But I wasn’t falling to an enemy’s blade, was I? I gave myself up to fix the problem Irrikus had started a thousand years ago when he fell from good intentions into madness. I pressed past him, not wanting to look for him with my new super senses. There were other people I’d rather think about in this moment.
Mom and Dad. Zach. Dorian. All my friends and allies, everyone who helped during our journey… I can sense them.
I felt the depth of my parents’ confusion and grief when I'd gone missing in the Higher Plane. I felt the way Zach worried over me when I first fell in love with Dorian. Hell, I even felt Kane's rage and understood it, along with Roxy's drive to fight her way through life. Laini's heartbreak? It was my own, as close to my spiritual heart as if it had happened to me. Juneau's pain and self-recrimination were stitched into my essence. I soaked it all in, willing to take everything the universe was giving me, if it meant a satisfying end.
I loved you all. Please know that. My inner whisper echoed around me, or at least I thought it did.
Zach couldn’t leave a hole in my life if I followed him in this decision. I used to be secretly and unbearably jealous of the way my brother could make friends with anyone when I was a kid, because I often took things too seriously. He found it so easy to play the part of a roguish soldier who often got his way through charm. I sometimes rubbed people the wrong way with my hyper-focused motivation. They thought of me as someone who made bloodless decisions, logical to a fault. That changed when I met Dorian and discovered the truth about my uncle and the original board, but I still had to make hard decisions, even after that. Sometimes without even my friends or brother by my side, like when I stood up for the vampires when nobody wanted to help them. I supposed it didn't help that I was a woman in a leadership position, but it was more than that. Roxy always managed to hit the weak link in my armor when we grappled. She was always great at trash talk, something I sorely missed at the moment.
“You think you’re better than everyone else,” I could hear Roxy saying in our early training sessions. But that wasn’t it at all. She sees that now, I hope. I want her and Kane to be happy when I’m gone.
People called me cold because I moved forward… because I saw the goal that had to be accomplished, even when it was harder than anyone wanted. Nobody wants to be the one to make the tough call, so I became that person because I truly believed it would lead us to a solution. If there was a problem, I could solve it. That was my skill. In some ways, Alan was the other side of my coin, except that I moved guided by strong ethics and he moved by ruthless means. I used to think it was my years of training that made me a good soldier, but… in this moment, I knew it was my willingness to sacrifice everything in order to save the world. As much as Alan had spoken about making the hard choice, he never would have made this one. And in this peaceful, dark place, there were no more steps to take. I had finally reached the end of this chaotic journey we called life. Just like I had to accept Zach’s death, there was nothing I could do but accept what was happening.
Should I be sad?
No, I wasn’t sad. I was no longer afraid of what lay ahead of us. I wanted to be part of this. Let the arbiters take me and the others. I whispered my desires to the universe. Let me be a part of this great end to a tragic story. Let my other loved ones live on happily, in peace, after all this.
Zach was near me. I sensed his essence floating beside me. My senses grew stronger as I adjusted to this weird form of existence. In my inner consciousness, I saw them: glowing orbs flitting through an eternal, shapeless night. Dorian was also close. Everyone was still on this island… or whatever was left of the island.
I swallowed my bittersweet acceptance of death and tried to feel for everyone with the new lengths of my senses. Gina was on the other side of Zach, radiating a warmth and a pride that made me want to cry from the sheer beauty of her love for my brother. She was the perfect match for him. They could be together now, for the moment. But what happens after? Xiu had warned us that there might be no afterlife for us, but we wouldn’t know until we traveled there.
For a woman who always knew what came next, I didn’t know anything anymore. All I knew was what I sensed, and I focused on these senses as much as I could. I was desperate to have some tiny bit of control in this.
Thousands of light souls were around us. My spirit relaxed. I knew their stories. They came in whispers all at once like a torrential rain, but somehow, I understood everything without being overwhelmed. Rather than making my mind crash from the overwhelming information, I was honored to accept these tales. Zach and Lanzon spoke of these strange senses to us before, but I understood them completely. It was like I could sense feelings, and memories attached to those feelings.
I felt myself in the Mortal Plane, the Immortal Plane, the Higher Plane… and yet, my spirit seemed to hover above all of them and inside of them. I was in three places but nowhere all at once. The majority of the spirits around me had faded. We were all strewn in different places, many dimming faster than others. Lanzon was nearly gone. He was slipping away from us.
And Zach. What I had left of a heart throbbed painfully for my brother as my senses told me he was fading fast. I sent out all the love I could, unsure whether it would reach him. I needed to try to let him know how much I truly loved him, before he was gone. Please, I just need to keep telling you how much I love you. I just need to do this, so I can picture you smiling.
The world shifted slightly. The planes! I leaned along with the shifts easily enough, the planes doing most of the work for a spirit like me. I got a faint sensation that I had a foot in every single plane of existence at the moment. I gently pressed down, and beneath me, the world unfurled. The meld shifted and opened up the universe before me. The souls around me moved along with the next shift. They were going home to rest.
The arbiters—the incredible Ruk—pushed the meld apart with everything they had, slowly unwinding the snarl in the universe. The planes were healing, finally.
My parents. Somehow, my spirit sought them out, and I felt them within me like two additional heartbeats. They were alive. I tried to follow the thread of the connection farther, but the world around us let out an eerie groan as the planes moved again. The barriers were reforming. Somewhere in the darkness, the tiniest spray of amber lights began to spark and burn out to black, like the start of a fireworks show as they moved toward the rainbow vortex of light. For a brief moment, my hopes soared as the spirits passed into a faint amber light in the center of the vortex. They were passing on to some place, so there was hope. I mourned each one.
It was okay. If I had to go, this was the way I wanted it to be. Be brave, Lyra. You’re with everyone you love. What was more beautiful than facing death with those who’d fought alongside me throughout this entire journey? It was an honor.
The planes fell back into place like cogs in a machine. It happened so suddenly that I wasn't prepared. Souls disappeared into the vortex and exploded like stars. Azpai had disappeared, along with a third of the others. The explosions grew larger and larger, vanishing now into particle explosions of pale gold as they passed through into the swirling mass of colors. Zach and Lanzon were fainter than ever. I floated forward, determined to follow them. Zach wore such a contented smile on his face. I was drawn to him like a magnet. Laini, Juneau, Gina, Dorian. We all followed the spirits, growing closer to the gates of the shadowy realm.
The afterlife called us. What could we do but answer?
I allowed my body to float toward the vortex as the swirl of rainbow floated into the sky where Ruk’s channel of power seemed to be. We followed. It felt right. In some way, it felt like going home, although I wasn't sure why. Did all life begin somehow in the afterlife? Were we merely recycled, like the cycles of light and dark that I'd seen in the lower planes?
This is the way it should be. I held the comforting thought close. My heart searched for Dorian, telling him that it was going to be fine. We would live in eternity together if it all worke
d out. I moved quickly to keep up with Zach and Lanzon. It made sense that they were being pulled faster, since they'd been dead longer. I chuckled to myself. Even in death, I was trying to logic out the inner workings of things. Take a break already.
None of us spoke, but I could sense Dorian's feelings. I knew he felt mine. It was the same for all our friends next to us. Everything was okay. Our actions would save the world. And together, it struck me, we would discover the afterlife.
The rainbow vortex floated several yards, or what I perceived to be several yards, away. Our sacrificial group floated toward it, but… Lanzon and Zach blocked the entrance. This was the resting place. Although Ruk had warned us there might be nothing after this, I knew the souls were passing on into the afterlife. But my brother stood before the vortex. I had no body to scrunch my brow with confusion. Their outlines were highlighted by the beaming lights coming out, clearly showing their loving faces as they blocked our way. But why?
I pressed them to let us pass. Please.
We had to go with them. That’s what we agreed to do. I sent the feeling through the air, knowing they would understand me. Zach shook his head with a soft smile.
Gina, next to me, wanted to stay with him forever. I understood her completely. None of us—Dorian, myself, Gina, or Laini—wanted to leave our loved ones. Even Juneau, who floated nearby, seemed impatient to pass on.
We want to save the world, I protested.
But my brother said I’d done enough already.
I stared into his essence. Every laugh we ever shared passed between us. Every tear we ever shed, I felt again. Every moment of us teasing one another after Bryce’s lectures on our mistakes during missions struck the inner core of my spirit. Hope lit up inside me, one that I hadn’t realized I could even feel again. I gasped against the sensation of it. In my brother's gaze, I saw the notion. He wanted me to stay. He’d given me the hope. A scrap of resolution flared inside me, but it was my brother’s that I was sensing.
Zach's lips moved soundlessly, but I read them well enough. "Go back. Live for us."
A pulse of energy shoved me. I tumbled backward, along with the others. I threw my ghostly hand out to Zach, as if I might grasp his fading essence to hold him one last time before he passed into that restful place. I didn't want to leave him, but Zach would not allow me to pass on.
With the last strength my brother had, he and Lanzon pushed us back, away from the vortex. Their souls blinked out like candle wicks.
They were there, and then they weren't. They were gone from this life. They were gone forever into the afterlife.
The darkness and my cry of anguish consumed me completely as I plummeted into the abyss below.
39
Lyra
Tears burned my eyes as I cracked them open. My head swam, my ears ringing with the distant echo of my own cry. I sucked in a breath of fresh air and forced myself up on my forearm.
The first thing I registered was the air in my lungs. It was fresh, like mountain air in the Mortal Plane. The second thing I knew was that a pre-dawn sky hung over me with a somber gray that promised sunlight. Then it all came flooding back with a vicious wave of memories. Zach and Lanzon were gone. I sat up, frightened. Where was Dorian?
I turned, panicking. My heart stuttered with relief at the sight of Dorian's dark hair beside me. He was here. With me… I glanced around and heard the soft croak of Laini's weak voice.
"Is everyone okay?" she whispered, pulling herself up. Beneath us, hard stone promised stability. The world was settled, but were we… in the Mortal Plane? Dorian reached for my hand. His fingers entwined with mine, seeking comfort.
"They're gone," Gina whispered. My senses came back to me fully as I studied our group. Gina, Laini, Dorian, and myself… All our loved ones were gone. The realization crashed over me. Juneau was gone. Lanzon and Zach were gone. Ruk, Sen, and the other arbiters had disappeared completely. In the soft light of the gray sky, I threw myself around Dorian, dragging Laini and Gina into the hug. Our grief was instantaneous and overwhelming. They were gone. We all knew it. We needed to grieve. That moment had been our goodbye.
"But we told them to take us," Laini muttered through her tears. "Zach and Lanzon kept us from moving on."
I shook my head, equally confused. Perhaps they’d had enough energy, in the end? "Maybe the spirits were enough." Laini dropped her gaze to her wrist. I hadn't noticed it before, but she wore a small braided bracelet around her wrist. Given the intensity with which she looked at it now, I knew that Juneau had made it for her. She lowered her head and let out a soft sob.
"It worked, then," Gina said. "The planes are back in place?"
"I have no idea," I replied honestly. It felt like the Mortal Plane, but it was hard to tell.
Dorian looked up at the sky with a resolute face, but something had changed in him. Our brothers were gone, but this time, Dorian had been able to truly connect with his brother and speak with him. It must've been hard for him to say goodbye, but he seemed more at peace. In contrast, Laini had lost Lanzon and Juneau both.
"He’s really gone," Laini muttered in a half-broken voice. She pressed the fabric to her eyes, drying her tears. “I hope he’s just gone back to the Immortal Plane…” Her somber expression suggested she might also be imagining a darker alternative. It was one we had to consider. My stomach turned.
Dorian sighed after a moment. "I'm not sure. Maybe healing the meld pushed us in different directions. I'm trying to feel for the barrier, to sense it the way I used to… but it feels different." He gave me a broken smile. "Everything has changed, in the end. We'll need to explore to figure things out."
A flock of birds flew overhead, crying cheerfully into the air. I was struck by the sudden beauty of it. No shrieking decays or shadowy monsters followed in their wake, just Mortal Plane animals for the moment. I closed my eyes, listening to their song, and then decided that Dorian was right. We needed to figure out what had happened.
“I hope the meld just pushed us into different planes,” I confessed softly. “We’ll have to figure it out as we go along.”
Laini let out a halfhearted laugh despite her sadness. "You know, if Juneau is back in the mountains in the Immortal Plane without us, I really hope he can survive." I bit back the mixed feeling of humor and worry that found me as I tried to imagine our fabulous friend fighting his way down the black mountains. He'd learned a lot during his time at the training camp. I sincerely didn’t want to get our hopes up, but the idea of Juneau being alive gave me a temporary thrill of happiness. I glanced up at the sky as, slowly, light leaked through the clouds. The sky was brightening.
"It's sunrise," I blurted, feeling foolish for how wonderfully happy that made me. How long had it been since I'd seen a proper sunrise? It felt like ages. A vibrant sunrise of flames—red and yellow mixing together like watercolor paints—broke through the gray clouds. I let out an awed breath at the beauty of it. How I’d missed the sun. The overcast sky, which had been partially fog I realized now, gave way so that I could see our position. We were on a smooth platform of gray stone. It was as if the entire mountain peak had been sheared away by the force of the planes returning to their rightful places. I stepped toward the edge, Dorian close behind me while Gina and Laini whispered words of reassurance to one another. I curled into Dorian, seeking his warmth against the bitterly icy wind. It had taken a while for it to cut through the numbness of Zach’s absence.
The edge of the platform revealed a gorgeous landscape. Mountain peaks with weathered stone, mossy greens, and dry grasses surrounded us. It was a steep climb down. My eyebrow rose with surprise at the drop. Well, we didn't think to ask for rock-climbing equipment during a tearful goodbye. It was a shock to myself that I could even manage humor. A melancholic smile worked its way to my lips. Zach said he would always be with me, and I felt it now. Thanks for the sense of humor, in all this.
I bit my lip, trying to scout the edge of every mountain I could see. It felt like the Mortal
Plane, but what if that was a trap of some kind? A trap of whose? I exhaled, annoyed by my own paranoia, the result of facing trial after trial.
"It smells like the Mortal Plane,” Dorian said and sucked in a big breath to make his point. "No sour sensations in the air, like you get in the Immortal Plane.” It appeared to be a normal alpine area with a cold wind blowing through Dorian's dark hair and my messy, half-undone braid. Dried blood marred my clothes, and I found several rips in them, too, as I surveyed myself. All in all, not the worst I could've looked after a near apocalypse.
Gina and Laini came up behind us to join our lookout. Gina curled into her jacket with a shiver against the cold breeze, but Laini looked out at our environment with a thoughtful expression.
"The barriers do feel farther away," Laini confirmed. "Dorian's right. It feels different. I can't explain it, but it’s weaker, somehow."
Dorian's brows rose as he stared out at the landscape. "Perhaps the arbiters used too much of the energy while trying to fix the meld."
I quieted, remembering the talks between arbiters about how they realized they never should’ve gone through with the Separation. Perhaps they’d set the planes back to their original state when they realized how far their plan had gone astray. We would have to loop Laini and Gina in on the conversation if they asked, but I could tell them that Gate Maker revealed to us that the planes used to live in harmony with one another.
"Whatever they did, it's better than before," Gina added. "There's one way to find out. Does anyone still have their comm?"
Immediately, my hand went to my ear. I pressed on the device, straining to hear anything but the wind whipping by. Laini and Dorian surrounded me, shielding me from the wind. Nothing. I scowled, frustrated.
None of the comms worked, but I still had my cell phone. I dug it out of my pocket and immediately dialed my parents, praying for a signal in this wilderness. They were alive when I had last spoken with them.
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