My Blood Approves

by Amanda Hocking

  We went to the grocery store to get his recommended supplies, but I was too hungry to wait, so I ate a pear in the store. Milo looked embarrassed, even though I insisted that I’d pay for it (and I did).

  Taking the groceries home was always a project because we had to take the bus with arm loads of bags. I wished Mom would spring and buy a car, but it didn’t seem like it was in the cards.

  Jack hadn’t text messaged me yet, and I tried to pretend like that didn’t bother me. All through supper, while I attempted to help Milo cook, I had to constantly fight the urge to check my cell phone in my pocket to make sure it was on or I hadn’t missed a message.

  After my incident cutting my finger (which apparently hadn’t been that minor since I still required a Boba Fett Band-Aid), Milo left me with all the easy jobs, like washing vegetables, measuring ingredients, and buttering bread.

  His supper was ridiculously good. We sat at the table, where I promptly devoured everything.

  Mom woke up, and we offered her a plate, but she just shook her head and hurried out the door. We’d seen her for a total of ten minutes that day, but I imagined that if we were to add it up, we saw her an average of an hour a week.

  “You should really go to culinary school,” I told Milo. “You’re amazing. This is definitely something you should do for a living.”

  We were still sitting at the table, and I had one knee pulled up to my chest, which was getting more uncomfortable the more I ate. I had already cleaned one plate and had started on a second, but my eyes were larger than my stomach.

  “I’ve kind of looked into it.” He shrugged modestly, and he didn’t have a clue what an amazing cook he was. Milo never believed he was good at anything, no matter what I told him. “I don’t know.”

  “Well, you still have a few years to think about it, but you’re too good to keep this hidden from the world.” I took another bite, but my stomach screamed in protest. I forced myself to push my plate away, knowing that I would explode if I continued eating.

  “What about you? You’re graduating before I am. What did you have in mind?” Milo turned the tables on me, and I squirmed a little. He knew my grades at school, and he was constantly trying to talk to me about my future, but I avoided it as much as possible.

  “I don’t know.” Lately, with everything that had been going on with Jack, I had a new found appreciation for paranormal studies and biology. “Maybe I’ll go to med school.” I had meant it as a joke, but Milo just nodded, like it would make sense.

  “I could see you as a psychiatrist,” Milo said. “I mean, not anything that had to do with blood or surgery.”

  “No, that would definitely be out,” I agreed readily. When I saw all the blood on Jack’s nonexistent wound, I had to fight the urge to vomit. “But I can’t imagine me being a psychiatrist.”

  “Really?” He raised an eyebrow, as if it seemed like an obvious choice to him. “You’re a pretty good listener, and you love figuring people out. Everyone is like a puzzle to you, and you’re trying to put all the pieces together.”

  “I guess that is true.” Essentially, that’s all I’d been doing for the last few weeks, but until Milo had said it like that, I didn’t realize that’s what I did.

  “I mean, you figured out that I was gay.” Milo spoke quietly and kept his eyes down, so I knew it was still something that was uncomfortable for him to talk about.

  “When did you know?” I pulled my plate back over to me, but I just pushed the food around. I was too full to eat, but when I felt awkward, I wanted to keep my hands busy with something, and this was better than biting my nails.

  “I don’t know.” He sighed a little, and I wondered if I should change the subject, but then he went on. “I suspected for… ever, I guess. I mean, as soon as I learned what gay was, I thought, ‘maybe.’ But really, it was when I met Jack.” He blushed deeply, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor. “I’d just never been so attracted to anyone like that before.”

  “Yeah, Jack does that.” I had meant to comfort him with that statement, but I ended up sounding exasperated.

  “But you’re not attracted to him.” Milo looked up at me, looking both confused and disbelieving. “How is that even possible?”

  “I’m attracted to him, definitely,” I explained the best I could. “I just don’t want to have sex with him.” Then I remembered what he looked like last night, sliding shirtless into the hot tub.

  “But…” Milo shifted uncomfortably, and he sounded unsure of himself. “I don’t mean to sound gross, but that was all I could think about.”

  “That’s not gross,” I replied quickly, but then recanted. “Okay. It’s a little gross, but only cause you’re my little brother. Not cause of the whole gay thing.”

  “Even Jane went crazy about him, and she’s never crazy about anyone, except for herself.” He was waiting for an explanation, but I didn’t have one.

  “I don’t get it either,” I told him finally. “I don’t see what you guys see in him, even. I mean, he’s attractive and funny and everything…” I trailed off, realizing that maybe I did feel the way they did about Jack, then suddenly, I remembered Peter. “I met his brother last night.”

  “And?” Milo leaned in closer to me, his eyes shining brightly.

  “And nothing. He’s gorgeous, like unbelievably so, but he hates me.” I shrugged, trying to make it look like it didn’t bother me as much as it did, and went back to picking at my plate of food.

  “He hates you? Why?” At least he was incredulous at the idea of anyone hating me. Maybe I was more likable than I gave myself credit for.

  “I honestly couldn’t tell you.” It physically hurt just thinking about the way that Peter had glared at me when I was by the hot tub. I would gladly throw myself under a bus than endure another look like that. “I don’t think I even spoke to him.”

  “Then how do you know he hates you?”

  “If you had seen the way he looked at me…” I shuddered at the thought of it and decided that that was enough of talking about Peter and Jack. I stood up and started to clear off the table.

  “I don’t get you, Alice,” Milo muttered when I took his plate.

  “There’s nothing to get,” I replied glibly.

  Since he had cooked, that usually meant that I would do the dishes, but he helped me out tonight. He had just started doing his homework when I decided that a nice long, hot shower was in order. But when I went into the bathroom, the hamper was overflowing, and we were completely out of clean towels.

  Milo had tons of homework, and he actually planned to do it, so I offered to go to the laundromat. I loaded up as much clothes as I could into three massive laundry bags, and then made the excruciating trek the block and a half down to the laundromat. The superintendent kept promising he’d put one in the basement of the building, but he’d yet to follow through.

  I filled four washers with clothes (the maximum amount allotted to one person), then settled back in the hard plastic chairs to watch clothes spin around for an hour. I had just started doing a quiz in Cosmo (“Are You Pleasing Your Man in Bed?” – the perfect quiz for a single virgin) when my pocket started to ring.

  What are you doing? Jack text messaged me.

  Laundry.

  Wanna do something? Jack replied.

  I wore a pair of drawstring sweats, a faded Darkwing Duck tee shirt with an unzipped navy blue hoodie, my makeup had completely worn off, and my hair was pulled back in a pony tail. Of course he’d want to see me when I looked like that.

  I’m already doing something. Laundry at the laundromat. And I will be until the end of time. I text messaged him back.

  Luckily for you, I have that long. Care if I join you?

  Sure, why not? As I’d fervently pointed out to Milo, I wasn’t sexually attracted to Jack, so what did I care if he saw me looking like this?

  Cool. I’ll be there in a few.

  Do you even know where it’s at? I waited ten minutes for him to reply to that, b
ut then I realized that he was already on his way.

  Somehow, he’d know where I was at, just like he knew my apartment number without me telling him. He just knew everything, and it was flipping’ irritating.

  The bell chimed above the laundromat door a few minutes later, and I didn’t even have to look up to know it was Jack. There was an Indian girl a few seats down from me, and she gasped when he came in.

  “Hey, there.” Jack plopped on the seat next to me, wearing a Space Invaders hoodie and a pair of Dickies shorts. His sandy hair looked crazier than normal, and he smiled brightly at me.

  “How did you know where I was at?” My tone had long since stopped being accusatory. When I asked him things, I was just curious and mildly amused, and always expecting no answer.

  “You told me where you were.” He looked at me like I was an idiot, which was somehow flattering.

  “No, I didn’t. I said I was at a laundromat. There’s like a million in this city,” I explained.

  “This one is the closest to your house, and you don’t drive.” His response surprised me because it actually made sense. There was nothing odd or vaguely psychic about it. He turned to watch the washing machines and crossed his legs underneath him, apparently settling in for the long haul. “You know we have washers and dryers at my house.”

  “I’m not at your house,” I said, instead of commenting on his plural use of washer and dryer. Knowing them, they probably had one for every room, like the bathrooms and fireplaces and balconies.

  “You could’ve asked to come over and do laundry,” Jack said. “Mae was really taken with you.”

  “I really enjoyed her, too.” That was all I was going to say on that subject. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to Jack about Peter. It felt wrong somehow to admit any attraction to him to Jack. “That doesn’t explain how you knew where my house was.”

  “Why would it? Mae liking you has nothing to do with where you live.”

  “No, I mean, do you always know where I’m at?” I looked up at him, and he shook his head.

  “I’m not psychic.”

  “What about when you took me home that first night? I was sleeping in the car. How did you know where I lived?”

  “Jane told me.” He kept looking straight ahead, and I wondered when he would grow tired of my constant stream of questions.

  I knew that normal friends didn’t just continuously interrogate each other like this, but normal friends didn’t act like Jack.

  “Why would she tell you that?”

  “I asked her,” Jack said, again looking at me like I was an idiot.

  “If I called and asked her that, is that what she would tell me?” I challenged him, and even pulled out my phone to prove I would call her. (I really wouldn’t, because I was avoiding talking to her about Jack, or anything, really.)

  “I don’t know what she’d say, but it’s the truth.” That felt very true. Jack may not tell me things, but he didn’t lie to me.

  “So, how did you know which apartment was mine that night you came over for supper?” I asked.

  “See my answer to the last question.”

  “She told you my apartment number and everything?” I asked skeptically. That seemed like an awful lot of information for her to give out to a complete stranger about her unconscious best friend, but then again, she was completely in love with him at the time.

  “Sure did.” Jack shrugged. “You were passed out. I thought I might have to carry you up.”

  “You would’ve carried me into my apartment and put me in my bed and everything?” I furrowed my brows at him. When I said it aloud, it sounded terribly creepy, which is why I had said it aloud. I wanted to feel as creepy as it sounded, but it didn’t. It felt oddly natural. “You just met me.”

  “Would it have bothered you if I had?” Jack asked me honestly.

  “That’s still a peculiar thing to do.” I purposely didn’t answer his question. “And you have an awful lot of secrets for someone that knows so much about me.”

  “I guess I do,” he laughed, and then turned to me. “So when are you coming over again?”

  “I don’t know,” I said hesitantly. He must’ve noticed my reluctance because he bumped my shoulder with his. “I can’t tonight. I’m doing this and then I have school tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow then, after school.” It wasn’t exactly an order, but it wasn’t really a question either. “Ezra will be home.”

  Everything about me tensed up. After reacting the way I had to Peter, I was terrified to find out how I’d react to his other brother. Maybe it would be worse, and even if it wasn’t, it wasn’t worth the risk of lusting after Mae’s husband. That would be embarrassing and it’d feel like a betrayal.

  “He’ll like you. Trust me.” Then he softened and lowered his voice, leaning in closer to me. “It won’t be like with Peter.”

  “How do you know?” I asked stiffly, and even I wasn’t sure if I was asking how he knew what it was like with Peter, or how he knew that this time would be different.

  “I just do.” Then he bumped into me again, teasing. “You know that I know. I don’t know why you always have to argue.”

  “It’s just in my nature, I guess.”

  “What’s that?” Jack noticed the Cosmo on my lap, and before I could stop him, he snatched it up. Embarrassingly, I had left it open to the quiz I had been taking. “What man are you pleasing in bed? And question four, you really do that?” He gave me a look that was both appalled and admiring, and I tried to take the magazine back from him, but he moved to quick for me. “I had no idea you were that kind of girl, Alice! I mean, this completely changes my opinion of you!”

  “I was bored!” I finally managed to grab it from him. He laughed freely at my humiliation, and I just shook my head. “Ha ha. Very funny.”

  “Yeah, it kind of is,” Jack said when his laughter died down. He leaned back and spread out his arms on the back of the chairs, so one of his arms was behind me. “The truth is, though, that I know exactly what kind of girl you are.”

  “Oh yeah?” I asked, intrigued. “And what kind of girl is that?”

  “Oh, you’ll see,” Jack smiled at his cryptic answer.

  “You say stuff like that just to drive me nuts, don’t you?” I shot him a look, and he just laughed, confirming my suspicions.

  Jack waited with me until all the laundry finished. To pass the time, we did a few Cosmo quizzes (although I refused to answer any about sex) and a crossword puzzle in the newspaper, which he was amazing at. He had to be the smartest person I had ever met, but he did a pretty good job of keeping it secret.

  When the laundry was done, he carried all three massive bags out to his Jeep. He offered to take them up to my apartment, but I thought it would be better for Milo if he didn’t see him. Jack’s effect on people tended to wear off the longer they went without contact.

  Before I went into the building, he reminded me that he was picking me up tomorrow at six, and whether I liked it or not, I was spending the evening with his family.

  - 9 -

  Jane had always been much more clothes obsessed, but suddenly, there were not enough clothes in my closet. It actually wasn’t the amount of clothes so much as the fact that they were all terrible. I’d even done laundry, so everything I owned was clean and neatly folded or hanging up, but none of it was good enough. I must’ve changed my outfit like fifty times before my phone rang.

  “I know, I know,” I answered the phone breathlessly.

  “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t chicken out,” Jack said. Fortunately, he sounded more bemused than he did angry. “I’m outside waiting.”

  “I’ll be out in a minute.” I flipped my phone shut and rushed over to the mirror to inspect myself. Milo, who had been my wardrobe supervisor, sat on my bed amidst discarded outfits.

  “Jack?” Milo asked, trying to sound offhand.

  “Uh huh,” I mumbled absently and tried to smooth out the hem.

  I wor
e a dark blue tunic dress that fell just above my knees. I’d gone with opaque tights underneath and a pair of skimmers. I wasn’t sure if I’d gone casual enough or too casual or what, but either way, I felt stupid and I wanted to change again.

  “This is horrible!”

  “You look great,” Milo admonished me. I’m sure he’d grown tired of listening to me whine and change for the past three hours, but I really wanted to make a good impression. “And Jack is waiting. You don’t really have a choice anymore.”

  “Promise?” I asked, looking over at him.

  “Yes. They’ll love you. And even if they don’t, I will. Now go!” Milo stood up and started shooing me out of my room.

  “Okay, okay.” I groaned, but Milo just kept pushing until I was out the front door.

  I ran out to Jack’s car before I could change my mind. He had taken the Jeep again, and I was glad for a slower ride.

  “You look great,” Jack grinned when I hopped in.

  “Whatever.” I flipped down the visor so I could investigate myself in the mirror. My eyeliner was thicker than I ordinarily wore it, but it made me look more dramatic and mature so I liked it.

  “Fine, you look terrible,” Jack laughed and sped off down the road.

  “Can you slow down?” My nerves made my stomach flip out, and I knew I could feign carsickness since it would almost be the truth. I just didn’t like the idea of us getting there in like ten seconds.

  “You’re really that nervous?” Jack was growing concerned, and he slowed down a little.

  “No,” I lied.

  I flipped back up the visor and sunk in the seat. I was completely dreading meeting Ezra, and seeing Peter again, while simultaneously being really excited to see him. I hated my body for its ability to have contradictory emotions.

  “It’s really not that bad. Ezra will like you.”

  “Will you stop trying to convince me that everyone likes me?” I snapped. “You’re making me paranoid.”