.

  “I never stopped wanting you, you know, since the day you left me for Asher,” he told me, “I never would have asked you to leave. I wanted you. Every day. But I had to let you go because it was what you wanted. It was a mistake and I don’t want to make it again. I don’t want to let you go now,” he moved forward again into my space and I moved backward, colliding with the door of the custodial closet behind us.

  He was standing too close to me, breathing too deeply, sparking with too much electric energy. Every trace of my skin wanted him. I was terrified to let myself fall harder for him than I already had, but he made it so easy when he looked at me with such truth in his eyes, when he spoke to me with such passion in his heart.

  I was scared.

  I was truly terrified.

  Asher had left scars on my heart. He had wounded my soul. He had tortured my mind. The trial had snapped me in two and made me afraid of letting Jasper back in.

  I never expected Asher to hurt me, but he did.

  I never expected Jasper could hurt me, but he had.

  Walls that had never existed before were suddenly bricking me in. But they were holding me hostage rather than keeping me safe. I knew that to be true but felt powerless to tear them down, nonetheless.

  Fight for me, Jasper.

  Fight for me.

  Please, please fight for me.

  “I’m so sorry, Christine. I should never have told you I couldn’t give you everything you wanted. But that day, I didn’t think I could. I was afraid of hurting you more by trying and failing,” his head bowed, forehead nearly touching mine, “Maybe we needed everything to happen the way it did for me to see the truth.”

  His hands floated forward, fingertips finding mine next to my hips, reaching, grasping, until my hands were in his. My chest tightened and my core clenched. My shoulders slackened from their tense state.

  His gentle touch threatened to expose all of my fears and vulnerabilities. He could use them against me or he could use them to love and protect me. I was so afraid of the former that it swept o
ver me as anxiety, threatening a panic that would make giving my statement to the press a nearly impossible task.

  I have to get out of here.

  “I can’t,” I swallowed, side stepping and backing away from him, “I can’t do this right now, Jasper. I’m sorry.”

  He looked like he might cry and my own tears were already burning at the corners of my eyes. I couldn’t make my press statement with mascara running down my face.

  Great that I have my fucking priorities worked out.

  It was an excuse I was making for myself. Because the truth was, I believed what he was telling me. That scared me more than his uncertainty ever did.

  I backed away and left him there alone.

  I just had to get out of there before my heart burst and tears exploded down my cheeks, before I lost what was left of me to another man.

  Chapter 25

  Law

  My palms were damp with nervous sweat. I held out my hands in front of me and sure enough they were trembling with my anxiety. I had never felt so efficiently shattered by a woman.

  Not like this.

  I was feeling like a high-rise in an earthquake.

  Rumbling and wobbling.

  Swaying and shaking.

  Still standing but constantly on the verge of collapse, awaiting the final shockwave.

  I took a long walk home from the courthouse after Ris left me standing there alone, in front of the custodial closet that held some rather fond memories. Now I would remember it as the place I opened up to her only to have her run from me. I thought the walk home would give me time to think, but it backfired on me. Every thought I had was dripping with self-doubt and fear.

  I reached my penthouse apartment, mentally rehearsing a speech in my head, spinning around and around thoughts of whether I should call her, text her, show up at her apartment, leave her alone and hope she comes to me. I had no idea what she was thinking when she left. I knew she had to talk to the press. I knew she wanted to go home alone. I was trying my hardest to respect her boundaries, even when it felt like I had to become a different version of myself to do that. It was what she had been asking me for all along and perhaps it was exactly who I needed to become to be worthy of her, to be a king worthy of a queen.

  I need a drink.

  Something to take the edge off.

  I unlocked the door and stepped inside my penthouse apartment, only to interrupt the damn love birds at it again. Desi and Vaughn’s apartment was still on sublet for another month, which meant I got beat over the head daily by the fact that they had each other and I may very well end up unloved and alone.

  Vaughn had Desi's ass pinned against the countertop in the corner of my kitchen. All I could see was his back as he held her there with his body. At least they had the decency to remain fully clothed in the public spaces of my home.

  I shrugged off my blazer and made my way to the kitchen, "I’m gonna need you two to move the fuck out of the way. I need a drink."

  Clearly, I startled them both. Vaughn turned abruptly and Desi gasped. I dropped my jacket on the floor and rushed them when I saw what Vaughn was holding.

  "What the fuck are you thinking? You can't do knife play with her squirming like that. For fuck's sake, Vaughn" I scolded, carefully prying the kitchen knife from his hand, "You could've killed her the way you two jumped."

  "Swear to God she asked me to do it," he stepped back with both hands in the air, as if he were surrendering to an arrest.

  I sighed, putting the knife away and running a hand through my hair, "I fucking believe it. Do you have a goddamn death wish, Desi?"

  Her eyes were wide and wild, "No, I just wanted to try it."

  "You can try whatever you want, but you will not do that again. Not without practice, communication, and fucking immobilization. You could've slit her throat."

  "I was in complete control," Vaughn countered.

  "That did not look like you had it under control."

  Desi looked at him with lust that could've brought an army of men to their knees. She kneeled on my kitchen floor and bowed her head.

  "I'm sorry for being such a kinky little slut. You should punish me, V."

  "What kind of dom would I be if I punished you for asking me to do things I already wanna do to you?"

  Shit.

  Fuck.

  I had entered into a full-on scene playing out in front of me and it seemed Desi didn't care if I interrupted them or not. She was all in.

  Good for her.

  I still need a drink.

  I decided I could join in on the dominance a bit, if only to get her to move her ass out of the way. She was kneeling in front of the wine fridge.

  I came up to her side and wedged the toe of my shoe beneath her butt, lifting, "Move, Blue. I told you I need a drink."

  "Yes, Sir," she said.

  Boldly, she fell forward onto her hands and crawled forward, but just an inch or two. She was being intentionally annoying. This time, I literally gave her ass a little kick, just enough to get her back on all fours.

  "Move. Crawl to your husband like a good little girl."

  She moaned, "Yes, Sir," then crawled until she was at Vaughn's feet.

  "You know," Vaughn started, "I still hate the way she submits to you so easily. But…" he drew out the word.

  I pulled out a bottle of red wine and poured myself a glass as he spoke. I took a long swig before I responded.

  "But, what?"

  "Des and I have a little bit of a shared fantasy you can help with."

  "I don't know what kind of experiences you had in jail, Vaughn. I'm awfully comfortable in my own sexuality, but I'm not into dick."

  Desi burst out laughing. Literally, cackling and doubling over with her hands pressed hard into her knees.

  Vaughn held a hand out toward her with an amused smirk, "You're welcome to handle that outburst."

  I chugged my drink, then poured another. The offer to be dominant with Desi, to get out of my own head and feel in control for the first time in weeks was really fucking tempting.

  “Your wife is a nasty drug and I’m trying to stay clean,” I told him.

  His eyes shifted and he bent down, grabbing her by the ponytail and lifting her off the ground by her hair. Desi’s hands shot up to latch around his wrists. Vaughn spun her around and marched her toward me, shoving her too close to me to ignore.

  He yanked back on her head, angling her chin to look up at me, “Tell her she’s a nasty drug.”

  I didn’t want my pulse to thump, but it did. My heart may belong to someone else, but I was still human after all. I was still a sadistic dominant with an unhealthy attraction for a certain stunningly masochistic submissive.

  I took another gulp of my freshly poured drink, then sat it down a little too hard. Some of the liquid spilled out over the top of the glass as I caught Desi's eyes with mine and held them. The playful curl of her lips dragged me into this game I shouldn't be playing.

  "You're a nasty drug, Mrs. Cooper."

  "Am I addictive, Sir?" she asked.

  Fuck it all.

  She's already lost.

  All it took was her husband's rough hand and she was ready to slip into subspace. I would have been able to control myself and step back like a gentleman if I hadn't just chugged a glass of wine. The alcohol and my anxiety together were proving to be a dangerous mix. Vaughn was presenting her to me, as if he wanted nothing more than for me to dropkick her into subspace myself.

  Where is my self-control?

  Trapped somewhere behind her obedience and submission.

  I snatched her chin between my fingers and thumb, pinching tightly, "Too addictive for your own good."

  "I'm sorry, Sir," she replied with a coy inflection.

  She didn't mean it.

  I looked over the top of her head at Vaughn who still held her by the hair, "What exactly did you have in mind?"

  Why do I care?

  I can't do this.

  "Play with me,
both of you," Desi spoke out of turn.

  I slid my thumb up over her lips and pushed, forcing her to open for me. I stuck my index and middle finger inside her mouth and pressed down on her bottom teeth to shut her up.

  "Be quiet, sweetheart, and suck like you mean it."

  I was running fast down this slippery slope.

  It was curious the way she still had this effect on me. Even with her husband here. Even when I had accepted that Ris has my heart. I was still enamored with Desi's sweet and dirty submission. It was beyond fun to see how much dirtier she had become since Vaughn got out of jail.

  "Obey," Vaughn growled at her back and she sucked hard on my fingers, "We're both interested in a particular roleplay scene."

  "I'm listening."

  I shouldn’t.

  "She wants to fight."

  "Clarify."

  "She wants to pretend she doesn't want it. She wants to be overpowered. By more than one."

  I pulled my fingers out of her mouth sharply and the sound of it was a satisfying pop.

  "Do you wanna run from us? Is it the chase that you want? Or do you just want us to tie you down and take turns fucking you however we like until we say we're done with you?" I asked Desi.

  She slumped as her knees buckled, "Yes," she breathed out as a single syllable.

  I smirked, "That's not an answer, Blue."

  "All of it, Sir. I want the chase. I want to struggle. I want you to rip my clothes off, tie me up, and use me, Sir."

  "So you want to tell us no. You want to tell us to stop. But you want us to keep going anyway."

  Desi bit her lip as her eyes hooded and she nodded, "Yes, Sir."

  "You want us to degrade you, babe? Tell you you're a dirty little slut?"

  She nodded hard with a whimper, "Mm-hmm, yes, V."

  I grabbed her shoulders and spun her around fast, forcing Vaughn to let go of her hair in the process.

  "Look at your wife's face, Vaughn."

  He licked his lips, "Obvious she wants it."

  "Too obvious," I agreed, bending to align my lips with her ear, "You're gonna have to become a better actress than that, sweetheart. Put on a show for us. Can you do that?"

  She nodded.