“I didn’t belong there anymore, not after my father told me I disgraced the family name because of my relationship with Sue-Ji.”
“He cut you from his life for being a lesbian?”
Alexandra winces. “Can we—can we not talk about it? For now?”
“Of course.” Halina kisses Alexandra’s forehead. She rolls on her back and settles for the night; her fingers remain around Alexandra’s wrist.
“Lina?”
“Hmm?”
God, she’s falling asleep already.
“I’m glad you decided to fuck me.”
Halina lifts their joined hands to press a kiss to Alexandra’s knuckles. “I’m glad you made sure it wouldn’t end up there.”
Ch 15
B-flat Major
Violine, Green, Crimson, and Silver
Alexandra extended an open invitation to come to her workshop since she doesn’t work at the Philharmonie anymore, and Halina takes advantage of it a couple of weeks later. She is more than a little curious to witness the process of making stained glass and she can use the time away from the Philharmonie—away from Ari.
The whole idea of relationships is mind-boggling on its own without Ari pointing out, passive-aggressively, differences between Halina and Alexandra, mostly that it’s beneath her to date someone as plebeian as Alexandra, even if she’s “very nice, naturally.” At some point, the phrase “slum it up with the bi” came up, and she doesn’t need them to point out something she already feels tender about.
The more time they spend together, the more Halina wonders why Alexandra doesn’t accept the lesbian label to the fullest. As far as Halina is concerned, no woman could be so good in bed, so intuitive about her partner’s needs, and not be a lesbian.
Ari also asked, quite petulantly, what she was doing tying herself down when Saral has several options lined up for her beyond June, prestigious options that would secure Halina’s fame and lifestyle. The jabs at Alexandra were one too many and Halina, having had enough, sent Ari on an impossible errand.
They both need the time out, Halina decides as she rides one of the city’s thousands of public bikes to the address Alexandra gave her.
The building, a plain house with a white façade, isn’t as artistic-looking as she imagined it would be. Two things separate the place from the rest of the neighborhood: how small it is, sandwiched between two taller buildings; and the third floor, which appears from the street as a single triangular window set in the blue gable of the roof. The only proof she is at the right place is a small metal label on the door.
“Graff & Neri.”
She tries not to let it affect her, but Halina can’t help but grit her teeth at the sight of that man’s name. Her gut tells her he’s not to be trusted at all and that he’s not completely honest about his goal with Alexandra. Halina is not comfortable with jealousy, a novel feeling for her. Besides, since he has such a prominent role in Alexandra’s life, Halina doesn’t fool herself into believing she would be Alexandra’s choice over Leo, should the situation devolve to that point.
That doesn’t mean she has to like it, either.
The Fates must be laughing at her, for none other than Leo himself opens the door. The easy, fake smile on his face melts into an expression of disdain when he recognizes her. “Alexandra is busy,” he says in lieu of greeting. His body fills the doorframe.
“Alexandra told me to come by anytime,” Halina retorts, straightening to face him on a more even level. He’s still taller and bigger, but he doesn’t dwarf her.
The neutral line of Leo’s lips turns into a sneer. “Be that as it may, she. Is. Busy. You know, working? With glass? I’m sure even you can understand how complicated and stressful it is.” He pauses to cock his head as if to convey how little faith he puts in Halina’s intelligence.
“It’s not as if I want to barge into the studio while she’s wielding fire.” Halina takes a deep breath and puts on a more agreeable mask. “Why don’t I just come in, and you can tell her I’m here to s—”
“Absolutely not.” The aggression and venom in Leo’s voice are unmistakable.
“Excuse me?”
Leo checks behind him, steps forward, and closes the door behind him. They’re on the same level, now, and Halina does her best not to let his bulk intimidate her.
Talk down to me one more time, idiota, and I’ll John Cage your face with a hammer.
“No,” Leo repeats. He crosses his arms one more time; the gesture makes her roll her eyes before she mirrors it. He continues. “What we’re going to do is have a little chat, you and me.”
“I’m not interested in what you have to sell.”
“Not interested in selling you anything either, with all due respect to our girl’s taste,” Leo says with a sniff of contempt. “No, I just want to give you a… let’s call it a friendly warning.”
Halina’s eyebrows climb to her hairline at both the oxymoron and the word “friendly.”
“Enjoy it while you can.”
“Ex-cuse me?”
Leo rests his back against the door; to any onlooker, he’s the epitome of relaxed and handsome, as loath as she is to admit it. “To have Alexandra as your… plaything. Enjoy it while you can, ’cause it won’t last.”
“She’s my girlfriend,” Halina spits back. “And you can’t understand what we have.”
A small part of her is proud she didn’t fall into a panic attack at the words, while a not-so-small part of her, the one she tries her hardest to silence, points at the ugly truth in Leo’s words.
“Oh, I understand plenty,” Leo says, in a voice so sickly sweet it’s venomous. “I can remember having Alexandra in my bed, being in her, her body against mine, the way she laughed at my jokes, made me believe I was the only one able to keep the world on its axis.”
Shit.
Leo gets closer. “I also remember that she only forgives once.”
Merde.
“And you’ve already had your one strike, haven’t you?”
Gówno.
He almost sounds sincere. If Halina didn’t know as much as she already did about him, she would believe Leo’s intentions to be compassionate. The sneaky… repulsive… drań.
“Yeah, you have,” Leo continues, needing no confirmation from her as his expression turns vicious again. “And sooner or later, whether you want it or not, you’ll blow it. Again. For good, this time.”
“You may have your experience with Alexandra,” Halina cuts him off before he can poison her mind any further, “but you don’t know me.”
Something akin to compassion glints in Leo’s brown eyes, but they’re soon back to dark and sullen. “Oh, I know you plenty, lady.” His voice drops to a growl. “We’re cut from the same cloth.”
“You wish.” Not her best repartee, but it will have to do.
“Let’s see.” Leo slouches as he counts on his fingers. “You never doubted your power of attraction, did you? Getting what you want demanded work, yes, but again, you never thought you wouldn’t get it in the end. You’ve never tied yourself to people, because people always end up leaving anyway, so fuck them, right; you’re better than all of them anyway. The soonest you can walk away from something vaguely akin to actual commitment to someone else is not soon enough.”
Halina clenches her fists. Punching him would only get her injured and out of commission for the orchestra; it’s not worth it. She glares at him. “If we’re so much alike, why do you want her back?”
Leo’s stance immediately changes. He leans away from her as if she’s poisonous.
“I’m right, aren’t I,” Halina continues, her voice dropped too, in case Alexandra, in an extraordinarily unlucky coincidence, decides to investigate right this moment what’s keeping Leo for so long. “You want her back.”
“What if I do,” Leo hisses back. “We b
elong together. It’s the natural way of things.”
Halina laughs sharply, derisively. “You just said you weren’t able to stay in a committed relationship,” she says with an exasperated shake of her head. “And we’re both aware that Alexandra needs this level of commitment to be happy. So what is it? If you can’t have her, she can’t be with anybody else?”
Leo clenches his jaw and avoids her eyes while huffing and puffing, an answer in and of itself.
“As long as she doesn’t tell me to fuck off, you better get used to having me around, pal,” Halina adds in conclusion. “Now,” she says, a bit louder and with perhaps too much enthusiasm, “would you mind letting me in to see her?”
Leo shakes his head, but he goes inside, leaving the door open behind him.
“Caveman,” Halina mutters before following him inside.
The unpleasantness of her encounter with Leo fades before the scene that welcomes her to the studio. If anything, the surroundings shed a new light on all the good things that come with Alexandra D. Graff.
The light from the spots on the ceiling is soft and nearly dwarfed by the fire visible through the small furnace door. It’s enough to bathe Alexandra in a glow; she seems lost in her own world, hips moving to the beat of the music from a hidden system while her upper body is completely focused on the task at hand. Sunglasses protect her eyes.
On a marble table are two translucent, heavy-looking blocks, . They must be perfectly polished glass. Alexandra rolls molten glass over one of them with her pipe. Halina can almost believe Alexandra handles lava. Her face glows, and the sweat and light from the molten glass turn her into a magical creature from Halina’s childhood tales.
Here stands the woman Halina has discovered over the months and, yes, has come to love. To the outside world, to anyone not paying close attention, Alexandra Graff may seem curve and softness incarnate, but that appearance hides so much more. By now, Halina has learned of the strength under it all, the unstoppable force animating every soft curve. More than Alexandra’s prowess in bed, beyond the curiosity she’s created in Halina’s heart, Alexandra has attracted Halina with her contradictions and made her fall in love with her.
When did that happen?
Why am I not only not scared by it, but drawn to it?
Leo walks faster, bringing a string of mini-lights from another table as he approaches Alexandra. As much as it pains Halina to admit it, they work beautifully together. The perfect choreography of their movements reminds her of Halina’s duet with Lang Jian.
Alexandra rolls the heated glass on top of one cube and follows each roll by carving into the surface with a small knife.
Halina steps closer. Alexandra has drawn a curved line in the softening surface of the glass.
Even in thick gloves, Leo’s fingers move delicately to place the string of tiny lights in the crevice Alexandra carved.
Alexandra returns to the glory hole and puts the stick and the glob of glass back into the fire.
Halina can’t take her eyes off Alexandra. Her face shines ethereally as she turns the pipe around; her arms and chest are covered by a layer of sweat, and her sunglasses surreally reflect the fire. Alexandra could be made of gold at this moment; Halina would love to start a cult devoted to her.
Leo moves to the other side of the table and crouches as he pulls on the two ends of the string. Alexandra returns; the glob of melted glass glows brighter, hotter too. Halina observes the way Alexandra rubs the cube in a methodical, back and forth motion, and how its surface takes on a softer appearance, briefly turning orange too.
The next instant, the pair springs into action at a pace Halina can’t follow. Leo keeps the structure steady while Alexandra rubs her glob of light on the sides, leaving a trail of liquid glass on the line separating the two parts. It stays rough until she returns with a pair of tweezers and gently presses, smoothing it with one hand while she rubs a wet rag on it with the other. The process seems endless, and Halina must admire Leo’s perfect stillness as Alexandra works on the massive, translucent monolith they’ve created.
Alexandra steps away to put her tools on another stone table. She pushes the sunglasses on top of her sweaty curls. Leo relaxes, once again crouching slightly as he slowly turns the piece around.
“It’s not perfect,” Alexandra muses with a disappointed twist to her mouth. “But it’s a good start. Hi, there,” she adds, turning to Halina with a radiant smile.
“Hi,” Halina replies, slightly breathless, even though she did nothing but stare and try to make sense of the mastery in front of her eyes. She gathers her wits while Alexandra takes a Polaroid of the piece, then leaves Leo with the camera. “It—you were… wow.”
Alexandra exudes pride as she wipes her face with a clean cloth. “I’d kiss you,” she tells Halina, “but I’m all sweaty and smelly. Give me a minute to freshen up?”
“Of course,” Halina says, still gobsmacked, her eyes fixed on Alexandra as she leaves the room.
“She’s a goddess,” Leo says softly as he takes several other Polaroid pictures of the final product.
“She is. A modern Perun.”
“And you don’t deserve her.”
“You don’t deserve her either.”
“Oh, I’m aware.” Leo stays silent, eyeing the new piece of art before using a switch to turn it on. The small lamps glow from within. “Are you?”
* * *
Alexandra has been tense for a couple of days, and Halina might know why, if her calculations are correct: pre-period jitters, the limbo of hormones whipping a frenzy through the body, that time when it’s difficult to decide whether one is hungry or horny, tired or excited, emotional or hormonal, or all of these at once.
But to be the partner of someone who goes through such a turmoil? It’s all so new, being in a relationship, and Halina wants to make it last. It would be so stupid to throw away what is burgeoning between them just because of some frayed nerves.
When she gets to the apartment and rings the doorbell, the sounds of Punshki’s claws on the wood floor and Alexandra’s soft footsteps come to greet her.
“Good evening, słoneczna,” she says as Alexandra opens the door. Alexandra’s face shows exhaustion; she keeps one hand on the side of the door and the other cups one of her breasts.
Lucky her.
“Ow.”
“So bad?” She detours to the kitchen to leave the bottle of wine she brought, then joins Alexandra in the living room.
Halina spares a moment to pat the excitable corgi’s head. But her attention quickly reverts to Punshki’s owner, the woman who single-handedly changed her opinion on romance. “Want me to make it better?”
She gently, innocently even, puts her hand on Alexandra’s knee, then waits for her reaction. Alexandra’s gray eyes turn stormy, and the smile she gives Halina shows such hunger that Halina’s body warms in response. Pavlov’s bell has nothing on Alexandra Graff’s ability to cause arousal.
“Punshki, basket,” Alexandra orders in reply. Without missing a beat, the pudgy dog is in his cradle, his furry butt turned to them, his tail wrapped around the edge of the basket in protest.
Halina doesn’t waste time putting her hands around Alexandra’s breasts and massaging them to relieve some of the pressure, but the moan from Alexandra is not one of pleasure.
“Owww,” she whines, and Halina quickly adjusts the pressure she exerts on the soft flesh to small soothing circles.
Note to self: handle Alexandra’s body as if it’s a Chopin piece, not a Bartók: all smooth strokes and no intense pressures.
Alexandra’s face relaxes, her eyes flutter shut, and that is more rewarding than any prize or trophy Halina ever received.
“Yeah, mmm, like that, it’s just perfect,” Alexandra murmurs as she twists her body to lean more completely into Halina’s touch. She bends one leg at the knee, then moves
in for a kiss.
Halina is only too happy to follow Alexandra’s lead. “What do you need from me, słoneczna?” she asks, trailing her lips down Alexandra’s chin to the junction of jaw and neck. The spot never fails to make Alexandra utter a high-pitched moan Halina wants to translate into a piano piece someday.
“Yesss,” Alexandra hisses, straddling Halina’s legs and pushing her to a reclining position against the couch.
Halina doesn’t think she could ever be bored with Alexandra snuggled against her; her smaller, fuller body is just so damn fuckable. She is addicted to the way Alexandra’s darker skin looks against Halina’s own paleness. Halina can’t have enough, either, of Alexandra’s softness, of how her body follows Halina’s silent commands the way keys obey her fingers.
It’s time to make some silent music.
Keeping one hand on the small of Alexandra’s back, Halina slides her hand from Alexandra’s breast down to her stomach and the waistband of her yoga pants, then trails her fingers over the inseam.
“So warm,” she marvels quietly, her voice dropped to a purr. She tilts her head to access Alexandra’s neck and sucks on the soft skin of her throat. “So wet, I can tell; all for me?”
“Ngh,” is Alexandra’s very articulate reply as she rocks her hips against Halina’s touch. “Y-yeah, for you. Shit, babe, you got it, hmm…”
The use of the endearment awakens something warm and possessive in Halina’s gut. She starts playing a tune against Alexandra’s covered crotch and laughs internally at herself when she recognizes what her fingers are doing: Bach, how appropriate, “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring.” She alternates between kissing and sucking on Alexandra’s throat. “My słoneczna,” she whispers in Alexandra’s ear, sucking on the lobe, “so needy, so insatiable. I’m sure you’d love someone else to join us, wouldn’t you, hmm…”
Halina only means to tease Alexandra as foreplay before going down on her and maybe having Alexandra reciprocate, maybe, afterward, drinking some wine and settling down to bask in the afterglow with a good dinner and a movie…
She doesn’t expect Alexandra to freeze and lean back to glare at Halina, a very different storm in her eyes: a hurricane with the strength to destroy everything in its path.
Concerto in Chroma Major Page 17