So, why was she here? To be honest with herself, she’d jumped at the chance before she’d thought it through. And once she’d committed, she wasn’t going to back down. Her plan—her only plan—to earn this promotion was do everything required to move her forward.
To back out of two months in a Thailand jungle hospital with her former lover would shove her back, not push her forward. So, here she was, feeling a lot of trepidation about Arlo’s reaction if Ollie hadn’t contacted him yet, and scared to death of a two-month commitment that, at one point in her life, might have turned into a lifetime commitment, had things worked out differently.
As her dad always said, Whatever it takes to get you to the next level. And while Layla didn’t know if this assignment would do that, it would certainly allow her to experience a side of medicine she knew little about. That, if nothing else, was a good thing as it would help make her a better doctor. So in two months she could be a better doctor who’d finally shut the door on an old relationship. It was good. All good because she needed Ollie to see she was a team player. Sometimes she wasn’t. Layla knew her reputation—she could be a little aloof, sometimes standing alone.
But growing up the way she had, with a photojournalist father who made documentaries all over the world, and her mother a film actress who, like her father, worked all over the world, she’d learned to be independent at a young age. Sometimes she could be too independent, which wasn’t necessarily in her best interest all the time. Even she recognized that. Although Arlo had pointed that out as well. More times than she cared to remember.
Still, most memories Layla had of her parents were of one or both of them walking away from her, going off in pursuit of their careers, which, if nothing else, had been the impetus for her independence. Arlo walking away had simply shored up what was already there—the notion that she wasn’t worth hanging around for. And for Layla, hiding behind the stone wall of independence she’d built around herself was easier than risking another rejection. She’d assumed that over time she’d learn to be happy there. Well, happy enough.
But sometimes the memories of a bottle of wine and a bowl of popcorn and what that had started did slip in. They hung on more tenaciously than almost any other memory of her life. And it was because of that memory Layla had been stalled in a place where there was no room for her. Where she wasn’t wanted. A place she had to fix and move beyond.
While this trip to Thailand to work with Arlo had been providential, it was also necessary. It was her chance to prove to herself that the feelings she’d had for Arlo were simply feelings meant only for that time and place, and had no bearing on anything else in her life. Then, and even now.
So, where was she anyway? Normally a quick check of an online map site was all Layla needed, but there was no cell reception out here, let alone a road that had been charted on a map. So she was only guessing she was headed in the right direction. A direction where she didn’t expect modern facilities, let alone the basics like running water and electricity.
That’s what Arlo had told her he’d come from, and that’s what he’d always said would be the kind of place he would practice his medicine. He’d grown up in the jungle, traveled with his parents, who were both doctors. And it’s what he’d said he wanted for his own life as he simply fit there better. Shortly, she would see if he did.
Layla looked ahead of her, saw a man riding atop an elephant and nearly ran herself off the road staring at him. It wasn’t the elephant that got her, though, not even the crater she swerved to avoid hitting. It was the wavering turn out of the swerve that wobbled her back and forth across the road. Unfortunately, it resulted in her landing in a drainage ditch with a flat tire, the front end down, back end up. Royally stuck and—she checked her phone even though it was pointless, and the result was what she expected—there was no way to contact anyone, anywhere.
“Damn it,” Layla huffed, throwing her phone back into the car as she stood alone on the road, trying to figure out what to do. “No bars. Not a single, lousy blip on the bar indicator.” Her first test out here, and she was already failing it.
After walking around her car several times, assessing and reassessing the situation, Layla finally sat down in the dirt, hoping someone would come by to help her. Someone in a truck with a tow rope, she hoped. Maybe even Arlo? But the only person who did pass was a withered little old man with a pushcart filled with fruits and herbs. He smiled graciously at her, then began a long-winded discussion, none of which she understood. After he finished speaking, he tipped his straw hat to her, picked up the hand grips of his cart and meandered on down the road at a pace that would favor a snail in a race.
“Well, so much for that,” Layla said, deciding to hike on down the road and hope that somewhere along the way she stumbled on someone who could help her. Or maybe even stumble on the village itself.
* * *
An hour later, making very little progress due to the road conditions, Layla stopped to rest, sitting down on a roadside rock and watching some kind of wild pig munching the droppings of a papaya tree. And this was why she and Arlo hadn’t succeeded at their relationship. They’d talked about it ad nauseam for the last few months they’d been together. While she’d never been in the jungle, she could see it in detail through Arlo’s description. There were good people here, leading extremely hard lives, in a place where nothing came easily. Transportation was limited, according to Arlo. As were communications. It was his passion, and she didn’t condemn him for it. But it wasn’t her passion. She wasn’t the kind of person who could survive here. Even two months were beginning to seem like an eternity.
“You and your passion, Arlo,” Layla grumbled, as she stood to resume her hike. Much to her surprise, the little man with the pushcart was coming back into view. Slowly.
Was he coming to rescue her? Her knight in shining armor? A man with a receding hairline, bushy gray eyebrows and some wispy chin fringe?
Naturally, when he arrived at her side, he was already chattering words she still didn’t understand. His gestures were clear, though. She was to climb into the part-empty cart and be pushed wherever he wanted to take her. “Village by the big fig tree,” she said, knowing he wouldn’t understand the English interpretation of the village’s name. But she couldn’t pronounce it in Thai and any mispronounced attempt might land her someplace she didn’t want to go, so she pointed to a small fig tree sapling off the side of the road, then attempted to gesture a much larger tree. Wouldn’t Arlo just laugh at her now, standing in the middle of nowhere playing a game of charades?
“Big fig tree,” Layla said a couple of times, even though the man had no idea what she was saying. He smiled, though, let her charade herself into more embarrassment before he gestured her to the cart again. Her taxi was waiting, and she couldn’t have been happier to see it, despite the prickly straw in the bottom, and the caged chickens she had to share her ride with. Oh, and the dog. The little old man had picked up a scraggly, lap-sized brown and white mutt somewhere along the way.
So, forcing a gracious smile, Layla climbed in, found a spot among the other passengers and shut her eyes. All those years ago, when Arlo had walked away from her, calling her too damned ambitious, it had hurt, even though it was true. Today—right this moment—she was glad her ambitions had kept her in modern society, as this was simply too hard already, and she hadn’t even started.
Maybe it was what Arlo wanted from his life, living here and practicing jungle medicine, and maybe he was one of the most benevolent, altruistic and humane people she’d ever known, but none of this was for her, and if she hadn’t known it then, she surely did now.
* * *
“Of all the doctors in the world, he sent you?” Arlo shook his head, not in disbelief so much as amusement. “You working in the jungle is as improbable as me working in a modern hospital somewhere. But you’ve certainly got the skill I need, so...” He visibly bit back a laugh. “Welc
ome.”
Layla opened her eyes, which she’d purposely kept shut so she could avoid the full picture of her impetuous volunteering, and there he was, taking away her breath the way he always had. Only maybe a little more since the jungle setting made him seem...better.
Tall, roguishly handsome as ever and a little weathered, which became him. His blond hair looked sun bleached, and it was long, still with its gentle curl. She’d always liked those curls and the way they had felt in her fingers. And the penetrating blue eyes that still penetrated. But the thing that had always attracted her most were his dimples. Honest-to-gosh sexy dimples when he smiled.
“I’d have made my grand entrance differently if I could have, but I suppose this works,” she said as she picked straw from her hair. “Oh, and to answer your question, yes, he sent me.”
“He didn’t tell me it was you he was sending,” Arlo said.
“Probably because he was as surprised as I was that it was my hand that went up first to volunteer. Also, because he couldn’t get in touch with you.”
“Ah, yes. It’s all about the soon-to-be-open assistant chief position, isn’t it? When he told me he was going to announce it, I assumed you’d be the one fighting to get to the front of the line. Didn’t count on Ollie sending you out here as part of your climb up his ladder, though. Especially since we haven’t spoken in five years.”
“Three,” she corrected. “We spoke that time you came to New York to visit him.”
“One word, Layla. You said hello in passing.”
“And you acknowledged it by bobbing your head and grunting.”
“That’s not exactly speaking.”
“I was civil,” she said, trying to right herself in the cart, wishing Arlo would help her out so she wouldn’t look quite so undignified. But he was standing back, arms folded across his chest, the way he’d always done when they’d argued. So, was he expecting this to turn into an argument? “And in a hurry.”
“You were always in a hurry, Layla. And I’m assuming it’s paying off, taking on more and more just to prove yourself to him.”
“Not denying it,” she said.
“Nope, you never did. I think I saw that in you the first time we met.”
Of course, Arlo could see what he wanted to see in her. That was part of their fundamental problem. What he wanted versus what she wanted. Or, in their case, needed. “Part of my basic make-up, I suppose. But I never heard you object,” she said, stepping out of the cart, trying not to disturb the chickens while also trying to shoo the dog back in.
“Probably because I didn’t object. I liked your ambition. I was raised by pacifist parents who took things as they came, which is pretty much my style. Someone with your kind of ambition—I don’t recall ever seeing it in anyone before you. Not living in the jungle for as long as I did. It was an eye-opener for me, and also...well, sexy.”
Layla turned to thank the old man for the ride by bowing to him, then tucked a few Thai coins into his hand which he pocketed eagerly as he returned her bow, then scurried away with his cart. “Right up until the day you walked out.” She brushed the straw off her backside, then stood at the bottom of the rough-hewn wooden stairs and looked up at Arlo. “It’s two months. You need the help, I’m available, and—”
“And in the bargain it makes you look good because you want that promotion. You haven’t changed, Layla. I’ll give you credit for that. Where you are now is where you were when we split. Still trying to climb that ladder.”
“I’m not the only one in the running.”
“No, but you’re the only one who’d come to Thailand to impress him. That’s huge, even if you don’t want to admit it.”
“I also came to see a side of medicine I’ve never seen.” And try to make things right between them—things that seemed like they were already off to a shaky start.
“I offered you that. Remember?”
“For a lifetime, Arlo. You wanted a lifetime commitment and we weren’t even...” Layla wanted to say in love, but that was implied. Their relationship had been about many things, but love had never been mentioned. In fact, because of their circumstances, she was sure that was the reason it never had been mentioned. It was too complicated. It got in the way. There were no compromises that would work for both of them. Even though her feelings for him might have been—well, that didn’t matter now, did it?
“Anyway, Ollie’s deal is for two months. I couldn’t have done a lifetime, Arlo. You knew that from the beginning. But I can do two months, and you do need that help. So this is good for both of us. You get an extra doctor for a while and I gain extra knowledge.” And closure, because she really did need to move on, and the only way she could think to do it was ending things better with Arlo.
But for Arlo? She’d spent too much time wondering if he’d needed more at the end the way she had. Now she had two months to find out, and put things into proper perspective. Then, hopefully, close the book on that story once and for all.
“Do you really think that helping the boss’s grandson will get you any special notice? Ollie’s not like that, Layla. In fact, it could go against you, volunteering to come here, when he knows how badly we ended. He could look at it as being very manipulative. I mean, if I were in his place, I might.”
“Or he could look at it as a way for me to improve my skills.” And, keeping her fingers crossed, she was on the inside track because of her work. Nothing else. “So, in the meantime, I’ve got my medical bag with me, but my personal bags are in my car, which is stuck in a ditch somewhere between here and God only knows where. Do you know someone who can go get my car unstuck and bring it here?” She looked up at the sign over the door behind Arlo and smiled. “Seriously, you named this place Happy Hospital?”
They’d actually named this hospital together years ago. They were being silly one night, and maybe a little drunk, and the pillow talk had turned to the kind of hospital where each of them could see themselves in the future. Naturally, Layla had described something large and state-of-the art, whereas he’d simply said he wanted to work at a happy hospital. She hadn’t remembered that until now. Apparently, he hadn’t forgotten it. In a way, it made her feel flattered that he’d thought of her.
* * *
“Things are simple here, Layla. I know you’re not used to that, but that’s how we are. And the hospital name fits because when we don’t have enough insulin to treat all our patients and don’t have the means to go get it for another week or two, or when some other hospital like this one is ahead of us on the list, pushing us down the waiting list, we can either go all gloom and doom over our situation or try to make the best of it. Being happy with what we have helps.”
“I didn’t mean to imply it was a bad name, Arlo. But out here, in the middle of the jungle, it just seems—out of place.”
“People are just as happy here as they are where you come from. It’s all relative to their expectations.”
“But are you happy here, Arlo? I know you always said this is what you wanted, but sometimes I’ve wondered what might have happened to you if you’d gone into your grandfather’s surgery the way he’d wanted, or accepted any of the offers you had.”
“I was happy here when I was a kid, traipsing around from village to village with my parents, and I still am. It was the choice I had to make because I wouldn’t have been happy anyplace else, practicing any other kind of medicine.”
He’d never doubted his decision either. He’d lived the traditional life for a while, and he’d lived this life. Ultimately, this was where he wanted to be. Where his heart was. And when he and Layla were together, that had always been the thing she couldn’t, or had refused to understand. Accepting a position elsewhere might have been easier, but easier didn’t mean better. At least, not for him.
“Anyway, I don’t really have good sleeping accommodations for you. Tallaja, my assistant, usually slee
ps in the ward when we have patients or the office when we don’t. He’s pretty flexible about that, but I’m guessing you won’t be.”
“As long as I have mosquito netting, it doesn’t matter.”
“Seriously? You’ve been doing your homework, haven’t you?”
“I don’t step into things blindly, Arlo. Except maybe our relationship.”
“I never considered it being blind. Not one day of it.” Arlo stepped aside as Layla marched up steps and pushed past him into Happy Hospital, brushing up against him just slightly, but enough to raise goosebumps on his arms. It was a familiar feeling—one he didn’t want to have. But every time she’d ever touched him, even innocently like just now, she’d caused that reaction that would, inevitably, lead to another reaction, then another, until... Damn. Why these thoughts? Why now when he was just coming to terms with the fact that he would never have enough to offer anyone else a decent life?
Even when he had been with Layla, Arlo had always known she would come to her senses about who he was and what he’d never have to offer her. It hadn’t stopped him from getting involved, but it had always held him back from getting too involved. Back at the beginning, he’d drawn his own line in the sand then taken good care never, ever to step over it, except for that one moment near the end when he’d asked her to come to Thailand with him.
Stupid mistake. He’d known that as the words had come out, and he’d still felt the sting of her rejection a week later when he’d walked away, even though he’d always known how she would answer if he’d asked. “So, look around. There’s not much to see, but it could be a lot worse.”
Layla stopped just inside the hospital door, looked around and turned back to face him. “How many people can you accommodate?” she asked.
Just Friends to Just Married? Page 17