After a bowl of Kraft macaroni and some Seinfeld reruns, Cat decided to head to bed and read some past issues of Vogue that Rachel had been all too happy to supply her with. She had just finished washing her face when she heard a knock at the door. She stopped. Who could be visiting at nine o’clock? Cat waited to see if they went away.
After a minute, she peered down the stairs. No one was there. Maybe it was her imagination. She crept down the stairs to make sure.
That’s when she heard it. The sound of footsteps — unmistakable. They were on the back porch. She grabbed her grandmother’s umbrella from the hat stand by the door, and holding it as a weapon, she walked towards the kitchen. She tightened her grip on the umbrella handle, ready to bludgeon any intruder that might leap out at her. The back door jiggled then creaked open. Someone was in the house. Whomever it was, they were just around the corner from Cat. She could feel her heart pounding loudly through her tank top. She pressed one hand against her chest, as though that would silence it. Closing her eyes, she listened as they walked around the kitchen, and then they stopped. Cat heard a distinct scraping sound and then chewing. The culprit was eating her left-over macaroni. How dare they?
She raised the umbrella over her head and leapt from behind the wall.
“Ahhh!” she screamed towards the trespasser and let the umbrella swing down with a crash.
“Holy shit, Cat!” Luke jumped out of the way just in time.
Cat screamed in shock.
“Oh! Oh my gosh, Luke!” she jumped back. “You scared the crap out of me.”
She clutched her chest and leaned against the fridge.
“I scared you?” Luke laughed, picking up the pot of macaroni that had clattered to the floor. “You just attacked me with an umbrella!”
Cat laughed, looking at the other half of the umbrella that had broken off.
“I thought you were an intruder,” she began laughing even harder. “I thought you were an intruder stealing my macaroni.”
“You’re crazy, you know that?” Luke laughed with her and gathered her up into a bear hug.
“Shoo, you stink!” Cat held her nose.
“I left the campout early and came straight here,” Luke smiled. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well,” Cat kissed his nose, “you certainly did.”
“Where’s Mimi?” Luke asked, looking down the hall towards her room.
“She’s in Charlotte with Jim,” Cat winked at him, “for the night.”
“Really?” Luke nodded in understanding. “So, you’re here, all alone?”
“Yep,” Cat kissed him again. “But you seriously need a shower before I kiss you again.”
“Done,” Luke laughed.
Cat sat outside the bathroom door, that Luke had agreed to leave open while he was in the shower, so that she could tell him all about her birthday outing with Rachel.
Cat had wanted to sit inside the door while he showered, only so he could hear her better of course, but Luke thought she would try and peek at him or play a prank. Imagine that.
So, she sat obediently outside the door where she was unable to see anything and tried not to think about the fact that Luke was naked a mere ten feet away. Cat sighed. Weren’t guys the ones that were supposed to be like this?
He emerged wrapped in a towel. “Where did you put my clothes?” Luke asked warily, his face aghast as he noticed his missing clothes pile.
“Luke, they smelled as bad as you did,” Cat said pointedly. “I put them in the wash.”
“Fine,” Luke agreed, “I’ll just grab something else out of my bag.” He walked towards the stairs.
“Luke, they all smelled terrible,” Cat insisted.
“Don’t tell me all my clothes are in the wash,” Luke looked seriously annoyed.
Cat didn’t say anything.
“Well?” Luke demanded.
“You said for me not to tell you,” Cat tried to hide her grin, “I’m not going to lie to you.”
“Cat!” Luke exclaimed. “What am I supposed to wear?”
“I think you look fine in that,” Cat approached him.
“I will not wear a bath towel for the next hour,” he looked fit to kill.
“Fine,” Cat shrugged, “you can take it off.”
Luke gave her a look.
“Oh, come on!” Cat laughed. “That was funny and you know it.”
“Whatever,” Luke stomped around her and walked towards her bedroom.
Cat forgot about the art supplies until she saw Luke freeze in the doorway. When he turned slowly back to her, all she could do was smile and say, “Surprise!”
Luke slowly walked into the room. Cat moved to the doorway, so she could see how excited he was. She had pictured this moment ever since she decided to surprise him.
The look on his face baffled her, but beyond that, she felt deeply wounded. He was frowning, she observed, as he peered into each box — examining the paints, brushes, and canvases. He didn’t say a word.
Finally, he put a hand to his forehead and massaged his temple as though he was in deep thought.
“Cat, why did you do this?” he spat the words at her.
The nerve he had, asking her why she would want to do something nice for him. Didn’t he know how much she cared?
“Luke, you know why,” Cat tried to sound pleasant.
“Because you think I’m too poor to afford it myself,” he said acidly.
“What?!” Cat was appalled. “Is that seriously what you think?”
“Cat, there are-,” he paused to count, “twenty-one boxes of art supplies here.
“And not just any art supplies. The best quality, the most expensive. I — I — could never afford this on my own. I can’t pay you back for this.”
“I don’t want you to pay me back,” Cat nearly shouted. “It’s a gift, Luke. A gift. When you love someone, you want to show your love. I just wanted to surprise you.”
Well, now Cat just wanted to slap him across the face, to beat on his chest, and maybe even kick him a few times. Instead, she burst into tears. Luke was quiet for a minute.
“What did you say?” he finally asked.
“I said I wanted to surprise you,” Cat said through her sniffles.
“No, before that,” Luke asked.
Cat looked confused.
“You said ‘when you love someone,’ that’s what you said,” Luke stepped towards her.
Cat looked up, “Yeah, I guess I did say that.”
Luke held her face with both of his hands, “Cathleen Rhodes, are you telling me that you’re in love with me?”
Cat nodded and looked into those beyond-green eyes that made her breathless, “I love you, Luke.”
He smiled broadly and then kissed her full on the mouth. She wanted to melt into him. She wrapped her arms around him and locked them in place.
Luke could see the likelihood of things getting out of hand too quickly. Especially, considering his attire or lack thereof.
He pulled away so he could look into her eyes.
“Thank you,” he sounded quite sincere. “But it really is too much.”
“Nothing’s too much for you,” Cat tried to go in for another kiss.
Luke stepped back to the boxes, “Cat, there has to be over a thousand dollars of supplies here.”
“No, there’s not,” Cat corrected him, “Not quite that much.”
“But, still. Twenty-one boxes of paints and brushes,” Luke looked around, counting them again. “It will take me years to use it all.”
“There’s actually three more boxes in my closet,” Cat added sheepishly. “And, I hope it lasts you a while. You will need it to build up your collection so you can show it one day.”
Luke gave her a look that told her they were not going to discuss showi
ng his artwork. Cat wondered how long it would take her to change his mind on that point. Someday, he would see what she saw. He would realize what a talented artist he was.
Luke didn’t know what to say. Never before had he received such a generous gift. He didn’t know how to accept it, but he knew to reject it would hurt Cat tremendously. At the same time, he couldn’t help but feel excited. His mind was already churning with ideas of art pieces he could create. He could do something bigger and better than he had previously done. Maybe one of them really could be gallery worthy … someday. Luke pushed that thought to the back of his mind. He could never be an artist. No, for him, it would have to remain a hobby. His father had already lost too much to lose his son to a profession he had little, if any, respect for. Luke had always toyed with the idea of showing his work someday, but ever since Cat had mentioned it, the idea seemed real. Attainable, even. Try as he may, the thought of it had never fully disappeared. It was always there, ever-present, lurking in the shadows of his mind as though waiting for him to let down his guard and attack him once more.
Cat took his hand. “Your work is beautiful. I won’t bug you about showing it anymore … at least not tonight. But it’s wonderful and I wanted for you to be able to create more … that’s why I did this.”
Luke turned to her. “Thank you. I mean, not just for this. But, thank you, for everything.”
Later, when Luke had dressed and taken the opportunity to go through all of his new supplies, they sat on her bed talking.
Luke had just finished telling Cat another idea for a project he could work on. And, as with his ideas before, she praised his genius and innovation.
“I love it!” she stood up suddenly. “Just think Luke, this is the kind of work that people in New York would be dying to see!”
“Cat,” his voice held an all too familiar tone.
“No, Luke, don’t ‘Cat’ me. I’m serious,” Cat continued, ignoring the roll of his eyes. “Galleries in the city are always looking for new artists. Your medium and style is something I have never seen before … and not to brag, but I went to a lot of galleries. It would be very marketable.”
“Can we talk about something else?” Luke pulled her back onto the bed.
“Fine,” Cat sighed, “but only if you promise me, you’ll think about it.”
“Deal,” Luke agreed.
“So,” Cat scooted close to him, “do you think you could stay here tonight? I don’t want to be in this old house by myself.”
“Liar,” Luke chided. “You’re not a bit scared of this house. You just want to try and attack me in the middle of the night.”
They laughed.
“Would not!” Cat giggled. “But I do have to warn you … you know how some people sleep walk or sleep talk?”
“Yeah?” Luke raised an eyebrow.
“Well, I sleep grope,” Cat kept a straight face. “Just kidding!” she added when Luke looked genuinely concerned.
“I might just sleep grope you for being such a tease,” Luke joked.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Cat giggled.
“Oh, wouldn’t I?” laughing, Luke leapt onto her and began tickling her until she gasped for air.
When he stopped, they both lay on the bed, happy and breathless.
“Cat?” Luke rolled onto his side to face her.
“Hmm?” she turned to face him.
“What you said before …” Luke began, “I didn’t really respond, but I meant to.”
“Huh?” Cat interrupted.
“You said you love me,” Luke smiled at her, “I’ve never said that to anyone before.”
“Not even to Clarissa?” Cat questioned.
“Hell, no!” Luke shouted.
Cat was quietly pleased with his response.
“I’d never said it before tonight, Luke,” she touched his hand. “But I don’t want you to say it until you want to.”
“Cat?” Luke pulled her closer to him, so that their faces were mere centimeters apart. “I love you.”
His kiss felt like a fire coursing through her veins. It was as passionate as their short rendezvous in the truck if not more so. She rolled on top of him and returned his kiss as best she could. Pulling her closely with one hand, he rolled so that he was now on top of her. The weight of him made it a little difficult to breathe, but Cat feared that telling him so might cause him to pull away completely, like he had done so many times before. She wrapped her legs around him and locked her feet together. She smiled inwardly at her brilliance — now, he couldn’t pull away if he wanted to. And he didn’t seem to want to.
He let her pull his t-shirt off. He continued to kiss her as his hand went to the spaghetti straps of her tank. To her surprise and delight, he pulled it down over her shoulder, kissing down her neck as he went. His lips moved across her collarbone. Her shoulder. Cat sighed.
It was that one sigh that seemed to snap Luke back to reality.
He let out a growl of frustration and then pulled away and sat up.
“What did I do?” Cat felt embarrassed, pulling the straps of her tank back into place.
“Nothing,” Luke ran his hands through his hair, and he turned to her and smiled. “You didn’t do anything. It was me. I let it get out of hand.”
Cat looked down at his shirt, crumpled at the foot of her bed, and hastily scooped it up and tossed it to him. Suddenly, she felt self-conscious. Did he think she was some kind of an animal … she hoped not? She hoped he knew that she thought sex was an incredibly special and intimate act. One that she was nowhere near ready to do anytime soon. For now, she just wanted to kiss, and maybe mess around just a little bit. Was that so bad?
“Luke?” Cat bit her lip, as he put his shirt back on. “Do you think I’m awful?”
Luke laughed, “No, I don’t think you’re awful! Why would you say such a thing?”
“Well,” Cat sniffed back a tear, “you’re always the one pulling away from me. I’m the girl. Aren’t I supposed to be the one saying no? Do you think I’m easy?”
“Cat, come on!” Luke turned to her. “I don’t think you’re easy at all. I think that I know myself pretty well, and I know the further we go, the harder it gets to stop. I respect you. So, I just want to stop before you have to tell me to.”
He kissed her on the mouth and wiped a tear from her cheek, “I don’t know if I like being called the girl in that situation.” He winked at her.
“I understand. But just so you know, I don’t want to do that yet, either. I just like to be close to you,” Cat leaned in for another kiss.
“I like to be close to you too,” he returned her kiss. “And I’ll stay here tonight … if you want me to. So, you won’t be scared,” he teased.
“I would like that,” Cat smiled.
After getting ready for bed, Cat lay in his arms listening to the sound of crickets outside her window. One thing Luke had said bothered her slightly. It reminded her of what Rachel had told her about Clarissa’s claim.
“Luke? What you said earlier, about the further you go, the harder it is to stop,” Cat began. “Were you speaking from experience … with Clarissa?” Saying her name reminded Cat how much she disliked her. She wrinkled her nose.
Luke closed his eyes. He had been hoping to avoid this conversation as long as possible, hopefully forever. He could see now that that would not be an option.
“Yeah, maybe,” he turned to Cat. “I guess I was.”
“Well, what did you guys do?” Cat really didn’t want to know, but felt compelled to ask.
“Cat, I love you,” Luke kissed her hands, “I’m so sorry that I ever even dated her. I really am sorry.”
“Luke, you’re scaring me,” Cat frowned. “Just tell me so I won’t imagine anything worse.”
“I’m ashamed because I did a lot of things and I didn’t even want to be dat
ing her for most of our relationship — if you can even call it that,” he rolled away and looked out the window.
“But you said — you said you didn’t have sex,” Cat felt as though she could cry.
“We didn’t!” Luke said quickly. “But,”
Cat breathed a sigh of relief.
“But we pretty much did everything else,” Luke was quiet.
Cat was quiet.
“Do you forgive me?” Luke whispered.
“What’s to forgive? Luke, you didn’t even know me at the time,” Cat rubbed his back.
“Doesn’t matter,” Luke looked angry at himself. “I knew that she wasn’t going to be my wife. I knew I didn’t love her and I let her do those things to me anyway.”
“It’s not your fault,” Cat soothed.
“Yes, it is, Cat. I was a participant,” Luke turned to her.
“More like a victim,” Cat tried to make a joke out of the situation. It wasn’t successful.
“Cat, I’m serious. You have no idea what I would give to go back and change what I did. I wish I had never experienced any of those things, so I could experience them with my wife for the first time.”
Cat was beginning to see where he was coming from.
“It upsets you to think of me with her like that doesn’t it?” Luke asked Cat.
Cat made a gagging sound in an effort to be humorous, but in truth, that was exactly how she felt about that thought. Just picturing Luke and Clarissa being intimate in any way made her shake her head to get rid of the disturbing images that popped up.
“Yes,” Cat admitted, “it upsets me. But it doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”
“If you had done the things I did,” Luke shook his head. “It’d make me sick to my stomach.” He paused, “I would still love you the same, but it would make me sad not to be your first … everything.”
“What made you change?” Cat was confused. If he had done these things with Clarissa, whom he didn’t even love, why wouldn’t he do them with her?
“I became a Christian,” Luke said honestly. “Gah. I sound so typical Bible-Belt, don’t I? I had gone to church my entire life, but I don’t think I understood the gravity of it all until this past summer. I didn’t understand grace.”
What Cat Lost (The Last Life of Cat Book 1) Page 19