by Jane Austen
Page 33
I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be more. "
Upon the whole, she was equally contented with her view of his feelings.
"He is undoubtedly very much in love-every thing denotes it-very much in love indeed!-and when he comes again, if his affection continue, I must be on my guard not to encourage it. -It would be most inexcusable to do otherwise, as my own mind is quite made up.
Not that I imagine he can think I have been encouraging him hitherto.
No, if he had believed me at all to share his feelings, he would not have been so wretched. Could he have thought himself encouraged, his looks and language at parting would have been different. -Still, however, I must be on my guard. This is in the supposition of his attachment continuing what it now is; but I do not know that I expect it will; I do not look upon him to be quite the sort of man-I do not altogether build upon his steadiness or constancy. -His feelings are warm, but I can imagine them rather changeable. -Every consideration of the subject, in short, makes me thankful that my happiness is not more deeply involved. -I shall do very well again after a little while-and then, it will be a good thing over; for they say every body is in love once in their lives, and I shall have been let off easily. "
When his letter to Mrs. Weston arrived, Emma had the perusal of it; and she read it with a degree of pleasure and admiration which made her at first shake her head over her own sensations, and think she had undervalued their strength. It was a long, well-written letter, giving the particulars of his journey and of his feelings, expressing all the affection, gratitude, and respect which was natural and honourable, and describing every thing exterior and local that could be supposed attractive, with spirit and precision.
No suspicious flourishes now of apology or concern; it was the language of real feeling towards Mrs. Weston; and the transition from Highbury to Enscombe, the contrast between the places in some of the first blessings of social life was just enough touched on to shew how keenly it was felt, and how much more might have been said but for the restraints of propriety. -The charm of her own name was not wanting. Miss Woodhouse appeared more than once, and never without a something of pleasing connexion, either a compliment to her taste, or a remembrance of what she had said; and in the very last time of its meeting her eye, unadorned as it was by any such broad wreath of gallantry, she yet could discern the effect of her influence and acknowledge the greatest compliment perhaps of all conveyed. Compressed into the very lowest vacant corner were these words-"I had not a spare moment on Tuesday, as you know, for Miss Woodhouses beautiful little friend. Pray make my excuses and adieus to her. " This, Emma could not doubt, was all for herself. Harriet was remembered only from being her friend.
His information and prospects as to Enscombe were neither worse nor better than had been anticipated; Mrs. Churchill was recovering, and he dared not yet, even in his own imagination, fix a time for coming to Randalls again.
Gratifying, however, and stimulative as was the letter in the material part, its sentiments, she yet found, when it was folded up and returned to Mrs. Weston, that it had not added any lasting warmth, that she could still do without the writer, and that he must learn to do without her. Her intentions were unchanged. Her resolution of refusal only grew more interesting by the addition of a scheme for his subsequent consolation and happiness. His recollection of Harriet, and the words which clothed it, the "beautiful little friend," suggested to her the idea of Harriets succeeding her in his affections.
Was it impossible?-No. -Harriet undoubtedly was greatly his inferior in understanding; but he had been very much struck with the loveliness of her face and the warm simplicity of her manner; and all the probabilities of circumstance and connexion were in her favour. -For Harriet, it would be advantageous and delightful indeed.
"I must not dwell upon it," said she. -"I must not think of it.
I know the danger of indulging such speculations. But stranger things have happened; and when we cease to care for each other as we do now, it will be the means of confirming us in that sort of true disinterested friendship which I can already look forward to with pleasure. "
It was well to have a comfort in store on Harriets behalf, though it might be wise to let the fancy touch it seldom; for evil in that quarter was at hand. As Frank Churchills arrival had succeeded Mr. Eltons engagement in the conversation of Highbury, as the latest interest had entirely borne down the first, so now upon Frank Churchills disappearance, Mr. Eltons concerns were assuming the most irresistible form. -His wedding-day was named.
He would soon be among them again; Mr. Elton and his bride.
There was hardly time to talk over the first letter from Enscombe before "Mr. Elton and his bride" was in every bodys mouth, and Frank Churchill was forgotten. Emma grew sick at the sound.
She had had three weeks of happy exemption from Mr. Elton; and Harriets mind, she had been willing to hope, had been lately gaining strength. With Mr. Westons ball in view at least, there had been a great deal of insensibility to other things; but it was now too evident that she had not attained such a state of composure as could stand against the actual approach-new carriage, bell-ringing, and all.
Poor Harriet was in a flutter of spirits which required all the reasonings and soothings and attentions of every kind that Emma could give. Emma felt that she could not do too much for her, that Harriet had a right to all her ingenuity and all her patience; but it was heavy work to be for ever convincing without producing any effect, for ever agreed to, without being able to make their opinions the same. Harriet listened submissively, and said "it was very true-it was just as Miss Woodhouse described-it was not worth while to think about them-and she would not think about them any longer" but no change of subject could avail, and the next half-hour saw her as anxious and restless about the Eltons as before.
At last Emma attacked her on another ground.
"Your allowing yourself to be so occupied and so unhappy about Mr. Eltons marrying, Harriet, is the strongest reproach you can make me. You could not give me a greater reproof for the mistake I fell into. It was all my doing, I know. I have not forgotten it, I assure you. -Deceived myself, I did very miserably deceive you-and it will be a painful reflection to me for ever. Do not imagine me in danger of forgetting it. "
Harriet felt this too much to utter more than a few words of eager exclamation. Emma continued,
"I have not said, exert yourself Harriet for my sake; think less, talk less of Mr. Elton for my sake; because for your own sake rather, I would wish it to be done, for the sake of what is more important than my comfort, a habit of self-command in you, a consideration of what is your duty, an attention to propriety, an endeavour to avoid the suspicions of others, to save your health and credit, and restore your tranquillity. These are the motives which I have been pressing on you. They are very important-and sorry I am that you cannot feel them sufficiently to act upon them.
My being saved from pain is a very secondary consideration. I want you to save yourself from greater pain. Perhaps I may sometimes have felt that Harriet would not forget what was due-or rather what would be kind by me. "
This appeal to her affections did more than all the rest.
The idea of wanting gratitude and consideration for Miss Woodhouse, whom she really loved extremely, made her wretched for a while, and when the violence of grief was comforted away, still remained powerful enough to prompt to what was right and support her in it very tolerably.
"You, who have been the best friend I ever had in my life-Want gratitude to you!-Nobody is equal to you!-I care for nobody as I do for you!-Oh! Miss Woodhouse, how ungrateful I have been!"
Such expressions, assisted as they were by every thing that look and manner could do, made Emma feel that she had never loved Harriet so well, nor valued her affection so highly before.
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart," said she afterwa
rds to herself. "There is nothing to be compared to it.
Warmth and tenderness of heart, with an affectionate, open manner, will beat all the clearness of head in the world, for attraction, I am sure it will. It is tenderness of heart which makes my dear father so generally beloved-which gives Isabella all her popularity. -I have it not-but I know how to prize and respect it. -Harriet is my superior in all the charm and all the felicity it gives.
Dear Harriet!-I would not change you for the clearest-headed, longest-sighted, best-judging female breathing. Oh! the coldness of a Jane Fairfax!-Harriet is worth a hundred such-And for a wife-a sensible mans wife-it is invaluable. I mention no names; but happy the man who changes Emma for Harriet!"
CHAPTER XIV
Mrs. Elton was first seen at church: but though devotion might be interrupted, curiosity could not be satisfied by a bride in a pew, and it must be left for the visits in form which were then to be paid, to settle whether she were very pretty indeed, or only rather pretty, or not pretty at all.
Emma had feelings, less of curiosity than of pride or propriety, to make her resolve on not being the last to pay her respects; and she made a point of Harriets going with her, that the worst of the business might be gone through as soon as possible.
She could not enter the house again, could not be in the same room to which she had with such vain artifice retreated three months ago, to lace up her boot, without recollecting. A thousand vexatious thoughts would recur. Compliments, charades, and horrible blunders; and it was not to be supposed that poor Harriet should not be recollecting too; but she behaved very well, and was only rather pale and silent. The visit was of course short; and there was so much embarrassment and occupation of mind to shorten it, that Emma would not allow herself entirely to form an opinion of the lady, and on no account to give one, beyond the nothing-meaning terms of being "elegantly dressed, and very pleasing. "
She did not really like her. She would not be in a hurry to find fault, but she suspected that there was no elegance;-ease, but not elegance. -She was almost sure that for a young woman, a stranger, a bride, there was too much ease. Her person was rather good; her face not unpretty; but neither feature, nor air, nor voice, nor manner, were elegant. Emma thought at least it would turn out so.
As for Mr. Elton, his manners did not appear-but no, she would not permit a hasty or a witty word from herself about his manners.
It was an awkward ceremony at any time to be receiving wedding visits, and a man had need be all grace to acquit himself well through it.
The woman was better off; she might have the assistance of fine clothes, and the privilege of bashfulness, but the man had only his own good sense to depend on; and when she considered how peculiarly unlucky poor Mr. Elton was in being in the same room at once with the woman he had just married, the woman he had wanted to marry, and the woman whom he had been expected to marry, she must allow him to have the right to look as little wise, and to be as much affectedly, and as little really easy as could be.
"Well, Miss Woodhouse," said Harriet, when they had quitted the house, and after waiting in vain for her friend to begin;
"Well, Miss Woodhouse, (with a gentle sigh,) what do you think of her?-Is not she very charming?"
There was a little hesitation in Emmas answer.
"Oh! yes-very-a very pleasing young woman. "
"I think her beautiful, quite beautiful. "
"Very nicely dressed, indeed; a remarkably elegant gown. "
"I am not at all surprized that he should have fallen in love. "
"Oh! no-there is nothing to surprize one at all. -A pretty fortune; and she came in his way. "
"I dare say," returned Harriet, sighing again, "I dare say she was very much attached to him. "
"Perhaps she might; but it is not every mans fate to marry the woman who loves him best. Miss Hawkins perhaps wanted a home, and thought this the best offer she was likely to have. "
"Yes," said Harriet earnestly, "and well she might, nobody could ever have a better. Well, I wish them happy with all my heart. And now, Miss Woodhouse, I do not think I shall mind seeing them again.
He is just as superior as ever;-but being married, you know, it is quite a different thing. No, indeed, Miss Woodhouse, you need not be afraid; I can sit and admire him now without any great misery.
To know that he has not thrown himself away, is such a comfort!-She does seem a charming young woman, just what he deserves.
Happy creature! He called her `Augusta. How delightful!"
When the visit was returned, Emma made up her mind. She could then see more and judge better. From Harriets happening not to be at Hartfield, and her fathers being present to engage Mr. Elton, she had a quarter of an hour of the ladys conversation to herself, and could composedly attend to her; and the quarter of an hour quite convinced her that Mrs. Elton was a vain woman, extremely well satisfied with herself, and thinking much of her own importance; that she meant to shine and be very superior, but with manners which had been formed in a bad school, pert and familiar; that all her notions were drawn from one set of people, and one style of living; that if not foolish she was ignorant, and that her society would certainly do Mr. Elton no good.
Harriet would have been a better match. If not wise or refined herself, she would have connected him with those who were; but Miss Hawkins, it might be fairly supposed from her easy conceit, had been the best of her own set. The rich brother-in-law near Bristol was the pride of the alliance, and his place and his carriages were the pride of him.
The very first subject after being seated was Maple Grove, "My brother Mr. Sucklings seat;"-a comparison of Hartfield to Maple Grove.
The grounds of Hartfield were small, but neat and pretty; and the house was modern and well-built. Mrs. Elton seemed most favourably impressed by the size of the room, the entrance, and all that she could see or imagine. "Very like Maple Grove indeed!-She was quite struck by the likeness!-That room was the very shape and size of the morning-room at Maple Grove; her sisters favourite room. "-Mr. Elton was appealed to. -"Was not it astonishingly like?-She could really almost fancy herself at Maple Grove. "