Each night she lay in bed wondering if he’d ever kiss her again—and if she wanted him to. The answer was a solid yes. Those few stolen moments were the best of her miserable life. How had things gotten so out of hand?
She gathered a towel and the honey shampoo Tilden had given her to use and walked into the cold. After she checked the area for wildlife, she stripped down and climbed inside the shower box. One pull of the string would wash all her worries away. At least for the few minutes it took to clean herself.
It was a process. First, a pull of the string to get wet. A quick lathering and shampooing and then a final pull of the string to release the water to rinse. What once used to be a common everyday occurrence had turned into a thing of beauty. Warm water moving across her body followed by a dry warm towel and a slathering of some kind of honey lotion Tilden had was like a day at the spa.
It was all about perspective. Running water was only a luxury when you didn’t have it. A microwave was as valuable as a diamond ring in her book. Tea used to take two minutes on high and now took at least ten minutes, and that was only if the kettle was full. If she had to go to the pump, she needed to add on another five minutes.
She hadn’t cooked much. Then again, food was a luxury item. Tilden kept a lot of eggs, bacon, and bread on hand. There was never a shortage of hotdogs and buns either. As she lay on the bed to button her once loose pants, she considered herself lucky instead of fat.
The most frustrating part of her situation was that she’d put herself here. She’d seen firsthand what happened when a person let others dictate their life.
“Mom, if you were here, I’d hug you before I turned you around and kicked you in the bottom.”
She waited a few seconds to see if her mom would answer. Sometimes she heard her in the recesses of her mind. The messages were always silly things like Don’t wear white after Labor Day or Clamp down your molars before you smile for a picture. It will firm up the parts under your chin. There was never any real wisdom to the words. Or maybe there was. In remembering her mother, she found the truth about herself. She was a vapid wastrel of human flesh.
“No more.” She thought back to her first night at the bar. Hadn’t she posted about her reality? No one cared, but something about being honest with herself was freeing. She’d always used her social media status for money, but what if she used it for something else? What if she used it as a way to vent her fears and come to terms with her existence?
Once again, she was most likely lying to herself. Deep down inside there was still a smidgen of hope that her followers would show interest.
For the second time in as many weeks, she turned the camera around and posed in Tilden’s chair with a book in her lap. She walked to the stove holding the teapot. She even ventured outside to the outhouse, but nothing looked real because it wasn’t. In her attempt to get real, she’d prepared every scene. Placed every prop. This was worse than before.
The tears fell freely. She stomped outside and turned the camera on herself once more.
“You want real?” She scanned the land around her. “This is real. This is what my life has become. You want to know where Tilden is? I have no idea. He kissed me the other night and I’ve seen little of him since.”
She wiped at the tears rolling down her cheeks before she flipped the camera toward the outhouse, then back to herself.
“I’m a fraud and a phony.” She walked the path into the forest until she came upon a clearing with a flat boulder. Seated, she looked into the lens. “I’m thirty-two. Wear a size eight and not a four.” She lifted her jacket to show her unbuttoned pants. “Scratch that. With all the bacon and egg sandwiches Tilden cooks, I’m probably a ten.” She set the phone in her lap and looked down on it. It wasn’t a great angle. It didn’t flatter her features one bit, but it was real. “I lived in a castle in Denver until my life fell apart.”
She was silent for a few minutes. It wasn’t until her phone dinged with an incoming message from her blog that she realized she’d forgotten she was recording.
“Who’s Tilden,” she continued while shaking her head. “I have no idea who he really is, but I know he’s a good guy. He took me in when I had nowhere to go. He’s not my husband, but he’s become my friend, and I’m grateful to have one in this world.” She looked around to see a bird sitting on a bare branch staring at her like she’d lost her mind. Maybe she had. Only an idiot would talk to squirrels and tell the universe her real age. “You want real? Tune in from time to time, and I’ll show you real. It won’t be pretty, but it will be authentic.” She blew the phone a kiss. “I’m not selling you anything, I’m giving you the down and dirty, the brutal truth.”
She turned off the video and tucked her phone inside her back pocket. It continued to beep with incoming messages. On her feet, she made her way back to the cabin. Half of her wanted to see what people were saying. The other half told her to let it go. She’d faced enough truths today. If anyone else was mean to her she’d never recover.
What she needed right now was comfort food. With her keys in her hand and a few dollars pulled from her jar she climbed into her SUV and headed toward town. There was a plate of French fries calling her name and if she was still feeling down, a muffin from the shop across the street should do the trick.
When she got to Aspen Cove, she skipped the fries and went straight for the muffin.
A blonde was behind the counter stocking the trays of the bakery when she walked inside.
“Hey, Goldie. I was wondering when you’d come in for a treat.”
She looked behind her to see if maybe there was someone standing there. “You know me?”
“No, I know of you.” She wiped her hands on an apron that read, Classy, Sassy, and a bit Smart Assy. “My name is Katie and Sage is my bestie. She says you’re working at the brewhouse.”
“They were nice enough to give me a job.”
Goldie walked the length of the display case taking in the muffins, brownies, and cookies.
“First one is on the house.”
She smiled. This small-town thing was rubbing off on her. It was nice to have someone know her as more than Liza’s daughter, or the girl who lived in a penthouse apartment, or the face that froze in time. Nice that she could walk inside a place and be offered something because she was there.
Tilden accused her of using people to buy products, but it was a two-way street. She got used a lot because of who she was and what that little bit of notoriety could bring.
“I’ll have the apple spice muffin.”
Katie plated it up. “You want a coffee?”
“You have coffee?” She’d become a tea drinker at Tilden’s because the percolator was too hard for her to figure out and the only other option was instant.
“It’s just the pods, but if you ask me, they’re all right. I’ll take that as a yes?”
“Yes.” She could use a cup. It was Saturday and her final shift of the week. What a blessing Sage and Cannon had become. Despite it being winter, the brewhouse stayed busy all the time. An extra treat was meeting Indigo, or Samantha, as everyone called her. It was funny to Goldie that the popstar could blend seamlessly into the small town. If she could do it, then Goldie could acclimate.
“How are you liking Aspen Cove?” Katie walked around the display case carrying a steaming cup of coffee and a plate with a brownie and a muffin. “You looked like you could use a little more than a muffin.”
“It’s that obvious, huh? What was it that gave me away? The bags under my eyes or something else?”
“I recognize the fish out of water. I’m not from here either. I’m a Texan born and raised.”
“Really? What brought you here?”
She pulled out a chair under a corkboard called the Wishing Wall and took a seat. “A little pink envelope brought me here, but Bowie made me want to stay.”
She sat across from Katie and pulled off the top of the muffin and chewed. It was an explosion of spicy sweetness. “So good.
”
“Bea’s recipe. I never met her, but she made all of this possible because she had faith in the people of this town. What about you? What’s your plan? Are you staying or is this a stop on your path?”
“Funny thing is, I ended up here because Tilden was kind enough to take a picture. Just goes to show you that kindness isn’t always a good thing. The poor man was nice and look at where it got him. I’m sleeping in his bed and he’s sleeping on the couch.”
“He doesn’t seem too unhappy about that. Then again, how would we know? He’s not very talkative.”
She’d heard that a lot. “I think I may be with a different Tilden. Everyone describes him like he’s mute, but I’ll tell you, he never seems to be at a loss of words around me.”
Katie laughed. “Maybe you bring out the best in him.”
“Or … maybe the worst. He’s been kind of avoiding me. I think I’ve worn out my welcome. Probably time to find a full-time job and a place of my own.”
“You don’t sound all that enthused.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Everything is new to me and Tilden is … well … he feels like home.”
“Sounds to me like you don’t want to move.”
“I don’t, but I also don’t want to be a burden to a man who was kind to me and opened his life and home to me.”
Katie leaned back in the chair and rubbed her chin. “I own the apartment above the bakery. It’s two bedrooms and only one is occupied right now. I’ll ask Baxter if he minds if you move in.”
She shook her head. “Oh no, I wouldn’t want to impose. Besides, I’m not sure I could afford the rent.”
“It’s free. Everyone can afford free.”
“Did you say Baxter?” She remembered the man who’d wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to his lap her first day on the job.
“Yes, he’s Riley’s brother, Maisey’s nephew and Dalton’s cousin.”
Tilden had told him she was taken when Baxter showed interest. He’d even pressed a chaste kiss on her lips as if claiming her. Was he jealous? Making Tilden jealous gave her a spark of joy. She liked him more than she wanted to admit. Was it possible that he liked her too and his absence was him distancing himself? Who was he trying to protect? Him? Her?
How long had it been since she’d been in this position? Figuring out whether a man liked her was more fun than finding out where her next meal was coming from.
“That would be great if you could ask him. I wouldn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I’d be happy to pay rent.”
“I’ll let you know tonight. You’re pulling beers at the brewhouse, right?” The sound of the oven timer beeped, and Katie rose from her seat. She pulled a pen and sticky note down from the corkboard. “While you’re at it, fill out a wish. You never know how things will turn out. Aspen Cove no doubt has a few surprises in store.”
Goldie sipped her coffee and ate every crumb from her plate. She stared at the Post-It and the pen. There were a thousand things she could wish for. This year’s Prada bag came to mind but where would she use it? World peace and ending world hunger were two that she could jot down but this wasn’t about the whole picture. This was something different. It had to come from her core. From the tiny place in her heart that still believed that wishes and dreams could come true.
She thought long and hard about the wish. She wrote several but crossed them out.
A full-time job.
A place to call home.
An escape from my dismal life.
Nope, there was only one thing she wanted.
She wrote One more kiss.
The first was for her benefit. The second could have been an accident. But if there was a third then she’d know there was something between her and the bearded mountain man who had caught her when she was falling.
She folded the note and stuck it in the envelope. She laid a five-dollar bill on the table and shouted goodbye to Katie, who had gone into the back room. When she left the bakery, a sense of peace flowed over her. She’d been honest with her audience. She’d been honest with herself. The next question was … could she be honest about her feelings for Tilden? Would he be honest about his for her?
Chapter Fourteen
Sidling up to the bar on a Monday evening was out of character for Tilden, but he’d missed his normal weekend visit because Goldie was working. He told himself it was because he didn’t want to distract her, but the truth was he couldn’t be there and watch the single men of Aspen Cove move in on what was not his, but somehow felt like his.
He’d had no business staking claim to her the last time when Baxter flirted and asked her out. All he was missing was a loincloth and a wooden club for his caveman persona.
The slap of a napkin and a mug of beer pulled him from his thoughts.
“Thanks, man.” He took the first sip and savored the bitterness of the hops.
“Not your normal night. You hiding?” Cannon reached under the bar and brought out a bowl and a container of bar snacks. He poured a healthy serving and set them in front of him.
“Who would I be hiding from?” Tilden picked out the spicy peanuts and lined them up. When they were gone, he separated the round crackers from the square crackers.
“Tall blonde with eyes the color of whiskey, a smart mouth, and a phone that never gets a rest?”
“Don’t know her.” He smiled as he popped a few crackers into his mouth and washed them down with a long draw of beer.
“You’d be the only man in town who doesn’t. She’s like a bee and every guy within a ten-mile radius is a flower hoping to be pollinated.”
“What? Who’s Goldie trying to pollinate?”
Cannon chuckled. “Don’t know the woman sleeping in your bed, huh?”
“She isn’t sleeping with me. That kind of intimacy requires more information. All I’m saying is I don’t care what she does.”
He wiped the bar down and came back to stand in front of him.
“How hard is it to lie to yourself?”
He raised a brow. “I don’t know, Cannon. You tell me.” He rearranged the crackers so they alternated between round and square in a single row.
“Because I did it, that makes me an expert and from where I stand, I’m seeing something a lot different than what you’re selling.”
A group of guys came in and took the corner table.
Tilden didn’t know them but knew of them. They had finished Luke and Riley’s house on the beach and were back in town to pick up their equipment. If he’d had the money, he would have hired Cooper Brothers’ construction too. They could erect a greenhouse in record time. The only thing green in Tilden’s life was his streak of jealousy. It was ridiculous how Goldie could spin him up.
Just listening to her breathe at night made him hard. He hadn’t even taken hot showers the last week because the ice-cold water was the only thing that could turn his mind and body away from the damn kiss they’d shared. A kiss that shouldn’t have left him wanting more.
It was supposed to shut her up. That was its only purpose. He wasn’t ready to tell her his secrets.
Why was that?
His logical mind said it was because she’d post it on her social media, but his heart knew it was because he didn’t want her to know that possibly he shared DNA with a murderer. His family had lost everything because of that accusation. He didn’t want to lose what little he had from the same truth or lie. He’d come clean once he had the facts.
“Top it off?” Cannon asked.
“Yep, and then I’m out of here.” The brewhouse closed at eight on Mondays. He couldn’t say he blamed Cannon for wanting to get home to his wife. She worked during the day and he worked most nights.
“Going home to Goldie?”
“I’m going home.” His heart lurched. Knowing she was there made him want to hurry. Then again, what was the point? All they had in common was a few amazing kisses.
“Just fess up. You like her.”
He was tired of f
ighting it. “Yes, I like her, but I don’t know much about her. Nothing about her is real, from her hair color to her breasts.”
“You’ve seen them? Touched them?”
He hated to admit that he’d copped a quick feel during their last kiss and they felt real.
“No … well … maybe a quick feel.”
Cannon tossed his towel on the table. “I knew it. You guys are a thing.” He pulled out his phone and sent off a text.
“Who are you messaging?”
“Sage. She owes me five bucks.”
“You’re betting on my love life?” He tossed a cracker at Cannon that bounced off his chest to land back on the bar.
“She said you’re not a thing, but I know the look a guy gets when he’s into a woman. The last time you were here, you stared at her like she was a bone and you were a dog.”
“Geezus, Cannon. Goldie isn’t a bone. She’s a beautiful woman.”
“Can you say that again so I can record it?” He held up his phone. “Sage won’t believe me. She says if you guys were a thing then Goldie wouldn’t be moving in with Baxter.”
“She’s what?” He picked up his beer and drank it down. “When did this happen?”
“I guess sometime during the week when you were pretending you didn’t like her.”
“Shit.” He tossed a ten on the counter and walked out.
For a few minutes, he sat in his truck wondering if he were too late. Had he messed everything up with Goldie, including their friendship? He would have called her, but they’d never exchanged numbers.
Now he felt bad for ignoring her the last few days. He had no idea what she was thinking. Hoping to get a clue where her headspace was, he pulled up her blog but was redirected to a vlogger account named Getting Real with Goldie.
There were two posts. The first was her starting day of her new job. The second was recorded two days ago. He watched it twice before he put the car in gear and raced home. All the way there he took the imaginary club and beat himself over the head with it.
One Hundred Secrets Page 10