Regan waved his hand. “Alive or dead? Had to find out.”
“Well, we need to be nice,” Ellis reminded. “You don’t know what happened to them back at that place. I mean, you saw the scars on Luke’s back. I’m surprised he’s not as messed up as they are.”
Regan’s fingers on his good hand turned white in a seething grip on the chair. Through a clenched jaw he said, “Lucky for everyone he wasn’t.”
I gulped at the tone in his voice. “Well, it’s over now, and Luke’s okay.” It still startled me how much Regan cared for Luke. “Where is he, by the way?”
“Who?” said Regan absently.
“Luke.”
“Luke? Hmm, I don’t know anyone by that name.” Regan winked, and the color returned to his hand. “He’s probably outside. I saw him taping up his knuckles. He… uh, doesn’t seem to be having a good day either.”
A punching bag hanging from the rafters in the barn had consumed Luke for hours every day. He worked out religiously, alternating between cardio and weights and the bag. But lately his hands had become swollen as his time outside doubled, then tripled, and his shoulders sagged afterward with exhaustion. It killed me to see him plunge his hands into ice water and hang his head over the sink in agony—and I was fairly sure now I knew why.
Thomas.
“Why don’t you go talk to him?” Regan said. “There is time before dinner.” He nodded toward the kitchen. “Besides, the cowboy seems busy for the moment.”
“Why would that matter?” I asked a bit sheepishly.
“Well, because of your, uh—oh bloody hell, Kaya. Really?”
“Really,” I replied.
Ellis piped up from the couch. “Man, everyone’s gotta pussyfoot around this chick. Just tell her.”
“There isn’t anything to tell. Put your nose back in your book, brother,” Regan shot back angrily.
Ellis sneered and there was that snort again—I was really starting to get the feeling he didn’t like me much. I was also getting the feeling that Thomas had shared details of our intimate moment with others besides Luke.
“Go. Talk to him,” Regan said before I could hurl a hundred questions. Louisa shifted around and pulled the blanket up under her chin. “The holiday ends for us tomorrow, and we will be in full on ‘how to make Henry suffer and get revenge’ mode. Do it now while the time is right and before damages cannot be undone.”
* * *
I braced myself at the door. I could hear the smacking of Luke’s hands and sharp exhales as he hit the punching bag. I wondered—as my hair collected falling snow—why I had waited so long to talk to him. I loved this man. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but I made no effort to find out what was bothering him. Instead, I had waited for him to come to me.
Ridiculous. Childish. Pathetic. He wasn’t a mind reader, and I wasn’t a toddler.
Easing the barn door open, I snuck in and closed it silently. My nerves were getting the best of me, and I almost tripped over the space heater that failed to keep winter out of the air. Luke was facing the heavy bag hanging from the ceiling. I watched his back muscles contract, and the sweat drip down his spine to the top of his jeans. His hands lashed out in a flurry, and the bag, twice the weight of me, swung on its chain. It was so violent and so personal. I was interrupting a private moment, but I could not force my legs to move or my eyes to peel away, mostly from the angry marks covering his bare skin. The reminder of his time in the dungeon at Angela’s hands were impossible to ignore. Some were fading, but one, deep and red, still must have hurt when he moved. He had told me a bit about Angela and what she had done, and I’d woken often to his nightmares.
Luke had so many scars. Because of me.
He stopped, hung his head, then viciously kneed the bag once, twice, before his hands followed again. They were bleeding through the bandages when he stopped.
I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer. “I’m sorry,” I said.
I expected him to jump at the intrusion, but instead he grew very still. When he didn’t turn around, I continued.
“I’m sorry for what happened to you at the estate. Angela… I can’t even believe that she… that she did that to you.” I scrambled for the right words. “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”
He said nothing and marched over to the hood of a car where he’d placed his shirt. Yanking it over his head, he kept his back to me. I thought I might die if he didn’t say something.
“I’m also sorry about Thomas.”
He leaned on the car now, the muscles in his arms tensed as if he was about to pummel it, but there was no going back. I kept talking.
“I wanted to tell you, I swear. But there never seemed to be the right time, and you were ignoring me, avoiding me and I didn’t know why, and I was waiting for you to come to me when really, I should have just come to you. I didn’t realize that you knew about Thomas. That all this time you’ve been thinking so horribly of me.”
I was rambling. Shaking. I couldn’t take the cold shoulder from him, not for another second.
“I’ll go,” I said, and headed for the door, but he was before me in an instant blocking the exit. His red-rimmed eyes filled with confusion and hurt, and every part of me ached to comfort him.
“I haven’t been thinking horribly of you, but I certainly want to kill Thomas,” he said. “With every fiber of my being, just beat the life out of him purely out of jealousy. But never, not once, did I think badly of you.”
“Then why have you been avoiding me?”
His chest was still rising and falling quickly, his shirt now damp from his skin. “Well, I must admit, I’m struggling with it. Thomas has, uh… touched more of you than I have. I’m not sure how to deal with that. Among other things.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he said. “You can’t help who you fall in love with.”
What??? “No. Luke, it’s not like that. I was just—”
He waited expectantly for the words that had failed me. Then, he spoke instead. “You don’t have to explain. I understand. But just so you know, I’m not after you for your money.”
The words were a slap. “What? I never once thought that.”
His hands unclenched.
“I betrayed you, Luke. Can you forgive me?” I asked.
The angst on his face shifted to something else. “You didn’t betray me. You left me, remember? You were keeping me safe and getting on with your life. I can’t hold that against you.”
I was confused. “Then what else is going on?”
“Thomas had some other things to say.”
“Which were?”
“First, he kindly reminded me that I was a criminal. That I had worked for a drug dealer and kidnapped someone, and that I could lose Louisa very easily if anyone on the right side of the law found out. He threatened to turn me in if I didn’t give you some space.”
I lost my balance for a moment. “He threatened you? Does he not remember that he helped shove a dead man in a freezer and burn a house down? That every single one of us are criminals now? What the hell is his problem!”
“Whoa.” Luke put his hands up. “I know that. I humored him by listening, then told him to piss off.”
My blood was boiling. “So what did he say that got to you then?”
“He explained to me the reasons why he’s the better man for you. Said I should back off so you can make a choice. He told me he loves you, and that you—” Luke paled, as if what he was about to say might make him sick. “Love him, too. Believe me, Kaya, all I want is for you to be happy. I don’t ever want to be selfish with you, and I thought by keeping my distance—”
“I want a man who will fight for me, Luke,” I interrupted.
He balked. His blue eyes grew wide. “I’ll fight for you till the day I die.”
“Then why? Why would some comment from Thomas affect you so deeply?”
“Because, it’s true. I can see it.
”
I sputtered, “See what?”
Luke crossed his arms over his chest, and his baby blues narrowed. “That, you do love him.”
I couldn’t deny it, nor could I stand there and lie to his face. So, I did the only thing I could think of; I bolted from the barn.
My focus became finding Thomas and knocking the Christmas cheer right off his arrogant face, but I didn’t get far. I was halfway across the yard when Luke latched onto my shoulder and spun me around to face him. His blue eyes blazed like the tips of the hottest flames. The snow melted against his bare arms.
“I need to know, Kaya. I agreed to back off so you could decide between the two of us, and I need to know if I’m doing the right thing. Are you in love with him? Do you deny it?”
I needed to lie, and for once, I couldn’t.
He gulped. “I don’t want to hold you back from the life you want. If you need space to decide which of us can give it to you, I’ll let you have that. I will wait, or I’ll go. I’ll do or be whatever you need no matter if it kills me. Just tell me please, tell me what to do.”
He was breaking into pieces around me. I had to pick them up. “What I need is for you to not let anyone get between us again, no matter what they say. I’m crazy in love with you. Can’t you see that?”
His eyes searched mine. “Yes, but—”
“There are no ‘buts,’” I said, trying to make him understand. “There is no human being on this planet I love more than you. I promise you have my heart, fully and completely. I realized that the moment I met you and not once has that changed. I was tested with someone else, someone who, yes, I do love. But I passed with flying colors. Thomas only made me realize that my love for you is deeper than any other, and that no matter what is thrown at it, no matter how much it is tested, it will never lessen. Thomas is someone I want in my life, but you… you are someone I would die without.”
His mouth eagerly met mine. So desperate. Urgent. My feet left the ground, and I was standing on a cloud.
“Kaya,” he said breathlessly, his lips not far from mine as his hands wound into my hair. His body shook, yet the heat coming off him wrapped around us like a blanket. “I love you so much.” He held my face, brushing snowflakes from my cheek. “It has killed me to stay away and not touch you, not wake up with you beside me. You’re my entire world.”
I couldn’t reply because he was kissing me again and I was drunk with the taste and feel of him. I never wanted it to stop. Not ever. I could stand in this yard for the rest of my days and just submit to the euphoria of him.
But he pulled away suddenly.
“Marry me,” he said.
Shock. “What?”
“Marry me,” he said again, and I could feel the pounding of his heart against mine. We were so perfectly in time. I was speechless. Of course I wanted to marry him. I wanted nothing else in the world.
But before I could reply, before I could tell him yes, the kitchen door was thrown open, crashing against the outer wall.
“Dinner is ready,” said a male voice that made my breath hitch.
I separated myself from Luke to face Thomas standing in the doorway, and I made the mistake of noticing the dread all over his face. He was breathless too, his wide eyes suggesting the onset of panic. “And hurry up, it’s getting cold,” he added, voice barbed and shaky, a blinding glare weaving through the falling snow before disappearing back inside.
The sweat on Luke’s skin was steaming. “You’re getting cold too,” I said.
He shook his head and marched toward the house. “Not by a long shot.”
Oliver said grace. Stephan poured the wine. Louisa squirmed in her chair next to Lisa, and Thomas held the baby bunny while avoiding my eyes. Davis encouraged Sindra to eat, while Luke, Regan, and Ellis talked about camping. Marlene kept to herself, whole heartedly digging into her heaping plate, only stopping to breathe and mutter that it was amazing—which it was—and William sang along to Bing Crosby between mouthfuls.
It was actually kind of perfect.
Even though I was gripped with seething anger toward Thomas and an intense desire to have Luke all to myself, the tree twinkled, the snow fell, and the Christmas spirit became something real for me for the first time.
When Louisa could sit still no longer, she crawled onto Regan’s lap, and Lisa took the opportunity to make a speech.
“I would like to make a toast,” she said, taking a sip of wine for courage to continue. “I haven’t had Christmas in an exceptionally long time so today has been incredibly special for me. I know we are not technically ‘family,’ but this is the closest I’ve been to feeling like part of one in years. So cheers to that.” We raised our glasses. “Also, I have something that I want to share. I’ve decided I won’t let the shitty things people have done haunt me anymore. As of now, I forgive my father for what he did to me and my mom, and I forgive the men in my life that tried to hurt me. Most of all though—as I stand here in his house—I forgive Seth. I loved him. And I am grateful that I got to feel that with someone.”
We all drank to that.
“Where did he go?” Louisa asked. There was gum stuck in her hair. Barbie makeup on her cheeks.
“Where did who go?” Regan replied.
“Seth. Where did he go? When is he coming back?”
Silence.
Regan patted Louisa’s head. “Fishing,” he said, and lifted his glass. “He is on a boat having a wonderful time and might be for a while. So, here’s to family, forgiveness, and fishing.”
Glasses clinked.
Oliver cleared his throat. “I would like to say something as well.” His huge hands were folded before him, and he didn’t stand or pick up his glass. He just stared across the table. “Sindra…”
She recoiled as if his words were the teeth of a rabid dog.
Oliver remained fixated. “I forgive you too,” he said after a long while. “You’ve suffered enough, and I hold no ill will toward you. I hope that you can find the strength to move ahead and be well.”
Sindra blinked a few times, clearly not expecting that. It took a while for her to speak. “That means a lot,” she said. “And for what it’s worth, I am truly sorry. So very, very, sorry, Oliver.”
The frailness in her tone, and the way she barely lifted her chin from her chest, tugged at me. She had fallen, and just now I realized how hard. Davis remained silent next to her, expression as cold and unforgiving as it was the day we’d all arrived here. He could not forgive Oliver for leaving him in the cell no matter how many times Oliver apologized.
“What did Sindra do that was so terrible?” Marlene asked, and there was a spark in her eyes close to becoming flames. “Oliver?”
The way Oliver clenched his jaw and examined his hands meant he wasn’t answering that question, and Marlene was getting ready to lunge across the table at Sindra for an answer.
Luke spoke up. “She was just a really bad boss, Marlene. You know, making him work late hours, no holiday pay, stuff like that.”
Marlene was not falling for the lie. “Uh huh,” she said, casting Sindra a glare. “Well, if it was more than that, she and I are going to have a problem.”
This was Marlene’s way of confirming that she cared about Oliver, as if it wasn’t already obvious by the way her face lit up whenever he spoke to her. I kinda wanted to take the fork from her hand so it wouldn’t ‘accidentally’ fly across the table at Sindra’s head.
Oliver could not conceal his grin.
“So I have an announcement.” William was averting attention to himself, robust belly knocking the table as he stood. His scarred chef’s hands clapped together, then one reached to steady his wine glass, the other for Stephan’s shoulder. “Stephan and I are—”
“Wait,” Stephan said urgently. “We agreed that I’d be the one to tell her.”
William’s smile was flecked with impatience. “But you’ve had weeks, my darling. She needs to know.”
“I was waiting for the right
time.”
Ellis snorted. “Here we are, pussyfooting around the princess again.”
Stephan bolted to his feet, and his ferocity made us all jump. “What was that, young man?”
Ellis cleared his throat as if he had been waiting for a long time to speak his mind. “The universe doesn’t revolve around Kaya Lowen. This rich little princess probably had Disneyland opened only for her on a regular basis. Absolutely everything this girl could want was available to her, yet all I hear is ya worrying about protecting her feelings. Good lord! She’s just a chick! Who apparently just wants to be normal. Normal? As in broke as heck like the rest of us? Watching loved ones die from shoddy medicine? Christmas at my house was preventing my sister from pulling her hair out while Regan was off trying to find a cure to save her, and never having enough money to even buy a comic book. I even had to be my own Santa. All of us, every single one, are here because of her. Because of you.”
Ellis’s finger was pointed at me and my completely gob smacked expression.
Stephan snarled like he might jam his turkey leg down Ellis’s throat.
Regan jumped in. “Done, little brother?” Regan’s eyes flashed furiously. “Do ya feel better after your little-boy meltdown? First, I’m happy to be here. Have you forgotten that we are eating and have money now—because of the hell we put that girl over there through? Ya bloody stupid little brat. Do you not remember the Christmases when Mom was alive? The incredibly good fortune we had to be together as a loving family? Kaya never had that. Not once. Just because someone has a crap load of money doesn’t mean they’re living a fairy tale life. You at least had the luxury of leaving your bedroom and wandering the streets. That ‘poor little rich girl’ over there was locked in her room with bodyguards and bars on the windows. And Disneyland? You putz, she didn’t even go to school. Or to the store. Or to the library. Or hang out with friends. Ever. You know nothing about her life, and your preconceived judgments are ridiculous.”
Every jaw hit the table. I think mine actually made a ‘clunk’ sound.
Ellis was seething, staring at his brother, shoulders rising and falling with each heavy breath. He jabbed his knife into the table by his plate. “I know that she’s going to break your heart!” he roared.
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