by Vivi Holt
“I’m so glad I agreed to come as well. And now I’ve met my mother.” She shook her head. “I can’t believe it. My birth mother. Ever since my parents told me I was adopted, I’ve wondered about her. Were we alike? Would she want to meet me? Why did she give me up? Now I can find the answers to all those questions.”
“You look like sisters.” He laughed. “She’s beautiful, just like you are.”
Her cheeks colored. “I feel so blessed! She told me I have two half-sisters as well. I saw them the other day and guessed who they must’ve been.”
“Yeah, that’s right—I know their dad, Leo. He’s a good sheriff.”
“They have his black hair and dark skin. They’re gorgeous—I only saw them from a distance, but I could tell they were my sisters.” Her eyes shone as she remembered, and his heart swelled for her. A whole family, ready-made, for her to become part of. He’d been so sad for her when she’d told him she was all alone in the world, and now she didn’t have to be.
“So, I have something to ask you.” She met his gaze with a question in her eyes.
“Oh?”
“Tamera invited me to come to dinner at her place tonight to meet the rest of the family. Would you go with me as my date?”
He laughed and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. “I’d love to.”
Chapter 16
Chris glanced across the front seat of the truck at Kate. She huddled by the window, her hands tucked beneath her chin as she stared out at fields, barns, and barbed wire fencing that stretched to the horizon.
“You okay?” he asked.
She nodded and offered him a tight smile. “I’m fine.”
“It’s perfectly natural to be a little nervous. I mean, you’re meeting your birth family for the first time. I’d be anxious; anyone would be.”
“Thanks. I guess I am feeling some nerves. I don’t know what they’re thinking. What if my sisters don’t want to know me? Or Tamera’s husband—he might resent me intruding on the family. And I wouldn’t blame him. A twenty-five-year-old woman, out of nowhere, wanting to be part of their family. It’s a lot to take in.”
She was right. He was nervous for her. He could tell she’d be devastated if they rejected her, and there was a distinct possibility they might. Though if Tamera’s reaction to her had been any indication of how the rest of the family felt, she’d be fine.
They pulled up in front of the house. Snow dusted the front yard, and lights glowed from within. The neighborhood glittered with twinkle lights and Christmas decorations. Chris hurried to open Kate’s door, and she smiled nervously.
“Thanks.”
He took her hand in his and squeezed it. “You’ll be fine. They’re gonna love you.”
“I hope so.”
A Christmas wreath hung on the front door. Kate leaned forward to press the doorbell then tapped one foot against the porch floor. He squeezed her hand again as the door swung open.
Tamera flung her arms wide. “Welcome to our home. Come on in.”
Kate crossed the threshold, and Tamera enveloped her in an embrace. “I’m so glad you came.”
Chris hung back, then Tamera turned to him. “Chris, good to see you again. Please come in. It’s freezing outside.”
“Thanks for inviting me,” he said.
“You’re so welcome.”
Two teenage girls stood waiting in the living room as they made their way into the house. Their smiles were as nervous as Kate’s, and he could see the resemblance, though her sisters were dark-haired where she was blonde and dark-skinned where she was pale. All three had almond-shaped brown eyes, and all three had tall, lithe physiques they shared with their mother.
He’d known the sheriff for years. Leo Simpson was a friend of his father’s from the first time he ran for office a decade earlier. Frank Everett had offered him his support, and that had meant something in the Billings community. Leo soon won the job, and a lifelong friendship was born.
Leo stepped forward and reached out a hand. “Chris, good to see you.”
Chris shook it, watching as Kate was introduced to her two half-sisters, Sharon and Nia Simpson. She greeted them with a poise and maturity he couldn’t help admiring, considering how nervous she’d been on the ride over. It didn’t show, and he marveled at how well she was able to hide her true feelings. Was it something she did often? She’d certainly done a good job of pretending to be his girlfriend. A tingle ran up his spine.
They sat down to eat, and the conversation stayed light. They spoke of the weather, and Leo asked him about the ranch. Kate told them about her life in Atlanta and brushed over her reasons for being in Montana, calling him a friend.
A friend?
He wasn’t sure that was an accurate description of their relationship. But if not, then what was? They weren’t exactly friends; they hardly knew each other. Still, it felt to him as though he’d known her for years.
A bite of lasagna practically melted in his mouth, and he savored it a moment before slicing off another piece, still pondering. If they were friends, what about that kiss? Obviously, she didn’t want to get into the details of their relationship status with her new family, and he could understand that. But her words had him thinking. They’d both be headed back to Atlanta soon enough, and then what?
Would they see each other again? She’d asked him the question on the porch, and they’d been interrupted before he could answer.
If she’d been the email-order date he’d expected, he would never have kissed her and wouldn’t have expected anything romantic between them on their return. But she wasn’t. She was an artist whom he’d mistaken for his date.
The fact that he had no idea where he stood with her left him feeling confused and a little lost. He wasn’t accustomed to being in this position. It was difficult to admit that he cared. He wanted to spend more time with her. His heart thudded. It was a thought he hadn’t allowed himself to dwell on until that moment. He knew he was attracted to her, he could hardly ignore that, but the realization he wanted to get to know her better, spend time with her, be around her…that was unexpected.
His line of thinking was interrupted by Tamera’s voice.
“I know this is a bit of a strange situation, given our…circumstances.” She glanced at Leo, who nodded as he finished a bite of garlic bread. “I wanted to put it out there, just to help you…it’s hard for me.” She dabbed her mouth with the square white napkin from her lap then resettled it back into place. “If you have any questions, about anything that happened, you can ask me. I don’t mind.”
Chris’s gaze met Kate’s next to him, and he set his fork down on the tablecloth, his heart pounding. He could tell from the look in her eyes she was afraid, curious, uncertain…so many things. He reached for her hand and squeezed it with his own. His hand enveloped hers, and she offered him a half-smile then faced Tamera.
“I do have a few questions. If that’s okay?”
Tamera’s head dipped encouragingly.
Kate cleared her throat, and her voice wavered as she spoke. “I guess I’d like to know—did you see me? Did you get to hold me after I was born?”
Tamera’s cheeks colored, and she nodded slowly. “I did. I held you and kissed your cheeks and prayed for you…” Her voice broke. Leo shifted closer to her and rested his arm around her shoulder.
Beside him, Kate swallowed hard and glanced at her own lap then back up again. “And did you give me a name?”
“I named you Beth.” She nodded slowly. “I’ve always known you as Beth in my head.”
“So, I was born in Montana then?”
Tamara nodded.
Kate’s quick intake of breath gave her away, yet she held her emotions in check. She glanced at both her sisters and offered them a warm smile. “Did you ever look for me…?”
Tamera sighed. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I…I didn’t want to disrupt your life. I didn’t know what your adoptive family had told you about me, if they
told you about me at all. I was afraid of what I’d find…maybe you weren’t being treated right. And there’d be absolutely nothing I could do about it. I didn’t have a legal right, you know, to look for you. The agency said that you had to look for me before I could make contact. Until I got your letter, I always assumed you didn’t want to know me.”
Kate’s cheeks reddened, and her eyes glistened. “I see.”
“I’m sorry, Kate. I didn’t know what to do. But I thought about you, all the time.”
“Do you mind if I ask who my father is?”
A crease pressed itself into Tamera’s forehead. “No, that’s fine. Of course you want to know about him. His name was Brad. He and I were high school sweethearts.”
“Where is he now?”
The frown deepened. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid he died when he was only twenty years old. An accident on a tractor at his father’s ranch.” Tamera swallowed hard and pressed her fingertips to her eyes. “I loved him.”
“I’m so sorry.”
Tamera forced herself to smile. “It was a long time ago.”
Kate paused a moment then regrouped. “Did you tell Sharon and Nia about me?”
Tamera drew a deep breath and shook her head. “No. Not until today.”
“What about Leo?”
This time a nod.
“But your daughters didn’t know about me until today?” Kate’s voice rose in volume and her fingers clenched tight around Chris’s hand.
“No, they didn’t,” answered Leo. “We wanted to tell them, but time passed, and we didn’t do it. Still, we’re really glad you contacted us when you did, and you’re welcome in our family.”
A sob escaped Kate’s lips, and she pulled her hand from Chris’s grasp to press to her mouth. “I…I’m sorry I interrupted your family meal with all these questions. You must all be going through a lot, trying to take this in. I’ve dreamed about meeting you almost my entire life, but half of you didn’t even know I existed.”
A tear snaked down her cheek, and she dashed it away with a fist.
Nia’s eyes gleamed, and her voice shook. “We didn’t know, but we do now. And I for one am glad to have another sister.”
Kate glanced at her with a forced smile as two more tears found their escape. “I’m so glad to have two sisters. You have no idea.”
She wiped her cheek with her fingertips then faced Tamera again, her gaze steely with resolve. “Tell me this—why did you give me away? All those years ago—there must’ve been a reason you abandoned me. You raised Nia and Sharon, and I can tell you’ve done a wonderful job as their mother. They’re beautiful and kind and polite and amazing. So, why couldn’t you do that for me? Why did you turn your back on me?” As the words left her mouth, the flood gates opened, and tears poured down her cheeks. She sobbed hard in a staccato rhythm.
Tamera’s own eyes flooded and ran over as well. She squeezed her eyes shut, then they blinked open again. “I was so young. I know that sounds like a cliché, and perhaps it is. I didn’t know Leo then. Your father was just a boy as well. We didn’t know anything about raising a daughter; we hadn’t even finished high school. My parents…they didn’t want me to keep you. They tried to force me to get an abortion, but I wouldn’t do it.”
Kate sprang to her feet, her body shuddering with sobs. Then, she spun on her heel and ran from the room. The sound of the front door slamming shut behind her reverberated throughout the house.
Sharon sat in silence, staring at her plate. Nia’s soft sobs filled the air, and Tamera cried quietly. Leo rubbed a circle on her back with one hand, his own face somber.
“I should…” Chris went to stand, gesturing toward the door through which Kate had disappeared.
Tamera stood abruptly to her feet and shook her head. “No, this is something I have to take care of. I’ll go and talk to her. You can all finish your meal.”
Chris sat back down and linked his fingers together over his plate, his elbows digging into the soft, white tablecloth. In front of his plate, a pinecone wreathed in a gold ribbon sat in the midst of a smattering of gold and red glitter. A red table runner held the remnants of the meal, along with sprigs of holly and a golden reindeer as the centerpiece.
He sighed, letting his eyes drift shut as Tamera gently closed the front door behind her. What would she say? What could she say that would ever make it better for Kate? They couldn’t go back in time and fix anything. He couldn’t imagine how Kate could ever find a resolution that would restore her peace over why her parents chose not to keep her.
He glanced worriedly at the door then turned his attention back to the family seated in silence around him.
“This lasagna is delicious,” he said, picking up his fork. “I’ll have to learn how to make it.”
“It’s the cheese,” responded Sharon softly. “We use three different kinds.”
He nodded, pushing a piece into his mouth. “Mmmm.”
Kate stared out across the neighborhood. The twinkling lights that’d made the street seem festive only an hour earlier now seemed to mock her. She’d lost her cool in there, something she’d vowed she wouldn’t do.
Usually she was so reserved, collected, controlled. But for some reason, she’d snapped just thinking of her parents giving her away, her mother letting her go and then keeping the two perfect daughters seated at her picture-book table in her idyllic white-picket-fence house.
It wasn’t Sharon and Nia’s fault. They’d done nothing wrong. They hadn’t even known she existed until a few hours ago.
And that’s what hurt the most. Had she meant so little to Tamera that she hadn’t thought to tell the people who were closest in the world to her about Kate’s birth? Just thinking about it made her throat ache with an agony she hadn’t felt since her parents died. She was longing to meet a birth family she could only imagine, and they didn’t even know she existed. All this time, she’d wondered about her father—who might he be, what would he be like, did he share her brown eyes or the single dimple in her left cheek? And now she’d found out he’d been dead for most of those years.
She sobbed again and knuckled her eyes with both fists.
Behind her, the door opened softly then shut again. She inhaled slowly and crossed her arms over her chest.
A hand rested gently on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Kate. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You have no idea how hard it was for me to let you go. But everyone told me it would be for the best. I wish I’d known then what I know now—I could’ve made the best of things, could’ve raised you and loved you…I just didn’t know.”
Kate’s chin jutted forward. “It’s fine. I don’t want you to feel that way, to regret your choice. Honestly, I’m glad I had the family that I did. My parents were wonderful—they loved me so much, and I loved them. I wouldn’t change that. They took care of me, gave me everything I could possibly want or need. You don’t have to fret over that—I had a very loving childhood. I’m just upset…oh, I don’t even really understand why I’m so upset.”
Tamera’s arm looped around her waist. Kate shivered and wiped her nose with the sleeve of her sweater, wishing she’d thought to bring her coat outside with her.
“I get it. You feel rejected. But I want you to understand something.” She faced Kate and tipped Kate’s chin up with one finger to look her in the eye. Tamera’s eyes were red-rimmed and brimming with tears. “I never rejected you. I loved you every day of your life and wished I could hold you in my arms.”
Tamera sobbed, and her words burst out in a staccato between breaths. “You have no idea, baby girl, no idea. I’ve regretted giving you up every day since they took you away. I was so young, I didn’t know what to do with you. I believed everyone around me that it was for the best, and who knows, maybe it was. But I wanted you, wanted to raise you myself anyway. Still, I did what they told me was best, and I’ve wished I hadn’t ever since.”
Her words washed over Kate’s heart like a salve, and the tears poured down her cheeks. S
he brushed at them with the back of her hands then sighed through her choking sobs. “I’ve waited so long to hear those words.”
“I’m so grateful to hear you say you were loved and taken care of. That makes me happy. I never knew…I worried…but then you lost your family, and that must’ve been so hard. I wish I could’ve been there…”
Kate’s tears continued to fall, and her heart softened toward the woman standing in front of her. “It’s okay. You did the best you knew how to do.”
Tamera nodded. “I prayed for you every single day. And your father, Brad—he loved you too. He was devastated we had to give you up. He never spoke of it again, but he wasn’t the same person. Before you were born, he was so wild and carefree, so much fun. We both were. But after we lost you, he disappeared, buried himself in work at the ranch. I hardly saw him. We ended things between us right before he died, and it broke my heart.” A guttural sound emitted from Tamera before she squeezed her eyes shut.
Kate wrapped her in a warm embrace and buried her face in Tamera’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
Tamera’s voice was just a whisper. “Me too.”
Chapter 17
December 30th
The snowmobile hummed beneath her, and Kate held tightly to Chris, her arms wrapped around his taut waist. His jacket bulged, but she could feel the strength of his body beneath it, and her heart jittered in response.
The previous night with her birth family had ended better than it’d begun. By the time she and Tamera rejoined the rest of the group at the table, Chris had them all laughing and talking again. It hadn’t been difficult for her and her mother to join in the banter, and the rest of the evening had been smooth sailing.
Once she’d resolved in her heart to forgive her birth parents for what they’d done, realizing they had only wanted what was best for her, the ball of anxiety in her gut had left, and she’d managed to smile and even laugh over the stories Chris and the others shared. Though she remained quiet herself, she appreciated listening in on their conversations while her mind traveled over all the things she’d learned again and again.