She turned her nose up at him and went to the spiral stairs, carefully mounting them and disappearing to the upper floors as he stood there and watched. That lasted all of a few seconds before he hissed a curse and followed.
“Cantia,” he followed her up the stairs. “Please wait.”
She ignored him. “I want to lie down,” she said again as she cleared the third floor landing and moved up to the fourth floor. “You have given me an aching head.”
Tevin felt like the meanest man in the entire world as he followed her up to their chamber. He was a slave to her and he knew it, but he didn’t care. Still, he didn’t want to back down completely. He had a point to make.
When they reached the door to their chamber, he reached out to grasp her. She didn’t resist but she was stiff in his arms as he pulled her against him and gazed down into her beautiful face. His expression was a mix between disapproval and repentance.
“I am sorry if I was harsh,” he said softly. “But I asked you to stay away from her for your own good. Do you not understand that?”
She was having a difficult time resisting him. “I understand.”
“I told you to stay away because I love you. I would be shattered if anything happened to you.”
“I know.”
“Will you at least forgive me for being hurtful?”
She thought a moment on the request, or at least she pretended to. But she eventually folded just like he did and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. He swallowed her up in his big arms, thankful she wasn’t holding a grudge. Then he kissed her on the forehead, on the cheek, and looked her in the eye.
“But from now on,” he rumbled gently but sternly, “please stay away from her. It would destroy me if you contracted whatever disease she has. Agreed?”
Cantia regarded him, thinking on her conversation with Louisa. She remembered that the woman told her that Tevin had always been kind to her in spite of their circumstances and as she looked at him, she began to feel pangs of sympathy for him. He was such a wonderful man, sweet and wise and powerful, and her heart ached for him. Arabel was not his child. God, if she could only tell him. She wondered if she even should, if it would even matter after all this time. But she could not, in good conscience, withhold what Louisa had told her about Arabel. Tevin would never forgive her if he found out she knew and hadn’t told him.
With a sigh, she laid her head against his chest and snuggled against him.
“Have you spoken with her at all?” she asked softly.
Tevin held her close. “Not yet,” he said. “I have been occupied with Val and Arabel.”
“How did Arabel take the news?”
“Better than I did. She is a wise and reasonable girl. She was quite calm about it. She wants to meet the woman but I am not sure that is a good idea.”
Cantia looked up at him. “You must let her,” she said. “We are speaking of her mother. No matter what you feel, you must let Arabel form her own opinion of the woman. She must be very curious so I would not forbid her from speaking to the woman. You may do more harm than good.”
He lifted his dark eyebrows in resignation. “That is what Val said,” he replied. “If both of you are telling me the same thing, then perhaps I should listen. I… I just do not want Arabel to be hurt or disappointed.”
“She will be more hurt or disappointed if you do not permit her to meet her mother. Be present during the meeting if you must, but let your daughter come to terms with the woman who gave birth to her. This is a moment she never thought she would face and it is her right.”
Tevin thought on that a moment before reluctantly agreeing. “As you say,” he muttered. “But I will speak with the woman first, alone, before I allow Arabel near her.”
Cantia could see the protective father, the humiliated husband, in his expression. She put a soft hand against his cheek.
“I spoke with her at some length,” she said softly.
His brow furrowed. “How long were you with her?”
“Long enough,” she said, eyeing him. “Tevin, I must speak with you before you go and see her. I must tell you what she told me.”
He scratched at his head, intrigued, but unsure if he really wanted to hear all of it. After a moment, he simply shook his head.
“It was all so long ago,” he said. “It does not matter any longer, whatever she has to say. I do not want to hear her excuses or explanations. My only communication with her will be where it pertains to my daughter.”
My daughter. Cantia was feeling some apprehension for his reaction as she opened the door to their chamber and pulled him inside. When she quietly shut the door, she faced him.
“This is about your daughter,” she said softly. “Sit down. I must tell you what she told me. It would not be fair to you if I did not.”
He looked at her curiously but took the chair by the hearth and sat. Cantia went to him, standing before him, smiling when he put his hands on her belly purely out of habit.
“How is Talus today?” he asked.
She chuckled at the use of the baby’s name, long before he was even born. They had spent a good deal of time haggling over names and Tevin was very decisive in his wants. The child would be a boy, no matter what Cantia said, and his name would be Talus because Tevin had heard the name in a story his father had once told him. Talus had been a very strong man, immortal, and Tevin liked the name very much. It meant something to him.
“Your son is irritable and hungry,” she teased, then sobered. “Tevin, we must speak of Louisa. I went to see her today because I wanted to know why she had abandoned you. I cannot imagine any woman being so cruel or callous towards her husband and child, and I feel so protective over you and Arabel that I simply needed to know. I did not go to see the woman purely to spite you. I did it because I love you.”
He took his hands from her belly, gazing up into her lovely features. “Very well,” he said steadily. “I am listening, then.”
“You must promise to stay calm. Please, Tevin, I cannot take another rage.”
“I will do my best, I swear.”
Cantia sighed, turning her back on him as she paced a few feet away, gathering her thoughts. Then, she turned to him.
“When you were told she had run away with a knight from her homeland, that was only a very small portion of the truth,” she said. “According to Louisa, she was very young when she married you and she had been in love with this knight for quite some time. I believe I know what it is like to be deeply in love. I believe you do, too.”
He sighed. “Of course I do.”
“If I was to marry another man, how would you feel?”
Tevin shrugged, averting his gaze. “I would kill him. I would not let that happen. I believe I have adequately demonstrated my devotion to you.”
She nodded. “You have,” she agreed. “So you can imagine what this young woman felt, being forced to marry a man she did not know and did not love.”
“I can imagine.”
Cantia continued. “Unfortunately, being so young, her judgment was also immature. After she married you, she and this knight continued to be lovers.”
He looked at her. “Is that what she told you?”
“She told me that you would share her bed at night and he would fill it during the day.”
“After we were married?”
Cantia nodded, seeing the hint of outrage on his face. She went to him, taking one of his big hands in hers and squeezing it tightly.
“She was young and foolish,” she said softly. “She knows her behavior was terrible, but women in love do strange things.”
“Do you make excuses for her, then?”
“Of course not. But bad behavior often has consequences.”
“What consequences?”
Cantia knelt in front of him and he instinctively reached down to pick her up so she would not be close to the cold ground, but she resisted him. She held on to his hand tightly.
“Tevin, for Arabel�
��s sake, I must tell you this before she speaks with her mother,” she said softly. “I do not want to chance that you are caught off-guard by anything the woman says. She is on her deathbed and has nothing to lose. She may say many things and… I do not want you to be caught unaware.”
Tevin’s dark eyes flickered ominously. “Caught unaware by what?”
Cantia squeezed his hand sympathetically. “Louisa told me that you were away when she became pregnant with Arabel,” she told him carefully. “She said that the pregnancy was early enough that when you returned, you performed as a husband should and she was able to convince you that you were the father. But she is certain that you are not Arabel’s father.”
Tevin stared at her, the color draining from his face. “She told you this madness?” he was both incredulous and outraged. “How is that…?”
Cantia continued quickly, cutting him off. “The knight she was in love with knew he was the father,” she said. “He told Louisa that you would kill her if you discovered the truth and convinced her to flee with him. Being young, she didn’t know what else to do, so she went. It was a horrible decision that cost her.”
“It is not true!”
“It is, sweetheart. I swear this is what she told me.”
Tevin was looking at her with an expression she had never seen before, something between utter astonishment and utter agony. Then, he leaned forward, collapsing, until he was resting his elbows on his knees, his gaze on the floor. He still held Cantia’s hands tightly as if afraid to let her go. As Cantia gripped him, she could feel him tremble.
“Arabel…,” he whispered. “Dear God… it cannot be true.”
“I am so sorry, my dearest love,” Cantia was close to tears on his behalf. “If I could have spared you the truth, I would have. But Louisa has no reason to lie about this. I did not sense that she was being deceitful in any way.”
He groaned heavily, as if all of his strength had just left him. He struggled with his emotions, struggled to make sense out of it all. His mind, hurt yet analytical in searching for the truth, began to sort through the mess.
“I remember a man,” he began after several long moments. “This knight was with her often, a man with blond hair and brown eyes. I remember this because his hair was very blond and… dear God, Arabel’s hair is blond.”
Cantia squeezed his hands, kissing his head to comfort him. She didn’t know what else to do. She was afraid to say anything more as his mind struggled to come to terms with what she had told him. She could only imagine his pain, his shock.
“He was always with her,” he repeated as if dredging up old memories, recalling snippets of the past. “Louisa’s brother was always with her as well, and the two of them shadowed her nearly everywhere. She told me it was because she felt afraid in a strange land and she felt comforted by their presence and, wanting her to be comfortable, I allowed it. Now… it is starting to make sense. I never knew which knight she was in love with because when she fled, they all went with her, but now it is starting to make some sense. It must have been the blond knight who was always with her.”
“Tevin,” Cantia kissed his hands. “I would never presume to tell you what to think or how to deal with this matter, but I will say this – what happened occurred a long time ago. You said it yourself. In truth, it does not matter. I thought not to tell you what Louisa said about Arabel but I knew that I could not withhold such information from you. It is your right to know. But whatever the truth is, Arabel is innocent in all of this and she is very much your daughter. I would hope… hope that your love for her never changes, no matter what.”
He looked at her, then. There was such sorrow in his eyes. “She is my daughter,” he whispered, his eyes misting over. Then he sniffled loudly and wiped at his nose with the back of his hand. “Nothing will ever change that. But I… I am not sure….”
“Sure of what?”
“Sure if I should tell Arabel. Am I selfish not to want to tell her?”
Cantia kissed his hands again, his forehead. “If it was me, I would not tell her. Why should you? You are her father and she loves you. That is all she needs to know.”
“That is all she will ever know, God willing,” he said, regaining some of his composure. “All of this madness… we will forget about it. It will be our secret, you and me. I do not even want to tell Val.”
“It will be our secret alone, I swear it.” Cantia stroked his cheek. “You will go and speak with Louisa before Arabel does and tell her not to mention it. Tell her it does not matter, than none of it matters. I do not want Louisa to use Arabel like a confessional. The young girl need not hear all of her mother’s sins because the woman is dying and feels the need to clear her conscience.”
Tevin nodded in agreement before Cantia was even finished speaking. He whole-heartedly agreed. Kissing her hands reverently, and then her lips, he stood up and carefully pulled her up with him.
“I will see her now,” he said, wiping his nose one last time as if to wipe away any emotion that was lingering. But he paused a moment, looking at Cantia with warmth in his eyes. “Thank you for being disobedient, sweetheart. I know your intentions were good. I… I think hearing this information from you was much better than if I heard it from Louisa. I am not entirely sure how well I would have received it. But coming from you… you gave me strength. I am grateful.”
She smiled sweetly at him, accepting his tender kiss before he quit the room and shut the door softly behind him. Cantia’s smile faded as she listened to his bootfalls fade down the stairs, thinking of the moment that lay ahead for him as he confronted the woman who humiliated and betrayed him, more than he could have ever imagined.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Tevin stared hard at the woman, trying to see the young girl he had known so long ago. With the terrible aging and the progression of her disease, she looked like an old woman and she was only a little over thirty years of age. Life had been difficult for her, indeed.
Louisa regarded her husband, a very big man who had only grown more handsome over the years. She was quite astonished, actually. She had expected him to show up at some point, given her conversation with Lady Cantia, and she was prepared for his hatred and rage. Or, so she thought.
But Tevin did nothing more than stare at her for several moments, wondering how to start the conversation, when he finally gave up and simply shook his head.
“Long ago, I had imagined this moment and what I would say to you when the time came,” he said. “Now that the moment is upon me, I do not know where to start. I suppose I could say that the only reason you are here is because I love another woman. You are here because of her and her alone.”
Louisa had a difficult time understanding him, for she’d not spoken Middle English for quite some time. It was a confusing language.
“Me pardonner que mon anglais n’est pas très bon,” she said softly.
Forgive that my English is not very good. Tevin took the hint, as he was fluent in three different languages. In this time of travel and trade, it was necessary. Additionally, if one had borrowed troops, it was necessary to be able to command them in a language they could understand. He shifted to French.
“You are here because of Lady Cantia,” he said. “Do you comprehend?”
“Aye.”
“I understand you had a conversation with her earlier.”
“I did.”
“She told me what you said about everything, including Arabel,” he moved closer to the bed, his dark eyes intense. “Is this true?”
Louisa gazed up at the enormous knight, a man who was showing great restraint with his emotions. She could tell that he was struggling simply by his expression. Because she was so ill, she had no fear of the man. Death was coming for her, anyway. Tevin du Reims could not do anything more to her in that regard.
“I wish it was not,” she said softly. “You were kind to me, my lord, but I was too young and foolish to realize it. All I knew was that I loved a man not my husband, a
nd I wanted to be with him. I was, and I became pregnant. If your lady told you everything, then you also know that I fled because I was afraid you would discover the child was not yours and you would kill me for it. Perhaps you intend to now. But I go to God with a clear conscience.”
Tevin listened to her quiet explanation, digesting it, before sighing heavily. Then, he shrugged.
“I cannot ask why you did it, because I know,” he said. “I cannot pretend that I am hurt by your betrayal, because I am not. I was humiliated, that is true, but only as a man whose wife leaves him for another man. There was no personal emotion involved. You left Arabel with me and that was all I cared about. Even as I look at you now, the only emotions I feel are those pertaining to Arabel.”
“I understand.”
“What happened to the knight? The one you said is her true father?”
Louisa drew in a breath, coughing slightly when her chest roweled. Tevin stood well back as the woman covered her cough with a vinegar soaked cloth.
“He left me for another woman,” she finally rasped. “I was seventeen years old. My father disowned me so I had no choice but to do what I could to survive.”
“You are a prostitute.”
Louisa simply nodded, closing her weary eyes. “Certainly not as I had planned for my life to happen,” she said, opening her eyes and fixing on him. “I heard a few years ago that Arabel’s father had been killed in a tavern fight. I also heard he had fathered several other children with different women. I suppose, in hindsight, I did not fall in love with a man of good character. But I was young… I did not know any better.”
Tevin simply nodded. In truth, he had heard everything he wanted to hear and there was not much more to say. But he wanted to make one thing very clear.
“Arabel has asked to meet you and I have agreed,” he said, his voice low. “Let me make it clear that you are not to tell her of your past indiscretions or of her true parentage. She does not need to know these things. Tell her of your family history, or of other meaningless things, but do not upset her with things she does not need to know. Do you comprehend?”
Masters of Medieval Romance: Series Starters Volume 1 Page 73