‘I’ve called your mum. She’s going to keep Tori until I can pick her up after work, and then I’m coming home to make you dinner.’
‘I can do it. I’m quite capable.’
‘I know you are. But you’ve had a bit of a scare today. So have I. And neither of us need any more of those, thank you very much. Let me make sure you’re rested—you can come back to work when you feel better. Mary was quite frightened to find you like that.’
Oh. She’d not thought about that. Poor Mary. She would have to apologise to her, and also thank her for taking care of her so well. ‘Fine. I’ll go to bed.’
‘Good.’
He stared at her for a moment and then stooped down to give her a kiss, holding her face in his hands. He looked deep into her eyes, his face serious once again. ‘Don’t you ever scare me like that again—do you hear?’
She nodded. ‘I promise.’
CHAPTER TWELVE
THE NEXT WEEK was rough. Lane had continued to fight the flu, but she’d slowly begun to feel stronger under Cole’s watchful eye. And when she was able to get back to work she went straight over to Mary and gave her a big hug.
‘What’s that for?’ she asked.
‘For looking after me. I’m sorry if I scared you.’
‘Nonsense. I did what I had to do. Thank goodness for all that first aid training we have to do, right?’
Lane laughed and nodded. ‘Comes in handy at times.’
Mary slipped her arm into Lane’s. ‘Now, come and have a look at what I’ve put in the kitchen.’
‘Have you been baking again?’
‘Choc chip muffins and lemon drizzle.’
‘You spoil us, Mary.’
Now she was dealing with a patient whose ear syringing had been put off due to her fainting episode. She quite liked doing it. It was satisfying to get all that gunk out. She knew that sounded strange. Some people couldn’t bear to see congealed wax. But she always felt a sense of achievement at giving back her patients the ability to hear better.
‘Nearly done, Mrs Watkins.’
She had to take care and make sure she didn’t injure the tympanic membrane that was the inner eardrum with the small water jet.
‘Good. I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for this. I was meant to have it done the week before, but it got postponed then, as well.’
‘Did it? I’m sorry about that.’
‘Wasn’t your fault. I was booked in with the nurse but I had to go see my granddaughter—she was having one of her episodes.’
‘Episodes?’
‘She’s always getting emotional. Calls me whenever there’s a problem. She never really had her mum around so she comes to me, you know?’
She smiled. She understood. Skye had come to Lane about a lot of things. They’d had such a close relationship, and she’d felt privileged that Skye had trusted her with things that she couldn’t tell anyone else.
You see? You had an intense relationship with Skye, too. You lock on to people. You don’t give them space. That’s why Cole has been odd with you these last few days.
Cole had been the perfect doctor to Lane whilst she’d had the flu, but since then she’d sensed a distance between them—a gap that was beginning to widen—and it frightened her. She felt a little hurt, too...
But she’d had a lot of time to think whilst she’d been ill in bed, and she’d realised that she’d contributed a lot to all the problems in her relationships by not saying how she truly felt. If things with Cole were to be different then perhaps she ought to tell him how she felt? That way he’d know where she was coming from.
‘She thought she might be pregnant, but of course she wasn’t.’
‘How old is she?’
‘Just eighteen—but we’ve kind of helped raise her, so we’re very close. Her mum was useless, to be honest.’
Lane continued to squirt water—she was practically done. ‘What made her think she was pregnant?’
‘She felt sick. Tired. Apparently her monthly was late, but when we sat down with her she’d just counted wrong, that was all. Anyway, she’s not—so the panic is over and I can get my ears done.’
‘Well, it’s good, that she wasn’t. Unless she wanted to be, of course?’
‘No, no. Her and her boyfriend have only been seeing each other a few months. It all got a bit too intense a bit too soon, that’s all.’
Been there, done that.
She passed her patient a tissue and discarded the cardboard cup into the clinical waste bin. Then she went to put the machine in the sluice so she could clean it in a minute. She removed her gloves, washed her hands, and tapped the details of the procedure into the system.
‘There we are, Mrs Watkins. All done until next time.’
She tried to smile. But she was still thinking about Cole. About Tori. About where they all stood.
Mrs Watkins gave her thanks and left, and Lane felt her shoulders sag when she was alone in the room again. She looked at the wall that separated her from Cole’s room. They’d only known each other a few weeks and they were practically living together. They hadn’t even spoken yet about arrangements for the future. Perhaps they should?
She loved him. But could she tell him? Should she?
Maybe it was all too soon and she was moving too fast. Again. Telling him how she felt would change everything, and if he didn’t feel the same way then what? She knew he cared for her. He’d looked after her so well whilst she’d been sick. But...
But she’d seen the doubt in his eyes.
Perhaps he was scared about what the future held, too? What if announcing her feelings would help him?
She kept trying to dismiss her doubts, but the more she fell in love with him the louder those voices were becoming.
If he rejected her it would break her heart in two. But wasn’t it best to be honest? If he didn’t reject her, if he felt the same way, then everything would be alright. It would be wonderful!
Lane looked at the purple fob watch that was pinned to her tunic. Ten minutes past ten. Six hours or so before work ended.
She had another patient waiting. A young girl of nineteen, who was there for spirometry with reversal to check and see if her breathing could be helped by using inhalers. Perfect. She could concentrate on that for a while.
Lane fetched the equipment and connected it to her computer. Then she called her patient in.
* * *
Cole had one last home visit to do before he could go home and put his feet up for the night. He was looking forward to that. He was exhausted! And he wanted a shower to wash away the cares of the day. It had been a long one. And it hadn’t ended yet.
This patient didn’t need treatment specifically. But she’d recently been diagnosed with a brain tumour and he wanted to pop in and see how she was. It seemed the right thing to do. He’d been looking after this patient for over five years, and remembered when she’d first come to him with chronic headaches, nausea and dizziness.
Deborah let him in and he wiped his feet. ‘Hey, Debs, how are you doing?’
‘I’m all right, Dr Branagh. You didn’t need to come and see me at home—I could have come to you.’
‘Oh, it’s no problem at all. Kelvin home?’ Kelvin was Deborah’s husband.
She nodded. ‘He’s in the kitchen. Can I get you a cup of tea?’
‘That’d be lovely. Thanks.’
She escorted him through to the kitchen and he shook Kelvin’s hand and sat down, on their invitation, at the kitchen table.
‘So what’s the plan? Have you seen your consultant lately?’
She nodded. ‘Chemotherapy will start in two weeks. It’s going to be quite aggressive treatment, he said, and I should prepare myself for some bad side effects.’
‘They can give you some meds to help alleviate those.’
She ran her fingers through it, stroking it, smiling, and he could see she was trying to be brave.
‘After that, if they can get the tumour to shrink a little, they said it’ll be easier to remove with surgery.’
She was so young to have cancer. But then he guessed Skye had faced the same thing at a similar young age. Deborah had a little girl, too. Sienna. But she was older than Tori. About two years old, if he remembered correctly.
‘You could try cold capping.’
‘He mentioned that. I’ll probably give it a go.’
‘How’s everyone taken the news?’
‘Family’s been good. We can’t tell Sienna, though, she won’t understand. But I wonder if...if you think I should make a will...just in case?’
A will. In case she died.
Another young woman whose life could be cut short.
What was the universe trying to tell him?
‘It’s a sensible thing to do, but you must try and remain positive.’
‘Oh, I will! But I just need to know that Sienna will be taken care of.’
He found it strange that he should be seated here, discussing her arrangements, when he hadn’t been able to help Skye. It really began to sink in what she must have felt. What she must have feared losing.
He understood that fear. He couldn’t imagine having to make that kind of decision himself, knowing he was to be a parent. Could he have done it? He’d given life a lot of thought whilst Lane had been ill, and his fears had been fed by the past.
Was he meant to be with Lane? He had very strong feelings for her—of course he did—but was it too much, too soon? He thought about her relationship with Simon, how she’d said it had been all-consuming. Well, didn’t they have the very same thing going on right now? Was she feeling smothered? Because he thought that he might be. Not by her. But by the intensity of his feelings for her and what that meant.
He couldn’t breathe sometimes because he worried so much.
He’d already lost everything once. Did he dare risk losing all he cared about again? Legally, he had no rights at all if he screwed this up between them.
Plus, he really wanted to spend more time alone with Tori. Just the two of them. Could he apply to the court for parental responsibility? Discuss gaining formal access to Tori? He didn’t think Lane would mind—after all, he was Tori’s father.
It was great to be with Lane, working together to make Tori feel secure with him. But they were always together with her, and if Tori cried Lane comforted her, because she was used to being the one who responded. He needed the opportunity to learn what to do when Tori needed something.
He resolved to speak to Lane about that tonight. He had no idea what the future held for him and Lane, but he did know that he wanted a future for him and Tori.
She was his daughter and he would do anything for her. He would give his life, if need be.
Lane would understand that. She had recently been letting him take Tori out on his own, but that had just been for the occasional walk. He wanted to have a whole day on his own. A weekend, maybe? Lane might appreciate the rest! She’d been Tori’s main carer for nearly a year, without a break and that had to be part of the reason she’d been so ill lately.
‘It’s good to plan,’ he said now. ‘You need to make sure your family will be okay.’
Deborah smiled at his approval.
He sipped his tea and watched as Sienna came running into the kitchen, trailing her blanket behind her. Deborah scooped her up into her arms and kissed her daughter’s cheek.
His mind was made up. He would speak to Lane tonight.
* * *
Tori was splashing about, enjoying her bath, when Lane heard the front door open downstairs. She’d given him a key, trying not to make a big deal out of it.
‘We’re upstairs!’ she called down, feeling her stomach churn and her heart pound even faster.
What was the best way to tell him? She was scared. Terrified. This was such a big step. But it was one she thought was the right thing to do. Tell Cole how invested she was in their relationship. He needed to know where he stood.
‘Great. I’ll be right up.’
She heard him put down his bag, drape his coat on a hook, and then his footsteps as he trotted up the stairs.
She gave him a big smile when he appeared in the bathroom doorway. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey, yourself. Anything for dinner?’
‘We’ve had some chicken, veggies and rice. I put a plate for you in the microwave.’
‘Thanks.’
She smiled at him, wondering how best and when the right time would be to start this conversation. The man had just come back from work. He’d had a long day, plus home visits to make. He was probably shattered. Probably best to leave the heavy relationship talk until after he’d had something to eat and a chance to clean himself up. It wasn’t something that could just be blurted out.
‘I’ve got this,’ she said. ‘You get something to eat.’
‘You’re sure?’
She nodded.
He smiled and headed back downstairs, and soon she heard him pottering about in the kitchen and the microwave being switched on.
She let out a pent-up breath and gazed at Tori. ‘What do you think, Tori, hmm...? What will Daddy say?’
More than anything she realised she needed Cole! She loved him. But the last man she’d loved had left her. She could be about to ruin everything they had. Their friendship. How well they got on. How good a little family unit they were. She might mess all of that up by pressing her own selfish issues!
But she needed to show him how serious she was about what they had, and by affirming that, she hoped it would show him that they could do this, live this life that they were building and do it together.
She felt sure he felt the same way too. Didn’t he act like they were in a relationship? A serious one?
She scooped Tori from the bath, wrapping her in a big fluffy towel and laying her on the floor to dry her properly.
She could feel herself trembling. Her heart racing.
Tori giggled and Lane pulled her towards her, wrapping her not only in the towel but in a massive bear hug. She closed her eyes. Soaking in this moment. This moment of near serenity.
Because she had to tell him. Had to let him know. She couldn’t live in limbo. She needed certainties.
And she hoped and prayed that he would say those three words she longed to hear more than anything.
* * *
With Tori bathed and in her pyjamas, playing in her playpen, Lane straightened things in the kitchen and cleared up in there. There wasn’t much to do. Cole was very good at tidying up after himself.
Looking around, she realised just how little of him there was here. None of his things. No possessions. Did he feel he didn’t belong? Perhaps soon, when she’d spoken to him, he would feel better about everything? Bring some more of his stuff over?
When there was absolutely nothing left for her to do she went into the living room and sat down on the couch beside him.
He smiled at her and she reached out to take his hand. She squeezed it tight, taking a moment to just marvel at his strong hand entwined with hers, at the shape of his forearm, the chunky watch on his wrist. All the little details she loved about him.
‘You okay?’ he asked.
‘Yep. I’m fine. Good. You?’
She thought he looked a little distracted—as if he had something on his mind.
‘Yeah...’
‘I...er...wonder if we could talk for a minute? If you’re not too tired?’ she said.
Now he looked at her. ‘Sure.’
So this was it. Her big moment.
And now it was here she found herself feeling nervous and wanting to giggle.
He locked eyes with her, still holding her hand. Still smiling. She hoped he would still be smiling when she told him how she felt.
‘But can I tell you about what I’ve been wanting to say first?’ he asked.
She nodded. ‘Of course!’
‘You and I have been getting on really well...’ he began.
She beamed. Yes. They had. That was why this was such a perfect moment to tell him the truth about her feelings.
‘And Tori and I have really got to know one another...’
‘You have. And it’s been beautiful to see.’ She smiled.
‘And you’ve let me take Tori out for a walk...that kind of thing. But... I want more, Lane. I need more than that.’
This was it. She could feel it! He was going to tell her he loved her too, and then there would be kisses and hugs and laughter as they fell into each other’s arms...
‘When she was in hospital, it made me realise how—legally—I had no right to any of the information the doctor was giving us. If you hadn’t been there I’d have known nothing. It made me feel...apart from you. Like an outsider.’
He wasn’t, though. She’d been trying to show him that. That she could give him everything he wanted.
‘So, I’ve been thinking really hard about this, and...’
She squeezed his hand tight, a big smile on her face, waiting to hear those three little words.
‘I’d like to take Tori home with me for a while. For it to be just the two of us. I feel I really need to build that father-daughter relationship.’
Lane sucked in a breath, trying not to let her smile falter. But this wasn’t what she’d been expecting!
He wanted to spend time alone with Tori?
‘Just the two of you?’ she said slowly.
He nodded. ‘Yes. With your permission, obviously.’
She nodded hurriedly, still smiling, trying her best not to look as if she’d just been punched in the gut. Of course he would want some precious alone-time with Tori! Why wouldn’t he? She was a wonderful little girl. He was her father. Of course she didn’t mind! But it was hardly the declaration of love she’d hoped to hear. In fact, he seemed to be thinking about making plans that only included himself and his daughter.
Healed by His Secret Baby Page 14