My Blood Approves

by Amanda Hocking

  “Alice, this is Peter. Peter, this is Alice,” Mae introduced us. Maybe it was just my imagination, but her voice seemed to have filled with a sense of self-satisfaction. He grunted something but didn’t lower the book. “Jack told you that she’d be coming over tonight.”

  “I remember.” Peter definitely sounded annoyed, so I tried to edge my way out of the room, but Mae, who either chose to ignore or didn’t notice his growing irritation, blocked my path.

  “You could at least say hi to our guest.” Mae reprimanded him, but her tone was playful. “It’s the polite thing to do.”

  “Hello,” Peter sighed and finally lowered his book.

  At first, I could only see his eyes. They were an intoxicating shade of green and captivated me. His thick, chestnut hair landed just above his shoulders, and he tucked it behind his ears. His jaw had tightened, strong on his features.

  He breathed in sharply, and his lips parted. It wasn’t his intention, but there was something so seductive about that. He was stunningly perfect in a way that made him almost painful to look at.

  “Aha!” Mae exclaimed quietly behind me, but I was too preoccupied with Peter to figure out what she meant.

  “Shouldn’t you continue your little tour?” Peter asked icily, and his eyes dropped from mine.

  I suddenly remembered to breathe and tried not to gulp down air the way my lungs requested. My heart pounded wildly, and I felt the blood burning my cheeks.

  “I think we’ve seen all the main points,” Mae looped her arm through mine, and the combination of her soft voice and reassuring touch calmed me down. “Would you care to join us, Peter?”

  “I’ve seen the house.” He lifted the book again, hiding his exquisite features from me.

  “Peter’s always a grump,” Mae explained, but she sounded a tad disappointed when she started leading me away from Peter’s room. “Come on, love. There’s still more for us to see.”

  “Well?” Jack appeared at the bottom stairs, looking up expectantly at us. There was something anxious and almost protective about him. Mae and I walked slowly down towards him, and I couldn’t meet his gaze, afraid he would see what a fool I had myself of over his brother.

  “Well what?” I asked, feeling dazed.

  “What do you think?” He waited until I was at the bottom of the stairs, then I felt him inspecting me. The dog came over and licked my hand, and I absently started petting her.

  “The house is amazing.” I tried to force a smile to prove how spectacular I thought everything was, and I hated that that sudden random confrontation with his brother had distracted me from all my other pleasant feelings about the house and Mae.

  “Peter’s upstairs being a crab,” Mae told Jack dramatically.

  “Oh,” Jack replied knowingly and exchanged a look with Mae that I couldn’t read. She just bit her lip and shrugged, then hugged me a little tighter. “Peter is such a jackass.”

  “Oh, he is not.” Mae had taken to stroking my hair gently, and that alleviated some of my tension and shame.

  “Peter!” Jack shouted up at the stairs at him.

  “I am reading a book!” Peter growled down.

  “Peter!” Jack shouted again, growing more irritated.

  “I am reading, Jack!” Peter responded, and I winced at the anger in his words.

  “Jack.” Mae shot him a look. “Let him be.”

  “Whatever.” He relented, but he didn’t look happy about it. Then he turned his attention to me and smiled. “So, Alice, wanna have some fun?”

  “Sure?” I replied hesitantly. His eyes had a mischievous glint, and I hadn’t decided whether or not I should trust it.

  “Hot tub!”

  “I don’t have a suit.” This was true, but I was sure they would have a solution for it. I had a feeling that Mae and Jack would have a solution for nearly everything.

  “Oh, I have the perfect one for you!” Mae smiled, her earlier excitement returning.

  She ushered me down the hall towards her room. We went into Mae’s room, where Jack proceeded to flop back on the overstuffed bed. She opened the doors to her closet, and it was larger than my entire bedroom. She started searching through her multitudes of bathing suits, making me nervous.

  Once she found one she liked (a pale blue two piece with a ruffled skirt around the bottoms), she insisted that I go into their adjoining bathroom to try it on. It fit, and it was more flattering then I had expected it to be, but it also felt incredibly revealing.

  When I came out, she gushed over how amazing I looked. I might’ve believed her if she hadn’t already changed into her own bikini in the closest, and I looked like nothing compared to her. Jack didn’t say anything, but the approving way he looked at me made me blush.

  Jack was a typical guy and decided that wearing just his black boxers would suffice. I took a moment to admire the perfection of Jack shirtless, but I did it as discreetly as possible.

  We went outside through the French doors, and the cold stung. Mae and Jack didn’t appear to notice it, but that didn’t surprise me.

  I climbed into the hot tub. The way it instantly warmed my entire body reminded me of the way that I had felt when I looked at Peter. Then I remembered the ice in his voice and tried to push thoughts of him out of my mind.

  We spent quite a bit of time in the hot tub, and when I finally let myself relax and enjoy it, I did. Matilda lay sprawled on the patio next to us, and Jack tried to splash her until Mae made him stop.

  I just sunk in the water, trying to forget all the stuff about Jack that didn’t make sense, and the fact that my brother hated me, and Peter’s piercing green eyes.

  “It’s getting late,” Mae announced and looked sadly at me. “I really enjoyed having you over, and I do hope you come again. But you probably should get home before it’s too late.”

  “It’s never too late,” Jack grumbled, dipping his head back under the water as if that could block out the truth in her statement.

  “No, she’s right.” Using most of my strength, I pushed myself from the warm, comfort of the tub and felt the frigid air on my skin. “Oh my gosh, it’s freezing!”

  “I brought out towels,” Mae gestured to a pile of plush white towels lying on a nearby chair, and I rushed over to them.

  When I picked up a towel, I happened to glance up, and I saw Peter standing inside the kitchen, staring through the French doors at me. The towel had unrolled in front of me, but I just stood there, holding it, unable to actually start drying myself. The cold was painful, but Peter had captivated me.

  One of his arms folded across his chest, while his hand rested on his chin. His brilliant green eyes were giving me a look that could kill, and my heart felt eager to please, so it completely stopped beating. It might have stopped forever if Mae hadn’t interrupted and pulled me from the trance he’d put me in.

  “Peter! Would you care to join us?” Mae called at him. Still glaring at me, he shook his head, then turned on his heels and stalked off. “Don’t mind him, Alice. He’s really not so bad.”

  “It’s okay,” I lied, then suddenly started feeling the cold again and wrapped the towel around myself.

  “You make him nervous,” Jack whispered, suddenly standing directly behind me.

  “Why?” I asked numbly.

  It didn’t make any sense that I could make someone as composed and perfect as Peter nervous. I was inconsequential in every way. Naturally, Jack didn’t answer me. He just shrugged and walked into the house.

  “Hurry up before you freeze to death!” Jack yelled, and I rushed in after him.

  By the time I had gotten dressed, Jack was waiting by the door for me. He twirled the car keys on his hands and whistled a song that sounded suspiciously like “Walking on Sunshine.”

  At the door, Mae hugged me tightly and reminded me that I had to come visit her soon. Looking rather pained, she apologized for Peter’s behavior, and I wondered what he had done that had offended them so much.

  “Which car ar
e we taking?” I had followed Jack out into the garage, but he looked like he was walking all the way down to the other end, so I already knew what it was.

  “The Lamborghini, of course.”

  “How do you decide which car you’re going to take?” Now, with a million other questions burning in my mind, this was the only question I wasn’t afraid to ask.

  “I only take this when Ezra’s gone,” he explained sheepishly as he hopped in the driver’s seat. When I got on, he started it and adjusted the stereo. “He thinks it’s too flashy. And my Jeep is fun but it’s not as fast, so I usually just take Mae’s Jetta. The Lexus is Ezra’s ‘every day’ car and the Audi is Peter’s.”

  “If you like the car so much, why didn’t you just get one?” I asked as Jack backed out of the garage.

  “Ezra says we don’t need to stand out that much.”

  “Well, then why did he even bother buying this car? And you live in a house shaped like a castle and he drives a Lexus. How is any of that inconspicuous?” I looked at him skeptically, and he grinned at me.

  “Exactly!” He pulled out of the driveway and sped down the road. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes, trying to take in everything that had happened. When Jack spoke again, his tone had gotten somber. “So, what did you think of my family?”

  “I liked them. Mae is very nice, and your house is stunning.” I kept my eyes closed and listened to the Joy Division cover playing on the radio. It reminded me of Gary Jules, but I knew that wasn’t it. “Who is this?”

  “Honeyroot doing ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart,’” Jack answered, and without missing a beat, returned to the topic. “So you had a good time then?”

  “I did.” Mostly. Except for the parts when Peter sucked all the air my from lungs and I wanted to die.

  “You’re awfully quiet. I’d been expecting a million questions from you.”

  “Oh, I have them,” I reassured him. “Is Mae from England?” Jack laughed, and I turned to look at him. “What? Was I way off?”

  “No, it’s just… that’s the question you ask?” He shook his head, smiling. “That’s like the most normal thing you could possibly ask. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

  “What were you expecting me to ask?” I raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out what part of the night he thought I’d find the most odd.

  “Yeah, she’s from England.” He once again hedged my question.

  “They’re like you, aren’t they?” I asked, watching him carefully.

  “Nobody’s like me,” Jack replied flippantly. “I’m a one in a million, baby!”

  “Jack, you know what I mean.”

  “I do,” he sighed. His expression got pained, and he was almost pleading with me. “You liked them and you had a good time. Can’t we just leave it at that?”

  “Why did you want me to meet them?”

  Meeting them had made him more vulnerable and more susceptible to my questions. I don’t know how it benefited him. Mae had wanted to meet me, I’m sure, but he could’ve put that off.

  “That is way too complicated for me to answer right now,” Jack said simply.

  “When will things stop being so complicated?” I had started whining a little, but I’d had a long day, so I thought I had earned the right to whine just a bit.

  “That’s probably the best question you’ve ever asked me.” Jack sounded very far away and rather sad, so I knew the answer wouldn’t be anything I’d want to hear anyway. For once, I was grateful for his silence. After a very pregnant pause, he exhaled deeply. “I feel drawn to you.”

  “That’s why things are complicated?” I sat up straighter in my seat, eager to hear what sounded like a legitimate answer.

  “No. Well, kinda, but that’s not what I meant.” He glanced over at me, and then returned his gaze to the road. “That’s why I wanted you to meet my family.”

  “So was that like me meeting your parents?” I crinkled my nose. “Like we’re dating?”

  “No, it’s not like that. You know what I mean. You feel it too, right?” His eyes flitted back over to me, then quickly away again. “Like you feel drawn to me. You enjoy me and everything, but you feel kind of compelled to be around me.”

  “I guess,” I said noncommittally. He’d actually hit the nail on the head, but I didn’t want to admit to that.

  “Well, that’s how I feel.” He had put himself out there for a minute, and he shifted uncomfortably. I felt bad for not being more honest with him.

  “But… what does that have to do with your family?”

  “That’s the complicated part,” he smirked.

  “You can’t tell me anything?” I asked. I knew that if I were smarter, I’d probably have everything pieced together already. Jack was probably growing frustrated with me failing to follow his little half clues.

  “They like you,” he offered helpfully.

  “Yeah, I could tell that Peter’s a real big fan,” I scoffed, and he just pursed his lips grimly.

  “It’s really, really complicated, Alice. But…” He sighed again. “Okay. That’s all I can say.”

  “Why?” I demanded. We had already pulled up in front of my house, making the trek home in record time. He looked over at me, his expression grave but affectionate. “Why can’t you tell me more?”

  “Honestly?” Jack bit his lip, and I could see the internal debate raging. “I like you too much.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense! If you like me, you should just be open and honest with me. That’s what people do. That’s how it works,” I said. His eyes looked conflicted and pained, and I thought almost had him, but then he looked down at his hands and shook his head.

  “I saw your face yesterday.” His voice clogged painfully. “I don’t want you to ever look at me that way again.”

  “I won’t!” I insisted, but we both know that I couldn’t be sure of that. I had no idea what he wasn’t telling me, so I couldn’t promise my reaction to it.

  “It’s late.”

  “Fine, be that way.” I threw open the car door. “I had a really lovely time tonight and I hope we can do it again real soon.”

  “Sweet dreams,” Jack smiled at me, and I smiled back, despite my frustration.

  “Yeah, you too.”

  By the time I made it up to my apartment, I was struggling not to cry. All Peter had really done was look at me, and it was somehow devastating. An unfailing insistence inside me wanted him, but I refused to listen to it.

  Jack and Mae liked me, probably more than they should, and I really liked them, definitely more than I should, and that was enough. That was more than enough! Why did I have to be so greedy?

  “Alice?” Milo said timidly, startling me from my thoughts. The apartment was mostly dark, and I hadn’t seen him sitting on the couch, waiting up for me. I had just been leaning against the front door. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m just peachy.” I swallowed hard and walked over to the couch.

  Milo was talking to me, and that was pretty damn exciting. I pushed Peter and Jack from my thoughts and sat down next to him.

  “Did you have a nice time tonight?” Milo asked, and I nodded quickly.

  “Yeah. I did. What about you?”

  “It was okay,” he shrugged.

  “I’m sorry. For the things I said today.” I wasn’t sure if that was the right thing to say, or if it made me sound like I was sorry he was gay or something. But it was too late, and I would just deal with how he reacted.

  “No, don’t be.” He ran a hand through his brown hair and looked away from me. “When I asked if you were gonna be home tonight, I was upset. But it was because you’ve been gone so much lately, and the other night, when I thought you were going to stay home and eat with me, you left. I just haven’t seen you very much. I kind of missed you.”

  “Oh, Milo, I am sorry!” My eyes filled with tears.

  He had just missed me, and then I had been so horrible to him. I had been gone a lot lately, thanks to Jack, and
I hadn’t even really considered how Milo felt about it. No, scratch that. I did consider it; I just didn’t care. I had to be the worst sister in the world. Really.

  “Let me finish,” Milo interjected quietly. “But… you were right. I am attracted to Jack. And guys in general. I just didn’t know how to tell you, or even how to tell myself, I guess. So that’s why I’ve been so distant lately.”

  “You know I love you no matter what, right?” I threw my arms around him. He squirmed a little but let me hug him. “I am so sorry I haven’t been around! I promise I’ll spend more time with you!”

  “You don’t have to.” He pulled back from my grip but stayed close to me.

  “I know that! I want to! I’ve missed you too. And I’m just so sorry for everything.”

  “You can quit apologizing,” Milo said, not unkindly. “You didn’t really do that much wrong.”

  “I still feel horrible.”

  “Yeah, I get that.” He smiled, and I laughed a little.

  “We’ll hang out tomorrow. I promise.”

  “Okay,” Milo yawned. “I really need to get to bed, though. It’s way past my bedtime.” He got up and started walking to his bedroom.

  “Okay,” I nodded, feeling genuinely sad to see him go. “Hey, Milo? I love you.”

  “I know.” Then he disappeared into the darkness of his room. I went into my room and changed into my pajamas.

  I curled up underneath my covers, and for the first time in a long time, I cried myself to sleep.

  - 8 -

  At school, Jane poked and prodded me, then repeatedly told me that I looked like hell. I’m sure it had to do with how terrible I slept, and all the strange dreams I couldn’t quite remember. They were mostly a blur of images that I couldn’t decipher, except for one clear image: Peter’s eyes burning through me.

  Of course, I couldn’t explain any of this to Jane. It still was a struggle for her not to mention Jack, so I couldn’t either.

  Milo had seemed to return to his normal self, much to my relief. When we got home, he started talking rapidly about a new recipe he wanted to try out.

  Last night, I’d managed to forget to eat anything, and at lunch, I had still felt too tired and out-of-it to eat. But once I was in the safety of my apartment listening to Milo rattle of a list of tasty ingredients, my appetite came back full swing.