by W. W. Jacobs
My biggest fault, said the night-watchman, gloomily, has been goodnature. I've spent the best part of my life trying to do myfellow-creeturs a good turn. And what do I get for it? If all the peopleI've helped was to come 'ere now there wouldn't be standing room forthem on this wharf. 'Arf of them would be pushed overboard--and a goodplace for 'em, too.
I've been like it all my life. I was good-natured enough to go to sea asa boy because a skipper took a fancy to me and wanted my 'elp, and whenI got older I was good-natured enough to get married. All my life I'vegiven 'elp and advice free, and only a day or two ago one of 'em wot I'ad given it to came round here with her 'usband and 'er two brothersand 'er mother and two or three people from the same street, to see hergive me "wot for."
Another fault o' mine has been being sharp. Most people make mistakes,and they can't bear to see anybody as don't. Over and over agin I haveshowed people 'ow silly they 'ave been to do certain things, and told'em wot I should ha' done in their place, but I can't remember one thatever gave me a "thank you" for it.
There was a man 'ere 'arf an hour ago that reminded me of both of thesefaults. He came in a-purpose to remind me, and 'e brought a couple o'grinning, brass-faced monkeys with 'im to see 'im do it. I was sittingon that barrel when he came, and arter two minutes I felt as if I wassitting on red-'ot cinders. He purtended he 'ad come in for the sake ofold times and to ask arter my 'ealth, and all the time he was doing 'isbest to upset me to amuse them two pore objecks 'e 'ad brought with 'im.
Capt'in Mellun is his name, and 'e was always a foolish, soft-'eadedsort o' man, and how he 'as kept 'is job I can't think. He used to tradebetween this wharf and Bristol on a little schooner called the Firefly,and seeing wot a silly, foolish kind o' man he was, I took a little bito' notice of 'im. Many and many a time when 'e was going to do somethinghe'd ha' been sorry for arterwards I 'ave taken 'im round to the Bear'sHead and stood 'im pint arter pint until he began to see reason and ownup that I was in the right.
His crew was a'most as bad as wot he was, and all in one month one o'the 'ands gave a man ten shillings for a di'mond ring he saw 'im pickup, wot turned out to be worth fourpence, and another one gave five bobfor a meerschaum pipe made o' chalk. When I pointed out to 'em wot foolsthey was they didn't like it, and a week arterwards, when the skippergave a man in a pub 'is watch and chain and two pounds to hold, to show'is confidence in 'im, and I told 'im exactly wot I thought of him, 'edidn't like it.
"You're too sharp, Bill," he says, sneering like. "My opinion is thatthe pore man was run over. He told me 'e should only be away fiveminutes. And he 'ad got an honest face: nice open blue eyes, and a smilethat done you good to look at."
"You've been swindled," I ses, "and you know it. If I'd been done likethat I should never hold up my 'ead agin. Why, a child o' five wouldknow better. You and your crew all seem to be tarred with the samebrush. You ain't fit to be trusted out alone."
I believe 'e told his 'ands wot I said; anyway, two bits o' coke missedme by 'arf an inch next evening, and for some weeks not one of 'em spokea word to me. When they see me coming they just used to stand upstraight and twist their nose.
It didn't 'urt me, o' course. I took no notice of 'em. Even when one of'em fell over the broom I was sweeping with I took no notice of 'im. Ijust went on with my work as if 'e wasn't there.
I suppose they 'ad been in the sulks about a month, and I was sitting'ere one evening getting my breath arter a couple o' hours' 'ard work,when one of 'em, George Tebb by name, came off the ship and nodded to meas he passed.
"Evening, Bill," he ses.
"Evening," I ses, rather stiff.
"I wanted a word with you, Bill," he ses, in a low voice. "In fact, Imight go so far as to say I want to ask you to do me a favour."
I looked at him so 'ard that he coughed and looked away.
"We might talk about it over a 'arf-pint," he ses.
"No, thank you," I ses. "I 'ad a 'arf-pint the day before yesterday, andI'm not thirsty."
He stood there fidgeting about for a bit, and then he puts his 'and onmy shoulder.
"Well, come to the end of the jetty," he ses. "I've got somethingprivate to say."
I got up slow-like and followed 'im. I wasn't a bit curious. Not a bit.But if a man asks for my 'elp I always give it.
"It's like this," he ses, looking round careful, "only I don't want theother chaps to hear because I don't want to be laughed at. Last week anold uncle o' mine died and left me thirty pounds. It's just a week ago,and I've already got through five of 'em, and besides that the number ofchaps that want to borrow ten bob for a couple o' days would surpriseyou."
"I ain't so easy surprised," I ses, shaking my 'ead.
"It ain't safe with me," he ses; "and the favour I want you to do is totake care of it for me. I know it'll go if I keep it. I've got it lockedup in this box. And if you keep the box I'll keep the key, and when Iwant a bit I'll come and see you about it."
He pulled a little box out of 'is pocket and rattled it in my ear.
"There's five-and-twenty golden goblins in there," he ses. "If you takecharge of 'em they'll be all right. If you don't, I'm pretty certain Isha'n't 'ave one of 'em in a week or two's time."
At fust I said I wouldn't 'ave anything to do with it, but he begged so'ard that I began to alter my mind.
"You're as honest as daylight, Bill," he ses, very earnest. "I don'tknow another man in the world I could trust with twenty-five quid--especially myself. Now, put it in your pocket and look arter it for me.One of the quids in it is for you, for your trouble."
He slipped the box in my coat-pocket, and then he said 'is mind was sorelieved that 'e felt like 'arf a pint. I was for going to the Bear'sHead, the place I generally go to, because it is next door to the wharf,so to speak, but George wanted me to try the beer at another place heknew of.
"The wharf's all right," he ses. "There's one or two 'ands on the ship,and they won't let anybody run away with it."
From wot he said I thought the pub was quite close, but instead o' thatI should think we walked pretty nearly a mile afore we got there. Nicesnug place it was, and the beer was all right, although, as I toldGeorge Tebb, it didn't seem to me any better than the stuff at theBear's Head.
He stood me two 'arf-pints and was just going to order another, when 'efound 'e 'adn't got any money left, and he wouldn't hear of me payingfor it, because 'e said it was his treat.
"We'll 'ave a quid out o' the box," he ses. "I must 'ave one to go onwith, anyway." I shook my 'ead at 'im.
"Only one," he ses, "and that'll last me a fortnight. Besides, I want togive you the quid I promised you."
I gave way at last, and he put his 'and in 'is trouser-pocket for thekey, and then found it wasn't there.
"I must ha' left it in my chest," he ses. "I'll 'op back and get it."And afore I could prevent 'im he 'ad waved his 'and at me and gorn.
My fust idea was to go arter 'im, but I knew I couldn't catch 'im, andif I tried to meet 'im coming back I should most likely miss 'im throughthe side streets. So I sat there with my pipe and waited.
I suppose I 'ad been sitting down waiting for him for about ten minutes,when a couple o' sailormen came into the bar and began to makethemselves a nuisance. Big fat chaps they was, and both of 'em more than'arf sprung. And arter calling for a pint apiece they began to take alittle notice of me.
"Where d'you come from?" ses one of 'em. "'Ome," I ses, very quiet.
"It's a good place--'ome," ses the chap, shaking his 'ead. "Can you sing''Ome, Sweet 'Ome'? You seem to 'ave got wot I might call a 'singingface.'"
"Never mind about my face," I ses, very sharp. "You mind wot you'redoing with that beer. You'll 'ave it over in a minute."
The words was 'ardly out of my mouth afore 'e gave a lurch and spilt hispint all over me. From 'ead to foot I was dripping with beer, and I wasin such a temper I wonder I didn't murder 'im; but afore I could movethey both pulled out their pocket-'ankerchers and started to rub medown.
"Tha
t'll do," I ses at last, arter they 'ad walked round me 'arf-a-dozentimes and patted me all over to see if I was dry. "You get off whileyou're safe."
"It was my mistake, mate," ses the chap who 'ad spilt the beer.
"You get outside," I ses. "Go on, both of you, afore I put you out."
They gave one look at me, standing there with my fists clenched, andthen they went out like lambs, and I 'eard 'em trot round the corner asthough they was afraid I was following. I felt a little bit damp andchilly, but beer is like sea-water--you don't catch cold through it--andI sat down agin to wait for George Tebb.
He came in smiling and out 'o breath in about ten minutes' time, withthe key in 'is 'and, and as soon as I told 'im wot had 'appened to mewith the beer he turned to the landlord and ordered me six o' rum 'ot atonce.
"Drink that up," he ses, 'anding it to me; "but fust of all give me thebox, so as I can pay for it."
I put my 'and in my pocket. Then I put it in the other one, and arterthat I stood staring at George Tebb and shaking all over.
"Wot's the matter? Wot are you looking like that for?" he ses.
"It must ha' been them two," I ses, choking. "While they was purtendingto dry me and patting me all over they must 'ave taken it out of mypocket."
"Wot are you talking about?" ses George, staring at me.
"The box 'as gorn," I ses, putting down the 'ot rum and feeling in mytrouser-pocket. "The box 'as gorn, and them two must 'ave taken it."
"Gorn!" ses George. "Gorn! My box with twenty-five pounds in, wot Itrusted you with, gorn? Wot are you talking about? It can't be--it's toocrool!"
He made such a noise that the landlord wot was waiting for 'is money,asked 'im wot he meant by it, and, arter he 'ad explained, I'm blest ifthe landlord didn't advise him to search me. I stood still and letGeorge go through my pockets, and then I told 'im I 'ad done with 'imand I never wanted to see 'im agin as long as I lived.
"I dare say," ses George, "I dare say. But you'll come along with me tothe wharf and see the skipper. I'm not going to lose five-and-twentyquid through your carelessness."
I marched along in front of 'im with my 'ead in the air, and when hespoke to me I didn't answer him. He went aboard the ship when we got tothe wharf, and a minute or two arterwards 'e came to the side and saidthe skipper wanted to see me.
The airs the skipper gave 'imself was sickening. He sat down there in'is miserable little rat-'ole of a cabin and acted as if 'e was a judgeand I was a prisoner. Most of the 'ands 'ad squeezed in there too, andthe things they advised George to do to me was remarkable.
"Silence!" ses the skipper. "Now, watchman, tell me exactly 'ow thisthing 'appened."
"I've told you once," I ses.
"I know," ses the skipper, "but I want you to tell me again to see ifyou contradict yourself. I can't understand 'ow such a clever man as youcould be done so easy."
I thought I should ha' bust, but I kept my face wonderful. I just asked'im wot the men was like that got off with 'is watch and chain and twopounds, in case they might be the same.
"That's different," he ses.
"Oh!" ses I. "'Ow?"
"I lost my own property," he ses, "but you lost George's, and 'ow a manlike you, that's so much sharper and cleverer than other people, couldbe had so easy, I can't think. Why, a child of five would ha' knownbetter."
"A baby in arms would ha' known better," ses the man wot 'ad bought thedi'mond ring. "'Ow could you 'ave been so silly, Bill? At your time o'life, too!"
"That's neither 'ere nor there," ses the skip-per. "The watchman haslost twenty-five quid belonging to one o' my men. The question is, wotis he going to do about it?"
"Nothing," I ses. "I didn't ask 'im to let me mind the box. He done itof 'is own free will. It's got nothing to do with me."
"Oh, hasn't it?" ses the skipper, drawing 'imself up. "I don't want tobe too 'ard on you, but at the same time I can't let my man suffer. I'llmake it as easy as I can, and I order you to pay 'im five shillings aweek till the twenty-five pounds is cleared off."
I laughed; I couldn't 'elp it. I just stood there and laughed at 'im.
"If you don't," ses the skipper, "then I shall lay the facts of the caseafore the guv'nor. Whether he'll object to you being in a pub a mileaway, taking care of a box of gold while you was supposed to be takingcare of the wharf, is his bisness. My bisness is to see that my man 'as'is rights."
"'Ear, 'ear !" ses the crew.
"You please yourself, watchman," ses the skipper. "You're such a cleverman that no doubt you could get a better job to-morrow. There must be'eaps of people wanting a man like you. It's for you to decide. That'sall I've got to say--five bob a week till pore George 'as got 'is moneyback, or else I put the case afore the guv'nor. Wot did you say?"
I said it agin, and, as 'e didn't seem to understand, I said it oncemore.
"Please yourself," 'e ses, when I 'ad finished. "You're an old man, andfive bob a week can't be much loss to you. You've got nothing to spendit on, at your time o' life. And you've got a very soft job 'ere. Wot?"
I didn't answer 'im. I just turned round, and, arter giving a man wotstood in my way a punch in the chest, I got up on deck and on to thewharf, and said my little say all alone to myself, behind the crane.
I paid the fust five bob to George Tebb the next time the ship was up,and arter biting 'em over and over agin and then ringing 'em on the deck'e took the other chaps round to the Bear's Head.
"P'r'aps it's just as well it's 'appened," he ses. "Five bob a week fornearly two years ain't to be sneezed at. It's slow, but it's sure."
I thought 'e was joking at fust, but arter working it out in the officewith a bit o' pencil and paper I thought I should ha' gorn crazy. Andwhen I complained about the time to George 'e said I could make itshorter if I liked by paying ten bob a week, but 'e thought the steadyfive bob a week was best for both of us.
I got to 'ate the sight of 'im. Every week regular as clockwork he usedto come round to me with his 'and out, and then go and treat 'is matesto beer with my money. If the ship came up in the day-time, at sixo'clock in the evening he'd be at the wharf gate waiting for me; and ifit came up at night she was no sooner made fast than 'e was over theside patting my trouser-pocket and saying wot a good job it was for bothof us that I was in steady employment.
Week arter week and month arter month I went on paying. I a'most forgotthe taste o' beer, and if I could manage to get a screw o' baccy a weekI thought myself lucky. And at last, just as I thought I couldn't standit any longer, the end came.
I 'ad just given George 'is week's money--and 'ow I got it together thatweek I don't know--when one o' the chaps came up and said the skipperwanted to see me on board at once.
"Tell 'im if he wants to see me I'm to be found on the wharf," I ses,very sharp.
"He wants to see you about George's money," ses the chap. "I should goif I was you. My opinion is he wants to do you a good turn."
I 'ung fire for a bit, and then, arter sweeping up for a little whiledeliberate-like, I put down my broom and stepped aboard to see theskipper, wot was sitting on the cabin skylight purtending to read anewspaper.
He put it down when 'e see me, and George and the others, wot 'ad beenstanding in a little bunch for'ard, came aft and stood looking on.
"I wanted to see you about this money, watchman," ses the skipper,putting on 'is beastly frills agin. "O' course, we all feel that to apore man like you it's a bit of a strain, and, as George ses, arter allyou have been more foolish than wicked."
"Much more," ses George.
"I find that you 'ave now paid five bob a week for nineteen weeks," sesthe skipper, "and George 'as been kind enough and generous enough to letyou off the rest. There's no need for you to look bashful, George; it'sa credit to you."
I could 'ardly believe my ears. George stood there grinning like a stuckfool, and two o' the chaps was on their best behaviour with their 'andsover their mouths and their eyes sticking out.
"That's all, watchman," ses the skipp
er; "and I 'ope it'll be a lessonto you not to neglect your dooty by going into public-'ouses and takingcharge of other people's money when you ain't fit for it."
"I sha'n't try to do anybody else a kindness agin, if that's wot youmean," I ses, looking at 'im.
"No, you'd better not," he ses. "This partickler bit o' kindness 'ascost you four pounds fifteen, and that's a curious thing when you cometo think of it. Very curious."
"Wot d'ye mean?" I ses.
"Why," he ses, grinning like a madman, "it's just wot we lost betweenus. I lost a watch and chain worth two pounds, and another couple o'pounds besides; Joe lost ten shillings over 'is di'mond ring; andCharlie lost five bob over a pipe. 'That's four pounds fifteen--just thesame as you."
Them silly fools stood there choking and sobbing and patting each otheron the back as though they'd never leave off, and all of a sudden I 'ada 'orrible suspicion that I 'ad been done.
"Did you see the sovereigns in the box?" I ses, turning to the skipper.
"No," he ses, shaking his 'ead.
"'Ow do you know they was there, then?" ses I.
"Because you took charge of 'em," said the skipper; "and I know wot aclever, sharp chap you are. It stands to reason that you wouldn't beresponsible for a box like that unless you saw inside of it. Why, achild o' five wouldn't!"
I stood there looking at 'im, but he couldn't meet my eye. None of 'emcould; and arter waiting there for a minute or two to give 'em a chance,I turned my back on 'em and went off to my dooty.
MADE TO MEASURE