by Hanna Ruthie
She giggles again, rolling on her stomach and tilting her head to the side to look at me. “That was fun,” she says, resting her hand on my chest. “We should do it more often.”
“Can’t argue with you there,” I chuckle. I look over at her and smile. “Your body is beautiful by the way.”
She smiles lightly and brushes her hand over my chest a few times as if she’s wiping off crumbs.
“Thanks,” she says softly.
I tug on her arm lightly. “Roll over, I want to see you.”
“Matthew…” she chides, blushing at me.
“What? I’m not trying any funny stuff, I just want to give you some attention.”
“What kind of attention?” She asks, squinting at me.
“Relax, I just want to kiss you a little bit, not turn you on.”
She watches me for a moment, reading me, and then rolls back over onto her back. I slide in place above her, propping myself up on my elbows as I look down at her. Her golden hair is fanned out, her eyes bright and awake, her pink lips parted.
“You are so beautiful,” I whisper, leaning in to kiss her.
She kisses me back softly, sighing into it. Her hands crawl into my hair but I pull away.
“Uh-uh, no hands,” I say, pulling her fingers away from my hair. “Hands mean trouble. I don’t want any trouble.”
“Saint Matthew over here,” Josie teases.
I laugh, burying my head in her neck and kissing her just once there. “I can be gentle.”
She giggles and rests her hands at her sides, letting me do as I please. I kiss her softly and then move slowly down her neck and collarbone. This is how she should be touched. She should be worshiped. I do it with no intent of getting her aroused or excited, only to respect her body as the gift she’s given me today. I let my fingers run slowly over all the beautiful curves of her body, kissing where my fingers go, covering every single part of her torso with attention from my hands and mouth. When I kiss my way back up from Josie’s stomach to her lips, I find her eyes waiting for me.
“I told you I didn’t want any trouble.”
She smiles at me. “That was nice.”
I mirror her smile with my own. “Good.”
I roll onto my back and relax as Josie sets her head on my chest, her bare skin soft against mine.
“Can we just forget all those stupid things we said in that fight?”
“Yes,” I reply immediately, relieved.
She looks up at me, her eyes wide. “Will you stay the night?”
She’s falling in love with me. And I’d be lying my ass off if I said I wasn’t doing the same with her.
“I’ll stay the night,” I whisper.
She smiles gratefully and nuzzles back against my chest. I stroke her hair with my fingers, relaxing. Even if I have a nightmare tonight… I think it’ll be okay. I’ll be here with her. I might not even need the pills to calm me down. She’s already doing it.
Chapter 33
Josie Virginia.
“Oh wow,” I say, walking into the basketball arena.
The stands that usually take up the floor are pushed in against the wall. Bright shimmering lights are hung from the ceiling, falling to the floor and giving the allusion of golden rain. There are circular tables all around the floor, covered in white cloth and fancy glasses. There’s a stage with gold and silver balloons floating from both sides. All around it, tables are full of vintage items, antiques and baskets waiting to be auctioned off. My arm is wrapped around Matthew’s as he leads us to our table. Everyone’s already there, champagne glasses at their fingers and small salads in front of them. Our table seats Chris and Ariana, Thomas and Harper, my new student Bruce with his date, and an older couple.
“Hi everyone,” I say as Matthew pulls out my chair.
I sit down and scoot in. Matthew sits down beside me, pulling on his tie to loosen it up a little.
“Matthew,” the older man says. “Aren’t you going to introduce us to your date?”
Matthew clears his throat. “Sure. Everyone, this is my… this is Josie.”
I give a small wave.
“Josie,” Matthew continues. “You already know Chris, Thomas, Bruce. Over here is coach and his wife Suzanne.”
“Oh it’s so nice to meet you,” I say, directing my attention to his coach.
He nods his head to me in greeting, as does his wife.
“So,” Chris says. “Matthew, I think I missed it. What did you say Josie was?”
Chris. Always the trouble maker. Matthew and I haven’t really had the what are we talk yet, but still, I think it’s pretty obvious.
“My… my friend,” Matthew says.
He doesn’t even look down at me to check my reaction. I hope he knows he just landed himself in a vat full of hot water. His friend? He couldn’t even call me his date?
“Right,” Chris says. “Your friend.”
I swallow nervously, turning my attention to Bruce.
“Been studying I hope?” I ask, trying to make the appropriate small talk.
He nods. “Yeah, thanks for the notes. They’ve been super helpful.”
His date speaks up next to him. “Oh so you’re the mastermind behind those notes.”
“Guilty,” I reply. “I don’t think I caught your name?”
“Sofia,” she says, holding out her hand. I shake it happily.
Matthew’s coach pipes in. “So Josie, you’ve been quite the talk of the town around here.”
“Oh?” I shift nervously, casting a glance to Matthew. He’s messing with his cutlery, not giving me anything.
“Yes, everyone wants to know the secret to Steele. How have you managed to tolerate him so well?”
Everyone laughs. Everyone except Matthew. Except me. I notice his grip on the silverware tightens.
“Well,” I start, laughing nervously. “I don’t think he quite gets the credit he deserves.”
“Oh come on,” Chris says. “He’s an asshole. How do you deal?”
“No he’s not,” I reply quickly. Not always.
The table goes quiet. Everyone’s waiting for me to say more. I don’t know what to do. I don’t like this at all. I know they’re all buddies on the court, but how could they just talk about him like this when he’s sitting right here? What should I say? I don’t want to embarrass Matthew, but I don’t want to gang up on him either. I look over at him. His eyes are waiting for mine and he gives me a small smile. One that tells me it’s okay. I look back at the table and shrug.
“I think he’s great.”
It’s the best I can come up with for the time being. The best I’m willing to reveal to them.
“Fair enough,” coach says. “I’m glad to hear it.”
I relax when the conversation shifts away from me. Coach begins to ask Chris and Thomas about something else and my body relaxes in its place. Matthew puts his arm over the back of my chair. He leans close to my ear and whispers, “Have I told you how fucking amazing you are recently?”
I look down at the napkin on my lap. “An amazing friend?”
“Yeah. An amazing friend,” he replies.
I think back to what happened a few nights ago. Maybe it wasn’t sex… but it was something. It was touching and kissing. We were bare from the waist up. We were dry humping from the waist down like a couple of horny teenagers. But that wasn’t friends. Not to me anyways. That was more. The servers bring out the first course and everyone digs in. The conversation is light and engaging but I’ve been sucked into my thoughts. The more I think about it, the angrier I become. How could he call us friends? After I showed myself to him? He knows we’re more than friends! Why would he deny it, and deny it publicly. I smile and speak my part when my name is brought up, but I find myself retreating further and further into myself. By the time dinner and dessert is done, I need a break. The beginning of the auction is announced and people begin to stand up and walk around, looking at the items. I wipe my mouth with my napkin and set it on t
he table.
“Hey Josie, Ariana and I are going to go look at the stuff, wanna come?” Harper asks.
I shake my head. “No thanks.”
She gives me a small smile and asks Sofia. She accepts and the girls walk away towards the expensive items. Matthew’s leaning back in his chair, relaxed, his arm still stretched over the back of my chair.
“I’m going to get some fresh air,” I tell him, standing up.
He looks at me, worry crossing his face for a second. “You okay?”
“I just… need some air.”
I don’t give him a chance to respond but instead walk out of the building, relaxing when the cold air hits my face. It’s cool outside, but it’s welcome to my rising anger. I step away from the building and look up at the stars, trying to get myself to relax. I don’t know how long I stand there, watching my breath enter the atmosphere is small white puffs. At some point, I hear the door close. A figure comes up beside me.
“Oh man it’s cold out here,” he says.
Matthew. I don’t want to be near him right now. I see him taking off his blazer and when he hands it to me I shrug it off.
“I’m fine.”
“It’s cold.”
I shake my head. I’m not in the mood to argue right now. I just want to be by myself.
“The auction is starting,” he says.
I nod my head slowly. “I’ll meet you there in a minute.”
“Come on Jos, it’s freezing, come in with me.”
He puts his hand on my shoulder and I shrug off his touch.
“Go away Matthew. I want to be alone.”
“What’s wrong?”
What’s wrong? What’s wrong?! He’s not seriously asking me that. I snap.
“Friend?” I ask. “You introduce me as your friend?”
“Yeah… we’re friends.”
I put my hands on my hips, turning to face him. “Yeah, we are. But…?”
I wait for him to finish the sentence.
“But what?” He asks.
I can feel my eyes widening at him. “You can’t be serious.”
He shrugs. God it drives me mental.
“Are you joking?” I ask him. “You really just see me as a friend?”
He shrugs again. I laugh, no actual humor touching my tone. Oh no. I know what comes next. This is always what happens with me. First it’s funny, then it’s infuriating, then it’s heartbreaking. I can already feel the ache beginning to spread.
“Matthew, I’m pretty sure the moment we hooked up, we crossed over that line labeled ‘more than friends’.”
He shrugs again. Here comes the frustration. And more than that, the hurt. I can already feel that God forsaken lump forming in my throat. It won’t go away. It never does.
“So what then?” I ask, my voice cracking. “I’m just your friend who you kiss and touch and have sex with? What do you think that person is traditionally called?!”
Matthew’s head drops back, listening but frustrated. I hate when he acts like this. I wish he would tell me what’s going on in his head.
“Great,” I sniffle. “I guess I’m just your friend who’s a girl?”
I wipe a tear away before it falls but it’s no good. My eyes are watering. Matthew looks down at me again. He looks dumbfounded. Just frozen there.
“Are you ashamed of me or something?” I ask, my worst insecurities coming out.
Matthew just stands there in shock, looking at the tears well up in my eyes. I don’t know what to do. I want to leave.
“Ashamed… ashamed of you?” Matthew asks, finally breaking his silence.
He steps forward, cradling my cheeks in his hands. “Jos, listen to me, I could never be ashamed of you. Ever.”
He shakes his head, bothered by the mere idea. “I’m so… so proud to be with you. That you see something in me. I get the smart, sexy, sweet girl. That’s the full package.”
He leans forward and presses his lips against mine in a long kiss. When he pulls away, he leaves his forehead against mine, his thumbs stroking my cheeks lazily.
“God Josie, how could I be ashamed of you when I adore you?”
He adores me? He adores me.
“But then why didn’t you tell them?” I ask.
He pulls away, sighing heavily. “Because I’m ashamed of myself. Because of what just happened at that dinner table. Everything those guys were asking, about how you tolerate me, they’re right to ask! Everyone’s perplexed with how you manage this and that’s with me introducing you as a friend.”
“Those guys are jerks,” I say.
“No Jos, those guys are right. I was an asshole. Sometimes I still am.”
I release a deep breath, pulling his hands away from my face and grabbing them in mine. “I just need to make sure I know where we stand. This is… more right?”
Matthew nods his head. “Of course this is more. This is everything. You are everything.”
“And we’re exclusive right? You’re not seeing other people?”
Matthew recoils at the thought, his face twisting in disbelief.
“What? No Josie, God no. I’m only seeing you. Are you seeing anyone else?”
I shake my head no. “Only you.”
Matthew releases a breath of relief.
“And we’re together?” I ask.
He nods his head. “Yes, we’re together.”
Matthew takes my hand and kisses it. “Josie I didn’t mean anything bad by saying we were friends, I swear. You know I’ve never done this kind of thing before and it’s weird for me to label it to them.”
“But what do you label it to yourself? What do you label me to yourself?”
Matthew pauses for a moment and looks away. I think he might be blushing.
“Matthew tell me, please,” I say softly.
He looks back at me and shrugs lightly. “You’re just my… my girl.”
“Your girl,” I repeat. “What’s that make you, my man?”
Matthew shrugs. “You can call me whatever you want to call me.”
“My sweetheart?”
He scowls. “Not that.”
“Okay,” I smile. I’m his girl! I’m Matthew Steele’s girl!
Matthew leans forward and kisses my forehead. “Usually I’m a pretty private person. I don’t pick up on these couple things and I’m really sorry about it. I never meant for it to hurt you in anyway.”
I nod my head slowly. “I understand now. It’s good we talked about it. But if you want to introduce me as your girl next time instead of your friend, that’s fine too.”
Matthew’s brows pinch in disapproval. “Why do other people have to know? Why can’t it just be our thing?”
“Cause that makes it seem like there’s something to hide.”
Matthew sighs. “There’s nothing to hide. I just want you all to myself. The guys will never stop pestering me about you.”
I look back at the doors. “Yeah, I don’t like how they did that back there. That wasn’t very nice.”
Matthew chuckles. He pulls me into his arms. “You’re protective of me eh?”
I wrap my arms around him and look up at him, smiling.
“Can you blame me? You’re my… my Matthew.”
He rolls his eyes. “You’re so corny.”
“I know,” I sigh, pushing my head against his chest. “But I can’t help it.”
Matthew pulls away just enough to begin walking us back towards the doors. I groan at the thought of going back in.
“I know,” Matthew chuckles. “Let’s just get through this auction and then we can bail. Good?”
I nod my head. “Good.”
He presses a kiss to my temple and tightens the grip of his arm around my waist. Everything feels so right. Matthew is my man. I’m his girl. And he adores me.
* * *
When the banquet is finally done, Matthew and I say our goodbyes to everyone and make our way back outside. The cold air hits us, making my beautiful periwinkle dress f
lutter around my ankles. Matthew shrugs off his blazer, swinging it around me. I grip the edges and hold them over my shoulders, the cold air outside making me shiver through the light gown.
“Thanks,” I say to Matthew.
He swings an arm over my shoulders to hold me against him as we walk down the steps to the street to flag a cab. Once we get to the sidewalk by the street we stop and wait for a cab to come by. I look over at my date. Matthew is the image of attraction right now. He’s wearing a dark grey button up with a black tie, black slacks, and shiny black dress shoes. His wavy black hair is loose and unstyled but incredibly good looking. A small lock falls in front of his eyes and he runs a hand through his hair, pushing it back. His grey eyes look even darker in the night, but I can still make out their color. He hasn’t shaved in a few days, and he’s starting to get some scruff. His skin is practically glowing under the city lights and it’s impossible for me not to awe at him. When he notices me looking at him, he smiles. Oh God, his smile. I think I fall a little deeper, right then and there.
“What?” He asks.
I stand taller, brushing my hands through the hair at the side of his head. “You’re so handsome,” I say.
He tilts his head to the side, smiling lightly. “Don’t stroke the ego Virginia, it’ll do bad things to me,” he jokes.
I laugh lightly and stand on my tiptoes. With the remaining space between us, I grab his tie and pull his lips towards mine. His hands wrap around my waist, holding me tight against him. We kiss for a moment, softly, under the lights of the city. When we pull away slowly, I release his tie and let my hand rest on his chest.
“Besides,” he whispers. “You’re one to talk. You look fucking fantastic.”
I blush lightly, looking down at myself, at my new dress. “Only because of the dress.”
Matthew shakes his head. “No. Not because of the dress. You could be wearing anything and be gorgeous. I’ve seen you without anything remember, and that might be most beautiful of all.”
I blush harder, pushing my head against his chest. “Where do you come up with these things?”
“It’s just the truth,” he responds simply.
My body comes to life where he touches me, melts with the words that leave his mouth.