A bed takes up all of the space inside the cube, its sides reaching each wall with only a small space to move between the bed and the entrance. Cushions are strewn across its surface, lending color to an otherwise white space—white leather walls and ceiling.
I bend to slip off one of my heels, not faking the sigh that passes my lips. I love my heels—I wear them all the time—but there’s nothing like taking them off.
As soon as Alexei steps into the cube, the magic takes hold and closes off the cube behind him. I can’t hear anything from the outside now—not the thumping beat or the constant hum of voices. I can’t see anything outside the cube, either. Inside, soft lighting makes the air around us glow, but the silence feels… dangerous.
When I return my focus to Alexei, I find him standing in the only open space between the bed and the closed entrance, leaning up against the wall. His gaze is steely and determined. The silver haze from his assassin’s ring melds with his muscular silhouette. The assassin’s magic he wields draws me to him, but I force myself to stay seated, two paces from his location.
“What did you do out there when you touched me?” I ask. “I’ve never felt assassin’s magic like that.”
His gaze passes over the bed before he levels it with mine in a way that tells me he wants answers too. “Why are we in here, Tansy?”
I won’t answer his question, the same way he’s avoiding mine.
“I’m here,” I say, gesturing to the cube. “To take off my shoes.”
I slide off my other stiletto and rub my aching calf, pushing aside my gauzy skirt to reach my lower leg. At the same time, I consider all of the spells masquerading as leaves around my body and which one I should use. The protection spell will freeze Alexei—it’ll give me the chance to take the rubies at my leisure—but I would have to speak it very quickly since his reflexes are lightning fast. I wear another spell that’s a compulsion spell—it would make him give me the ring, but he would be aware of it and come after me as soon as the spell wore off.
No, I need a short spell, maybe only two words that will pause him for long enough that I can remove the rubies from his ring without him realizing or retaliating.
Unless, of course, I’m bold enough to steal them while he’s alert…
I gasp as he drops to his knees in front of me, lightly cupping his hand around my exposed ankle.
His eyes meet mine. “May I?”
I’m not sure what he’s asking permission to do, but I nod, my stomach fluttering as he rubs my calf in slow circular motions, his fingertips warm and firm as he works his way down to my ankle and up to my knee. I smother another sigh, this time of contentment and… something else I’m not familiar with… a deep need for more.
He brushes the material of my skirt aside and drops a kiss on my knee, his lips warm against my skin.
Raising his eyes to mine, he keeps his voice low as he asks again, “Why are we here, Tansy?”
My ulterior motives suddenly disappear, consumed by what I want. I’m here to steal the rubies and get the revival spell. I wish I could tell him about it, maybe even ask his permission to take the stones, but he would never allow me to tamper with the ring, not even for his own benefit.
But now, more is possible. It would be so easy to slide forward, curve my leg around his hip, and draw him close. It would be so easy to lean my head forward and brush my lips across his, to finally taste his mouth and know what it’s like to explore his body.
My lips part, and a response pours out of me, more honest than I planned. “I haven’t seen you in a long time—and I might not see you again. I don’t want to waste this chance…”
A faint smile curves his lips, but he doesn’t make it easy for me. “Chance for what?”
I search his eyes, telling myself I won’t see what I want to see, that the heat in his eyes and the way he strokes my calf aren’t because he wants me. Well, maybe logically he wants me, but it’s physical, not emotional.
My heart demands answers, but not from him. From myself: Why can’t I give in to this?
Even if he doesn’t feel anything for me, even if he can’t love me, why can’t I take what I can?
I plan on getting the revival spell tonight, but I have no guarantees. All that’s certain is what’s right in front of me. The touch of his hand on my leg is more than I can bear, promising pleasure that I’ve never allowed myself to indulge in. Why can’t I give in to what my body wants even if it will leave my heart aching?
Without allowing myself to think any further about it, I reach out and curl my palm around the back of his neck, sliding forward at the same time so that my free leg hooks around his hips. I balance there for a moment until his hand finds the small of my back, his fingers splaying against my spine, supporting me. His body heat burns through my thin dress, but he’s not as close as I want him to be. He has to let go of my other leg—bent at the knee and pressed up between us—to allow that to happen.
The question in his eyes is unbearable. I’ve never made a move like this toward him, other than kissing his cheek once—an impulsive gesture that led to revelations about his curse.
His lips are inches from mine, his breathing in control—unlike mine.
I say, “A chance to be with you.”
Chapter Nine
I brush my lips against his, a light, unassuming touch. I move with caution, knowing that he may not choose to return my kiss.
The moment our lips touch, my heart kicks inside my chest. I gasp at the tingles that shoot through me, my inner power rising in response to the contact. Just moments before, he calmed my power with his touch. Now… it’s igniting.
One brief touch is not enough. I press my lips to his again, drinking in the contact for a moment before I pull away.
I want more, so much more, but I force myself to stop.
For an excruciating moment, he remains completely still, his eyes widening like storm clouds about to break.
Then, he sucks in a sharp breath, his hand flexes against my back, and he releases the leg that remained captured between us, allowing me to slide completely toward him.
My legs curve around him, and our lower halves press up against each other. His free hand rests lightly against my thigh and curves around the base of my hip.
He pauses for a beat, his mouth close to mine, before he presses a tantalizingly gentle kiss against the corner of my mouth. I wait for him to deepen the kiss, but he brushes his lips across mine to plant another kiss on the other corner of my mouth, then one against my cheek and over to my other cheek, trailing kisses to my chin, each one soft.
His fingers tangle in my hair, stroking through it, making me shiver all of the way to my toes.
Closing my eyes, I soak up the touch I’ve wanted for so long. My hands find all of the muscles of his back, loving the way they shift as he moves.
I draw him closer, boldly running my fingers into his hair as my lips seek his.
This time, he kisses me with a hunger that takes me by surprise. His fingers tighten around my hip, his other hand stroking up my back. I arch into him, losing myself in his kiss, sinking so far beneath the surface that I forget where I am and why I’m here.
I tilt my head to give him full access to my neck as he trails hungry kisses to my shoulders, pushing aside my dress strap to kiss my collarbone all the way from my shoulder to the space between my breasts.
When I wrap my legs around his waist and press my lower half against his, he responds with a groan, hooking his arms beneath me to lift me further up the bed and settle us onto it. He pushes himself up off the surface so he doesn’t crush me while my legs remain firmly clasped around him, refusing to let him go.
The rubies glint on his finger, pressed into the mattress at my eye level, reminding me what I need to do.
Trying to focus on my goal, I pull his left hand into my right, stretching our arms up so that his body is drawn down to me. From this position, he’ll have to crane his head back to see his outstretched hand and my
own brushing against it.
With my left hand, I reach for the nearest spell, hoping it’s the one I need. My fingers brush a leaf. Without looking at it, the words burn inside my mind. They seem so natural…
I whisper against his lips, “Crimson crush come closer.”
He raises his head to give me a quizzical look, but I quickly draw his lips back to mine to distract him.
With a brush of my fingertips over his ring, the rubies fall into my palm. I push them under the pillow at my head, drawing my fingertips back to his arm so he’ll think nothing of it.
Free to do what I want now, I find the base of his shirt, tugging on it, wanting to know the feeling of his bare chest on mine.
He pulls us up into a sitting position, allowing me to draw his shirt over his head, dropping it onto the bed. I run my hands across his bare chest, exploring all of his muscles, loving the way his eyes close as I brush the hard planes of his stomach.
He responds with hungry kisses pressed to my neck, kisses that make me melt into him, his hands grazing my shoulders. The vines that wrap around my arms and torso respond to his touch, willfully giving way as he draws the material slowly to my waist. He explores every new patch of skin that the descending material reveals, making me gasp and sigh.
By the time the material gathers at my waist, he has stroked and kissed every inch of my chest, and my body is burning. I press against him, my chest against his, seeking relief from the intense need raging through me.
It doesn’t help. I need all of him.
I reach for his belt buckle, but it’s impossible to undress him positioned like this. As I brush his stomach again, tugging at the top of his jeans, he groans against my mouth. “Tansy…”
His breathing is as erratic as mine, his full lips slightly parted. I chase his mouth, wanting to feel his lips against me—all of me—but he pulls away, drawing his hand to my cheek.
He gives me a shake of his head. “This isn’t what you want. We can’t… do this…”
I’ve never abandoned my inhibitions like this before, let alone around him. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to.
I shiver, my mind a mess of desire and now confusion. Is he pushing me away? If this is the only chance I have to be with him, then I’m not letting it go.
“Why not?” I challenge him. “Why can’t we?”
His arms close around me, stroking my naked back in ways that contradict his declaration. “I know you, Tansy. This is a compromise. It isn’t what you want.”
I tip my head back to see his face, sudden anger coursing through me, my instinctive power rising with it. “How do you know what I want?”
He remains calm—he’s always calm even when he’s angry—and the fact that he’s regained his control so quickly infuriates me even more. As soon as my magic sparks between us, his palm spreads flat against my back, and at that single touch… all of the anger drains out of me.
My instinctive power calms. Just like before, it feels like he’s deliberately draining it from me. I search for a sign that he’s accessing his assassin’s magic, wondering if that’s how he’s doing it, but there’s no telltale silver haze around him.
He says softly, “Because I want the same thing. I want to feel what you feel.”
My heart thuds inside my chest, a frantic beat. I search his eyes for emotions I desperately need to see. Are they there? Maybe hidden behind the assassin’s mask?
Stop kidding yourself.
I drop my head to his shoulder. My eyes burn. I can’t stop the tears that suddenly slide from my eyes and drip onto his shoulder. “But you can’t.”
His voice is a rumble at my ear, his heart still pounding against my palm where it’s squished between us. “You deserve more, Tansy.”
I whisper, “What if this is a compromise that I’m willing to make?”
He’s quiet. Too quiet. His breathing comes slowly under control. “You might tell yourself that, but it isn’t true. You have to…” He swallows. “You have to let me go. We have to let each other go.”
He pulls back, cupping his hand to my cheek. “You have so much love in your heart that you’re afraid to show anyone. You have so much to give. I want you to find someone who can return it.”
His gaze follows the tear trickling down my cheek.
He says, “You need to find someone who can give you everything, not just this.”
His hand brushes my shoulder, grazing my collar bone. My body burns, and all I want is to kiss him again.
What he doesn’t know is that I tried. I went on a few dates, had a few coffees, tried to be normal, but nobody compares to him, nobody’s presence makes my heart hammer and at the same time makes me feel like I belong, like I’ve found my place in the world.
“No!” My voice is a near shout. Wrenching out of his arms, I push away from him up the bed. I wrestle my arms through the straps of my dress while the vines do the rest, curling around the gauzy material to slide the dress back into place.
“I refuse to find anyone else, Alexei Mason. I choose you.”
I push my way through the plush cushions, disguising my movements as I sweep the rubies into my fist. I find my feet on the floor at the end of the bed and clench both my fists in defiance—one to hide the rubies, the other… because anger is my friend right now.
Thorns rise along the edges of the vines, a defensive mechanism that I can’t stop.
Alexei’s eyes widen in surprise. “You choose me, despite the fact that I can’t love you?”
“Yes.” My own voice breaks. “I want you to be able to choose too. Whether or not you choose me, you deserve to know your own heart.”
I want him to be able to feel again, for his heart to be whole, for his emotions to be returned. Once he does, he might not want me. He told me once that I was a logical choice: I was a witch like his mother, and I was both powerful and beautiful—his words, not mine. Once logic no longer dominates his decisions, he might turn away from me. I’m prepared for that because at least I’ll know it’s a real choice, not one made by default.
I inch toward the cube’s entrance. “I’ll do whatever it takes to give you back your emotions.”
He frowns. “Tansy…?”
I take a step toward the cube’s front, praying it’ll open immediately, praying Alexei doesn’t come after me.
His hand rises. “Please wait.”
His quiet request reaches me just as the magic in the cube begins to trigger. I pause, sensing the magic is ready to release me from the cube. All it will take is a small step.
He twists toward me, still kneeling on the bed, his gaze burning through me. His fists press into the tops of his thighs as if he’s fighting an inner war. He curses quietly beneath his breath before he says, “I take it back. I don’t want you to leave.”
Surprise builds inside me. If I want to take the rubies to Mother Kadris, I should go now. The longer I delay, the greater the chance Alexei will see them, but his request makes me pause.
The weight of this moment settles onto my shoulders, freezing me to the spot.
He approaches me slowly. He’s still naked from the waist up. His hair is ruffled, but he doesn’t try to fix it. His disheveled appearance makes me want to close the gap and ruffle it even more.
Damn. How does he do that to me with a single look?
He slides off the edge of the bed, standing two paces from me in the confined space. “I don’t know what love feels like, but maybe this is the closest I’ll ever get.”
His gaze holds mine. “I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to be that guy. I should push you away. I should tell you to find someone better.”
“You did,” I whisper.
“But that’s not what I want.” He takes a deep breath, his big chest rising and falling as he takes a step toward me. “I want you in my life. I want to be selfish. I want to give you everything. I want to promise you…”
He doesn’t reach for me. Instead, he takes a knee. The space is barely big en
ough to accommodate him as he gazes up at me. “Tansy Gray, I will never betray you or walk away from you. Even if my heart can’t give you what you need, I will be yours always. If you want me.”
My heart is in my throat.
The rubies are like a burning flame inside my fist, filling me with guilt. I wish I’d left them hidden on the bed. I never expected him to stop me like this, to change his mind like this…
I never expected him to make any promises.
Confusion is a storm inside me. Alexei said he doesn’t know what love feels like, but the way he’s looking at me, the way he touches me, the way he has always treated me is beyond mere intellectual thought. It can’t all be logic. Can it?
Or am I seeing what I desperately want to see, interpreting his soft touches as feeling, interpreting the tone of his voice as caring, not as carefully calculated decisions on his part to appear that way?
Despite my confusion, one thing I am sure of: he is always true to his word. So I allow myself to wonder… what if I accept the life he’s promising me? What if I don’t get the revival spell? What if I accept that he’ll never love me, but he will do what he promises—never walk away or betray me.
I’ve always kept my emotions to myself. I found it so hard to show them, so hard to make myself vulnerable, but now I carefully drop to my knees, leaning in to wrap my arms around his big chest, careful not to reveal the rubies.
I tip my head back to press a kiss his lips. “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yes. No matter what happens.”
A smile breaks across his face. A weight seems to lift from his shoulders. He scoops me up into his arms. If I didn’t know better, I would believe he was happy. But I have a new problem. I nearly dropped the rubies, barely closing my fist in time. One of them slips to the edge of my fingers, and fear of discovery makes my palms sweat.
“Let’s go dance,” he says.
“Dance?” I gesture at the bed, my cheeks suddenly burning. I was counting on returning to the bed, where I could hide the rubies again. “But don’t you want to…?”
The Monster Ball Year 2 Page 62