I herewith submit a Proposal for the Pacification of the Public Temper, and the Institution among the People of Mutual Faith and Confidence;
Having clearly in mind the Damages, both financial and Spiritual, which have already accrued due to the spread of Suspicion among Citizens, the said Proposal follows, namely:
THE PROPOSAL
1. That upon arriving at his eighteenth (18th) birthday, and every second year thereafter so long as he lives, providing said day does not fall upon a Sunday or nationally proclaimed Legal Holiday; in which case performance shall take place on the first regular day of business following, every Citizen of the United States of America shall present himself at the office of the United States Marshall nearest his place of residence;
Duties of Marshal
1. That said Marshal shall immediately place the Citizen under what is hereby officially described and determined as Patriotic Arrest or National Detention, which shall in every way conform to regular and ordinary incarceration in the prison, jail, or other Federal Detention Facility normally used in that locality;
Duties of Incarcerated Citizen
1. That without undue delay the citizen shall be informed that he may avail himself of all subpoena powers of the Government in order to secure for himself all documents, papers, manifolds, records, recorded tapes or discs, witnesses and/or other paraphernalia which he requires to prove his Absolute and steady Allegiance to this Country, its Government, Army and Navy, Congress, and the Structure, Aims, and History of its Institutions;
2. That upon assembling such documents and/or witnesses in support, he shall be brought before a Judge of the United States Court of Clearance, which Court to be established herewith;
Duties of Judge in Court of Clearance
1. That said Judge shall hear all of the defendant’s witnesses and examine faithfully all evidence submitted;
2. That said Judge shall, if he deems it necessary, call upon the Federal Bureau of Investigation to refute or corroborate any or all claims submitted by the Citizen in defense of his Loyalty;
3. That if said proofs then be found invalid, untruthful, immaterial, irrelevant, or inconclusive, the Citizen shall be so notified and may thereupon at his option demand a Second Hearing meanwhile being consigned by Warrant and Seal of said Judge within one of the three Classifications hereunder described as Class CT, Class AT, or Class U.
CLASSIFICATIONS
Classification CT (Class CT)
1. Classification or Class CT shall be deemed to signify Conceptual Traitor;
Classification CT (Class CT) Defined
1. Class CT signifying Conceptual Traitor is herewith defined as including, but not exclusively,
a. Any person otherwise of good character, without police record of felony, who has been adjudged at his or her Clearance Trial and/or Second Hearing as having engaged in Conversations, talks, public or private meetings, lectures, visits, or communications the nature of which is not illegal but on the other hand not Positively Conducive to the Defense of the Nation against the Enemy;
b. Any person who, on evidence submitted by the FBI, or in the Absence of Evidence to the Contrary, has shown himself to have actually expressed concepts, parts of concepts, or complete ideas or sentiments Inimical to the Defense of the Nation against the Enemy;
c. Persons who have not actually expressed such concepts in whole or part, but have demonstrated a receptivity to such concepts as expressed by others;
d. Persons who have neither expressed themselves, nor shown a receptivity to expressions by others of concepts or sentiments Inimical to the Defense of the Nation against the Enemy, but on the other hand have failed to demonstrate a lively, visible, or audible resentment against such concepts or sentiments as orally expressed or written by others;
All the above described, but not exclusively, shall be classified Conceptual Traitors by the duly constituted Court of Clearance.
Classification AT (Class AT)
1. Classification or Class AT shall be deemed to signify Action Traitor;
Classification AT (Class AT) Defined
1. Class AT signifying Action Traitor is herewith defined as including, but not exclusively,
a. Any person who has been proved to have actually attended meetings of any group, organization, incorporated or unincorporated body, secretly or publicly, whose title is to be found upon the Attorney General’s list of proscribed organizations;
b. Any person who has committed any of the acts attributable to Conceptual Traitor as above defined, but in addition, and within hearing of at least one witness, has spoken in praise of such groups or affiliates or members thereof, or of non-members who have themselves spoken in praise of said groups or organizations so listed;
c. Any and all persons not falling under the categories above described who nevertheless have been summoned to testify before any Committee of Congress and have failed to testify to the Expressed Satisfaction of said Committee or any two members thereof in quorum constituted;
Penalties
1. Penalties shall be laid upon those classified as Conceptual Traitors, as follows, namely:
a. The Judge of the Court of Clearance shall cause to be issued Identity Card CT. Upon all correspondence written by said Class CT Citizen the words Conceptual Traitor or the letters CT shall be prominently displayed in print or in ink; as well upon any and all books, articles, pamphlets or announcements whatsoever written by said Citizen; as well any appearance on radio, television, theatrical or other public medium by said Citizen shall be preceded by the clearly spoken announcement of his Classification; and in addition his calling or business cards shall be so marked as well as any other cards, (Christmas, birthday, New Year’s, etc., but not exclusively), which he may mail to anyone beyond his own family so connected by blood;
b. Any organization or person employing said citizen with or without remuneration in money or kind, shall, upon agreeing to such employment, apply to the Federal Bureau of Clearance, to be established herewith, for a Conceptual Traitor Employment Permit;
c. It shall be an infraction of this Act to refuse employment to a citizen Classified as Conceptual Traitor, or to discriminate against said Citizen for having been so Classified, and the employer, upon receiving his Conceptual Traitor’s Employment Permit, shall cause to be imprinted upon all his stationery, vouchers, public circulars, and advertisements, the following words or legend—“We Employ A Conceptual Traitor”—or the initials, “WECT.”
Release of Incarcerated CT’s
1. Conceptual Traitors, upon being duly classified by the Court of Clearance, shall be instantly released and guaranteed all the rights and privileges of American Citizenship as defined in the Constitution of the United States.
a. No Conceptual Traitor duly classified shall be detained in jail or prison more than forty-eight hours (48) beyond the time of his Classification;
b. No person awaiting Classification shall be detained more than one year (1 year).
Penalties for Action Traitors
1. Persons classified Action Traitors shall be fined two thousand dollars and sentenced to serve not more than eight (8) years in a Federal House of Detention, nor less than five years (5 years).
UNCLASSIFIED PERSONS
1. Persons who are neither Classified as Action Traitor nor Conceptual Traitor shall be classified as Unclassified, or “U.”
Unclassified Persons Defined
1. Unclassified persons, (U), shall be defined, although not exclusively, as those persons who are:
a. Unable to speak or understand the English language or any language for which an accredited Interpreter can be found, or can be reasonably thought to exist within the Continental United States or its Territories, Possessions, or Territories held in Trust;
b. Able to speak the English language or any of the languages for which an Interpreter may be found, but unable to understand the E
nglish language or any of the languages for which an Interpreter may be found;
c. Committed to institutions for the Insane or Homes for the Aged and Infirm;
d. Accredited members of the Federal Bureau of Investigation;
e. Accredited members of any Investigating Committee of the Congress of the United States;
f. Officers of the United States Chamber of Commerce;
g. Persons who are able to read, write, and understand the English language but have not registered their names in any Public Library as Lenders or Borrowers; and persons who have been registered as Borrowers in Public Libraries, but whose cards have never been stamped;
h. Listless persons, or persons who cannot keep their minds attentive to the questions asked by the Judge of the Court of Clearance;
i. All Veterans of the War Between the States;
j. All citizens who have Contributed to the Walter Winchell Damon Runyon Cancer Fund or who have been favorably mentioned in the newspaper column written by Ed Sullivan;
k. Most children, providing;
That none of the entities above mentioned be constituted as exclusive; and that no abridgment is made of the right of Congress to lengthen or shorten any of the defining qualifications of any of the above categories.
Release of Unclassified Persons (Class U)
1. All Unclassified Persons shall be instantly released, but with the proviso that any and all Unclassified Persons may be recalled for Classification.
POSSIBLE OBJECTIONS TO THIS PROPOSAL
The author of the above proposal, or Act, is well aware of certain objections which are bound to be made. All argument will inevitably reduce itself to the question of Civil Liberties.
The author wishes to state that, as will soon become apparent, it is only his devotion to Civil Liberties which has prompted creation of this Proposal, and in order to Enlighten those who on these grounds feel a reservation about this Proposal, he states quite simply the most vital argument against it which is that it sends absolutely everybody to jail.
This, unfortunately, is true. However, the corollary to this objection, namely, that this is exactly what the Russians do, is emphatically not true. I insist that no Russian goes to jail excepting under duress, force, and unwillingly; hence, he loses his liberty. But under this Act the American Presents himself to the prison officials, which is a different thing entirely. Moreover, he Presents himself without loss of liberty, his most precious possession, because he Presents himself with Love in his Heart, with the burning desire to Prove to all his fellow-citizens that he Is an American and is eager to let everybody know every action of his Life and its Patriotic Significance. It may as well be said that if an American boy is good enough to fight he is good enough to go to jail for the peace of mind of his Country.
The author can easily Visualize that going to the local Marshal for his Patriotic Arrest will soon become a kind of Proud Initiation for the Young American. He can Visualize the growth among the Citizens of Coming Out Parties when the young member of the family is released, and there is no doubt that the national Radio and Television Networks will do their best to popularize this form of Patriotic Thanksgiving, and the entire process of Waiting, Classification, and ultimate Deliverance will eventually become a hallowed Ritual without which no young man or woman would feel Complete and At Ease. It is, after all, nothing more than the Winning of Citizenship, something we who were given the blessing of American Birth have come to take for granted.
I would go even farther and say that the psychological significance of Arrest is beneficial. At the age of eighteen, or thereabouts, a person is just getting out of his adolescence, a period marked by strong feelings of guilt due to Pimples and so forth. This guilt, or Pimples, leads many an individual of that age to feelings of high idealism at which point he is amazed to discover the presence of Evil in the world. In turn, the recognition of Evil is likely to cause him to scoff at the Pretensions of the Older Generation, his parents and teachers, who in his new and emotional opinion have Failed to make a decent world for him. He is then wide open to the Propaganda of the Enemy.
It is at this very moment, when his spiritual pores, so to speak, are open, that under this Act he is sent immediately to Jail, and then through a Court of Clearance, to which institution he may Open his Heart. Under this Act, in short, every American over the age of eighteen (18) is automatically regarded as technically and momentarily Guilty. This, of course, represents no profound novelty, but instead of making it possible for only Traitors to Be Discovered, as at present, under this Act everyone will have the opportunity of being, so to speak, Discovered, but as a Patriot, which after all is what most Americans are.
The simple and pervasive Logic of this proposal will be completely evident if one reflects on the fact that in almost every other sphere of human activity the Society does in fact “clear” and give its stamp of Approval beforehand rather than afterwards; in most states we have to renew our dog licenses every year, and no dog with, for instance, rabies, is entitled to a license; we inspect cattle, motorists, buildings, railroads, elevators, sprinkler systems, teachers, and fish markets, for instance; nor do we wait until any of these have caused damage to the community. On the contrary, you have no need of suspecting an elevator, for instance, upon entering it because you know that it has been cleared, in effect, Before you arrived and you may therefore repose in it your utmost Confidence, nor do you take a Driver’s Test after you have killed a pedestrian, you take it Before.
It is necessary to imagine, or Project, as the psychologists say, the National Situation as it will be after this Act is operative.
When walking down the street, buying in a store, waiting for a street car or bus, getting gas, buying stocks, Meeting Someone hitherto unknown, answering the doorbell, listening to a lecture, seeing a movie or Television Show, the Citizen will automatically know where everybody around him Stands. A sense of Confidence and Mutual Trust will once more flow into the Land. The Citizen will need have no fear of reading anything, attending any meeting, or being introduced to anyone; instead of an atmosphere of innuendo, suspicion, aborted conversations and low vocal tones, we shall have a situation in which you know and I know that you were in jail and I was in jail and that we are therefore good Americans, and if there was anything Wrong one of us, or both of us, would not be out here talking like this. That is, by and large.
Aside from avowed enemies there are, unfortunately, Patriotic people who will unquestionably be found in opposition to this Act. Mothers, for instance, may shudder at the idea of sending their boys to Jail. But they will quickly see that a short stay in Jail will be the Hallmark of every Good American.
To sum up, then, it can be said that the current sensations of Confusion, Ferment, Distrust, and Suspicion are obviously not being dissolved by any present methods of Investigation and Exposure. A Permanent, Regular, and Uniform Clearance Procedure is vitally necessary, therefore. Everyone knows that a Man is Innocent until proved Guilty. All this Act is meant to provide is a means for securing that proof. God Forbid the day when in America a man is guilty without Proof. Once it was a Land that millions of Americans were trekking thousands of miles to find; later it was Gold; recently Uranium has been sought for at great effort and expense. But it is fair to say that with our characteristic energy we are devoting more time, more concentrated effort, and more Patriotic Concern with discovering Proof than any other material in our Nation’s History. Now, in a dignified manner, in a Regularized and profoundly American manner, we shall all have it.
Get It Right: Privatize Executions
1992
The time has come to consider the privatization of executions.
There can no longer be any doubt that government—society itself—is incapable of doing anything right, and this certainly applies to the executions of convicted criminals.
At present, the thing is a total loss, to the convicted person, to his
family and to society. It need not be so.
People can be executed in places like Shea Stadium before immense paying audiences. The income from the spectacle could be distributed to the prison that fed and housed him or to a trust fund for prisoner rehabilitation and his own family and/or girlfriend, as he himself chose.
The condemned would of course get a percentage of the gate, to be negotiated by his agent or a promoter, if he so desired.
The take would, without question, be sizable, considering the immense number of Americans in favor of capital punishment. A $200 to $300 ringside seat would not be excessive, with bleachers going for, say, $25.
As with all sports events, a certain ritual would seem inevitable and would quickly become an expected part of the occasion. The electric chair would be set on a platform, like a boxing ring without the rope, around second base.
Once the audience was seated, a soprano would come forward and sing “The Star-Spangled Banner.” When she stepped down, the governor, holding a microphone, would appear and describe the condemned man’s crimes in detail, plus his many failed appeals.
Then the governor would step aside and a phalanx of police officers or possibly National Guard or Army troops would mount the platform and surround the condemned. This climactic entrance might be accompanied by a trumpet fanfare or other musical number by the police or Army band, unless it was thought to offend good taste.
Collected Essays Page 60