by J. A. Owenby
Other than Ada Lynn’s, I’d never attended a funeral before. Especially not for anyone my age or even worse, someone I’d grown up with. John’s family sat in the first row of the church, and we settled behind them.
Pink and white lilies graced each end of the closed coffin along with a large bouquet of red roses in the center.
“I can’t believe we’re here,” Cade said in a hushed tone.
“I know,” I said, gripping his hand in mine. My focus traveled over his black jacket and silver tie. Cade didn’t wear a suit often, but when he did, he was breathtakingly masculine and sexy as hell.
“I keep going over all the details in my mind to see if I could have done anything differently,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion.
“Babe,” I turned in my seat to face him, “you weren’t anywhere near him on the stage. There was no way humanly possible you could have reached him or Gemma.”
Cade looked at me, his expression filling with more pain than I could handle seeing in his beautiful eyes.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, redirecting the conversation. If he didn’t want me to break down and sob in front of God and everyone, I needed to focus on something else for a second.
“Alright. I’m ready to return to playing, but I can’t yet.”
“Playing your guitar or me?” I whispered.
Cade flashed me a sad smile and kissed the back of my hand.
“Both, and I miss you more than I thought was possible. It’s bad enough John’s gone, but now that you’re not next to me every night … I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“Do you have someone to stay with your mom and Missy? I mean, you came over for a while the other night.”
“Yeah, I can leave whenever I want to. It’s … I’m not supposed to be doing much anyway while I heal, and when I see you, it hurts just as much when I have to leave.”
“Then don’t,” I said in his ear. “Stay with me and leave early in the morning.”
He stared at me like I’d said he had three wishes.
“Through the front door,” I added.
“I can’t imagine Franklin would be alright with it,” he commented wistfully.
“Pu-lease, Gemma and Hendrix have slept together at his house for like ever. I’ll talk to him. If he’s going to believe we’re serious, I need to be honest with him and not sneak you in. Are you on board?”
“Yeah,” he replied.
“Family and friends,” the pastor said, stepping up to the microphone.
“We’ll finish this later,” I said, turning toward the front of the church.
The next forty-minutes were almost the longest in my life. The first had been when I was with Brandon in that warehouse.
Franklin had offered to host the post-funeral reception at our house. John’s parents had accepted his help, and the downstairs floor was now brimming with over sixty people. I’m not sure whose bright idea it was to entertain people after someone had died, but it sucked. All I wanted was to hide and allow myself to grieve, but I had to continually plaster a fake smile on my face.
Even though Cade was with us at the house, he’d had to settle in on the couch and rest. Dark circles had formed beneath his eyes. I knew he was tired, losing John had kicked all of our asses leaving us exhausted. But Cade was still recovering from his gunshot wound too.
“Hey,” I said gently, sitting next to him on the sofa.
“How are you holding up?” he asked, tucking my hair behind my ear.
I responded to his question with a shrug. “I’ll be glad when it’s over, and I can have some time to wrap my head around it all. I keep expecting John to walk through the door.”
“Me too,” Cade said.
“Do you want to stay tonight?”
Cade’s expression softened. “I’m exhausted, babe. I think I’d fall asleep on you.”
“I’ll take it, but you need to be comfortable since you’re healing, and if it’s in your own bed for a while I understand, but I don’t have to like it.”
“I know,” he said, kissing the back of my hand.
“Kids?” Franklin said, approaching us. He looked strikingly handsome in his soft blue button-down shirt and navy tie. The last year had added a smidge more silver to his dark hair, but he wore it well. “How’s everyone doing under the circumstances?”
“Ugh,” I replied.
“There’s nothing easy about this situation,” Franklin agreed. He pulled a chair up and sat down with us, his gaze falling on Cade. “I know my son has known you for a long time, Cade, but I haven’t. I need to know what your intentions are with Mac.”
“Aw hell,” I muttered. “Right now, Dad?” My voice teetered on whiny, but I didn’t care. We’d lost John, and Cade had the weight of the world on his shoulders. We all did.
“Yeah, I think it’s a good a time. It’s not like we’ll all wake up tomorrow and feel better about losing John, and it seems you two are pretty close. Why don’t you go find Gemma and Hendrix, and allow me to speak with Cade?” He posed it as a question, but I was well aware it wasn’t up for debate.
I slouched forward in defeat. I knew when to push Dad and now wasn’t the time. “Good luck,” I said, kissing Cade’s cheek before I got up and reluctantly made my way into the kitchen. If we hadn’t had a house full of people, I would have grabbed Gemma, hidden around the corner, and eavesdropped on Franklin and Cade.
Anxiety hummed beneath my skin, and I rubbed my arms. What if Cade said the wrong thing, and Franklin pitched a bitch over us seeing each other?
“There you are,” Gemma said, strolling into the kitchen and joining me at the counter. “I’ve been wondering what happened to you.”
“I was hanging out with Cade for a bit when Franklin decided right now would be the perfect time to have the father to boyfriend conversation.”
“Now?” Gemma asked unable to hide her surprise.
“I know,” I said, plopping onto the bar stool. “Doesn’t he know today is about John?”
“He does, Mac. But there’s not a single person here that hasn’t seen how Cade looks at you. It’s clear he’s in love with you, and as a father, I’d assume Franklin wants to learn more about him. Regardless of where John is, Cade’s feelings aren’t going to change for you, and I think Franklin realized it today.”
“You think so?” I asked, my concern calming down a little bit.
“I do. You’re lucky,” Gemma said, releasing a soft sigh. “Franklin loves you, and he wants to be involved in your life. A lot of fathers are too busy or don’t make their kids a priority. He’s candid with you and Hendrix, too. You always know where you stand with him. Give him a chance to accept your relationship.”
“I’m scared. What I have with Cade is so different and special. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up and it’s going to disappear.”
“I get it, but trust me. He’s not going anywhere, from what Hendrix has shared with me. You can’t tell him I told you, though,” Gemma said, rubbing my arm. “Let’s see what happens with Franklin, and we’ll figure it out together. We should probably check on John’s parents now.”
I nodded. I knew she was right, but at this point my heart was on overload. It would simply break into a million pieces if I lost anyone else.
It was after nine in the evening when the house finally emptied of all the guests. Franklin had hired some staff to clean up, but I found myself wandering around aimlessly, picking up paper plates and glasses. None of this made sense. John should be with us, alive, laughing, and licking my cheek.
The minutes had ticked by slowly as I waited for Cade to call me and tell me how things had gone with Franklin. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if Franklin would talk to me first, but either way, I needed to know something soon.
The doorbell rang, pulling me out of my melancholy thoughts. I strolled through the living room, into the foyer, and opened the door.
“What are you doing here?” I asked Cade. “Are you alright?” I quickly assessed h
im for any signs of bad news.
“I’m fine. I wanted to see you. It was so crazy today.” A small smile eased across his face as he leaned against the doorway.
I motioned for him to come in and closed the door behind him.
“You look exhausted,” I said, standing on my tiptoes and giving him a quick peck on his lips.
“I am, but I needed to be next to you tonight,” he said, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger.
“What? You’re staying with me?” I asked, my voice filling with surprise and a little bit of hope.
“I am. Franklin and I had a good talk. He knows I’m here.”
“Wait? You let him know before you showed up?” My eyes narrowed at him. “What happened to girlfriend privileges?” I asked, teasing him.
Cade chuckled softly. “This time, yeah. I did.”
“Tell me everything, but first let’s get you into my bed. This is our first night here together. I mean, you’ve spent a lot of nights at my house, but not like this.”
“I’m ready,” he said, taking my hand and following me upstairs.
Fifteen minutes later, I turned off the lamp on my nightstand, and we snuggled together underneath my teal and white comforter. Even though we were no longer on the bus, I curled up against his right side. It seemed natural to sleep on this side of him now, and I had to be super careful since his chest was still healing.
“You’re going to have a scar.” I traced the edge of the bandage gently with my finger.
“Yeah, I know. Maybe I’ll do something cool and get some ink in memory of John.”
I sat up and stared at him. “That would be amazing,” I whispered.
“I think so, too.”
I laid back down, my mind drifting to all the times John had talked about getting a tattoo. I wondered if he had. My chest tightened with the deep ache I had for the loss of my friend.
“Wait!” I popped back up like a jack in the box.
“Shit,” Cade said, grabbing his chest.
“Omigosh, I’m so sorry, are you alright?”
He grimaced and nodded. “Yeah, maybe we can work on not jostling the bed too much?”
“Yup,” I said, nodding emphatically and gently placing my hands on the bed. “But you’re here, and I got so wrapped up in John and your scar I forgot you’re here. I mean, in my house … well Franklin’s house, and in my bed. But Franklin knows, so does it mean the talk went okay? Did he embarrass you and ask if we're using protection? And omigosh, we didn’t the last time, but you didn’t tell him, right? Talk about TMI.” I groaned and rubbed my face. “I know, I know, you can’t tell me if I don’t hush.”
Cade grinned and took my hand. “I love you, Mac. You’re adorable when you chatter.”
“Really?” I asked, suddenly shy.
“Most of the time, yeah.”
“Let’s hope you don’t change your mind,” I replied. “What if you get tired of my adorable chatter? Think about how many couples grow to hate their significant other’s quirks or qualities they initially thought were endearing and cute.”
“You forget I’ve known you for a long time. I don’t know what you’ve been through in the past with Asher and Jeremiah, Mac, but I’m not going to break up with you over your ADHD. You’re so much more than a label.”
My body visibly relaxed with his words.
“Thank you.”
“Are you ready to hear what Franklin and I talked about?”
“Is it bad?”
“I’m here next to you, babe.”
“True. Alright, spill.”
“He’s a little scary honestly.”
“Dude, he’s an attorney, of course he is!”
“I forget sometimes, though. To me he’s always been Hendrix’s dad, and now he’s my girlfriend’s dad. It’s different.”
I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. “I love the sound of being your girlfriend.”
“Me too. I think Franklin is adjusting as well.”
I wiggled down in the bed and propped my head on my hand, staring at Cade while he talked.
“He asked if I was in love with you, and I told him yeah.”
“What did he say?” I asked, my eyes widening. I knew first-hand how intimidating Franklin could be.
“He asked if I’d considered a real future with you, and what it looked like with me in the band. I told him I had, and I was in this for the long term.”
“Ohhh,” I said softly.
“I told him after I was healed, I wanted to get our own place.”
“What?” I squeaked. “Are you serious?”
“Well, I was.”
My heart sank. “What do you mean?” How did I go from the idea of living with my boyfriend to not in one breath?
“Franklin asked me not to at this time. He said you’d be alone when I was on the road and with Dillon loose, he would worry about your safety.”
“I fucking hate Dillon. He and his son ruin everything.” My chin quivered as I fought back the unwanted tears.
“He’s right, Mac. Until this is settled, we need to keep you safe. I’d never forgive myself if anything else happened to you. So after talking with Franklin some more, I agreed to wait. But if you want to tour with us and take online classes for a while, he’s totally cool with it.”
“Really? I guess I should choose a major so he knows I’m serious about getting a degree. And you’re alright with it, too?” I asked, hope filling my voice.
“Yeah. I think about not being with you for weeks at a time, and it rips right through me.”
“Me too,” I admitted.
“So if this works for you, I’ll stay here at night, and go home during the day to see Mom and Missy until she goes to bed. When we set the tour schedule again, well, you’ll be with us. Eventually, we’ll get our own place to live, but for now, I’m going to side with your dad and stay in his good graces.”
“Yes.” I grinned at him. “It sounds perfect.” I leaned over and kissed him softly.
His hand slipped around the back of my neck, pulling me closer. Our lips parted, and his tongue swept across mine.
“I miss being with you,” he whispered.
“I miss you inside me,” I replied between kisses.
Cade moaned his response, our kiss deepening as my hand trailed over his ripped abs and disappeared beneath the cover.
“Be really still,” I said, wrapping my hand around his erection. “Let me do the work and try to keep your heart rate down.”
“Babe, I’m not sure this …”
“If you get too worked up, I’ll stop.”
“Hell no,” he responded.
I wiggled beneath the covers and ran my tongue along his long shaft.
“Jesus,” he muttered, bunching up the blankets in his hand.
Slowly, I eased him into my mouth, inch by inch. I savored every moment as I stroked him, tasting every part of him. Need pulsed through me, and I carefully released him and moved out from under the covers.
His amber eyes darkened with desire, and I pulled my tank top over my head.
“Hi girls,” he said, grinning and cupping my left breast. “How I’ve missed you.”
I sighed, his touch igniting a fierce desire inside me. Nothing I’d had in the past compared with him on any level. Emotionally or physically. Cade touched my heart and soul like I’d never been touched before.
His thumb brushed across my nipple, then trailed down my stomach and dipped between my legs.
“Cade,” I whimpered while he teased me through the thin material of my G-string. He moved the satin material to the side and slipped a finger inside me.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “I miss tasting you.”
My breath hitched in my chest as he stroked me.
“That’s it, Mac.”
I moved him away, and confusion clouded his face.
“Hang on. I’m going to be so, so careful, but you tell me if it’s too much.”
His gaze
never left mine while I slid my G-string over my hips and tossed it on the floor. I gently straddled him, and eased myself down, guiding him inside me.
“I love you, Mac,” he said.
“I love you too, but you’ve got to stay still and let me guide you.” I held onto his wrists for balance as I timidly rocked my hips against him. “Am I hurting you? How’s your chest?”
“Stop talking, babe. I promise I’ll tell you if it’s too much, but for now, I want to be inside you. It’s been too long.”
I guided his hands to my breasts and shifted my weight backward, allowing him deeper inside me. A soft moan escaped me while I took control of our pace, and he caressed every part of my body as we made love.
“Mac,” he panted.
Leaning forward, I placed my palms on the mattress above his shoulders and carefully balanced my upper body above him. I dug my heels into the bed for leverage, my pace quickening. The familiar swirl of heat spread through my body.
“Cade,” I said. “I’m going to come.”
His fingers dug into my ass cheeks as my body tensed, and I lost myself to him.
“Babe,” he grunted, his muscles flexing beneath me. Seconds later he relaxed, and I sat up slowly.
“Are you alright? Did I hurt you? Omigosh, we shouldn’t have done that.” I eased off him carefully.
“I’m good,” he said, a lazy smile spreading across his beautiful features.
“Let me look at your bandage and make sure you’re not bleeding. What was I thinking? How selfish of a girlfriend am I? I just missed you so bad. If anything happens to you, Cade; I’ll never forgive myself. I’m so sorry.” My voice rose in pitch as I continued.
Cade gently grabbed my wrists with one hand and tilted my chin toward him with the other.
“Mac, I’m grown and capable of making my own choices. I’m fine, you were great. Please don’t panic. I’ve missed you, too. I’m okay.”
My jaw tensed, and I quickly glanced away.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” he asked, sitting up.
“I was afraid I hurt you,” I muttered. “But, as much as I wanted to … the last penis in my mouth was Brandon’s,” I hiccupped. “At the moment I was fine, but it just hit me.”