“Of course!” he said with a beautiful and bright smile. “I will do that immediately. As soon as I arrive, I mean. Yes, of course.” He looked at Elizabeth with so much gratitude that she almost had the impulse to cuddle him like she would do with a child. It was so obvious he longed for Netherfield and the surrounding neighbours that she could not conceal a smile. She wanted to say, ‘Just go, Jane is also longing to see you and you make such a wonderful couple!’
She looked at Darcy hoping he could see how happy she was that he had changed Bingley’s mind, mending the wrong his influence on Bingley did to her sister’s happiness. As anyone could see, both Jane and Bingley had been miserable while they were apart. She had been unjust in many accusations regarding Darcy but not in blaming him for taking Bingley from Jane’s company and breaking the flourishing relationship between them.
This time, the call lasted only an hour, but it was the most fulfilling and satisfying visit the Gardiners’ house had welcomed in years. With a smile and more decidedness, and with some help and honesty from his friend, Mr Bingley put an end to the torment and the sadness caused by his friend and suffered by Jane for three long winter months.
Elizabeth did not speak much to Darcy, but for the time being no words were needed. He did everything in his power to make amends for his past errors and rewarded her offence with generosity and friendliness. And he did it for her.
And there was much more he was ready to offer, as he was waiting for them at Pemberley. And again, she felt she deserved nothing of what she was receiving.
And there was nothing she could do to repay him, as the wounds of the heart could not be so easily healed.
Chapter 4
Darcy sat still and silent in the carriage that took them home. It was not an unusual posture for him, but, as always, Georgiana was worried.
“Have I displeased you in any way, dear brother?” she asked eager to engage him in a conversation and forget the dark thoughts that were obviously haunting him.
Darcy looked at her as if he were just awakened from a dream; he tried to smile and comfort his sister, “My dear, there is not a man prouder of his sister than I am of you! I just have some personal dilemmas I need to solve. Please forgive me if I was inconsiderate with you…”
“No!” Georgiana interrupted him with a broad smile. “You could never be inconsiderate with me or, in fact, with any other person. While I have to admit that you seemed sometimes sad and worried and I tend to be so anxious about you.”
“No need to be!” he said and forced himself to smile; however, the pale expression on his face did not mislead his sister. When they had lost their parents, she was barely out of childhood and he had to assume the role of both parents and be more a father than a brother. She was so thankful for his dedication and even his authority which he sometimes had to exert. He had not allowed Wickham to carry his horrible plan to the end, yet she was not a little girl anymore. She wanted to nurture another relationship with him, one based more on brotherly friendship than parental authority. Yet, she did not know how to tell him.
“I am so sad that you do not find in me a person to lean on when you need!” Georgiana said, blushing at her daring.
He looked at her in surprise; she was the little girl crying at their father’s funeral whom he took in his arms and kept there for a long time. However in the carriage in front of him was a young lady, one who made her debut in society a winter ago and who could now dream of a husband and marriage. He wanted to dismiss that sentiment, but it persisted more and more as he looked at her. She was his sister, not his daughter and maybe she longed for a brother to advise her, not a father to supervise her.
He smiled, this time a real smile from the profound love he had for her, “Sometimes I tend to forget you are now an accomplished young lady and not the girl who was riding a pony on Pemberley’s lanes.”
Georgiana was so happy about his words that she could only nod blushing with enjoyment.
“You are too kind,” she whispered. “I know I am not an accomplished lady, that I need to complete my education and find a way not to be so shy with people, but I dream of the day we will also discuss some of your problems not only mine!”
She was astonished by her own courage and the liberty she took with him; however, he always advised her to be truthful and speak directly from her heart. It was a rather difficult thing to do, but for some time she observed in her brother some changes that she interpreted as a need to be listened to and even to share confidences, some times. Although he was close to the Colonel or the Viscount or even Mr Bingley, her brother never could speak about his problems.
“Maybe you are right, Georgiana, and I have considered you still a young girl long after you were not anymore, but it is difficult to change my attitude… but I will try, I promise!”
It was such an exciting discussion for both of them. He had carried the story of Elizabeth for so long, hidden in his heart, incapable of sharing any confidences. It was not his nature; he was so different from Bingley who could tell a total stranger about his problems. He kept all to himself and sometimes the secrets became a burden he could not deal with anymore.
“Have you ever thought,” he asked Georgiana, “that I will eventually marry?”
He almost trembled gripped by emotion; it was the first time he had opened such an intimate discussion. He realised, some time ago, he would have to discuss the matter with her. She was too attached to him and he feared she would suffer because of his marriage. He first thought of that difficult matter when he decided to propose to Elizabeth, but as she refused, such a subject became unnecessary. But, eventually, he was going to be married in the future, and it was better to have Georgiana prepared for such an event.
“I have!” Georgianna said blushing with pleasure but also an unknown worry. “Have you such a possibility in mind?”
Darcy laughed with all his heart and caressed her hand.
“Of course I have in mind such a possibility, as you say! We all have in our mind the idea of marriage, I hope you, too, have this… possibility in mind!” he was kindly teasing her in the style she knew so well.
“I want you to know that no matter what changes take place, you will always continue to have the same place in my life. I am worried that you will forget me once you are married!”
Like a child, Georgiana jumped from her place and came near him, leaning her face on his shoulder as she had done so many times in the past.
“How can you say that!”
“Well, it is not something horrible, it is how life is; one has a new life and there are many changes for the people from his past to adjust to. It is what we are going to do.”
“Will you promise you will tell me when you decide to marry?” she asked.
Darcy laughed and took her into his arms, “Well, little girl, it would be rather difficult to hide such an event from you!”
“You are always teasing me!” she said with a joyful reproach.
“I am, indeed!” he said. “But only because you need to grow up and banish your shyness. You are so intelligent and cultivated that you could shine in society, yet you blush and keep your eyes to the ground… I need you to look around and find a model you want to follow, a woman slightly older than you, and observe how a young lady must be daring and amusing and not afraid to stand up for her ideas.”
“Let us find you a wife and I am confident she will be a model for me, as I know you will choose the finest lady from around us with all those qualities!”
Darcy could not see her face, but he was so touched by her words; she had such confidence in him and high regard, indeed he had chosen the most accomplished lady but… the lady refused him. His heart again was plagued with regrets and sadness; however, he did not want to spoil his sister’s joy, so he just let her continue their conversation.
“Well, dear sister, if you were to choose a wife for your brother who would that lady be?”
Georgiana jumped from his arms; she might be a young
lady, but sometimes she was the little girl from Pemberley. She returned to the bench in front of him, seriously searching among the candidates.
“She has to have a good education!”
Darcy laughed despite the dark clouds that were conquering his soul.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I do not imagine you staying each day at the table with a lady speaking only about fashion and gossip!”
“Good observation, my dear,” he said more serenely, “but I am afraid you just removed from our list a good number of ladies from our society!”
Georgiana cunningly smiled, making Darcy wonder when his little sister had transformed into a young woman.
“Indeed, I am afraid your list is quite small now, we can erase…” he said.
“Caroline Bingley, Lady Amelia, or the ladies we usually meet in their society.”
“You find Caroline vain?”
“Yes, and rather unkind at times!”
“Ah…” Darcy exclaimed in front of such a vehement utterance. “You might be not wrong; you are a little too straightforward, but in essence, you are right! And Rowena Watson?”
“She laughs too much and tries always to agree with what you are saying, but I suppose she would change her manner after marriage.”
Again Darcy was surprised by his sister’s fine observation skills. Indeed Rowena always stood too close to him and she said ‘wonderful’ too often.
“Lady Marianne?”
Georgiana hesitated for a moment, “Well, she has all the qualities we search for but…”
“Come, little sly one,” Darcy laughed with all his heart now completely caught up in the game, “you started this, you have no right to hesitate!”
“Well, she would not marry you as she wants to be the wife of a peer of England!”
“Probably!” However, Darcy did not tell her that sometimes another force intervenes annulling all other dreams and plans, and the name of that force was love!
Georgiana adored their game; it was the first time in their lives when her brother considered changing his attitude and regarded her as a grown-up. She did not want that discussion to end, so looking at him, she smiled and said, “I know a name that we cannot even add on the list!” At that very instant both of them almost cried, “Cousin Anne de Bourgh!” They began laughing but then Darcy stopped and said, “It is so mean of us to laugh; she is nothing but a girl who has had a very bitter and sad life because of her mother.”
They continued to play and laugh as they did in the past during the long winters in Pemberley.
“What about…” Georgiana said with a bright smile on her face, “Miss Bennet?”
It was so unexpected that Darcy almost lost control, his heart about to burst.
“What about her?” he asked with a voice he tried to control.
“I find no faults, brother! I feel she might be perfectly suited to you!”
“Perfect? he said. “You cannot find any faults in her?”
“Maybe she has some… but not those that are unpleasant to us!”
“However her family might be a problem…”
“The family does not count for you; you are only teasing me!” Georgiana uttered.
He remembered a time when he was so influenced by all small details that he failed to appreciate the qualities of a woman.
“So, you think Miss Elizabeth is a solution for our little game?”
“Yes, she is intelligent and educated, but what I like most she is not infatuated and conceited. She has a genuine smile in her eyes. Her presence comforts me…”
‘But she judges people with poisoned words’ − he might have added if it would have been a real discussion, not a game. ‘And she is a little too proud and has prejudices.’ Yet he could not speak without unveiling his ardent secret: he was as in love with Elizabeth as he had been in Hunsford when he proposed to her. His heart still hurt at the memory of her brutal refusal. He was not angry anymore but sad about her vehement rejection. Meeting her at the theatre was a sweet turmoil; he wanted to leave but he could not as every minute in her company was bliss. He remembered touching her hands and then her shoulder and even after a day, he could feel his excitement.
Yes – he wanted to say to his sister – ‘Miss Elizabeth is my perfect choice… but unfortunately, I am not hers!’
“And…” Georgiana said, “I think she likes you more than as a simple friend!”
His heart almost stopped in amazement; how could his sister know such a delicate thing? Only yesterday she was a child…
“How could you know such thing?” he asked in a harsher voice than he would have wanted.
Georgiana looked at him and he could have sworn she knew precisely what she was saying+; she had on her face an expression Darcy did not remember having seen before as if the roles had reversed and he was the child.
“It was obvious! She was blushing every time she looked at you. She could not take her eyes from our box during the first act.”
‘That could not be true!’ He almost shouted inside himself. ‘She hates me, that is why she was blushing, or she was embarrassed, but she cannot like me! She told me as much only several months ago.’
“She likes you! I heard Alicia whispering to Amelia to take care for between you two there was a strange spark.”
Darcy leaned his head on the carriage, breathing deeply, still hoping Georgina could not see his turmoil. Fortunately, they arrived home and Scott, his butler, met him with the letter tray in his hand. It had to be an urgent message, so Darcy apologised to his sister and stopped to read, ceasing the delicate conversation.
Chapter 5
It was a short message from his uncle, Lord Matlock, asking him to come to his house, no matter the hour − the message said − for a very urgent family circumstance.
It was not his uncle’s usual way of solving matters. He always was attentive to his rest hours and never talked business in the afternoon. The tone of the message made Darcy take back his hat and cane and depart, but not before asking his butler to inform Georgiana about his leaving.
“I am sorry, but most likely she will have to eat alone!”
He hesitated how to travel but decided on his horse; when he was riding his worries seemed to fly away in the galloping rhythms. He enjoyed the wind on his face that made him forget all pains and troubles.
It was not the worry that tormented him but the sadness, an acute sense of regret. For months now, he had been angry with himself; the way he made his proposal was unacceptable! He was ashamed of his words even after so much time and considered Elizabeth’s answer plainly deserved. He did not dare to consider what Georgiana told him to be true, yet in the corner of his heart, a tiny flame − named hope − began to burn. What if Elizabeth had changed her mind and now she would consider accepting his proposal? At Hunsford, he thought that her decision was final but just as he had changed, perhaps Elizabeth was beginning to amend her initial impression and envisage the perspective of accepting his love. She was such a superior being as to consider only her answer shameful and forget his horrible way of declaring love. Love could not be declared by mockery and criticism. He had been a dreadful person, yet she seemed to forgive him.
His uncle − Lord Matlock − and Lord Wellford, his cousin, were waiting for him, a glass of brandy in their hands. To Darcy’s surprise, he also found the Colonel. Obviously, they were in the middle of a very important conversation. His cousins stood up and shortly embraced him, a gesture that made the atmosphere even more intriguing. Darcy reviewed all the possible problems that his family might face, but he found none so dramatically in need of such a gathering. He took a large sip of the excellent brandy his uncle had, as the atmosphere was rather distressing.
“My boy,” Lord Matlock said with a stern voice that mightily worried Darcy, “we received a strange piece of information from Mr Howell, our family’s solicitor. It regards you, but as the head of the Fitzwilliam family and testamentary executor, I was to be informed
first. As you know, at his death, my beloved father and your grandfather decided that I was the testamentary executor for my two sisters Anne and Catherine.”
Darcy still did not understand; his mother’s testament had been very clear and it was executed in the year after her death. No aspect of his mother’s will had remained unfulfilled.
“This morning, Mr Howell received from your aunt Catherine a certain will that she insists was written by your mother Anne in the last year of her life. It regards your marriage to Catherine’s daughter, your cousin Anne.”
Lord Matlock handed Darcy a piece of paper saying, “This is a copy of that will.”
Darcy read the document; it was drafted by a solicitor, with all the terminology, two witnesses, place, date, and his mother’s signature which seemed real. He took good care to read it once again while his uncle and cousins kept a respectful silence.
“My mother wanted me to marry Anne de Bourgh and wrote such an act consenting to my engagement?” Darcy asked. He was confused by all the terms, by the will itself.
“It is more than that!” the Colonel said.
“I thought you were already gone to your regiment!” Darcy said.
“I was going to leave when the solicitor came, and I decided to postpone my departure to see how I can help you!”
Darcy nodded with gratitude. It was comforting to see his uncle and cousins were on his side and wanted to help − however, he did not understand the problem yet.
“My first thought is that the will was not written by my mother,” Darcy said, and his uncle agreed. “I cannot imagine mama expressing such a wish. Our discussions about my future concentrated on how to live my life. I remember her saying just before her death that she was sad to die also because she would never meet my wife and our children. If Anne was to be her choice, I think her words would have been rather different.”
“It was not her habit to interfere in such an abrupt way!” confirmed the Colonel. He and his brother had passed many holidays at Pemberley, and they knew Anne well.
Darcy nodded, “No, mama was so proud of my independence and she always encouraged me to go on my way and make my own decisions. Maybe a little too proud.” he said, slightly smiling. “This act would deny her own attitude towards life. But, in my opinion, by this act Lady Catherine cannot oblige me to marry her daughter.”
Wedding at Pemberley Page 4