by J. A. Owenby
Pierce stared at me as I spoke.
“And our lives would suck without you,” I muttered. “Even when you piss me off, I know you care. Only friends do that for each other, butt in when they’re not wanted.”
“You’re right,” he said quietly. “I’ve grown much closer to you all than any other assignment. It’s —It’s why …”
“What? What is it?” I asked.
“It’s why I asked to be reassigned.”
Chapter 11
“I’m sorry, you did what?” I asked, my voice climbing up a notch. “No. No.” I shook my head. How could he do this?
“Don’t worry, my request was denied for the time being.”
“Then why would you even tell me? Pierce!” Tears stung my eyes. What in the hell was wrong with me? I stared up at the sky, swallowing the ball of emotions that had lodged itself in my throat. “Dude, I’m sorry I threatened you at the park. There’s no excuse for how I treated you. I was scared about not having the Xanax and Adderall to rely on. It wasn’t really me talking.”
“It’s over, Mac. I just want you to be alright,” Pierce replied.
“You can’t leave us. We’ve all been through too much together. We don’t trust anyone like we trust you,” I pleaded.
“You could learn to trust someone else, Mac.”
“I don’t want to, and I know Gemma doesn’t want to. Wait, does this have to do with her? I mean, seeing her with Hendrix? Is it too much?”
He answered me with silence.
“Fine. I know it’s hard on you, but there’s a bigger picture here. We need you. You’re a part of this family.”
“I’m not though, and at some point it will change, and you’ll have to get used to it.”
I bit my lip. “Not now. I can’t handle any more changes. You know what we’ve been through. You know what Dillon and Brandon look like. Goddammit, you were there when Brandon released me and took Gemma at gunpoint!” A cry escaped me when the memories rushed back. After Brandon had released me, I’d stumbled across the parking lot and ran as fast as I could to Hendrix, Franklin, and … Pierce. “It’s been too much. Please. Don’t leave us yet. I need to get back on my feet and feel safe before anything else changes.”
“I’m here for now. I didn’t realize it would upset you this much. I’m sorry. You focus on moving forward. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Promise?” I asked.
“Yeah.”
In the back of my mind, I’d never considered Pierce not being around. He’d somehow managed to wiggle his way into my heart and was now a permanent fixture in my life. He protected us and safety meant everything to me at this point.
Overcome with sadness and a multitude of other emotions, I flung my arms around him. The moment he returned my embrace, I burst into tears.
“It’s going to be okay, Mac. I promise.” He rested his chin on the top of my head and held me while I cried. I cried about Brandon, I cried about Asher, and I cried that my life was a fucking wreck.
After my snot fest, I wiped off my tear-stained cheeks with the palms of my hands and stepped back.
“Sorry. It’s been a hell of a night. I found out Asher wasn’t the person I thought he was.”
“That never feels good,” Pierce said, guiding me to the lawn chairs someone had set outside earlier.
I plunked down and sighed.
“When Cade first spotted Asher at the club tonight, he filled me in on Asher’s previous treatment of you in school. We followed him, and that’s when we saw he’d trapped you in a corner. I was all too happy to hold him as Cade got a few punches in.”
Heat traveled across my cheeks. Everyone knew my business now.
“I had no idea. I mean, I knew people talked about me at school, but I never realized part of it was because Asher blabbed our business. I mean, why? What was the purpose of it?”
“Some guys think it proves they’re a man when they get a girl pregnant,” Pierce said, rubbing his jaw.
“That is the stupidest crap I’ve ever heard. I mean seriously, wouldn’t getting a girl pregnant mean you were a dumbass? I realize accidents happen, but …” I sank into my chair and stared up at the sky. “I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over. I’m not interested in being with him.”
“I’m glad to hear it. You deserve better.”
“See?” I said, peering at him. “Only friends say stuff like that to each other. And thank you. For the record …” I hesitated and grinned. “I like you for the most part. I mean, I’d be happy if you stayed. In fact, I think I’ll have a chat with Franklin and tell him you can never be reassigned.”
A small smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.
I leaned toward him, my gaze never leaving his. “It will get better when the tour is over, and you’re not in such close quarters with Gemma and Hendrix. When we get back home, we’ll get you on Tinder. What do they say? You can’t get over someone until you get under someone new? Something close to that anyway. You should try it. Besides, a smash and dash might help you loosen up a bit.”
Pierce chuckled. “I appreciate your interest, but I’ll be okay.”
“Fine,” I said, standing. “I’m exhausted, so I’m going to get some sleep. You should, too.”
“Alright, let’s get inside.”
Pierce locked up after we entered the bus. Since it was almost two in the morning, everyone was quiet. I had no idea if they were sleeping or not, but I needed to have some space and sift through my jumbled thoughts.
My vodka cranberry buzz had nearly worn off, so I made my way to the fully stocked bar in the kitchen and downed a few shots of vodka. I shuddered as the alcohol traveled down my throat and into my belly.
Even though Pierce and I had bonded a little bit, I refused to look at him while I poured a third drink and downed it.
“Night,” I said softly, setting the glass in the sink.
“Night,” he replied.
I made my way to my bed, changed into my pajamas, and quietly rifled through my purse. I twisted the cap off my Xanax and shook one into my hand. I swallowed it with no water. Pierce’s concern about my pill usage didn’t phase me. The only thing I cared about was not having nightmares, and even sex with Cade couldn’t fix it.
My head pounded like a son of a bitch the next morning. I stumbled out of bed a few minutes before noon and headed to the shower. Last night’s events came crashing back as I stood underneath the hot spray.
Gemma would want a full update, but unfortunately, I was becoming more skilled at keeping secrets from her. A pang of sadness ripped through me. She was my best friend, my sister, but there was no way I could talk to her about Pierce or my night with Cade. I could tell her about Asher, though.
I leaned my forehead against the shower wall and groaned. What was my life becoming if I couldn’t even confide in her?
Turning the water off, I reached for my towel, dried off, and dressed in a teal T-shirt and denim shorts. I brushed my hair out and decided against my typical braids.
The first thing I needed to take care of was Asher, which meant a text wouldn’t do. I had to call him. He’d been so drunk last night I wasn’t sure if my stern words had seeped through his alcohol addled brain.
I stepped out of the bathroom, my mind searching for the right words to tell Asher to fuck off.
“You look deep in thought,” Gemma said, leaning against mine and Cade’s bunk.
“Yeah. I was thinking I needed to call Asher.”
“Come on, the guys are off gambling for a little while,” she said, grabbing my hand and leading me to the living area. We plopped down on the couch and looked at each other.
“Fill me in,” she said.
I rubbed my face, grateful the shower had helped relieve the pounding in my head.
“Yeah, you were in the bathroom at the club when it started,” I said, glancing at her.
“That was insane. I mean I walked out, and Cade was beating the snot out of Asher.”
&nb
sp; A giggle escaped me. “Sorry. I wasn’t laughing last night, but the more I learned, the more Asher deserved it.”
“Hendrix told me about the pregnancy and how Asher spread it around school. Mac, I’m so sorry. Hendrix was livid. If Cade hadn’t taken care of Asher, Hendrix would have.”
I stared at the recliner in front of me, my mind whirling through the events.
“I know. I think the guys would have lined up to have a shot at him. Which, ya know, it makes me feel good they all care so much. But Gemma, I’m mortified. I get this was a few years ago, but I just found out last night. On top of everything else, I have to deal with that. No wonder John and Cade have always been so good to me. I mean, they irritate the ever-lovin’ shit out of me, but …”
“It’s because they care. I wish I’d had them around when I was growing up. Granted, they never told you what happened with Asher, but it was because they wanted to protect you and Hendrix. Mac, they’re really good guys. The more I’ve gotten to know them, the more they’ve grown on me. I’ve even stopped judging them for their one-night flings.”
My heart stuttered. Would that mean she’d be cool with what Cade and I had done last night? Was I okay with what we’d done? Suddenly, my decision to sleep with one of my brother’s best friends smacked me with full force. I felt the color draining from my face.
“Are you alright? You don’t look so good all of a sudden.”
I glanced at her, guilt washing over me. “Yeah. I dread telling Asher to go away. I hope like hell he listens. I don’t need any more drama.”
“Something tells me that after last night, Asher won’t want to mess with you again.”
I nodded. I’d find out soon enough if she was right.
“Hey, I’ve got to get to rehearsal. Do you want to come?” Gemma asked, standing and smoothing her navy-blue T-shirt.
“Nah, I’ll hang out here and call Asher. The sooner I get it over with the better I’ll feel.”
“Let me know how it goes,” she said.
“I will.”
Gemma gave me a little wave and disappeared off the bus. It took me a minute before I realized no one was here. Not even Pierce. I wasn’t sure if I was happy or nervous. Anyone could walk onto the bus. I jumped from my seat, locked the doors, and checked the windows. If anyone wanted in, I’d at least make them work for it.
I stared at my phone as I settled into the recliner and groaned. Dread tugged at me while I struggled to articulate what I wanted to say. Staring out of the window, my mind drifted to Cade and our sexfest on the grass. Would things be the same between us or had I screwed up our friendship? My body tingled in response. Sex with him had been off the charts. Maybe I’d been the lucky one, benefiting from all of his practice over the years. Not only had I never experienced multiple orgasms before, but I’d also never come during actual sex. Cade knew how to use his hips apparently. He repeatedly reached the right spots deep inside me. Heat swirled in my stomach, and I suddenly ached for him. Dammit. This. Could. Not. Happen. He was a one-time booty call.
Sucking in a deep breath, I forced myself to focus on Asher and tapped my phone screen. I chewed my bottom lip when it came to life and located Asher’s phone number. Even though I knew it was over, my heart still ached for what could have been. His line rang three times before he answered.
“Mac?” Asher asked, hope in his voice.
Dammit. I was going to crush him.
“Hey. How are you feeling?” I asked, more out of politeness than actually giving a fuck. If I’d known he’d told everyone I’d gotten pregnant and had an abortion, I would have let him go a lot sooner.
“Like I’ve been run over by an eighteen-wheeler. Mac—”
“Don’t,” I said, cutting off whatever lame excuse he was about to offer me. Nothing he said could make up for his actions. “We’re done. Don’t call me, don’t show up at my house, or school, or anywhere else. I know what you did, Asher. I know you told everyone at school that you got me pregnant. You even bragged about it.”
He inhaled sharply. If there were any lingering thoughts of him having another chance with me, I’d just squashed them like a big ol’ nasty bug.
“I’m sorry, Mac. I know it won’t make up for what I did, but I was a stupid, scared kid. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize what I’d lost until it was too late. The pregnancy, Rochelle, my dad ... I’ve not handled anything like a real man should have. I had no business showing up like I did last night.”
Had Cade knocked some sense into him? I’d never heard Asher talk like this.
“Asher …” I stared at my feet, debating how much I should say. Fuck it. When did I ever not say what I thought? “I’ll always love you, and the pregnancy messed us up pretty bad. But there’s nothing you can do to redeem yourself. We’re broken.”
“I know. I had to try one more time, though. I was nervous and scared last night and should never have shown up trashed. But I’m not the same guy I was in high school. Maybe one day you’ll have an opportunity to see it.” He blew out a long shuddering breath. “I’d give anything to go back in time and change it all. I would in a heartbeat,” he said, defeat clear in his tone.
My stomach twisted in knots. Letting go of my past sucked. It wasn’t even like Asher was a good choice for me. It was like an old pair of shoes, broken in and comfy but full of holes. There was no question it was time to toss them. “I need to go. Take care, Asher.”
“I love you, Mac. I hope you find what you’re looking for,” he said softly, his voice cracking with emotion.
Silence filled the line. I pulled the phone away from my ear and tapped the end call button.
Tears streamed down my cheeks. I’d tossed my old shoes in the trash, and I’d realized it was the right choice, but it still fucking hurt. Somewhere inside me, even when we were with other people, I held onto the possibility of another chance with Asher. He had always been my safety net. With one phone call, I’d cut the cords.
I wiped my face with the hem of my shirt and eyed the bar. Everyone was gone, and God knew I needed a drink. Standing, I located the vodka and also spotted a smaller bottle in the back of the cabinet. It had been so well hidden to begin with, I doubted anyone would even miss it. Without giving it any more thought, I swiped the bottle and made my way back to my bed. Now, I’d have my own stash, and I wouldn’t have to deal with prying eyes. After nestling it in between blankets and pillows, I returned to the bar. Three shots later, I sank back into the recliner and enjoyed the quiet.
A loud knock at the door tore me from my peaceful bliss. Dammit. I’d locked the door. It was probably Pierce or someone else checking on me.
I yawned and meandered to the door.
“Who is it?” I called.
“It’s Cade. Let me in, Mac.”
I opened the door and stepped out of the way while he hopped up the stairs and inside the living area. His Seattle Seahawks T-shirt stretched across his broad muscled chest, and his jeans hugged his thighs in all the right ways. My mind immediately wandered to what was underneath them. Flustered I was already picturing him naked again, I decided I needed to play it cool. We had an agreement, and even though it was true he’d be the perfect distraction from my constant thoughts of Asher and Brandon, I couldn’t use him like that. We were friends.
“Thought you were at practice,” I mumbled, pretending to be a little perturbed he’d interrupted my alone time.
“I am, but my guitar string broke, and I forgot to pack an extra in my case,” he said, his eyes slowly traveling down my body. “And I wanted to know how you were doing after last night.” His voice was low while he stepped toward me, and a trace of his woodsy aftershave tickled my nose.
“I’m fine. You?” I asked, hoping I was playing it off as no big deal.
He moved closer. I wondered if his heart was hammering as hard as mine was at the moment.
“I’ve got a few minutes before everyone will expect me back … and we’re alone,” Cade said, softly.
�
��Are you suggesting what I think you are?” My core clenched with anticipation as I leaned against the wall, pretending his presence wasn’t having a major effect on me.
“Last night was amazing. It’s all I can think about,” he whispered in my ear.
My back arched and my breasts grazed against his chest. He was right, we had a rare opportunity, and no one would ever know if we had a quickie.
His warm mouth brushed against my neck and his hand slipped under my T-shirt, skimming my stomach. I shuddered at his touch. I needed this. I needed to forget about all the crap in my life, and Cade could give me a temporary reprieve.
I hooked a finger in a belt loop on his jeans and tugged his hips into me. He was ready to go, and even though my brain said no, my body had already told it to shut the hell up.
“I wish I had more time,” he said, flipping the button on my shorts open. He shimmied them along with my G-string over my hips, and I quickly kicked them to the side. He dropped to his knees, trailing hot, wet kisses down my stomach and the inside of my thigh. He paused and glanced up at me, his eyes heavy with desire. His hands dug into my waist as his mouth claimed me.
“Dammit,” I said, threading my fingers through his hair. He lifted my leg and placed it over his shoulder, never missing a beat. I moaned and leaned against the wall. His tongue danced over my clit, and in record time he’d brought me to the edge, then stopped. I let out a soft cry as his mouth left my throbbing core.
He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and removed a condom from his pocket. My attention never left him while he stepped out of his jeans, his cock bobbing free.
“Your tight little pussy had me messed up all day,” he said, rolling on his protection.
“I’m not going to apologize.” I peered at him through my eyelashes as he slowly stood up.