by J. A. Owenby
“Nope. Don’t forget we’ve known each other since high school. Remember the first time you performed solo? You focused on one thing to calm your nerves. He knows I support him, and he sure as hell couldn’t look at you while he sang. Hendrix would have pushed him right off the stage.” I swallowed hard, hoping my logic would deter her from further questioning.
Gemma giggled. “Maybe you're right, but something about those lyrics, Mac. I remember what it felt like when Hendrix sang to me the first time. There’s nothing like it.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know. No one has ever written or sung a song about me.”
“How did it sound out there?” Cade asked, interrupting our conversation.
“Great!” Gemma called. “I think we need a little bit more bass though, it’s a smidge heavy on the guitar during the chorus. It needs more balance.”
“Alright, thanks. Mac?”
Butterflies fluttered in my stomach with his question. Why would he even care about my opinion? All I really wanted to know was who he had thought about when he wrote the song. A million girls had brown eyes, but I couldn’t ask him now. “What she said.” I smiled and pointed at Gemma.
The guys laughed and ran through the song again. This time, although Cade’s eyes landed on me occasionally, he focused toward the back of the auditorium or walked the stage. I inwardly sighed, grateful I wasn’t the center of his attention this time. But the more he sang the lyrics, the more I had to squash the hope he’d written the song for me.
Chapter 13
After rehearsal, I joined everyone on stage.
“So you’re singing tonight?” I asked Cade.
“Yeah, I’m nervous as fuck, too. As you know, I’ve always sung back up to Hendrix.”
“You got this, man,” Hendrix replied, slapping Cade on the back. “Listen, Gemma and I are going to get out of here for a while and check out Phoenix. We’ll meet you back here at six. Pierce will be with us, so Cade, watch out for Mac please.”
Dammit. If Hendrix had any idea how Cade was watching out for me ... I hated to think what that would mean for Cade.
“Yeah, no problem,” Cade responded.
“I’m tired as hell, and I’m headed back to the bus to crash out,” John said, stretching his full six-two frame to the ceiling.
“Don’t be late,” Hendrix said, grinning.
I got the impression John had overslept a few times.
The moment Hendrix and Gemma walked off, Cade shot me a look and nodded toward the back of the stage. Good, we needed to talk.
The auditorium was eerily quiet after everyone had left. I followed Cade behind the curtain and down a long, partially lit hallway. He grabbed my hand and led me to a dressing room, flipping on the light switch.
“It’s mine tonight, so I figure since I’m assigned to protect you …” The flecks of gold in his eyes sparkled.
I glanced around at the dressing area, my eyes landing on the big plush brown leather couch along the wall. The area was small but cozy.
He guided me to the couch and pulled me down next to him. My heart hammered against my chest. What was my problem? I’d known him for years, and now my nerves decided to go nuts?
He leaned back against the arm of the seat and stared at me.
“Did you really like the song?” he asked softly.
“If you’re nervous, you shouldn’t be. Your voice is amazing. I’ve never heard you sing by yourself, and I had no idea how good you are. Omigosh, you were totally holding out on everyone. I mean, Hendrix knew obviously, or he wouldn’t have you sing with him at all …” I stopped myself before I went any further.
“Mac, it’s not what I asked.” A frown line deepened in his forehead while he waited for me to answer.
“Why is my opinion important to you? You’ve been singing for a long time,” I said, trying to dodge the question. Although I wanted to know who the song was about, I was also afraid to hear the answer.
He slid over to me, only an inch away, his handsome face growing more serious.
“Did you like the song?” he asked me again.
My insides quivered. I wanted to skip this conversation, rip his clothes off, and savor every inch of his body.
“Yes, I loved it, but who did you write it for?” I blurted. I looked away, unwilling to see his expression. “Sorry, that was rude and none of my business.”
“Look at me.” His thumb gently caressed my cheek, and I had to remember Cade was seriously skilled at moves like this. Soft, tender ... The ones that made girls slip right out of their panties without a second thought.
I dared a look at him.
“It’s for you, Mac. I wrote the song for you.” His shoulders visibly tensed as the words left his mouth.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
“I … I.”
“I wasn’t sure how you’d take it,” he admitted.
A bit lightheaded with his confession, I simply stared at him. I didn’t understand. What was he saying? I took a deep breath.
“Alright. Cool. I mean it’s actually really cool. Gemma said there’s nothing like it when a dude writes a song for you. Well, a hot dude. An ugly dude, meh, yeah, not so much. But when he’s hot, and the girls are literally creaming themselves just watching you play. Then it’s a big deal because—”
“Mackenzie,” Cade whispered, brushing his thumb gently across my lips. His eyes flashed with longing as his gaze dropped to my mouth. “I want to kiss you.”
Too stunned to disagree, I didn’t respond.
He leaned in, his fingers trailing down the side of my cheek. His warm lips grazed mine ever so softly, lingering for one sweet moment. Cade leaned his forehead against mine, cupping the back of my neck with his hand. I peered up at him, speechless. He knew my kissing rule. He knew what it meant to me, so what was he up to?
He gently tipped my chin up as he kissed me again. His mouth parted slightly, and his tongue tentatively touched mine. I moaned against him, then my brain switched off, and my hormones took full control.
Cade leaned me back on the couch, his mouth never leaving mine. I ran my hands along his back while he settled between my legs. Tugging at his shirt, my fingers danced across his skin.
He broke our kiss and smoothed my hair.
“You kissed me,” I whispered.
“Yeah,” he said quietly, nipping at my bottom lip.
“You called me Mackenzie,” I said.
“I did,” he said, smiling. “I have a confession,” Cade said, still playing with my hair.
“Alright.” Normally I was always down with a good confession, but this one had my stomach in knots.
“My feelings are changing.”
I frowned. What? He didn’t want to be bunk and fuck buddies anymore?
“What do you mean exactly?” I asked, trying not to freak out. Over the last few weeks, I’d gotten used to having him around. I needed him. He was the gatekeeper to my nightmares and anxiety.
“Ever since high school … I’ve always cared about you, I’ve always thought you were gorgeous. I even find your babbling endearing.”
I attempted to remain calm, and not roll him off me onto the floor, then make a mad dash out the door. Not only was he freaking me out, but he needed to get to the point. My heart had literally stopped beating, waiting for what he was going to say next. Was our arrangement over?
“You were with Asher, though. Then when you guys broke up, the band had started taking off and I figured you weren’t ready anyway.”
“Cade? What are you trying to tell me?”
He inhaled deeply. “I have feelings for you, Mac. I have for years. And over the last few weeks, having you next to me at night, our whispered secrets, the mind-blowing sex ... It did me in. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I want a chance with you.”
I scrambled out from underneath him, my mouth gaping open. Shutting it, I chided myself for most likely making him feel bad.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to react like that. I—. Dayummmm
. Like really? No, I’m sorry,” I said, slapping my hands on my cheeks and sitting up. “I had no idea. I really thought you were simply being a good friend and, ya know, we had convenient sex. Cade … I’ve never looked at you other than my brother’s best friend and a man whore.”
The color drained from Cade’s face the second the words left my mouth, and I quickly grasped his hand.
“No … I’m sorry, it’s true, but then … after my nightmares, when you allowed me in your bed, all the walls came down. You didn’t even try to get me out of my pajamas. Well, at first anyway,” I giggled nervously. “Sorry. I’ll try to stay on track here. I saw you differently. It was like for the first time in the years we’ve known each other I had a glimpse of the amazing guy you really are behind the sex and partying.”
“You did?” he asked.
I didn’t miss the beat of hope in his voice.
“Yeah, I did. Cade, I don’t know what this means. I’m not sure where I am emotionally from one day to the next, but I can say my feelings are changing for you, too,” I said. A little stunned by our conversation, I realized I’d admitted my feelings to him and myself for the first time.
His eyes widened, and he grabbed my hand in between his. Electricity traveled through my body.
“Can we see where this goes?” he asked.
I paused while memories of Asher and Jeremiah ran rampant in my mind. The lies, the betrayal, the heartache. Could I try this? Would Cade revert to his womanizing ways? Was this another compulsive moment in my life that would end up in a big ass disaster?
“Listen, to clear the air. There’s not been anyone else since you were in my bed the first night,” Cade said.
I literally gaped at him.
He gently closed my mouth. “I’m serious. The last person I had a smash and dash with as you call it was at Multnomah Falls a few weeks ago. It’s only been you since then.”
How in the hell was I supposed to digest all of this? Cade Richardson, one of the most popular guys from my high school days, lead guitarist and singer, a guy almost any female wanted to screw, was into me?
“What about Hendrix? You can’t risk your career for me. No one is worth sacrificing your passion for. Especially me.”
He shook his head adamantly. “Don’t ever say anything like that again. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, and you're worth the consequences,” he said.
“Okay,” I said, shyly.
“If you’re in, Mac, I’ll talk to Hendrix. I think he would want us to be honest. I’m willing to take the chance if you are.”
I nodded, trying to sift through everything he’d said to me. “So, is this like … are you asking for a committed relationship or? I’m a little bit confused. Well, I mean, I sort of get it, but I think some clarity would help. I’m sorry, I’m rambling, I’m trying to figure everything out, and I talk even more when I’m nervous.”
Cade leaned in and kissed me gently.
“I’d like to see where this goes, but I heard what you said. Besides, I don’t want to be with anyone else. I promise,” he said.
“Umm, I think that’s committed, Cade.”
“Call it whatever you want. If you’ll have me, I’m all yours.”
I slipped my hands around the back of his neck and pulled him to me.
“Yes,” I whispered and kissed him.
“Yeah?” He pulled away slightly and searched my face for reassurance.
“Don’t break my heart, Cade. I’m seriously fragile right now. Besides, Hendrix will be the death of you, and even the thought of it breaks my heart.”
His fingers danced down my cheek, down my neck, and over my left breast. He flattened his palm and rested it over my heart.
“I’m here to protect it, not break it.”
He moved his hand from my chest and gently threaded his fingers through mine. Before now, Cade would have taken the opportunity to feel up my tit, but he didn’t. This was new territory, but so far, I liked it.
I nodded and grinned. “Yeah, if someone has to make an honest man out of you, then it might as well be me.” I laughed.
His lips brushed against mine, and he leaned me back onto the couch.
“You’re all mine,” Cade said softly, his breath tickling my ear and causing a shiver down my spine.
Every ounce of my being loved hearing those words roll off his tongue. All worries and fears quickly melted away as he tugged my shirt over my head, and he covered my collarbone and chest in gentle, tender kisses. He was in no hurry this time, and neither was I.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said, gently sliding my bra straps off my shoulders. I arched into him as he moved his hands around my back, undid the clasp, and moved the material out of the way.
His tongue massaged my nipple, and I moaned, gently raking my nails up his back. He leaned up and tugged his shirt off, then covered my body with his. We were skin to skin. Although we’d fucked a few times, this was different. His eyes flickered with a mix of desire and emotion.
He leaned to the side, his fingers skimming down my stomach to my jeans. He flipped the button open and eased them over my hips, his attention never leaving my body. I kicked my jeans to the floor, and he gently parted my legs.
“I love touching you, feeling you quiver when you’re about to come,” he said softly. His thumb danced across my clit, and I arched into his touch. “Nice and slow for me babe.”
His fingers spread me apart, and he slipped one finger inside me slowly. I latched onto his arm for support. His mouth teased my nipple while he moved his finger in and out of me. I whimpered and raised my hips to meet him. I wanted him hard and fast, but he wasn’t having it.
Cade scooted off the couch and removed his jeans. He rolled on a condom and wrapped his hand around his shaft as his gaze traveled from my core, up my stomach, chest, and finally my eyes.
“I need you inside of me,” I whispered.
He settled over me, guided his cock to my entrance, and paused. In one slow motion, he eased inside. Every magnificent inch of him filled me.
“Cade,” I whimpered.
“Does it feel good, babe?” he asked, moving his hips in a circular motion.
“Yes,” I panted. I dug my nails into his ass cheeks while he continued. Our bodies found the perfect rhythm, and for the first time I felt as though I truly saw all of Cade. All of his fears, vulnerabilities, kindness, and all the love he had inside him. And it rocked me all the way to my soul.
Chapter 14
I spent the rest of the afternoon naked and in Cade’s arms. Nothing I’d ever experienced before compared to this moment. Safe, accepted, comfortable. Neither my relationship with Asher nor with Jeremiah had even come close. It was funny how I’d thought I’d loved them both, but maybe I was in love with the idea. I didn’t know. What I did know was that I was in different territory, and I thought Cade was worth the risk. Hopefully, I was right.
Cade slipped his arm around my waist as we exited the dressing room.
“I don’t want to go back yet,” he admitted while we walked down the hallway.
“Me either, but you have a performance in a few hours.”
He stopped mid-step and turned toward me. “You’ll be there, right?” he asked.
“In the front row, hanging onto every word,” I said sliding my hands around his neck.
“I can’t believe you’re really here with me, Mac.” He shook his head in dismay. “Those years you were with Asher … watching how he treated you, how you hung onto his every word, broke me. But now you’ve realized what I knew all along, that he doesn’t deserve you. You stood up to him and demanded to be respected. You amaze me with your kindness and strength. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, but I’m even prouder to call you mine.”
He tilted my chin up with his finger and brushed his lips against mine. Heat swirled in my stomach as our mouths parted, and our tongues tangled. His fingers grazed the back of my neck, then speared through my hair.
“Thank
you, and I’m elated to be next to you. Never in a million years would I have thought you’d belong to me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
He kissed me slowly, passionately.
“If we don’t stop, I’m going to take you back into the dressing for a quickie,” I said, breathlessly.
Cade’s chuckle rumbled through his chest before he backed away.
“Tonight, I’ll take care of you,” he said, twirling a strand of my hair between his fingers. “By the way, I love your braids, but I like your hair down even better.”
“Yeah?” I asked, suddenly shy. I loved that he noticed the little things, and for the first time in forever, I felt like someone really saw me for me.
“We better get going. I need to get back to the bus and here by six. I need to make sure John is awake, too.” He grinned, took my hand and led me out of the auditorium. The minute we were in public, we dropped each other’s hands and kept a safe distance between each other. It sucked on every level possible.
An hour and a half later, Cade and I were shooting each other nervous glances backstage. Not only was he worried about singing, but I suspected our little secret as well as knowing he had to talk to Hendrix were also weighing heavily on him. They certainly were on me.
I excused myself and ran down the back hallway to the women’s bathroom. My anxiety had kicked into overdrive the second I’d seen Hendrix. He was going to blow his lid. Not to mention my best bestie would be furious with me for hiding my new relationship with Cade.
I hurried to a stall, closed the door behind me, and rifled through my purse. I twisted the cap off the vodka and took several drinks. I grimaced as it burned down my esophagus and into my stomach. Leaning my head against the stall door, I wondered what was going through Cade’s mind. Was he regretting everything he’d said to me earlier? Had he realized I wasn’t worth the risk of losing his career and best friend?
I inhaled sharply and quickly regretted it. The bathroom wasn’t typically the best smelling place to breathe deeply, and this one was no exception. I tilted the bottle up and took a few more drinks before I replaced the lid and tucked it back into my purse.