by Brynn Ford
“Darcy Jackson caught me before I left the courthouse, after I made a press statement.”
I quickly finished buckling my belt, which made me feel like a real asshole. I combed my fingers through my hair, frustration already rising at the mention of the woman who attacked Ris so brutally during Asher’s trial.
“What did that bitch say to you?”
Ris looked down at the carpet, her weight shifting from one foot to the other. The hard-exterior shell cracked just a little. She sniffed as she lifted her head again to look at me and her voice wavered as she spoke.
“There’s a new press release coming out later tonight. Asher is being charged with new counts of aggravated sexual assault. Three new counts. Three of his patients. The assaults happened while we were dating, apparently.”
My stomach flipped and I felt sick.
“I didn’t know,” she went on, “I didn’t have a clue. I didn’t know how awful my own damn boyfriend was until he tried to kill me.”
“Ris…”
I stepped forward, reaching for her, but she held up both hands as she stepped back, looking away from me. Her rejection stopped me dead in my tracks.
The stone wall chipped and cracked, as though she were in the middle of that same earthquake my nerves had me feeling before I got into the scene with Vaughn and Desi. Though I was able to sway with the shockwaves, Ris was breaking through it. The cold façade she had built up against me after catching me coming out of the act was swiftly and dangerously crumbling. It split right down the middle with the next wave, barely a moment later, and she broke into tears that made my heart ache.
“It’s all too much for me to handle. I’ve done what I can. I stayed strong long enough to get through the trial. But I’m not strong enough right now to go through it all again. I thought the press would stop hounding me once the trial was over but with these new charges, it won’t stop. It won’t stop and I can’t be here.”
She put her hand on her chest, taking deep breaths.
“What does that mean?” I asked, holding my breath.
“Jasper, I’m sorry. I can’t do this back-and-forth with you anymore. I’m not myself right now and it’s hurting us both. I know that and so do you,” she swallowed and straightened her spine, dropping her hand from her chest to fall at her side, “I’m leaving the city tonight. I’m flying back to Michigan and I’m going to stay with Callen for a while.”
I slapped my hand down against the sideboard that decorated my hallway and it landed with an unintentionally loud smack.
“Shit. You don’t have to leave. You can stay here. You can have my room. I’ll sleep on the couch. You can hide out here. I promise I’ll take care of you, keep the press away. Please. Don’t. Leave.”
Christine’s voice was a whisper, “I can’t stay. I can’t. I’m so sorry.”
I could hear it in her voice that her decision to leave had already been made. It was final. I couldn’t change her mind.
I stepped toward her, “How long will you be gone?”
She crossed her arms over her chest protectively as I approached, “I don’t know. A few days? Weeks? I just know that I need to go. My flight leaves in an hour.”
“An hour?”
My agitation peaked, though really, it was just masking the pain. I had finally figured out what the fuck I wanted, I wanted her, but now she was leaving. She caught me fucking around with Desi when I should have been getting my shit together and learning how to be the man she needed. But instead, I fucked up again and now she was leaving.
I invaded her space, grabbing her wrist and pulling her arm down, away from her chest, so I could hold her hand, “I’ll come with you to the airport. I’ll pay for a cab and come with you,” I waited for a few beats of silence, “Please, Christine. Give me more time with you.”
I need more time.
There will never be enough time to show how much she means to me.
The air around us was heavy with a pregnant silence before she finally spoke, “I need to be alone. I have to go.”
She pulled her hand from mine and it physically hurt me to let go.
There was in ill-timed thud from beyond the door at my back, a squeal and a moan, Desi’s voice, “Oh, fuck. Yes. Shit, just hurt me, baby,” then Vaughn’s, “Take my cock, slut.”
At first I was pissed that their fucking was interrupting this heartbreaking event. It was an intrusion of this desolate memory I was making. I was certain at the time that this would be my last memory of her before she disappeared from my life for good.
But then I was inexplicably grateful for the raucous fuck session going on in the room behind me. I was grateful because now this memory held her smile. It was miniscule, just barely tugging at the corners of her lips. I soaked up the ray of sunshine that managed to force its way through her blockades.
And then she was moving backward, away from me.
“I don’t need to disturb them. They should finish. They need their time together. Please just tell Desi I love her and I’m sorry for leaving without saying goodbye. Tell her that I’ll call when I get to Callen’s.”
She didn’t wait for me to respond. She turned and jogged down the spiral staircase. My feet moved before my brain could reason and took me barreling after her, literally chasing her down the steps.
This is the woman I need to be chasing.
Not Desi.
Not Audrey.
Not the next shiny, new toy.
Christine is my future.
“Angel, don’t go!” I called after her, “Angel, please.”
She moved quickly. By the time I caught up to her, her hand was on the handle of her suitcase next to the door and she was reaching for the knob. She didn’t turn, didn’t respond to me. But I couldn’t just let her leave. I caught her around the waist hugging her tight, pulling her back against me, gripping like my life depended on keeping her here with me.
She froze, went rigid in my arms, but I refused to let go that easily.
“Jasper, don’t. Please. Let go of me,” she said quietly, but firmly.
I buried my face in her hair, pressing into the side of her neck, “Please, Ris, please. I need you to let me tell you –”
“Tell me what?” she cut me off again with her sharp words, “Tell me that you want me on my knees for you? Tell me that whatever you were doing in there with Desi didn’t mean anything? Tell me you want me? Need me?”
“Let me tell you I lov –”
“Don’t you dare,” she whipped around at lightning speed, jolting her body free from my grasp, “Don’t you fucking dare tell me that right now, Jasper. Especially when you were just…” she pointed her finger toward my bedroom, “You have no right.”
I stepped forward.
She stepped back.
“Law, is everything okay?” Desi was peaking down over the balcony with my bedsheet wrapped around her, Vaughn appearing just behind her.
My head snapped to look up at them, surprised by their sudden appearance.
I only looked away for a moment.
Just one moment.
That moment was all it took for Ris to escape through the door.
I opened it to chase after her again and found her standing in front of the elevator doors with her hand over her mouth, crying as she waited. The look of her in that state shocked me to my core. She was well and truly hurt, a kind of hurt I’d never seen her endure before, a kind of hurt that I could never willingly cause her, even being the sick sexual sadist that I was.
The elevator doors dinged open as Vaughn came up behind me. Ris shook her head at me, warning me to stay put, and the raw truth of pain behind her gorgeous blue eyes kept me still. The power of that single look held me in place as she stepped onto the elevator, dragging her suitcase on behind her.
Vaughn’s hands landed on my shoulders.
“What do I do?” I said, “What am I supposed to do?”
“She’s leaving?” Vaughn asked.
I confirmed wi
th a nod. It was the only response I had the strength for. It took moments of stillness and Vaughn’s hands on my shoulders, encouraging me back inside, before I moved again.
* * * * *
Desi filled up a glass of wine and brought it to me where I sat on the couch. I managed a small, grateful smile when I took it from her and she sat next to me on the sofa.
“This isn’t right. Everything about her leaving feels wrong,” I said.
“It feels wrong to you, but it feels right to her,” Vaughn replied, “I think we all can appreciate why she wouldn’t want to go through all of that ridiculous media shit again.”
“She must be an absolute mess,” Desi said, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder, “Are you okay?”
“I’m not okay,” I took a large gulp of wine, “I was trying to tell her that I…” I trailed off.
Vaughn’s eyebrows rose in understanding, “No shit. Really? You told her you love her?”
Desi slapped a hand over her mouth.
How the fuck did he know that’s what I was going to say?
“No. I tried. I wanted to, but she stopped me,” I swallowed another drink, “She caught me coming out of the bedroom buckling my belt over my hard-on for Desi. So I think I managed to successfully fuck up any chance I had.”
Desi sighed, “Oh, God. I’m so sorry for dragging you into that. If I just had better self-control. Shit.”
“She was leaving either way,” I reassured, “It’s nothing to do with you.”
“I know, but the goodbye might have been different.”
Goodbye.
Goodbye?
I stood up, “We didn’t say goodbye.”
“What are you doing?” Desi asked.
“She didn’t say goodbye to me.”
“Okay,” Desi said cautiously, softly, “But she’s still gone.”
I shook my head, “No, she’s not gone. Audrey’s gone. Christine is just further away from me now. Not gone. I won’t make the same mistake twice. I won’t let her leave me without telling her what I feel.”
“She’s going to realize that she misses you if you give her that time and space,” Vaughn said, “She’ll realize she needs you.”
She’ll realize she needs me?
“She doesn’t need me, Vaughn. I need her. I’m going after her.”
“I really think –” Vaughn started, but I stopped him.
“No offense, but I should remind you that you almost lost your girl once by giving her time and space to figure her shit out.”
He stood and squared off with me, “I take serious offense to that. You were meant to be a part of her life. I never would’ve lost her to you. Desi has been and always will be mine. I can let you fuck her six ways from Sunday and she’ll still be mine. Everything worked out exactly the way the universe meant it to.”
I didn’t have the patience to try and figure out what the hell he was talking about, but I did have the decency to apologize out of respect.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any disrespect. But I’m not willing to take any chances. I need her and I’m going to get her.”
Desi stood, “Okay, what do you need me to do?”
“Find me a flight to Detroit. There’s no way I’ll make it to the airport on time to catch up with her, but that’s okay. I’ve got her brother’s address saved in my contacts, so I’ll just track her down when I get there,” I ran a hand through my hair and let out a heavy breath, “I just have to go after her. She can’t leave like this, not knowing I’m ready to be with her.”
“Shit,” Vaughn drew his hand across his beard, “Well if that’s true, you’d better go fucking tell her. She’s been waiting for you to be ready for her.”
Desi kicked into high gear, holding out her hand, “Just give me your credit card and I’ll handle it.”
“Go get packed,” Vaughn said, “It’s about damn time for you to make this happen. So let’s make this fucking happen.”
I turned up a half smile at him in gratitude and expressed a simple, “Thank you,” before jogging upstairs to pack a bag.
A myriad of thoughts ran through my head as I gathered the basics, placing them in a small black suitcase.
What if it’s too little, too late?
What if she doesn’t want me anymore?
Will she be pissed at me for following her, for showing up unannounced at her brother’s home in another state?
Will I be her knight in shining armor?
Or perhaps her dungeon master?
Will she be happy to see me or will I ruin everything by chasing after her?
I didn’t know the answers to my questions, but one thing was for sure. I would never get those answers if I stayed here and waited. I had already waited long enough for my stupid, fucking caveman brain to catch up to what my heart had told me all along.
I was in love with Christine Warren and I wanted her for good.
Chapter 27
Ris
“Drink this, honey, it’ll help calm your nerves so you can sleep,” Callen said, handing me a mug of steaming liquid.
“What is it?” I asked, settling into the sofa in his living room.
I curled my legs beneath me, thankful to be with family and far, far from the city.
“Chamomile,” Callen’s partner, Darren, told me.
“Oh, perfect, thank you,” I smiled, leaning back.
Darren settled in across from me on a cozy armchair, Callen sidling up next to me on the couch.
“You guys are the best for letting me stay with you. I know I’m putting you out. You won’t admit it, but I know I am. I promise I won’t overstay my welcome.”
Callen wrapped an arm around my shoulders, squeezing tight, “Are you kidding me? Your welcome won’t be worn out anytime soon.”
I grinned with gratitude, leaning my head onto my big brother’s shoulder. He was only older by two minutes, the twin who couldn’t come out fast enough, in every sense of the phrase.
Callen and I had a strong connection from the start. Both because we were twins and because we each had sexual preferences the world wanted us to hide. I could indulge in my deviancies privately, until the trial, of course. But Callen’s desire for other men was something he couldn’t hide if he wanted to have a committed, long-lasting relationship, which was exactly what he wanted.
Thank God for Darren for being that man to stick by him. They had been together for the past five years and going strong. Darren had really slipped into the role of being my second big brother and I loved them both.
“So, do you wanna tell us what happened?” Darren asked after beats of silence.
My brow slanted inward in confusion, “I told you. About the new accusations against Asher. The press was going to be a nightmare. I just needed to get away.”
“No, I know that’s what you told us. But the Ris I know doesn’t run. You got through that whole trial with your chin up. Why run now? What’s really going on?”
I blew the steam away over the top of my cup, “That’s all there is to it. I just hit a wall when I heard about these new charges. I kind of lost it. I reached my limit.”
“Did she just say limit?” Callen asked dramatically, placing a hand over his heart, “Are you using one of those ‘Word of the Day’ calendars, honey? I didn’t know that word was in your vocabulary.”
I jabbed him with my elbow, “I actually do have limits, believe it or not. Seriously. I’d just had enough and couldn’t take anymore.”
“So it has nothing to do with Jasper?”
I looked down into my mug, taking a small sip of my tea. It was still too hot to drink, sizzling a burn on the tip of my tongue.
“I don’t know how to answer that,” I finally replied.
“Well, I think you just did.”
I spilled scalding tea down the sides of my mug as I jumped, startled by the unnecessarily loud doorbell.
“Jesus!” I set my cup down on the side table, getting to my feet and moving quickly toward the kitchen
for a paper towel, “Why is that so loud?”
Darren rose from his chair moving toward the front door as Callen replied, “Because Darren is lazy and hasn’t it fixed yet even though I’ve asked him to a million times.”
“Once, you asked me once,” Darren smiled before pulling the door open, “Can I help you?” he said to whoever stood on the other side.
“Either I have the wrong house or you must be Darren?”
Darren moved close to the entryway, pulling the door closed against his side, moving to block the small opening with his body. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t see the man who stood just outside on the porch. I heard his voice. I couldn’t believe my ears, so I waited and listened.
“I know who you are,” Darren said.
Of course, Darren would have recognized Jasper from the press photos about Black Ties, or probably more likely from what Callen had shown him on social media.
I was still so grateful that the press that had come out during the trial about Black Ties hadn’t destroyed his business. It actually ended up serving as a platform for him to market XO and it’s future grand opening in just a couple of months.
Callen scrambled across the living room to meet me in the kitchen. I rinsed my hands under cold water in the sink before drying them with a paper towel.
“Jesus, shit,” Callen whispered, “Did he chase after you? I wonder if he ran after you in the airport only to miss you by moments as the gate door closed behind you.”
“You’re so dramatic, shush.”
I tried to sound light-hearted but my heart was thumping madly as I listened to Jasper’s voice which was cloaked in barely masked desperation.
“I’m truly sorry to show up here unannounced, but I really need to talk to –"
“Why are you here?” Darren interrupted him boldly with a gruff tone.
He was reasonably suspicious of Jasper and his motives.
Jasper cleared his throat, “I’d like to speak with Christine. She turned her phone off so I couldn’t call and I really need to talk to her.”
“She turned her phone off for a reason.”
“Yes,” I could sense Law’s agitation, “I understand that. But I really need to see her. Please,” then a few moments later, “Please.”