by Melody Sweet
She shone me a ray of sunshine and slipped her phone back into her coat pocket. “Thank you. He's having lunch with Mitch and Charlene and invited me last minute.”
Guiddo's wasn't far from Millennium Park, so I didn't hurry. I had been enjoying my ambling pace and with Ella beside me, I was enjoying it even more. The tension seemed to drain from her the second she saw me and I was glad for it; being lost did suck.
“It's not far from here, about a block away.”
“Okay, so I was sort of close.” She shrugged. “I was trying to save my pennies and use the bus. I got off a couple of stops too early and then walked this way and just totally didn't know where I was.”
“Don't worry about it. Chicago's a big city; it's easy to get lost here.”
“You seem to know your way around.”
“I've been living here a tad longer than you. Put me in the middle of L.A. and I'd be lost in two seconds.”
She chuckled. “Put me in the middle of L.A. and I'd be lost in two seconds.”
I loved the way she could tease herself, and I had to fight the urge to swing my arm around her shoulders. How great would it be if she were my girl and we were cruising around Chicago, looking for a place to eat lunch.
She let out a little whine. “I hate that I'm like this, but God just forgot to give me a compass when I was born.”
I smiled down at her. “Let me guess, your mom used to tell you that, right?”
She blushed. “My dad. He was always coming up with stuff like that.”
We fell into silence, and I wanted to slow my pace even more. Guiddo's wasn't far and I wasn't done. Although I should have been. Hell, I should probably have been walking her there as fast as I could.
“So, what are you planning on doing after you graduate?”
Her question caught me off-guard.
“I, um, have a few ideas.” I shrugged. I didn't really discuss my future plans with anyone other than Nina and Malachi. There were too many dream-squashers out there, and I didn’t want to be put off.
“What are they?” Ella's keen eyes were so endearing, I broke the rules and turned her left instead of walking straight ahead. I figured I could get away with walking the long way around the block. It'd buy me ten more minutes of her undivided attention, and with her whacky sense of direction…I felt confident she’d remain unaware of my sneaky ploy to spend more time with her.
“Well…” I ran my hand through my hair. “I, uh, I want to open up a pub, kinda like Quigg's, but on the South Side, so I can cater to the UChicago crowd.”
Ella's eyes sparkled and her mouth dropped open. “That is such a cool idea. Will you have bands come and play?”
“Yeah.” I nodded, her enthusiasm making my insides tingle. “I really want it to be a place for indie bands to showcase their work.”
“Music students would love you! You could make it a place for them to perform. And buskers, you could have them coming in too, earning a few bucks. They'd love it.” Her hands spread wide, her eyes continuing to dance.
“That's what I was thinking, and then students come and hang out there. It'd be like a watering hole for them.”
“Café feel during the day, pub at night.”
“Exactly.”
“I love it.” Her voice rose with her enthusiasm. She even bobbed up on her tiptoes.
I couldn't hide my astonishment. Her reaction to my idea was epic and made me wonder if I should have been telling more people...but not David. The guy was so practical, he'd tear holes through it in a second.
“Can you not mention anything to David?” I winced.
“Why? Because his practicality would have your amazing dream deflated within about two seconds?” She winked and then grimaced, dropping her gaze. “Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. The world needs practical people.”
“Yes it does, but it also needs encouragers.” I nudged her gently with my elbow.
She looked at me with a blushing smile that did my heart in.
“You know, I'm really glad I told you. I don't often talk about my future plans.”
“I get that. It's hard to make dreams come true.” She swallowed.
“What are your dreams?”
I studied her carefully as her nose scrunched and she bit her lip. A breath shot out of her mouth as she chuckled and shook her head. “I don't...” She shrugged. “David's got lots of great plans for us. He wants to get his law degree and eventually open up a practice of his own. We'll get a nice house somewhere and have a family.”
“Ye-ah,” I said slowly. “But what do you want? I mean, what do you want to do with your life?”
She wouldn't look at me. Her eyes skimmed the street ahead as her mouth opened and closed. “I don't...” She sighed and finally looked up at me. “I'm studying literature. I guess I'll finish that up and maybe go into teaching or something until I become a mother.” None of those things looked to thrill her, and I couldn't help a frown. “To be honest, I haven't given it much thought. I just tend to focus on one week at a time, not a year in advance, you know what I mean?” Her chuckle was forced.
“Huh.” Her comments worried me. I knew they shouldn't. It was none of my business. David's goals were obviously driving her too, but...
I cleared my throat, unwilling to let it rest. “Does any of that stuff excite you?”
She shrugged and gave a pitiful nod. I wasn't buying it.
“I just think it's really important to have something that drives you in life...something to look forward to. What kind of stuff makes you zing?”
“Makes me zing?” She tittered.
“Yeah, what makes you happy? Like, really happy. You know, like when your heart just wants to burst out of your chest and fly through the sky.”
Her smile was soft, her gaze enchanted by my words. I locked eyes with her and time froze until her forehead wrinkled and she looked away from me.
“Oh, Guiddo's.” She pointed across the street and I spotted David sitting at one of the front tables by the window.
I tried to hide the sadness swamping me and forced a smile, but she wasn't looking at me anyway. Clearing my throat yet again, I pressed the button on the traffic lights. “David is amazing at analyzing things. He's a smart guy. Maybe I should tell him about my plans.”
“Oh definitely. Yeah, he is.” Ella's gaze popped up and she nodded, pressing her lips together. “Once you have your business plan all set and as hole-proof as possible, you should run it by him.” She smiled at me. “I'll back you up. I think it's awesome.”
“Thank you.”
Her beautiful eyes held me steady as we waited for the lights to change. I could have gazed down at her all day, but the little red man turned green and we were forced to cross.
David saw us coming and jumped from his seat, meeting us at the door.
“I was about to call you.” He wrapped Ella in his arms and kissed her cheek. “Hey, man.” He smiled at me over her shoulder. “Want to join us?”
I knew I should have probably refused and headed to Quigg's, but I didn't want to leave her. Instead I decided to torture myself by following them through the restaurant and pulling out a chair. David's hand rubbed Ella's back as she greeted David's friends, Mitch and Charlene, and then reached for a menu.
I watched her from the corner of my eye. A little frown flickered over her features as she scanned the contents. It wasn't an angry frown; it was more disappointment than anything and I wondered why. Scanning my own menu, I soon figured it out.
Pasta, pizza, bread, flour, wheat, gluten, gluten, gluten.
I shot her a sympathetic smile and she wrinkled her nose, shaking her head slightly.
After carrying her to the bathroom last Sunday, I'd gone back to my room a worried wreck. David hadn't been there, so I couldn't ask him about it. Instead, I'd spent a couple of hours researching the Internet and finding out about celiac disease. Man, it was pretty limiting when it came to the diet.
Italian was the worst, too. What the
hell was she supposed to order here?
As if hearing my thoughts, the waitress arrived with her pen and pad.
David leaned forward, a pleasant smile on his lips. “Yeah, can we grab a couple of garlic breads to start, and then I'll have the bacon and mushroom carbonara. Baby, what do you want?”
“I'll take the salad, please.”
It bugged me the way David didn't even notice her forlorn expression when she ordered. I knew he couldn't let her diet dictate every time they ate. Ella would no doubt hate that, but if it were me, I'd have been looking up every place in Chicago that served gluten-free food and taking her there.
Why should she always be the one to compromise?
I hid my scowl behind my menu as I waited for my turn to speak. I didn't have a right to be annoyed. It was her life and she could choose to compromise as much as she wanted to. She just seemed to do it a lot...and that worried me.
22
Ella
My salad arrived looking sad and pathetic next to David's amazing-smelling pasta. I turned away from it, giving Cole a secret smile as he pushed his bowl of fries a little closer to me. I nabbed one and shoved it in my mouth, feeling naughty. I didn’t know why. I wasn't breaking any laws. It actually felt quite fun and mischievous to have an inside joke going with Cole.
David was oblivious anyway. He was in the throes of a discussion with Mitch, a fellow law student, about some suit to do with music copyright.
“It is total plagiarism. They can't do it.”
“I agree, but you have to look at the other party's viewpoint.”
I held my sigh in check, diving into my salad and waiting for the conversation to become more interesting.
Cole's words were gnawing at me. I loved his dream for the pub. The very idea of being a part of something like that thrilled me and made me wish I had dreams of my own.
But I didn't.
I'd never really considered what I wanted, because David had always been the answer. I wanted him and therefore I wanted his dreams, but did I really?
Law hardly pressed my buttons and although I did want a family one day, I now couldn't rid my brain of a 1950s housewife working her ass off in the kitchen while she looked after screaming toddlers and waited for her husband to get home from work.
What makes you happy?
I hated that question, because the answer should have been David. For the last three years, it had been, and I despised the fact that the simple answer wasn't cutting it anymore.
Nothing in my life made my heart want to fly right out of my chest...but I did remember feeling that giddy excitement years ago. Another memory surfaced as my mind wandered back to my pubescent self, sitting at a round kitchen table.
“What are you smiling about, little miss?” Mom rubbed the back of my head as she walked past me. I was trying to do my homework but struggling with the big question.
“I'm just laughing at myself.”
“Why's that?” Mom chuckled.
“Well, for homework, we're supposed to pick a career choice and then research how to make that happen.”
“So, what's the problem?”
I giggled. “I can't decide what I want to do. I've narrowed it down to architect or interior designer or a chef, but I also think a movie producer would be pretty cool...although probably an impossible career choice. I know it's only for homework, but I find it funny, and a little bit annoying, that I want to do so many things with my life. I'm not the kid who can say, ‘I want to be this when I grow up,’ because there are just so many cool options out there.”
She smiled at me. “You don't have to settle on one thing. Plenty of people have multiple careers. I'm surprised singing diva isn't on your list.”
I grinned and then shook my head. “Singing in public? Forget about it.”
Mom chuckled. “I know what you mean, but I think you'd be good.”
“I could be a back-up singer maybe, but never front and center.”
“You'll be amazing...at whatever you choose to do.”
With a blush, I shook my head. “You know, I kind of feel like it doesn't even matter what my job is. I know it's important to love your work and stuff, but to me, the most important thing is the end of my day. I want to come from whatever I'm doing and walk into a house that's full of love and laughter. I want to be with someone I can sing and dance with, someone who'll make me laugh and love me no matter how crazy I am.”
Mom's head tipped to the side, her eyes lighting with a mixture of pride and interest. “I like that you have your priorities straight.” She slipped into the chair beside mine.
“I want to be like you and Dad. I want to show my kids what it's like to live in a house of love. That's possible, right? I can get that, can't I?”
Mom's eyebrows rose and she blinked at her tears. “Life isn't always roses and cupcakes,” she whispered, reaching for my hand. “But my hope for you is that you'll meet your Prince Charming, and he'll dance you into the sunset and give you your happily ever after.”
I grinned.
“Thanks, Mom.” I squeezed her hand and nodded. “I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetness.”
The memory turned to ash in my mind. I'd never hear her say that to me again, and it hurt every time.
She was right. Life wasn't always roses and cupcakes; sometimes it was arsenic and manure.
Dreams could be stolen in the blink of an eye. Mine were snatched from me, and I'd pretty much been too afraid to dream since then. It wasn't until David came along that I found the courage to imagine past tomorrow. I could picture myself so clearly by David's side, supporting him, being the wife he wanted me to be. That image used to bring me so much comfort. He might not dance or sing, but he was charming. I had someone. I wasn't alone, and that was ultimately what I wanted. But as I sat there chewing on my rabbit food, I felt nothing but turmoil.
I looked up from my salad to watch Mitch's girlfriend, Charlene. She seemed right into the copyright conversation and was making intelligent comments, using terminology I didn't really know. She was a business major but obviously took a more vested interest in Mitch's study. I suddenly felt bad that I didn't do that with David and tried to catch up with what they were saying.
“Well, at least it wasn't some hideous song like, um, what's it called? I'm gonna be the man...” Charlene clicked her fingers. “500 Miles. You know, by that Scottish band.”
She made a gagging sound, and the three of them cracked up laughing.
“The Proclaimers. I love that song.” I shrugged, spearing a piece of lettuce with my fork.
“What?” Charlene scrunched her nose with a groan. “It's so incredibly painful.”
About now, I'd usually back away from the conversation, mutter something about agreeing to differ and go back to munching my greens, but I just didn't feel like it. I didn’t know whether it was Cole's kick-ass business idea or my distant memories of dreaming that had me fired up, but for some reason, I decided to stand up for one of my favorite songs.
“I think it's beautiful. If you listen to the lyrics...it's one of the most romantic songs I know.” There was no way on earth I'd sing it to these guys, but I knew the lyrics by heart. “I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walked a 1000 miles to fall down at your door?” I glanced around the table. The only one with a gleam in his eye was Cole, and it encouraged me to finish my argument. “How can you not love that? If a guy ever sang that to me, I'd be putty in his hands.”
Mitch chuckled, flicking his hand at David. “Looks like you'll need to start taking singing lessons, bro.”
“Not on your life.” David shook his head. “Ella knows I hate singing.” He kissed my cheek. “I have other ways of wooing my girl.” His eyebrows wriggled and I was forced to smile.
The truth was, he had wooed me. It hadn't taken much in high school; I had been a lost wreck, but he'd kept me steady. We'd lived apart for two years and I'd remained loyal and true. I hadn't waver
ed...until the morning after I arrived here and heard a voice in the shower.
I felt instant guilt and looked back to my salad.
“I like it too.” Cole sat forward in his chair. “I agree with Ella. It's romantic. Plus, I love their accents.”
His boyish grin oozed with charm and Charlene finally conceded with a blush. “Well, I do like that part.”
Cole shot me a quick wink and I had to gulp back my giggles.
The guy was adorable and sexy and fun. I could see why girls blushed in his presence; heck, I probably did all the time. The thought brought me up short, and I spent the rest of the meal keeping my eyes away from him and all over my actual boyfriend.
At the end of the meal, we all pitched in our money. David insisted on paying for me, which was really sweet. He was so good like that.
Walking out the door, I gave him a quick kiss. “Have fun at the game.”
“You know I will.” His dimple popped into place before he looked over me and said to Cole, “Hey, are you cool to get Ella back to campus?”
“Yeah, of course.” Cole didn't look up as he held the door for Charlene and Mitch.
“No, that's okay. I can find my way.” I shook my head, nerves shooting through me like fireworks.
“Baby. Come on. We all know you got lost on the way here.” He gave me a smile I knew was meant to be sweet, but it just came across as patronizing.
Not knowing how to respond, I concentrated on nestling my bag onto my shoulder.
“I'll call you after the game, okay?” Kissing my forehead, he moved away from me, getting lost in conversation with Mitch.
I turned to Cole, pasting on a cheerful grin. “So, how come you're not going to the game?”
“I declined the invitation.”
“Why?” I pulled at a strand of hair the wind was insisting I keep in my mouth.
Cole chuckled. “Soccer's not really my thing.”
“Me neither,” I moaned. “That's why he didn't bother inviting me, which I really don't mind. It saves me having to say no.”
Cole opened his mouth with a slight frown and then shook his head, looking away with a grin. I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but he started talking before I could. “I'm more of a baseball man.”