by Rebecca King
“You have no interest in joining one of the local teams?” It wasn’t a question.
Everything Clara was remained frozen in time as she waited. She didn’t have to wait long before she watched Niall shake his head.
“I live in London. It is where I have lived all my life. I don’t see any reason to change now. My job is what I do and who I am. I can’t do or be anything else.”
“Nobody should ask you to,” Clara assured him.
“But you think I have put my life on hold to do what I do,” Niall growled. “It is wrong. I live life on the edge. While I face more danger than most, I do things most people don’t ever get the chance to experience. It is not all bad. I work with a good group of men who all work toward the same goals. We are protecting innocent people from the criminal element amongst us, and ensuring justice is served.”
“A very noble cause I am sure,” Clara murmured.
Niall lifted his brows at her. “You don’t sound so sure about it.”
“Are you seriously trying to tell me that none of you have lives outside of the Star Elite?” Clara edged.
“No. Other men have married. Some work locally and some work out of our London base. What I am saying is that it works for them. It doesn’t work for every man. While I will grant you that the men who have married are perfectly happy, it isn’t for everyone. I certainly have no wish to marry, Clara. I need to do my job. That is all I need in my life right now.”
“So why did you kiss me then?”
“I don’t know,” Niall sighed. “I apologise. It was foolish of me to give you mistaken beliefs that it was going to lead to more. It was wrong of me.”
Clara felt her entire world shatter around her. She had hoped all sorts of things, but the bare truth was Niall was his job. It was in every fibre of his being and there was no room for her. The fact that he didn’t even want to try to make room for her hurt. It suffocated her, her hopes, her dreams for the future, her happiness.
In that moment, Clara almost hated him. Almost. But not quite because a very large part of her suspected she loved him too much.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The rest of the journey home was the longest and most bittersweet Clara had ever endured in her life. By the time she reached home she was cold, exhausted, and wanted to cry. But she couldn’t let the tears fall because she couldn’t let Niall know how much he had hurt her. Her pride wouldn’t allow it.
She stared resolutely either at the carriage floor or the wall opposite but refused to fall asleep. Niall did. Or at least pretended to. With his booted feet propped on the opposite bench, he crossed his arms, rested his head against the wall of the carriage, and closed his eyes. He didn’t open them until the coachmen rapped four times on the carriage roof to warn him that they had arrived in Serpentine. Only then did he open his eyes, but he could do nothing about the instinctive way his gaze sought out Clara.
She looked as miserable as he felt.
“I am sorry, Clara,” he whispered.
Clara looked at him so sadly that it was all he could do not to haul her into his arms for a kiss, but he knew that would just confuse them both.
“I wish it could be different.”
“But you won’t even try,” Clara whispered. This time, she could do nothing to prevent a solitary tear from trickling steadily down her face.
“It’s all part of my job,” Niall murmured.
“Kissing the women you are supposed to be protecting?”
“No, not that bit,” he admitted ruefully. “I shouldn’t have. It was a mistake on my half, and I apologise.”
“Well, I am not sorry,” Clara replied. “I am not sorry for going about my business. I am not sorry for anything I have done. As I have said to you before, I am not going to stop living my life for any man, not even you. I hope that one day I will find a man who is strong enough to accept the challenges a wife and family can bring him. I hope one day I can find a man who is isn’t so afraid to love.”
Thankfully, the carriage rumbled to a stop and prevented her from having to say anything else or listen to him make more excuses. Before she disembarked, she turned to look back at him one last time.
“Goodbye, Niall. I hope your future isn’t as cold as you.” With that, she slammed the door closed and made her way to the house.
To her surprise, her father yanked the door open and came out to greet her. Rather than receive the tearful greeting he expected, Clara glared at him and marched straight past without saying a word. She didn’t stop until she slammed into her room and had bolted the door. Only then did she allow her tears to fall as she gave in to the misery that consumed her.
By the time she descended the stairs several hours later, Clara was far more composed but in no mood to hear her father’s excuses about why he hadn’t told her what danger she faced.
“It was a foolish thing to do,” she growled at her sire.
“I am not at liberty to divulge secrets about government investigations even to my own family,” he warned.
“But you should have told me that danger was heading my way and likely to try to accost me. Do you not think I would have taken steps to make sure I never went anywhere alone?” Clara shouted.
“From what I hear, you were aware of how much danger surrounded you, yet you still went to Sissy’s by yourself,” Atticus snorted.
“That was because it was an emergency.”
“What is your connection to Niall by the way?”
“He was just doing his job.”
“You looked incredibly cosy in that carriage. Am I to expect some sort of announcement in the future?” Atticus lifted a busy brow and waited.
“Niall has been a perfect gentleman toward me at all times,” Clara bit out. “I don’t see why you should contemplate that there is anything between us.”
“The men talk, my dear, and news travels fast amongst men who work and fight together and rely on each other to stay alive. The Star Elite are friends as well as colleagues. They talk to each other about their personal lives, families, homes and so forth. His colleagues all believed that there was more going on between you two; that you two were growing close.”
“Well, they are wrong,” Clara bit out. She held her hands out to indicate the room they were in. “I mean, he isn’t here is he? He couldn’t wait to ride out of my life, could he?”
With that, despite the fact that she thought her tears were spent, Clara began to cry again. Rather than the huge great sobs she had indulged in in her bed chamber, this time Clara’s tears were silent, and came from eyes that were full of hurt.
“I think I am in love with him, father. I have done nothing but make his life a misery. The poor man saved me from Erasmus and then got dragged into a fake engagement. I couldn’t think of anything else to say that would put Erasmus off once and for all. Having a fiancé seemed the perfect solution. It was foolish, but he didn’t object.” Clara sucked in a breath and found herself telling her father everything, except for the kisses of course. “Now, I know he won’t be back. Even if the investigation brings him this way, he won’t come here again.”
“The men from the Star Elite are a different breed to most men. They are tougher and live their lives in the shadow of others. They are authorised to kill if they are backed into situations that put their lives in danger and have more power than most magistrates. Most of their work is conducted without even people like me questioning them. Because they are very good at what they do their reputation has become legendary. Unfortunately, you cannot lose sight of the fact that they do fight the most violent and calculating of criminals ever to walk our streets. They don’t deal with petty crime, but organised gangs and fraudsters.”
“He told me that he won’t change.”
“Right now, he probably thinks he cannot change,” Atticus reasoned. “I know Sir Hugo, their boss, thought he couldn’t change when he met his wife, Harriett. Eventually, time and distance made their feelings grow stronger and he married her. Theirs has
been, and still is, a very sound and very happy union.”
He sighed because his words did nothing to ease Clara’s misery.
“Niall knows he can marry. He just won’t.”
Atticus sighed because he knew then that Niall most probably wouldn’t be back. Words failed him. He had no idea what to do in this situation because while this did involve an operative of the Star Elite, it was also a private matter and one that involved his daughter.
“All I can do is get on with my life. I am sure it will all be fine in the end.” She offered her father a smile, but it went nowhere near her eyes.
Clara was miserable, and Atticus knew it.
Niall was just as miserable, and his friends knew it.
Two weeks later, cold, tired, and hungry, Niall slammed into a new safe house and glared accusingly at his colleagues.
“I don’t want to do anything that would risk your ire, Niall, but what do you plan to do about our dear captive? He cannot stay with the local lads much longer. Richard has said he is sick of nursing him.”
“I don’t give a damn if you bury him up to his neck in the nearest dung heap. Just get rid of him. No. Wait. I will do it,” Niall snarled.
He snapped on his gloves and turned to the door.
“I thought you said you were never going back to Serpentine,” Will called after him.
“I have a job to do.”
“Don’t we all,” Rhys growled.
Niall slammed to a stop and turned to glare at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that we are dealing with enough right now without having to tiptoe around here in case you beat any of us up,” Rhys snapped. “Why don’t you go and see the damned chit and apologise for being a grumpy bastard and then we can all get on with our lives?”
“What in the Hell would you know about it?” Niall snarled.
“I know that you haven’t been the same since you clapped eyes on her. I know that every time you were supposed to save her you had her in your arms and had to reassure her with a kiss. Moreover, you have taken it upon yourself to demand that Morgan keep watch over her just so he can report everything she does to you. Don’t you think that is a little – intrusive.”
Tension within the room increased tenfold.
“I have done no such thing. While Smidgley is on the loose, Clara Potter has to be considered still in danger,” Niall argued. “I have just made sure she is safe. It is our job, you know.”
“Like kissing her was,” Will snorted.
“It was a stupid mistake and I apologised for it. There is no connection between me and Clara Potter. There never has been, never will be. Get used to it, gentleman. I don’t care what the chit gets up to, she is nothing to do with me.”
With that, Niall slammed out of the safe house and marched toward his horse. He was on his way to Serpentine before he stopped to think about what he was doing. It was half- way there that Will, Harry, and Phillip caught up with him.
“Get lost,” Niall growled when they pulled their horses up beside him. “I can deal with Boyle on my own.”
“You should know that his cousin has been relieved of his position now,” Rhys informed him casually.
“Good.”
“I think you had better meet with Atticus. He has been asking what happened to Erasmus and might want to be the one to issue final warnings to the man before you release him. Talk to the boss before you get relieved of your position as well,” Harry suggested.
“Marriage isn’t an enemy, you know,” Rhys said several miles later. “It can make people quite happy.”
“I am not the marrying kind.”
“You are not the single kind either,” Harry snorted. “Face it, you are bloody miserable.”
“You have no idea what you are talking about. You know nothing,” Niall snapped.
“I have known you for the better part of ten years, Niall,” Harry reminded him. “Are you telling me that I have told you everything about me, yet you have lied to me about yourself?”
“No, of course not,” Niall sighed, forcing himself to soften his stance against his long-time friend. In fact, all the men were his friends. He relied on them to keep him alive and would fight to protect them in return.
With a sigh, he looked to his right and left and felt a solidarity that reminded him why he was refusing to make changes to his life. He couldn’t imagine working with the local team. While he respected the local men of the Star Elite, he couldn’t envisage trusting anybody else with his life as he did these men.
“I don’t intend to join the local teams when I wed either,” Harry sighed. “I would rather stay single.”
“Here here.” Niall contemplated that. “Do you intend to wed?”
“I would if I met the right woman. Life just hasn’t been that kind yet,” Harry admitted ruefully. “Don’t you ever just want to take your gun off and relax a little? You know, go home and share your life with someone whose feet don’t smell from being in boots all day and whose life is largely spent in the shadows?”
Niall smiled. “It would be rather nice to be able to sleep in the same bed for a little longer than a few weeks.”
“Life as a married man working for the Star Elite is possible. You just have to find the right woman, who has to be very understanding.”
“Have the patience of a saint.”
“Possibly some understanding of the work we do.”
“Not mind us being gone for several weeks without warning or idea of where we have gone or when we will be back.”
“Someone who is perfectly capable of running our homes while we are away.”
“It isn’t much to ask of a woman, is it?” Niall muttered ruefully.
“At least Atticus Potter’s daughter knows about the Star Elite.”
“And she has experience of the kind of work we do because she has been dragged into our investigation.”
“Plus, she knows why your work will take you away for long periods of time often without giving her having any idea where you are.”
“Moreover, she has people around her in Serpentine who will keep her company and help her if she runs into problems,” Will countered.
The men riding alongside him all nodded.
“What trouble?” Niall demanded briskly.
Will grinned. “Well, she does have a penchant for getting herself into trouble, doesn’t she? She will need a helping hand occasionally.”
“A woman like that isn’t going to be alone forever. While Erasmus isn’t the kind to appeal to her, someone will soon enough. Don’t let her slip through your fingers. She might be the love of your life,” Rhys suggested.
Niall opened his mouth to instantly dispute that Clara could ever possibly mean so much to him but couldn’t think of a single word of objection. When he tried, Niall instinctively shied away from uttering the words that would condemn his future. Clara meant more to him than that. He couldn’t lie to his colleagues. Moreover, he couldn’t lie to himself. He was starting to fall in love with Clara Potter.
“It can’t be love,” he whispered.
Wisely, none of his colleagues said anything. Instead, they waited for the penny to drop and Niall to contemplate how he truly felt.
“What do you plan to do with Erasmus?” Harry asked several miles later.
“Make sure the man knows to keep his hands off her.”
“Shouldn’t her father do that? He is her guardian, after all,” Rhys argued.
Niall threw him a dirty look but didn’t answer. Instead, he tugged the collar of his cloak up to his ears and huddled into his saddle while he contemplated life, his work with the Star Elite, and whether he was strong enough to stay away from Clara Potter when he eventually reached Serpentine.
“I hate villages,” he growled when the village in question appeared on the horizon.
Even at dusk, Serpentine had a tranquil air about it that was infinitely calming. Its picturesque houses amidst which protruded the tall spire of a chur
ch made it look like any other country village in England, but Serpentine was different.
Because it has Clara in it.
Niall knew it was no lie. Serpentine would be instantly forgettable had it not been for the people he had met who lived there. Each one had an individual character that when combined made the entire village unique. The locals were a little forceful, intrusive definitely, yet a happy, supportive group of people who all worked and lived in a small cluster of houses.
I suppose in a strange kind of way it is a little like the Star Elite, but without guns and with more busybodies.
“It takes some getting used to. Look on the bright side, Oliver isn’t all that far away. Half a day and you will be able to take Clara to go and visit him and Emmeline.” Will grinned when Niall threw him a dirty look, but deep in the back of his mind he was already envisaging that happening.
“Once we have dealt with Erasmus, you can always ride away from her and put her and the entire place behind you. Nobody is going to force you to go and see her,” Rhys reasoned in a quieter voice. His gaze turned solemn. “This has to be your choice.”
“Why are you here then?” Niall challenged.
“To make sure you don’t do anything stupid like bury Erasmus neck deep in a dung heap and leave him for his cousin to find,” Will teased.
Niall grinned because he knew that if he was pushed, he would do just that. He was still contemplating it when he met with Morgan in the safe house several hours later.
“God, am I glad to see you?” Morgan hissed fervently.
“A little boring, is he?”
“I have work to do. Proper work, not looking after him.” Morgan tossed his head in Erasmus’s direction.
Erasmus glared balefully at them. “Just how long do you intend to keep me here? You cannot keep me imprisoned like this. It is kidnap and false arrest. I am going to have my cousin arrest you.”
“Your cousin is no longer in office. He has been removed from his duties as magistrate and is no longer in any position to turn a blind eye to your crimes,” Niall warned with no small amount of satisfaction.