“How do you know it’s raccoons?” I asked.
“They’re predictable.” He dropped his arms and began walking away from me, heading for his truck and his gear. “You probably hearin’ some screeching? Maybe finding some turds around the place, noticing a dog smell? Missing anything shiny?”
I stopped in my tracks. “Seriously?”
He glanced over his shoulder as he unloaded his gear. “I ain’t joking. Raccoons is serious business.”
The laugh that came out of me surprised Liam into spinning around.
“I mean it. Serious,” he said, chastising me for my humor.
“I believe you. It’s just . . . yeah, we have a raccoon problem for sure. Go ahead and take care of it.”
“The humane way or the easy way?” He paused. “Humane costs more, mind you.”
“Ah,” I was tempted to say the easy way, but I knew Daniel and Addie would definitely choose humane. “Better do it the humane way.”
“Gonna take a week or so.”
I nodded. “That’s fine.” We’d been living with them this long. “Hey, any chance of finding any of the stuff you think they snatched? They took my watch, I think.”
“Gotta find the hidey hole. Likely up in that tree.” He pointed. “I can look for ya.”
“Thanks,” I said, feeling like a weight had just been lifted from my shoulders. Selling a haunted house was not an easy business. Selling a house with a recently resolved raccoon problem shouldn’t be nearly as hard. I headed back inside to let Liam get to work, but the more I thought about the idea of selling the house, the less I wanted to think about it. That was the goal, after all. But it would also mean the end of pretty much everything that had made me happy these last few weeks. Addie, our time together.
“Exterminator here?” Addie asked as I headed back inside.
“Yeah, and you’ll never believe what he said.”
“Zombie ants? Unkillable, right?”
I laughed. “No, he’ll get the ants, it’ll be fine. It’s the raccoons I was surprised about.” I told her what he’d said, and her eyes grew wider with every word.
“Raccoons?” She burst out laughing.
“So while it was a credible theory, it’s not a German Shepherd.”
“I was going to call you Elias all day to see if it helped!”
When the exterminator had finished—clearing us of ants and placing the traps to catch our nocturnal screamers—Addie and I each headed into town and off to our separate tasks. I needed to get into the store and inventory some of the supplies that had arrived this week, and Addie said she owed her mother some help at the Tin.
“Daniel will be here tonight,” I reminded her as she set off down the hill.
“So pizza?” She asked, grinning.
“Sounds good.”
I watched her disappear down the hill into town, and a deep contentment settled in my heart. What would it be like, I wondered, if this was my real life? If Addie was really mine, and we lived in this big old house and shared our evenings and our years together? What would that be like?
Whatever it might be like, it was unlikely to happen, and I vowed to enjoy it while it lasted.
When we all rose on Sunday morning—in separate beds, since Daniel had come back—each of us had tasks to accomplish. We were hosting dinner, and that meant showing the house off to a whole bunch of people. People who traditionally hated each other. Which was why I’d stocked up on whiskey and wine the day prior.
“Mom’s bringing the main course, and everyone’s bringing something, so we just need to get dessert done, finish up the rolls, and get a salad put together,” Addie said. It didn’t sound like a lot, but it seemed to take her all day in the kitchen. I tried to help, and chopped and washed as directed. As we finished up, Daniel wandered in from outside.
“Hey,” I said, smiling at him.
He watched me washing dishes and sat down at the counter, looking happy and relaxed.
“So I think we’re gonna have a good dinner,” I said. “But you know, I don’t think there’s any pasta.” I said. I looked between Daniel and Addie.
“Did we need pasta?” Addie looked worried.
“Oh God, no, don’t encourage him. It’s a dad joke,” Daniel moaned.
Addison turned and raised an eyebrow, waiting for the joke.
“What do you call a fake noodle?” I asked them.
“Don’t do it, Dad. I’m begging you.”
“An impasta,” I told them. When they were done groaning, Dan and I went outside.
Daniel and I focused on the yard, and though I had to divert about thirty requests to take the Corvette for a spin (I was still a little uncertain about what we needed to do with the collector car in the dilapidated garage, and definitely wasn’t going to drive it around town. If people had forgotten it was there, that was for the best for now), we spent a pretty enjoyable day together.
At four o’clock, the front door knocker sounded through the house, and I went out to answer it, since Addie was in the shower upstairs.
I opened the door to find Lottie Tanner standing with her sister Verda, holding a huge covered pan and the strange little doll that had been fastened to the door since Addie had hosted the stinky sisters to wave burning sticks around the place.
“Mrs. Tanner, hello,” I said, taking the voodoo doll and sticking it into my back pocket.
Her face narrowed as if she was going to say something nasty, but then her eyes fell on Daniel at my shoulder, and she managed a smile instead. “Hello, Tuckers. Thank you for inviting us.”
“I’m telling you, Lottie, this is a bad idea,” Verda hissed in her sister’s ear.
“Why don’t you come in?” I asked, waving them into the foyer.
“I can take that for you,” Daniel said, reaching for the roast pan. My heart swelled a bit with pride.
“What excellent manners,” Lottie commented, turning to her sister as if to say, “see? It’ll be okay.”
“He’s too young for the Tucker evil to have taken hold yet,” Verda said, giving Dan an evaluative look.
I showed the ladies to the kitchen and offered them each a glass of wine, which they accepted somewhat graciously. Lottie made herself at home in the kitchen while Verda asked Daniel to give her a tour, and she busily oohed and aahed over the way Addison had decorated.
Soon, Addie had appeared at her mother’s side, and she looked gorgeous in a thick white sweater and slim jeans, with her hair tied up on the back of her head and glowing skin. We exchanged a few secret smiles when no one was looking, but soon we were both busy hosting a house full of guests.
Wiley and Amberlynn appeared next, carrying a potted plant and a bottle of Half Cat. Then Paige and Cormac arrived with his two little girls in tow and a wrapped package, which Addie set aside until the littlest girl demanded we open it. Daniel did the honors, revealing a taxidermied raccoon. Daniel looked impressed.
“We heard about your troubles, and Cormac has some connections in the taxidermy world,” Paige explained. “Thought this was appropriate.”
“Um, okay,” I said, trying to be gracious about the dead stuffed animal Daniel was now settling onto the hearth near the front door. “Well, thank you.”
My uncle arrived next, with Virge and Emmett at his side, and while my uncle was freshly shaven and acting oddly polite, my cousins scowled around the place and refused to mix, choosing to sit on the front porch with glasses of whiskey and keeping to themselves.
A little later, I was surprised to find Lottie and Victor laughing together in the kitchen, their heads close together. The feud, I sensed, might be coming to an end across multiple generations. I just needed to convince my cousins it was over.
Soon, we were all sitting around the huge dining room table, warm lights glowing on the wall and candles in the middle, right where I’d had sex with Addie for the first time.
I sipped my wine and smiled, feeling a strange sense of wholeness I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt befor
e as this huge mixed family gathered around me. I caught Addie’s eyes across the table and grinned at her, and my heart soared when her twinkling eyes and beautiful lips returned everything I was feeling as she held her glass up to me.
28
Sunday Silliness
Addison
I would never have believed it, but Sunday dinner with the Tuckers and Tanners all at the table was a success. Verda graciously chose to leave her moose-related gripes at the door, and even Emmett and Virgil were tolerable once they’d had a few glasses of whiskey.
Everyone commented on the way we’d finished the downstairs, and I glowed with every compliment. I’d wanted the chance to design a real space for years, and the apartment I’d shared with Luke in New York had been all him. But here, the fresh paper I’d hung in the dining room and the striking paint in the foyer all worked together to make the house feel coordinated yet fun. It made me happy, seeing my family appreciate my choices—the big plush rugs, the kitschy bright fabrics and framed art.
Daniel was a huge help in the kitchen, even helping me wash dishes once the whole thing was over, and I was developing a fondness for the boy that I’d never expected to feel. I wasn’t sure what Michael had told him about us, so I made a point of avoiding longing gazes, and didn’t touch Michael when Dan was around.
As the evening wound down, everyone smiling and enjoying good food and good wine—and even good company—we found ourselves formulating a plan.
Halloween was just around the corner, and the old haunted house on the hill had always been a big draw for the kids from town. This year, we decided to let the kids come into the house and see it for themselves.
“We could do a haunted house as a fundraiser for the high school’s gym renovation,” Amberlynn suggested.
“Oh, that’s a great idea,” Victor said, and I was surprised to see him throw his arm around Lottie as he said it. She glowed.
“Maybe we should theme it,” I suggested.
“Yeah, what if we themed it around the Tanner-Tucker feud?” Daniel suggested. I braced myself—though we were all getting along, it might be a bit early for this.
Surprisingly, Virgil and Verda both nodded at this suggestion.
“Maybe this is a good time to say something,” Victor said, standing up and holding up his glass.
Michael and I exchanged a surprised look across the table.
“Lottie and I have been doing a lot of research, as you know,” he said, and Lottie nodded. “And we’ve uncovered some interesting information about the origins of this problem between our families.”
He looked around at all of us, and I was beginning to realize that Victor had a bit of a dramatic flair.
“This property was evidently purchased by a Tanner back in 1827,” he said. “And we were lucky to learn that Gracie Vanderburg over at the records center isn’t the first in her family to deal in county records.” He grinned and raised his eyebrows. “In fact, her great-great uncle was a clerk at the time of the land purchase, and he kept some journals that her family still holds.”
“Tell them, Vic,” Mom interjected, rubbing her hands together in barely contained anticipation.
“I’m getting there, Lots.”
They exchanged a look that I was pretty sure meant they’d been doing more than just scouring records together. Good for Mom.
“Anyway, what we’ve learned is that while Arnold Tanner bought the property and had intended to build on it as a surprise for his wife Esther, he died before he could do so. And since he didn’t mention this purchase to anyone, when the clerk died before filing the deed, the property purchase was a bit of a mystery around the land office for a while. Gracie’s uncle didn’t learn the truth until years later, when his father told him about his friend Arnold’s plans. In the meantime, the new clerk found a scrawled note about the deed and misread the name Tanner for Tucker. He filed the land claim under the name Tucker, and unknowingly gave the land away. The Tuckers built a house on the land immediately, thrilled about their windfall. And after a couple years, someone let the beans spill to Esther, and she insisted that the whole thing go to court.
“The documents gave the land to the Tuckers, but the Tanners had gotten themselves all in a dither about it, insisting that justice must be done. And soon after the court found for our family, the house on this property burned to the ground.”
Gasps erupted around the table. This whole feud was far more serious than I’d ever imagined.
“And then,” Mom said, springing to her feet as if she just couldn’t wait another second for Victor to finish up, “the Tuckers retaliated by stealing a herd of goats from the Tanners, and shooting Zeke Tanner in the process. Which might have been an accident, but no one knows. That made our family pretty mad, as you might imagine—especially Zeke, who I guess then started all kinds of sabotage.”
Victor nodded, looking thrilled at getting to be the center of attention with Lottie, and he finished up. “The Tuckers rebuilt the house, put up the fence around it, and the feud went on.”
“And I, for one, think it’s time we decided to end it,” Mom said, smiling around the table magnanimously.
“I second that,” Victor said.
We all raised our glasses, and as I locked eyes with Michael, we all cheered the official end of the feud.
Between the end of the feud and plans for the haunted house, Daniel could barely sit still, he was so excited. It was endearing.
My sisters agreed to help plan, and Amberlynn said she’d spread the word at the high school and recruit a few kids to help populate the scenes we had in mind.
Everyone left around the same time, floating out onto the front porch and down the lawn, carried by full stomachs and good feelings into the brisk night air. It all seemed like it had gone perfectly, until a scream came from my sister’s car.
“Paige?” I dashed out the gate.
“What the heck is this?” She asked, pointing at the evil-looking little statue sitting in the passenger seat.
Cormac was grinning and the girls looked uncertain about what to think.
Daniel arrived at my side. “It’s Thaddius,” he said. “But I didn’t mean for him to scare you.”
I gazed at the boy, shaking my head and grinning.
“It’s the new feud,” he said. “A harmless one,” he added quickly when he read what he must have thought was disapproval on my face. “I’ve read about other families having a gnome like this one. And they take turns hiding him around each other’s property, either in hard to find spots or doing funny things. And once you find him, it’s your turn to hide him in someone else’s house or yard.” Daniel looked so happy about this idea, I couldn’t shoot him down.
“I love it,” Paige said, surprising me.
“Yes!” Taylor was bouncing and clapping her hands, and her sister imitated her perfectly.
“It’s a kinder, gentler feud,” Cormac suggested, and I nodded. It was perfect.
“You’re a pretty smart kid,” I told Daniel, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him into me, and his face broke into an abashed grin.
We turned to find Michael standing just behind us, smiling in a distant way, like he was thinking about something.
After we’d said goodbye to all the guests, and even Mom had left with a smile on her face, the three of us went back inside and cleaned up what was left of the dishes.
“I’d say that was an incredible success,” Michael said. “And I think there might be something going on between your mom and my uncle.”
“Right?” I asked. “I noticed that too. Good for them.”
Daniel made a face, but even he seemed to be happy with the way the night had gone.
“All right, Dan,” Michael said, turning to him. “School tomorrow. How did you sleep in your own room last night?” We’d set up a room upstairs for Daniel, with a bed and a desk of his own.
“Daniel looked at me and said, “thanks for the room. It’s incredible. I know my dad didn
’t put that together. Why aren’t you an interior designer, anyway?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I always wanted to be. I even took some classes online a while back. I just . . . got busy, I guess.”
“Well, your taste is way better than Dad’s!”
Michael punched him in the arm, and Dan turned and bounded up the stairs.
We exchanged a smile, and a quick kiss, and then went our separate ways for bed. And as I settled in for the night—even though I was alone, I felt less alone than I ever had before.
29
Feuds and Fun Houses
Michael
We had two weeks to plan a feud-themed haunted house. Luckily, my son was more motivated about this project than I’d seen him about anything before.
“We should totally park the Corvette on the lawn,” he suggested as the three of us sat around the kitchen island Thursday night the week after our successful Sunday dinner. Shelly hadn’t said another word about sole custody, and so far I hadn’t let the kid out of my sight, had made sure all his homework was done, and had generally done everything in my power to prove I was a good father.
My attorney had told me that unless she formally filed for sole custody, it was just a threat—but it was one that got my attention. I’d begun to think that maybe I could be a good father and still have a life of my own, but if anything threatened my relationship with Daniel, it was an easy choice to decide what was most important.
Only . . . looking at Addison across the island as she discussed the intricacies of creating realistic fake blood with my son, I wondered if having her in his life wasn’t actually a good thing. Maybe having another responsible and successful adult invested in him multiplied his odds of success, gave him an even firmer ground to launch from. The relationship that had grown between them made me smile to myself when I was doing tasks around the store, had me chuckling when I remembered the two of them laughing together.
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