* * *
‘She’s up, she’s happy, and she’s demolishing her breakfast.’
Cole listened to Lane’s happy and very much relieved voice on the other end of the phone. He was so glad! He’d barely slept a wink the night before, only getting about an hour’s worth after coming home from the hospital. He’d hated leaving Tori and Lane behind. He’d felt as if he was deserting them.
Today was the first day in his entire life that he really didn’t want to be at work. Usually he was happy to go in, with a spring in his step, ready to see how he could help people that day. Even after losing Andrea and the baby he’d only had a few weeks off, and had returned to work feeling brighter and ready to work, welcoming the distraction.
But today he wasn’t thinking about work. He was thinking about how he’d nearly lost his little girl when he’d only just found her. How the doctors wouldn’t have been able to tell him anything without Lane being there because he had no legal rights to Tori at all. No rights about her care...her welfare.
His time with Tori had been working out great. She wasn’t afraid of him, she gave him cuddles, wrapping her little arms around his neck in a big squeeze that made his heart sing. She smiled when he came into the room and sat down beside her to play. She shared her toys with him, let him feed her, bathe her, put her to bed—all the things a real father would do.
He never wanted to lose that. Ever.
But she was in good hands. The hands of doctors. In a hospital. And Lane was by her side and she’d done a damned good job of keeping her safe and healthy so far—though he knew she felt guilty for not suspecting there might be an allergy to bee stings.
What was scary was how rapid onset the symptoms had been. How quickly Tori had gone from crying at the pain of the sting to almost losing her airway and passing out.
He never wanted to feel that scared again. That helpless. Never wanted to feel so lost. Surely it was time he looked into the possibility of making his relationship with Tori official? Make plans for the future? He knew he’d have to ask Lane, but he felt sure she’d be fine with it...
His first patient was Marcus Darby, who was in for a chat about his mental health. Marcus had been struggling of late, and Cole had upped his medication dosage and arranged counselling and cognitive behavioural therapy to get Marcus to cut down on some of his OCD rituals.
‘How’s it going today, Marcus?’
‘Not bad, Doctor. Not bad. It only took me about twenty minutes to leave the house this time.’
‘Twenty minutes? That’s good. How long did it take you before?’
‘A good hour, once I’d finished checking everything.’
‘And what do you find yourself checking?’
‘That the cooker is off. That the lights are off and the front door is locked properly.’
‘How many repetitions are you doing?’
‘Ten of each. I’ve cut down, though, so I’m happy with that.’
‘So, do you think the counselling is helping?’
‘A bit. She’s made me see how my thinking is a vicious circle, feeding each behaviour, and she’s given me some different ways to think about my rituals, so they cause me less panic.’
‘That’s good—good that you understand repeating the same behaviours over and over again may seem like a safety belt, but in fact what they’re doing is tying you up more and more, trapping you in a cycle.’
‘Exactly. I’m not trying to cut the behaviours out completely, but I’m getting them down to a manageable level first, before taking the next step.’
‘And you’ve not replaced old behaviours with new ones?’
Marcus shook his head. ‘No. I don’t think so. I notice when new worries start up and I talk to myself out loud, with alternative opposite thoughts, until they seem less worrying.’
‘So you’re able to help yourself? That’s good progress, Marcus. You should be proud.’
‘Thanks, Doc.’ He smiled.
‘So you’re happy to carry on as you are at the moment? You don’t feel the need to change your dosage again?’
‘I’m happy as it is. Maybe later, when I’m better, we can look at reducing.’
‘One step at a time. Let’s not rush this. It’s easy to drop back into old habits if we move too fast.’
‘All right. Well, thanks, Doc, it was good to see you again.’ He reached out to shake Cole’s hand.
Cole bade him goodbye and started writing up his notes into the system. When he was done, he checked his phone to make sure there weren’t any messages from Lane.
He missed her. Missed having her close. Having her in the next room. For the last few weeks they’d been getting close, and though that had been a scary prospect at first, and he’d almost backed away at one point, now he could see just how much he’d needed her lately. Her being close by made him feel better. The touch of her hand. Her beautiful smile. The way she would try to cheer him when he was feeling blue.
It had been a long time since he’d had someone care for him like that. No one since Andrea, anyway.
It felt good to have that back. A partner. Someone with the same goals as him. A shared purpose.
His feelings for Lane had intensified of late, and although it scared him to think about what that might mean, he kept telling himself that it was okay. As long as they just took it one day at a time and didn’t think too much about what the future held, then they could carry on as they were.
He didn’t think she wanted anything more from him than that and that was good—because he wasn’t sure just how much of himself he had to give. Because giving all his heart was too big an idea for him to contemplate right now.
She had some of it—he knew that. His feelings for her had got bigger and bigger with each night they’d spent together and each morning waking up in each other’s arms, but...all of it?
That was too scary to contemplate.
That was too much.
He wouldn’t admit anything more—not even to himself.
Day by day—that was all they needed to do.
And when he went to the hospital later he would take Tori a huge teddy bear.
He checked his phone again before admitting his next patient.
* * *
‘She can go home.’
Cole froze, checked the doctor’s face to make sure he wasn’t joking. ‘You’re kidding? Already?’
‘Her airway is clear; her observations are normal. She’s eating and drinking well, passing urine and faeces—there’s no reason to keep her here.’
‘But...’
But it’s unsafe out there.
The doctor seemed to understand. ‘I know it’s a scary prospect, but you’re forewarned and therefore forearmed this time. You have her emergency kit—she’ll be fine...let her live her life.’
‘You mean don’t keep her cooped up indoors?’
The doctor nodded. ‘The temptation to do that—to wrap her in cotton wool—will be strong, but you must try to ignore it.’
Cole thought of his patient Marcus, and why he performed all his safety behaviours to get rid of the worrying thoughts in his head, and began to understand him even more. ‘Okay...’
‘You know where we are—and our doors are never closed.’
‘Well, let’s hope we never have to walk through them again.’
The doctor smiled, talked them both through the correct use of her emergency medication once again. and then left them to pack up their belongings and leave. It was amazing how much stuff they’d accumulated. Not to mention the giant teddy bear, almost as big as Cole, that he’d carried in just an hour ago.
Lane gave him a hug, then kissed him. It felt good to get her reassurance. Her affection.
‘We’ll be okay. I’m sure of it,’ she said. ‘We’ll tackle this one day at a time.’
He was
reassured that she was thinking the same way as him. He nodded, and gathered all of Tori’s bags and her medication, and Lane sat the teddy bear on the back of the buggy as she pushed Tori towards the exit and home.
As they got to the front doors he felt a brief moment of pure terror, imagining that every bee in the world would somehow know that his daughter was vulnerable and come buzzing down from the skies, but when they emerged and nothing happened he relaxed a little. Not much, but enough.
When Lane took his hand and squeezed it tightly he knew that she’d felt the same thing, and he looked to her with gratitude. They were in this together. He felt that implicitly. They both had the same goal and that was to keep Tori safe, happy and loved.
One day at a time.
* * *
They’d promised not to wrap her in cotton wool and to live normally, but it was natural that they would be over-protective, and over the next couple of days they pretty much stayed in, popping out only to go to the supermarket.
Of course Cole was going to work every day, but he was rushing back to her house at night, to spend precious hours with Tori before bed.
Once, he didn’t get to see her at all, as he had to go on a home visit one evening that turned into an emergency, meaning he’d gone with his patient to the hospital and waited until the patient’s family arrived.
‘You’re a good man, Cole,’ Lane had said, kissing him on the cheek when he’d finally come round late and passing him a longed-for cup of tea.
‘I try... I know what it’s like to be in hospital alone—and he was so nervous, waiting to see if he’d had a stroke or not. I couldn’t walk away. It was my duty to stay.’
‘And had he?’
Cole nodded unhappily. ‘Afraid so. But he’s in the best place now and he’ll get great care there. The stroke team are excellent—I’ve had a few patients taken care of very expertly there.’
‘Good. Now you’re here, though, you can relax.’ She reached for his tie and pulled it loose, unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and went on tiptoe to give him a kiss. ‘Let me run you a shower.’
He groaned. ‘Sounds wonderful. Thank you.’
‘I could make it even better...’ she said, with a cheeky smile.
‘How so?’ He raised an eyebrow.
‘I could join you.’
‘Well, forget the cup of tea—that sounds even more perfect.’
She started the shower and stood in front of him in the bathroom, slowly stripping him of his clothes, leaving only a smile.
As each piece of clothing was removed she allowed her hands to trace the musculature of his body as more and more of it was revealed. Then she began to take off her own clothes, and then she led him into the spray of water and steam.
She brushed his skin with soft, feather-light kisses, feeling his arousal grow and grow against her body. It was a potent feeling, knowing that she was doing that to him. That she had that power. That control. Could get that reaction from him.
He reached for her, pulling her closer, grinding her against him, and she smiled and sealed her lips against his in a deep, exploring kiss.
In the heat of the water and the heat of their bodies they allowed themselves to be consumed by the fire they felt within. These last few days they’d both been so stressed, with what had happened to Tori, and they’d been so confined by their fears. But now, with their daughter safely in bed, fast asleep, they could let out all the tension they’d been experiencing and enjoy the softer, more desirous side of life.
Lane moved against him, her soapy body pressed to his, feeling his hands upon her body, urgent and needful. She groaned with pleasure and searched out his mouth, explored it with her tongue.
This man was all she needed right now.
And feeling this content. This happy...
When had she ever felt this way? She’d thought she had once, with Simon, but that had all been a lie. There’d been doubts with him even at the beginning, and she’d felt afraid for their future. She’d not been able to put her finger on it, and she’d put it down to it being her first ever long-term relationship. She’d been finding her feet... Learning... Not knowing if what she was doing was right, but hoping it was anyway.
But she’d got in too deep, too quickly. She’d had time to think since then. Now Lane was older, wiser, more cautious.
She had been terrified to take this step with Cole, knowing the complications of it, but it seemed to be working. He was a good man. Dedicated. Loving. Considerate of her and her feelings. He didn’t seem to be with her just because it was good for his ego, nor did it seem that he was using her. She genuinely thought that Cole was with her because that was what he wanted. Not just because she came with Tori attached and to get access to one, he needed the other.
Yes, she was sure of it. As sure as her previously broken heart could be. And perhaps it was time for her to accept living in the present and forget about what the future held?
There came a time when you just had to make a leap of faith and trust in your instincts, and that was what she was doing now. She paused, remembering the fortune-teller’s words, and smiled. Yes, she wanted to keep Cole in her life. He’d become so important to her and she couldn’t imagine a future without him.
But right now was for having fun. Right now was for letting off steam and enjoying each other’s bodies. No doubt they would dry each other off, go to bed and make love there, and in the morning she would wake in his arms again.
Life was almost perfect.
And she would do everything she could to make sure it stayed that way.
* * *
‘Lane? If you’re free could you pop into my room? I’ve a patient who might need a dressing—I thought you could give her a once-over.’
‘Sure!’
She was just finishing another dressing, for a patient with a diabetic leg ulcer. She washed and dried her hands, entered the details of the wound assessment and the dressings used into the template on the computer, and went to see what she could do next door.
Cole’s patient was an elderly lady with a bad cut to her leg.
‘Oh, my goodness, how did you manage that?’ Lane asked.
‘In the garden. I had a fall and caught my leg on the chicken wire that sticks out from the chicken coop.’
‘You have chickens?’
‘Rescued ones. From those horrible farms they keep them in.’
‘Oh, well... Well done, you. Right—let’s have a little look at this, shall we? Are you prescribing any antibiotics?’ Lane asked Cole.
She was worried about how dirty the chicken wire might have been. She had no idea of what kind of germs and bugs dirty wire might be covered in.
‘Not straight away. And tetanus status is up to date. So, let’s dress it and see how it goes.’
‘All right. I’ll grab something to clean this first and then get some dressings on it. Wait here.’
She came back a moment later, and once they had the patient on the examination bed, raised to a suitable level for their backs, they began dressing the wound, with Lane doing the main work and Cole passing her tape and scissors and entering the details onto the practice system.
‘There you go. All done. Tell Mary on the front desk we want to see you again in three days for a re-dressing. Twenty-minute appointment. But if it begins to feel odd before then, or you get hotness or pain, you call us straight away—okay?’
Lane pressed the button the bed that would lower it back down.
‘Oh, thank you. You’ve both been so kind.’
‘No problem at all. I’ll leave you to it,’ Lane said to Cole, and headed back to her own room to await her next patient, who was coming to have some staples removed after knee surgery.
As she sat at her own computer, to see if her patient had arrived yet—he had—she suddenly felt dizzy. It hit her like a wave. She gasped
and had to hold her head to keep it steady, to try and fight what her inner ear told her was happening even though in reality it wasn’t. She felt nauseous, and a cold, clammy sweat crawled over her. And then, as suddenly as it began, it disappeared.
She released her head carefully and blinked steadily, moving her head from side to side tentatively to see if it would come back. Nothing. Lane looked at the time on her computer. She hadn’t eaten for hours. It had to be low blood sugar. She’d not had time to eat her breakfast that morning.
Dipping into her bag, she found a protein bar and ate that, and instantly felt better.
She called in her patient and examined his knee. It had healed very well. The wound was neat and dry, with no redness, no swelling, and no sign of residual infection, but stooping over him she could tell that her head still felt a little...swimmy.
Perhaps she was tired? Or maybe she had an ear infection? She’d been through a lot of stress lately with Tori, and perhaps she’d been working too hard? When had she last had a proper break?
It was hard, working almost full-time and looking after a baby, too. She’d been putting her own needs second to those of Tori, and to some degree Cole’s too. And they’d been keeping each other awake at night—in the best possible way, of course!—but sometimes you just needed to sleep and get that full eight hours!
She decided to tell him that tonight they must just sleep. Maybe cuddle. But that was it. And that would be nice.
She smiled at the thought as she removed the staples in her patient’s knee. ‘This last one might pinch. It’s very close to the edge of the wound.’
But her patient barely moved, and soon it was all done. She put a much smaller dressing over it as a temporary measure.
‘Just leave this on for today, and then you can remove it. Take it easy over the next few weeks, and any problems, come straight back, okay?’
‘Will do. Thanks.’
She waved him goodbye at the door and watched him walk easily down the corridor towards the waiting room. Finally! Her morning clinic was done!
Healed by His Secret Baby Page 12