by A. A. Davies
I ignore the comment on our run-in and focus on the part regarding my father. It’s true that he has been trying harder than my father, which isn’t difficult considering the man isn’t trying at all, but he’s just as guilty of letting whatever their past contains control his reactions.
“I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but if you let it go and live in the now, you might get somewhere. Whatever it was, my father is holding a grudge and every time you let it surface, he falls deeper into his dislike for you.”
Orlando lets out a deep sigh. “I wish it was that easy, Gid. I really do.”
I study the defeat on his face, the sadness in his eyes and I know that I need to help them get over whatever hold the past has on them.
“Okay. New plan. We make him confront the past. But to do that, you’ll need me to help you. Which means you need to tell me what happened.”
Orlando gives me a nod. “Just… try not to judge us until the story is over.”
Chapter Five
Bishop
I hover in the hall contemplating the stupidity of me spending time with Orlando. It’s not that I don’t want to move on, it’s just hard to do. The guilt of betraying Ophelia has festered inside me all these years, and I put all the blame on Orlando so I could ease my conscience. It worked too, until he showed up at Phee’s funeral.
I can hear Gid talking to Orlando, the words are too low to hear but he’s making an effort to have the man in his life. I should do the same, if only so he can know the only family he has left. I push the thoughts back that are insisting this is a bad idea and step through the entranceway toward the family room.
Neither Gid nor Orlando notice me, and I take a moment to let myself really look at them. I’m attracted to them both. It’s wrong for so many reasons, reasons that were easier to remember before Orlando barged his way back into my life. When I hear what Orlando’s saying, I’m glad I’m halfway hidden by the wall separating us.
“Bishop was dating Phee for a while before I met him. They were perfect for each other. Phee was happy in a way I hadn’t seen in a long time and I wanted that to last forever for her. Then I met Bish, and I knew why she was so happy. He has this way of making you feel special, well, when he wants to anyway. I think at first it started as a way to show Phee how much he cared about her. We became friends. We spent almost all our time together, with and without Phee. One day we became more, and it seemed like a natural progression of our friendship.”
As Orlando continues the story, I relive those days when we were closer than friends tend to be.
I can feel the pleasure building and I thrust harder into Lando causing him to let out a groan and clench around me.
“Shh. We can’t be too loud. Someone might hear us.”
I place my hand over his mouth to muffle any sounds that may escape. Honestly, having sex in a park wasn’t the wisest of ideas, but the plan had been to shoot some hoops and have a nice lunch before heading back to Lando’s place. We’ve been sneaking around for a few weeks now, and while I love the time we spend together, guilt always inundates me when we get back and I see the smile on Phee’s face.
Lando tries to say something, but I can’t understand him with my hand covering his lips. I remove my hand from his face and use it to grip his shoulder.
“What?” I gasp out between thrusts.
“I said, stop thinking or we’ll be here all day trying to get you off.”
He’s right. It’s happened before, I get too caught up on what Phee would think of our betrayal. I shake all thoughts of Phee away and focus on the here and now, on Lando and the way he makes me feel.
“Fuck. Yes, Bish. That’s it. No thinking, only feeling.”
Lando clenches around me again and my orgasm barrels out of me and into him. I continue moving in and out until he finds his own release and my dick becomes too soft and sensitive to keep going. I want to collapse on top of him and relax into his hold as we bask in the pleasure of our lovemaking, but we can’t. Instead, we hurry to right ourselves before gathering our things and heading back to reality. The one where I’m dating his sister, the girl I love and want to marry. But I love Lando, too. He knows this, but he says I need to stay with Phee so she can be happy. I wish there was a way for all of us to be happy together.
“Hey.” Lando grabs my hand and pulls me to a stop just before we get to the parking lot and his truck. “Don’t, Bish. It’s better this way. You don’t know how much I wish things could be different, but Phee deserves to be happy more than anything. Don’t ruin what little time we have together, it’ll be over soon enough.”
Lando pulls me in for a quick kiss, then squeezes my hand before letting go.
“You’re right. I just can’t help wanting things to work out for all of us. If only there was a way.”
Lando looks at me quizzically for a moment. He opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it without speaking. When he begins walking to the truck, I follow silently. We toss our things in the back and climb into the cab. Lando turns the key and revs the engine.
“I’m going to figure out a way to give you what you want, Bish. You deserve to be happy just like Phee does.”
I didn’t know that would be the beginning of the end for us and our friendship. If I had I might have found a way to stop what happened next. At the time it seemed like the perfect solution. In hindsight there was only one way it was bound to turn out. I’m just lucky that Phee still wanted me after. She was the only thing that kept me going in the months and years that I mourned Lando as if he was dead and not just hours away.
I can’t forget what we did, what I did. I’m the reason he did it, and I’ve had to live with that burden for years. I can’t stop carrying it now. If I do, I may fall into old habits and who knows what relationship I’ll destroy this time.
I step back into the hall and head toward the kitchen as Orlando continues to lay out my shame for my son. I can only hope that once he knows the truth, he’ll understand why I can’t be around Orlando. I’ll have to leave soon, but until I know that Orlando and Gid will be happy, I have to stay. Their happiness trumps all, and I will make sure that they get it. I had my stint of happiness, however brief it may have been, and now it’s their turn.
Chapter Six
Orlando
Gideon looks shocked and intrigued at the revelation of my past relationship with Bishop. I couldn’t tell him all of it. I didn’t tell him the part where I ruined everything for all of us, that’s a secret for another day. It would be better coming from Bishop rather than me anyway. My emotions still run high at the catastrophe that followed my actions.
“So, my dad hates you because you guys dated when you were younger?”
Gideon scrunches his brows together and the look of concentration on his face is adorable.
“In the simplest of answers; yes. But in reality, it’s much more complicated. There’s more to our story, but it’s not my place to tell you. Especially since Phee is no longer here to tell her part of it. If you want to know what happened, you need to ask Bishop.”
“Why can’t you two just tell me? I’m not some kid. I can understand more than either of you think I can. Keeping things from me isn’t helping anyone. Not me. And definitely not you or my father.”
“It’s not easy to tell your secrets to someone, Gid. Family or not.”
“I’ll tell you a secret too.”
“I already know that the garter is yours.”
Gideon rolls his eyes. “I figured as much. I meant I’ll tell you a different secret.”
“I’m listening.”
“If I tell you, then you have to reciprocate.”
I nod and motion for him to go on.
“I’m gay.”
“Not a secret.”
Gideon glares at me. “I’m gay, and the reason I know for sure is because I—I saw my father.”
It’s my turn to stare at him inquisitively. Is he saying what I think he is?
“I can tell by t
he look on your face you know exactly what I saw. I know it’s wrong to lust after him, but I do it anyway.” Gideon swallows and I watch the movement of his Adam’s apple. “Just the same way I lust after you. My predilection for lingerie is the least of my secrets. I lust after my own blood. If I was given even a chance with either of you, I wouldn’t turn it down. No matter how perverted it makes me.”
“Gideon, I—”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I know how messed up it is. Now it’s your turn. Tell me this secret that drove my father to hate you.”
“I love Bishop, and I loved Phee with everything I am. She was my sister and the only one who was always there for me. I need you to understand that.”
“I do. I can see it in your eyes. When you look at him and when you think of her.”
“I thought that since we all loved each other that it would be enough. I loved Bish and Phee, they loved each other and also me. In my mind the next step was for us all to be together. So I convinced them to give it a try. It was wonderful… at first. Then we decided that we should also be together intimately as well. It was the best day of my life. I’ll spare you the details, but I’d never felt loved like I did that night. Not before, and definitely not after.”
“What happened?” Gideon asks, but I can see he already knows.
“Bishop freaked. Convinced Phee we were sinners and going to hell if we continued our relationship. I didn’t want to lose them, so I agreed with him. I thought we would go back to the way it was before, but he had other ideas. They married and moved away less than a month later. The last thing he said to me was how I was a mistake and that he didn’t want me near him or Phee. He was afraid I would corrupt them to sin again. He told me he hated me and that I had ruined everything. I didn’t see him again until Phee’s funeral. She called me often, though he didn’t know. She wished that it could have been different, and it could’ve been if Bishop wasn’t so stubborn.”
“Stubborn,” Gideon huffs out the word. “That’s one word for him.”
“Yeah. I wish I could break down the walls he’s put up between me and him. We could be happy together. Not just me and him, but the three of us. I’m just as perverted as you, Gid, maybe worse seeing as how I actually gave in to my desire for my own blood. And I’d do it again, because as much as I want Bishop, I want you just the same.”
I leave Gideon sitting on the sofa. I need to get away from him before I do something to ruin things again. Maybe not between us after our confessions, but it will most definitely push Bishop farther away than he already is.
I run into the man overtaking my thoughts in the hall and instinct has me pushing him against the wall.
“Why won’t you let me in Bish? Why are you still punishing the both of us? What happened all those years ago between you, me, and Phee wasn’t wrong. It was love. Pure and undiluted love. I loved you, Bish. I still do. I probably always will. Why is that so wrong? Why was loving Phee so wrong? Tell me, because I can’t understand how love can ever be something so immoral regardless of who that love is for.”
“It was incest, Lando. It was a sin. If Phee hadn’t been your sister…” he lets his words trail off.
“But you know as well as I do, it was because she was my sister that our love was as intense as it was. You may have refused to see the beauty in what we were, and what we could have been, but I didn’t. Not then and not now.”
I press my lips to Bishop’s in a quick, hard kiss.
“I let you and Phee go because I thought it was what you needed to see the truth of our love, but all you’ve done is use the distance and Phee’s illness to solidify the wall between us. I won’t let you do the same thing with Gideon. He deserves love, and I’m going to give him all I have. I think you should think about doing the same. That boy wants you in the same ways I do. In the same ways you want me and him. I saw it from the beginning. Don’t let your stubbornness deny you what you want again.”
I push away from him, leaving him standing there to process my words.
Chapter Seven
Bishop
I follow after Lando, not stopping when he enters his bedroom. When he stops in front of his bed, I grab him by the arm and spin him around to face me. Being this close to him is bringing back memories I’ve tried so hard to forget, but I need to know what he meant about Gideon.
“What do you mean Gideon deserves love and wants me? I do love him. I’m his fucking father!”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it, Bish. You can deny it and pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about if you think it’ll make you feel better about yourself, but that boy wants you. I want you. Why can’t you give me a chance?”
“Because it’s fucking wrong, Orlando. You shouldn’t have those desires for your own sibling or nephew.”
“Why is it so wrong, Bish? Because society says so? It’s not wrong to love someone. I refuse to believe that. I loved Phee and I love you, and now I’m growing to love Gideon. It’s not wrong, it’s beautiful.”
“I can’t love my son that way.”
“But you already do. I’m not blind, Bish. I see the way you look at him. He doesn’t see it, but your lust for him is strong. Hell, the way you look at him gets me hard. I’ve fucked my hand several times imagining the heat in your gaze was directed at me instead.”
I shake my head. I can’t be with Gideon. I could probably make it work with Lando, sure I’d feel guilty because he’s Phee’s brother, but he’s not my own flesh and blood like Gideon. I open my mouth to tell Lando just that, but he puts a finger to my lips to keep me from talking.
“Shh. Don’t. Get out of your own way. I’m going to ask you something, and I want you to answer truthfully. No overthinking and rationalizing it according to society’s made up rules. Do you want Gideon?
“I—”
“Stop. Yes or no, Bishop. Do you want Gideon?”
I meet Lando’s unwavering stare and swallow down the urge to say what has been drilled into my head for decades and blurt out the truth for the first time. “Yes. I want Gideon. Just like I want you and how I wanted you and Phee all those years ago. I want him, okay, but that doesn’t make it right.”
“Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?”
Lando grips my shoulders and pushes me to take a few steps backward until my back meets the wall. He follows with his body, only stopping when there’s only a breath of space left between us. His forehead touches mine and he licks his lips. God, how I want to taste him. I wonder if he still has the flavor of cinnamon I remember, or if it’s changed as he’s grown into the man standing before me.
“Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll leave you alone. I can’t keep chasing a man that doesn’t want me. That doesn’t mean I’ll back off Gideon. He’s already let me know my feelings are reciprocated. I’d like it to be the three of us, but I’m tired of fighting your warped morals. I love you Bish, I always will, but I can’t do this with you anymore.”
“Lando, I—”
Fuck it.
I close the last bit of space between us. My lips move along his, my tongue licking along their seam and begging for entrance. My body is flush against his, my hard cock pressing into his thigh as he grinds himself against my stomach.
“God, Bish. I’ve missed you.”
I grunt, but don’t stop my assault on him. The want, the need for him I’ve spent so many years repressing has taken over and I can’t fight it any longer. I walk us to the bed without breaking the kiss. My hands grip Lando’s hips to keep him from moving his body except to make small thrusts against me. My hands roam over his body, impeded by his clothing, but before I can remove them and get my hands on his warm skin, a noise at the door makes me jump away.
Gideon stands in the open doorway, his face reflecting his surprise at the sight of me and Orlando together. My instincts tell me to defend myself and what I was doing.
“Gideon, it’s not what it looks like.”
“For fuck
’s sake, Bishop. You just can’t help yourself, can you?” Orlando’s words have bite and I flinch.
“Dad, it’s fine. You can do whatever you want, with whoever you want. I just didn’t expect to find you in here is all.”
I shake my head. “No. There is nothing going on. Just a lapse in judgement.”
“Fuck you, Bishop.”
Orlando’s words are like a slap to the face and I have to admit that I deserve it and more. I want to forget all the ingrained prejudices and societal expectations. I want to go back to the way we were all those years ago and choose us. I want to be happy again. Not that I wasn’t happy with Phee, and later Gideon, but it was a happiness tinged with sadness for the man I’d left behind.
I regretted my decision as soon as I’d made it. Orlando’s right. I let my stubbornness combined with other’s expectations direct my life. Thinking back, I realize I lost more than my friend and lover. In a way I lost Phee; not completely, but enough for me to realize that she was happier before. I lost them both that day in different ways, but I also lost myself. And if I’m honest, I’m still lost.
“Lando,” I try to apologize, but he doesn’t let me.
“Don’t, Bishop. I can’t do this with you anymore.”
The longing and hurt etched onto his face threaten to eviscerate my already broken heart. I have to make a choice; Orlando and Gideon, or my morals. And I need to decide soon.
Chapter Eight
Gideon
I can feel the tension between them and I want to snap it. So I do the one thing guaranteed to get their focus on me and maybe move beyond whatever standoff they’re having. I strip off my shirt followed by my jeans. Both men turn to see what I’m doing and immediately I have their attention as they both pause to stare at me, neither of them moving. I shift from foot to foot, the silky rub of the hose ramping up my arousal. My cock hardens behind the lace, letting them know how much just the thought turns me on. I hear a sharp intake of breath; I can’t tell who it came from, both men are open mouthed, and their gazes fixated on my body.