by Hanna Ruthie
He puts his hand on my forehead but I swat it away.
“I’m feeling great! Tomorrow we can go shopping! We can get a couch and a dresser and nightstands! Oh you know how I love nightstands.”
Matthew snorts a laugh. “Enough to need two of them apparently.”
“We can get chairs and a table and rugs! And lamps! And a little shelf for our movies!”
He chuckles watching me. “What else?”
“A bed! What size should we get? Full? Queen?”
He raises an eyebrow as if he’s challenging me. “King?”
I smile, playing his game. “California King?”
He hooks his finger through the loop of my jeans, pulling me towards him.
“Just how much money do you think we have?”
And just like that I deflate. A nice cold dunk of reality.
“Oh,” I groan. “I forgot about that part.”
“You mean the paying part?” Matthew laughs.
I wrap my arms around Matthew’s back, hugging him. “Okay okay, I got a little carried away.”
Matthew presses a kiss to my temple. “Eh it’s alright. We can splurge.”
“Really?” I ask, eyes wide, looking up at him.
He smiles and touches his lips against my nose for a second. “Yeah, if it’ll make you happy.”
I smile wide, standing taller to kiss him. “You make me happy.”
“You make me happy,” he replies. I watch him as his gaze shifts behind me to the air mattress. “But so would a bed.”
I giggle, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “What are we going to do tonight?” I ask.
“We could crash at my old place?”
Matthew’s lease isn’t up on his old apartment, and the other guys plan to keep living there for the next year but still, I scowl at the idea.
“On your old mattress? No thanks.”
He frowns. “What’s wrong with my old mattress?”
“Other girls have been on that mattress. That’s why we’re getting a new one remember?”
Matthew shrugs. “It’s just one night. And it beats sleeping on the ground.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “But then you have to promise to do something for me.”
He groans, tugging my hand towards the door. We lock it behind us and make our way down to his truck. Once we’re on our way to his old apartment, he looks over at me.
“Okay, let me hear it. What do I have to do?”
I angle myself towards him, smiling. “You have to cook me dinner.”
“Oh jeez,” he replies.
I laugh at his reaction.
“Nothing frozen allowed,” I add.
Matthew shakes his head. “Honestly it’s your funeral.”
“A very burnt, very spice-less funeral?”
He snorts a laugh. “As long as you know what you’re getting yourself into.”
I laugh, grabbing his hand. We drive the rest of the way to his old apartment in silence. I keep his hand in mine as he strokes his thumb against my knuckles. I sigh contently. Matthew and I… we’re going to be just fine.
Chapter 41
Matthew Steele.
“Remind me why we’re going to The Burger Joint at eight in the morning?” I ask Josie.
She smiles. “Just trust me.”
I grumble under my breath, annoyed to be woken up and taken out of bed. I park in front of the diner and sigh. “Okay, we’re here. Can I go back to bed now?”
“No,” Josie giggles. “Come on.”
She gets out of the car and waits for me to follow her. I grumble as I leave the vehicle, following her into the diner. As soon as we walk in she grabs my hand, and pulls me towards the back of the restaurant. Finally, she stops in front of a booth.
“Surprise!” She says.
I blink a few times, still tired. Eventually the sight before my eyes begins to sink in. Ray, Johnny and Will all sit in the booth, looking just as tired as me.
“Holy shit,” I laugh. “What are you guys doing here?”
Ray signals to Josie, too tried to answer. I look to her for an answer, smiling.
“I flew them in,” she explains. “So you could all spend some time together.”
“Are you kidding?” I ask, pulling her into a hug. “You’re fucking amazing.”
She giggles against me. “Their flight came in early. So everyone’s tired. But I have something to wake you all up.”
“Coffee?” Will groans.
I sit down in the booth next to Johnny. Josie laughs but shakes her head. She pulls four slips of paper out of her purse and slides them to us on the table.
“What are these?” Johnny asks.
“Those are tickets to a Boston Celtics game today in TD Garden. You’ll have to find your way to Boston. It’s about a two hour drive and there’s a toll, but I figure you guys can handle that considering I payed for the tickets.”
We all sit there, completely stunned and shocked by what she’s just told us. We all do several takes of the tickets, blinking and shaking our heads to make sure this is real.
“Is this really happening?” Will asks, looking at me.
I blink absently. I’m not sure myself.
Josie stands and watches us for a solid five minutes, smiling, waiting as we all process the information slowly. We all process it differently. Johnny starts to laugh hysterically. Ray puts his head in his hands. Will begins to touch and feel the ticket in every way he can, trying to make sure it’s real. And I look up at Josie, still dumbfounded.
“W-why?” Is all my brain can manage.
She smiles and leans down to kiss my cheek. “For all your help these last few months.”
Ray pulls his head out of his hands and looks at Josie. Then he looks at me, shaking his head. “Matty, I swear to God man, if you don’t marry this girl…”
Josie laughs at that and I look back up at her. “I swear to God I’m going to be way more appreciative tonight. Once this all sinks in…”
She smiles and shrugs. “You’ll have to tell me how it goes.”
She looks back at Ray and Will. “Guys, remember your flight leaves tomorrow at ten. I’m sure Matthew can drive you to the airport.”
“And Johnny,” she continues. “You’re good to take them in tonight?”
They all nod to her. It’s like we’re all preschoolers and she’s the teacher, giving instructions to our hazy minds.
She turns her attention to me, putting her hand on my shoulder. “I’m spending the day with Harper. I’ll see you tonight?”
“Yup. Yes. Yes you will.”
She smiles, kissing my cheek again. “Okay. Love you. Have fun.”
She backs up a step, looking at us and giggling. Then she walks out of the diner, the little bell ringing as she leaves. I can see out of the window when Harper’s car swings by and picks her up. I put my hands over my mouth, finally comprehending everything.
“Holy shit,” I say.
I start to laugh. We all start to laugh. We’re hysterical with what she’s given us. I’m so fucking happy it’s… it’s past cloud nine. It’s bliss. It’s joy. It’s fucking Christmas and my Birthday at once. It’s the boyhood I was never given. Josephine Virginia just gave it to me.
Chapter 42
Josie Virginia.
I get out of bed, yawning. My new job at the aquarium requires I get up early. As ecstatic as I was to get the job, finding out what the hours were like was a different story. That being said, things have been really good. Matthew and I have been together for almost three years. We graduated at the same time. I got my degree in Marine Bio and he got his in Business. This year, I landed a job at the aquarium and was able to quit The Burger Joint. Matthew is working as a sports consultant. He’s a representative for the East Coast which means he has to travel a bit, but his office is here in Connecticut so we still get to spend most days together. I get ready for work, showering and changing into my uniform. Matthew’s already up when I walk out of the bedroom. He’s sitting at
our table, reading the sports section of the paper. It’s important that he stays up to date with what’s going on in the sports world. He stands up when he sees me walking into the kitchen. Like moth to a flame, I go over to him, standing tall to kiss him.
“Morning baby,” he says, putting his paper down. He’s already dressed for work in his blue button down and black slacks. It’s all the company could get him to wear. He refuses the tie and blazer.
“Hi handsome,” I reply, kissing him again.
Reluctantly I pull off of him, knowing I’ll be late if I dilly-dally.
“I’m so tired. Is there coffee?” I ask.
“Fresh pot, just for you,” Matthew replies.
“Oh you’re a lifesaver.”
I head over to the cabinet, spotting my favorite mug on the top shelf.
“Josie?”
“Yeah?” I stand on my tip toes, trying to reach my favorite mug.
“I want to marry you.”
I stretch my arm higher. I swear he puts this mug here just to mess with me. “Ha ha, very funny,” I reply.
His hand slides around my back as the other easily reaches the mug. He pulls it down for me and leans his back against the counter. I reach for the mug but he keeps his grip on it.
“Come on Matt, let me have it.”
“I can’t; you’ll drop it and it’ll break and then you’ll be sad.”
“I won’t drop it, why would I drop it?”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I, I need my coffee… mug please?” I ask, holding out my hands.
He gives me a look. “No, I meant I’m serious about getting married.”
I snort a laugh. “Yeah, sure you are.”
I grab the mug from him and pour myself a cup. Then I head to the fridge and grab cream. As soon as I shut the door, Matthew’s standing right there.
“What?” I ask.
He takes the carton from my hand and sets it on the counter. When he slides down on one knee, my heart starts to beat faster. I see him reach into his back pocket. And then out comes a box.
“Josie, I want to marry you.”
“What are you doing?” I ask, my heart beginning to slam against my chest.
Matthew smiles at me. “Um, what’s it look like I’m doing? I’m proposing.”
“Get up.”
“I’m serious,” he says, opening the box and revealing a ring.
I gasp and then I shake my head. “I know you’re serious Matthew, so am I. We can’t get married.” I tug his hands, urging him to get up.
He stumbles to his feet, reaching out for me. “Baby why not?”
“Because we’ve only been dating for two years.”
“Almost three,” he corrects.
“Fine, sure, three. Three years.”
“So?” He asks, missing the problem.
“So? So you hardly know anything about me.”
“What are you talking about? I know tons about you.”
“No, no you don’t. You think you do, but you don’t.”
Matthew sighs. “Josie, please. We were friends before we started seeing each other. I know you well enough to know that I love you and that I want to get married.”
“There’s a fine line between love and hate Matthew. It wasn’t so long ago that you were expressing the hate side.”
“Josie I never hated you. I hated myself. I hated my past. I could never ever hate you.”
“See, just the fact that you’re saying that proves that you’re not ready. You can hate me and I guarantee there will come a time when you do hate me. I can be crazy.”
Matthew groans. “Jos, trust me, I know the full extent of your crazy. Now, please, can I get on with the proposing part?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m ready and I want to take this step with you.”
“Well that’s… you’re…” I trail off and shake my head. I head to the pantry and pull out sugar, dumping it into my coffee. Then I grab a spoon and stare down at the brown liquid while I stir.
“I wrote you a letter,” Matthew says.
I shake my head, not following. “A what?”
“A letter, about how much I love you.”
“Matthew, it’s early and I still haven’t had my coffee. I’m not sure this isn’t all just a dream. I’m still working on marriage proposal much less love letter.”
Matthew chuckles and slides a piece of paper over to me. It’s folded and creased.
“I’ve kept it in my pocket every day since I wrote it.”
I release a heavy breath and drop my spoon on the counter.
“When did you write it?” I ask.
“The night after the basketball game. When you flew Ray and Will in? I wrote it as soon as I got back,” he replies, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
“Read it, okay?”
I nod my head slowly and stare at the paper in my fingers.
“I love you,” Matthew whispers. “I’ll see you tonight for dinner.” He presses a kiss to my temple and whispers, “Marry me.”
Then he grabs his keys off of the counter and leaves for work. I unfold the letter and read it carefully.
Josie,
When your sister talked to me in the hospital, she shared with me this saying you had with her. ‘We’re here to pick the flowers, not the weeds’. I think that saying has stuck in my head since the moment I heard it. Here’s the thing Josie. Who I used to be, I could swear to you that I was a weed. And the thought that you picked me just perplexed me. I used to spend time wondering if it was a mistake on your part. I thought maybe you mistook me for one of the flowers and then, like weeds do, I just grew on you. But then, after time, you helped me break that mask… that mean one. And you began to convince me that I was one of the flowers. Me. Matthew Steele, a flower. Who would have thought? And now I wonder, if I’m a flower, what’s that make you? For a while I thought, maybe the sun. Because you have this sort of light in you, and it’s so bright I swear you light up every room you walk into. And then I thought, maybe she’s rain. Because everything you touch seems to grow and come to life. And finally I thought, maybe she’s the earth. Because you have so much strength and you’ve given me such a foundation. And I guess really, you’re all of them. Because you gave me that foundation, and helped me grow, and I think, put some of your light in me. On a day like today, I’m left wondering how to express to you how much I love you. How can I do it when you’re everything to me? I guess some people think marriage is crazy because there are so many people in the world. And I guess there’s always a chance that there’s someone out there who’s somehow, in some way, better for you. But I think, every once in a while, the universe gets it right. And out of all the cards I was dealt in my life, you somehow landed in my deck. And thank God, I didn’t deal you away or trade you in, but kept you close to my chest and often times, up my sleeve. I don’t know if any of this is making sense. All I really want you to know is that I love you with every fiber of my being. Because I always picked the weeds. I never thought twice about it. Until I sat down in front of this unbelievable rose in the library. And showed her all my thorns. And she still loved them. Because she loved me. I can’t see the end of our story, and I don’t think I want to. Because as every moment unravels with you and plays out before my eyes, I’m always left so grateful for the time I get to spend with you. You. The girl who convinced the weed he was a flower. You. The rose who saw past all the thorns. You, Josie, you. My girl. My strength and hope and happiness… my light, my love. And more than anything else, I’m so grateful to you. Why? Well, because…
I put my thorns before a rose, and she chose to love them.
And for that Josephine Virginia, I will forever love you.
- Matthew
There are tears rolling down my face when I finish the letter. And quickly, my feet are moving. I’m running. Matthew’s in his truck, and his ignition is on. He’s just pulling away when I run up to the side, slamming my hands against the passeng
er window. He hits the break and puts his truck in park. Gets out and runs over to me.
“Jos, are you-”
“Yes, I’ll marry you,” I interrupt.
Matthew freezes, staring down at me with concern. “You… wait, what?”
The letter’s still in my hand and I wave it around.
“I want this framed and laminated and… etched in stone… with copies!”
Matthew smiles. “You liked it?”
“Liked it?” I ask, my eyes bugging out of my head. “Liked it?! Try loved it! This is…”
I break into a laugh. “As far as your writing skills are concerned, my tutoring really paid off.”
Matthew laughs at that, pulling me into his chest. “Does this mean I can get on with the proposing part?”
“Yes,” I laugh, nodding my head vigorously.
Matthew reaches into his back pocket and pulls out the small box again.
“Josephine Virginia,” he chuckles. “Will you marry me… please?”
“Yes,” I laugh. “Yes, yes, I will.”
He slides the ring on my finger and then stands up, pulling my mouth upwards to kiss him. And in that moment, all feels as right as it can be. In our time together, we battled through all the thrones to make it to the roses. And with this love as our reward, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
In the end, every rose has it’s thorns.
And that doesn’t make it any less wonderful a thing.
Acknowledgements
Readers! What a pleasure it has been to write this story! And what a growing experience. Notes from the author are rarely read, I think, except by true fans and perhaps family. So to those of you who still linger on with me here, I would like to say, writing this book not only made my own heart pound and ache and squeeze, but also introduced me to the often complex nature of relationships. I sat on this story for years, making minor edits, always feeling there was something else to be changed. But there comes a point in every Author’s journey when we must hit print and sent to publishing. I think this story was especially nerve wracking as it was my first to actually publish. My purpose in writing this novel was always to share a story of love and growth. I’m extremely proud of the time and effort I put in, and pleased with the final product. Though I wrote, edited and illustrated this story all myself I still want to give a huge thank you to all those who supported me in my writing of this story. As a quick note, I’d like to give special thanks to the very incredible woman who I mentioned in the dedication of this story. Christina, thank you for always being so supportive, open, kind, and generous. You are truly a rose of beauty. It was my great pleasure in writing this book to also find myself introduced to a repertoire of incredible films. Before my writing of this book, my cult classic knowledge was that of Donnie Darko, Psycho, and Silence of the Lambs. But I vowed to watch every movie I mentioned and began my own viewing of each film. From Fight Club and Pulp Fiction to Rebel Without a Cause, Scarface, Vertigo, Clockwork Orange, The Usual Suspects and all other films I mentioned, I watched and reveled in the delight of incredible film making. Finally, I’d like to thank my favorite authors, whose writing never ceases to amaze me. The works of George Orwell, J.R.R Tolkien, Cormac McCarthy, J.K Rowling, John Steinbeck, and John Irving have astonished, bewildered and bewitched me. They serve as some of the best inspiration when I myself write. Their literary genius is a rare and incredible art form that I would highly recommend to any readers. My final thanks goes out to all the coffee shops who housed me and my laptop for several hours at a time for weeks and weeks while I chipped away at this story. I sincerely hope the message from this book was grasped by all of it’s readers. If you think yourself a weed, take a closer look in the mirror and see the rose before the thrones.