Then The General had killed Celia, and I’d been forced to take care of Hazel. I’d had to dig deep to find what was left of my humanity and bring it back. For my kid’s sake.
And now Anna was forcing me to deal with some of my issues. Like my dyslexia. My anxiety that something would happen to Hazel. My PTSD and the guilt and pain and rage that was constantly festering deep inside me, ready to erupt at any moment. I’d endured horrendous, unspeakable things. I’d performed terrible, despicable things on others. I was probably more beast than human. My soul was so fucked up, I was terrified to search too deep to see what remained of it.
Refusing to tell Anna who I was probably wasn’t fair to her. But how could I show her the monster I truly was? How could I let her see what lay hidden inside me without frightening her away? I couldn’t let her know the truth. Ever.
Hazel and I had bonded these past days, and I was amazed how good it felt to have this close, special connection with my daughter. Seeing her smile, seeing her innocent face light up with joy, melted something inside me, warming the coldness in my heart. The bond developing between Hazel and I was similar to the one I’d shared with Ralph. I could feel her physical pain (like when she stubbed her toe on the kitchen chair), sense her emotions (happiness, most of the time), and even pick up on some of her thoughts (I like my Daddy, even if he’s scary). That one had wrenched my heart, making my breath catch.
Ralph and I had never been able to detect each other’s thoughts, so this was something new that I shared with Hazel. I don’t know if she experienced the same physical, emotional, and spiritual connection with me, but she was probably too young to understand it even if she did.
Anna was the reason all of this was happening. She made me want to be a better father to Hazel, a better person all around. I had Anna to thank for everything. If she hadn’t given me that push on that first day, I’m not sure if I would have made the effort on my own. I owed Anna. Her presence helped me to relax and not be so afraid that I might hurt Hazel. Anna soothed me, calmed the beast inside me. Separated the man from the warrior.
I reached the doorway to Hazel’s room and paused, watching silently as Anna read Hazel a story. Anna glanced over at me, smiled, then continued the story. Hazel was so engrossed in the story Anna was reading her that she didn’t even look at me. I moved away, heading back toward the kitchen.
I’d done a little on-line research about ways to “woo” a woman. I’d also looked up taco recipes and printed out a couple. I wanted to make Anna a special dinner. Then sit with her and watch a movie together.
And then, take her to bed. Get my hands on her. Everywhere.
I had been thinking about it all day.
Had she eaten yet? I’d fed Hazel mac and cheese hours ago, but I hadn’t eaten, wanting to wait for Anna to get back. It was now eight-thirty. A little late for dinner, but I didn’t mind. I pulled out one of the taco recipes I’d printed out, then removed the ingredients from the fridge and the pantry, and started the meal.
Anna came into the kitchen a half hour later. “It smells delicious in here,” she murmured, sliding onto a bar stool at the counter. “What are you cooking?”
“Tacos. Your favorite.”
A pretty blush stained her cheeks. “I thought you didn’t cook.”
I shrugged. “I’m learning. Are you hungry?”
She nodded. “I’m starving. I didn’t eat anything while I was out.”
“Good. It’s almost ready.”
“Can I help?” she asked.
“No. Stay put. I’m treating you tonight. Dinner, and a movie, if you’re interested.”
Her gaze met mine, those pretty, light brown eyes filling with something I couldn’t quite name. “That would be nice. Thank you.” She looked away. “I’ll set the table, then.” She jumped up and while I finished the rest of the meal, she set the table.
Then we sat down to eat. Anna dove into the meal like she hadn’t eaten in days. I chuckled softly as she stuffed her face, not shy at all about it.
“This is delicious,” she murmured. “Did you find a recipe online or something?”
I nodded, my face heating. I needed to explain. I didn’t want her to think I was an idiot. “I’m not illiterate. I just…don’t read real well. Short things, like recipes, I can handle.”
She smiled gently. “It was very thoughtful of you to go to the effort of creating this amazing meal. Thank you.”
Uncomfortable by her praise and her thanks, I cleared my throat and looked away.
We finished the rest of the meal in silence.
Then we cleaned up together, rinsing the dishes and loading the dishwasher, putting the leftovers in the fridge. I was careful not to brush up too close to her as we moved around the kitchen, though I longed to touch her, longed to pull her hair behind her ear and kiss her neck. Her lips. Her breasts. All of her. Everywhere.
“Okay,” she said, closing the fridge and turning to face me. “Let’s see what movies are on Netflix.”
Shit. I’d never been so nervous before. I’d never even been in this situation before. I was completely captivated by Anna. I was falling under her spell. She’d snared me with her beauty, with her kindness, with her goodness, with her laughter, with her humanity. Everything about her fascinated me. I wanted her. I couldn’t get my hands on her fast enough.
We went into the living room and I turned on the television while she flipped through Netflix, looking for a movie she liked. Finally, she chose one. I dimmed the lights and we settled back on the couch, me at one end, she at the other. She was too far away. How could I put my arm around her shoulders when she sat at the opposite end of the couch? How could I press my lips to hers when she was so far away?
This was a new experience for me, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. How did I get her to come closer? Should I move closer to her? Wooing a woman was harder than I imagined. With Celia, there’d been no wooing. Just sex whenever I wanted it.
Anna’s not a whore. Remember that.
She’s way out of your league, moron.
I don’t care. I still want her.
But how did I make her want me?
What I wanted and what I deserved, were two entirely different things. Because I sure as hell didn’t deserve Anna. She was way too good for the likes of me.
She’s the damn nanny. What are you thinking? You can’t have her. Keep your hands to yourself.
I don’t know if I can. She’s too tempting.
Oblivious to my inner struggle, Anna glanced up as I slowly inched my way across the couch toward her. I paused, my gaze meeting hers. Would she tell me to go back where I’d come from? Leave her alone?
She laughed, a soft throaty sound, and patted the cushion next to her. “You’re silly.” She reached over and grabbed my hand, urging me closer, making my breath catch. “Come on, you can sit next to me. It’s okay.”
I let out a soft chuckle, unable to hold it back. Anna had the ability to make me laugh when no one else could. I don’t know what it was about her, she was just…special.
She turned back to the movie, a smile on her face.
I swallowed hard. Okay. Now what? Do I sit back and pretend to watch a movie I didn’t want to see? Do I lean over and kiss her?
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She was engrossed in the movie, her gaze riveted to the screen. I settled back against the couch and decided to get comfortable. I slipped my hand out of hers and lifted my arm over her shoulders, drawing her against my side. I held my breath, waiting for her to push me away. But she didn’t. She smiled up at me, then turned back to the movie.
Hot damn, she felt good pressed against me. So small and soft and feminine. She smelled so good. Like…flowers and sweetness and woman. I forced myself to turn back to the movie. This was probably as far as I should go for now. Cuddling. This was something I’d never done before. But I liked it.
I relaxed, settling back with Anna against my side, and watched the movie. It was a
romantic comedy, and I actually laughed a time or two along with Anna. She had a beautiful laugh. A contagious laugh. Damn, being around her was doing strange things to me. She made me feel good when I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt much of anything at all. At one point there was a love scene in the movie that made me squirm uncomfortably next to her. I longed to pull her into my lap and rain kisses all over her beautiful face.
Somehow, I managed to refrain from mauling her.
At last, the movie ended. I swear, that was the longest hour and a half I’d ever spent before. Sitting next to a woman I desperately craved, wanting to kiss her, to touch her more than with just an arm across her shoulders, but knowing I couldn’t yet or I might screw everything up, had been extremely difficult.
But now that the movie was over, I had reached the end of my endurance. I needed to touch her. Needed to feel those soft lips against mine. Needed to kiss and touch and taste those breasts that had been taunting me for over a week.
She turned toward me with a smile. She yawned. “That was a cute show. Thanks for tonight. That was sweet of you.” She patted my arm and rose from the couch. “I’m going to hit the hay. You probably have to go to work now, anyway.”
What? Wait! No, no, no! What did I do wrong? She couldn’t do this! I’d wooed her! I’d made her dinner! I’d sat for an hour and a half with her, watching a damn chick flick, not really touching her, but wanting her the entire time. I needed kisses now. Touches. I needed to feel her soft skin against mine. I needed to lose myself in her. All of her. For a very, very long time.
“Good night, Jacob. Have a good time at work.”
And while I stared, dumbfounded, she walked way.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Anna
I got as far as the doorway to my bedroom before Jacob stopped me.
“Anna.” He came up behind me.
I turned slowly and met his gaze. “Yes?”
His eyes darkened into deep pools of blue desire. He stepped into me, forcing me back against the wall.
My breath caught. I swallowed hard. He brushed a lock of hair behind my ear, his gaze never leaving mine. I let out a breathless sigh, unable to look away, anticipation building inside me, so thick and heavy I couldn’t move.
Then he lowered his head and brushed his lips over mine.
Magic sparked between us.
Oh dear God. I couldn’t resist this man. He was going to be my undoing.
My eyelids drifted closed. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. More. I needed more. Every touch between us was incredible. Beautiful.
He let out a soft growl and deepened the kiss, his tongue swooping in to tangle with mine. And I was lost. He moved closer, his erection pressing against my stomach, showing me how much he wanted me, filling with me desperate need. I threaded my fingers through his short, spiky hair, its softness like an aphrodisiac shooting from my fingers straight down to my core.
The passion between us was undeniable. Explosive. Right in that moment, I didn’t care about consequences. I wanted him. I wanted him to take me, to devour me. I wanted to feel his mouth on me, his hands on me. Everywhere.
Stop this, Anna! Before it goes too far! You can’t do this! It’s wrong!
Damn my conscience.
I managed to find strength from somewhere deep inside and pushed against his chest. I had to stop this. Now.
He slowly raised his head, his lust-filled gaze locking on mine. “Say you want me, Anna. Say it.”
I swallowed hard, unable to look away from the desire in his eyes. Yes, I want you. But I couldn’t say that, no matter how much I wanted him. This was wrong. It couldn’t happen. I’d been swept away in the romance of the evening, in the way he’d cooked for me and sat and watched a movie with me, obviously trying hard to please me. But I couldn’t give in to my desire. He was my boss. This was so wrong.
Then why did I want it so badly? Why did it feel so right?
You don’t even know him. You can’t just jump into bed with him.
It could go south all too quickly. My job wasn’t worth a few minutes of passion. I couldn’t break little Hazel’s heart, and if this turned into something bad, it would destroy Hazel.
“Jacob.” I drew in a ragged breath. “You’re my boss. Please. We can’t do this. Think of Hazel.”
His expression filled with incredulity. “You said you wanted dinner and a movie, so I gave you dinner and a movie. Fuck, I’ve never done that before. What more do you want from me?” His words were full of frustration, confusion, anger. I’d given him mixed signals.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to lead you on. It’s just…you’re so attractive, and I like being with you and…” I broke off, unable to finish my sentence, unsure what I was trying to say. I got swept away by your kisses…
“What kind of answer is that? Do you want me or don’t you? That’s a yes or a no.”
I drew in a deep breath, slowly puffed it out. I had to lie to him. It was the only way.
“No.” God, that was hard to say. “I don’t want you, not that like. I can’t. We can’t.”
He let go of me and stepped back, his gaze filling with hurt. “Is this some kind of game to you? Lead the poor guy on, make him want you so bad he’s ready to explode, then push him away? What the fuck?”
Crap. I really hadn’t meant to lead him on. I grabbed his hand. “Of course not. I’m sorry. It’s just…You know we can’t do this.”
He yanked his hand from my grasp. “Says who? We’re both adults. I want you, and I know you want me. You’re a terrible liar.”
Then he kissed me again, his mouth hot and desperate over mine, as if he was trying to convince me to give in.
I tried to resist. I really did. But God help me, he made me weak. I couldn’t say no. I wanted him so much.
I melted into him, caught up in his spell, in his touch, in the desire that flared between us, all-consuming. His tongue swept in to tangle with mine again, a sensuous dance that left me breathless and gasping for more. Dear God, how could I say no to this?
His mouth left mine to trail hot kisses down my neck, behind my ear, then across my throat to the other ear. I moaned and leaned my head back against the wall.
“Say you want me,” he growled. “Say it. I know you do. And we can end this torture.” He kissed back across my throat to my other ear and gently nipped at my earlobe, making heat shoot straight to my core.
I gasped. “J-Jacob.”
“I want you, Anna,” he whispered in my ear. “Say you want me, too.”
He lowered his head and pressed his face between my breasts, inhaling deeply. My legs trembled. Oh God. I was so close to giving in. I wanted him, too. I wanted his mouth on my breasts. His hands.
Stop this, Anna! Stop it, before it’s too late! You can’t do this!
This wasn’t about me. Or Jacob. I wasn’t here to have sex with my boss, no matter how good-looking he was or how much I wanted him. I was here to take care of Hazel.
I drew in a ragged breath and shoved him away. It was probably the most difficult thing I’d ever done, pushing him away when I wanted him so desperately. His eyes were glazed with lust as he slowly stepped back.
“We can’t do this, Jacob. We can’t!” I spun on my heel and raced into my room, slamming the door behind me.
He swore from out in the hallway. I waited, tense, half-expecting him to break the door down and come in after me.
He didn’t.
Moments later, the faint creak and groan of the garage door announced he was leaving.
I groaned and sagged against the door. Oh God. If I hadn’t pushed him away, he’d be making love to me right now, that hot mouth pressing delicious kisses all over me.
How much longer could I resist him?
I had to put a stop to this attraction. Somehow. Someway. I had to make Jacob realize how wrong it would be for us to get involved. We had to think of Hazel. We had to put her first.
But
how could I convince Jacob of that when I couldn’t even convince myself?
CHAPTER TWENTY
Jacob
I stayed at the gym for nearly four hours that night. I needed a fierce beating to get Anna out of my head. So I fought with Ron, then with Jason, and finally, with Mark. I fought and fought and fought, trying to purge her from my system. They weren’t gentle, but I didn’t want them to be. I was sore and bruised by the time Ron stepped between me and Mark, putting a stop to my insanity.
“That’s enough for one night. Jesus, Jacob. What’s got into you? I’ve never seen you like this before.”
I shrugged, breathing heavily. Mark left the octagon to stand next to Jason, who’d been watching after his bout with me. Jason was Ron’s younger brother, a nineteen-year-old kid who made me feel incredibly old and worldly, even though at twenty-six I wasn’t that much older than him. I guess all the shit I’d gone through had aged me a lot.
Mark was one of the regulars at the gym, an MMA fighter who was actually pretty good. Ron had trained him, and he’d even been in a couple of professional fights. If Mark kept doing well, he might become famous someday.
But he wasn’t as good as I was. None of them were. None of them knew that I was The Fighter, the Phantom of Death. I was careful when I sparred with them, holding back enough so that they would never discover my secret, always keeping the phantom in check. If they all decided to attack me at once, I’d take them all out, every single one of them. But they didn’t know my true abilities, and I had to be careful that they never found out.
Ron clapped me on the shoulder. “Wanna talk about it?”
I was sweating like a pig. My muscles burned. My body ached. I had reached my limit. Sagging against the fence, I sighed. “I can’t go back home yet. She’s there.”
Ron quirked a brow. “Ah, I figured it was woman trouble again. Nothing can get a man in a pissed-off mood like a woman can. What happened?”
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