He spun around, the look on his face carefully kept blank.
“It’s not no. I just need to think. Things haven’t been going so awesomely lately.” It was all I could think to say to make things right. I hated hurting him.
We were already mated, it was true, and there was nothing I could do to reverse that. Marrying Doug would be the right thing to do, but I didn’t know if I could have him with me at all times.
I was a private person, I liked having my personal space. Being married, I thought, meant losing that space. I should want the person that I married to be with me all the time, right? I really didn’t know how all that was supposed to work, I’d only experienced the dysfunctional end of things.
Of course, Hades and Percy had been married for eons, and they hadn’t lived together full-time until Hades had gotten himself kicked out of the underworld.
I needed time. I would live pretty much forever unless someone killed me, so to marry was more than till death do us part. When one doesn’t die, one must be sure. Completely sure. And I wasn’t yet.
I wish we could have gone back to the way it was when Doug was first changed before the wolf kicked his testosterone into overdrive. Back when he was sweet, and caring, and gave me space.
He nodded and left my room, closing the door gently behind him without another word.
I like pretty sparkly things as much as the next girl. And the ring was truly beautiful, but I couldn’t imagine spending that kind of money if you had none. I suppose that should have told me something right there, that he didn’t care about the cost of being with me, he was willing. And I, I was a stubborn, unforgiving ass.
I sighed and flopped on my back, sloshing tea as I went.
It had been quite the morning. I wondered what the rest of the day would bring, besides unrecordable strife as I debated my answer to Doug’s question.
I needed to talk to someone, but who? Percy was out of the question, I knew what she would say. She’d go off on some tirade about how marriage was the right thing for a couple to do, and the wedding she’d plan, and on and on. She’d mean well, but she’d drive me nuts.
Amanda was out of the question. I couldn’t tell her the whole story, and I couldn’t get any good advice or sympathy without telling it.
I heaved another sigh, sitting up and spilling more tea in the process, and dug my cell phone out of the drawer of my bedside table, noshing on the rapidly cooling breakfast that sat waiting for me as I continued on.
I hit speed dial two.
It rang twice, then a groggy, “’Low? Any idea what time it is, Gretchen, this had better be good.”
“Morning, sunshine, Doug asked me to marry him.”
“What?!” Lacey-Marie instantly came awake. “What did he say? What did you say?”
“He said some stuff about messing up, and getting through it, then he said, ‘I’m asking you to marry me.’” My voice got higher pitched, and the words came out faster. “I mean, we’re already mated, and I should, it would make Percy happy, right?”
“Does it matter, dude? You’d be stuck with him, like forever.”
“I’m already stuck with him forever, we’re just not sharing a bed.” I shifted so I lay in the fetal position, with the phone squashed between my ear and the pillow.
“How on earth did you get mated without sharing a bed? No wonder you’re having troubles, no sex equals no stress relief. I’ve been telling you for years, you need to get laid.”
“We share a kennel. And you’re not exactly a role model there, chicky.” I shot back, used to our old banter.
“Says the whore.”
“Is this a case of the slut calling the prostitute a whore?” I asked, sarcasm kicking in, I needed this. Sarcasm was my stress relief, that and running.
“What?”
“Never mind. Sex is your solution for everything.” I rolled my eyes even though I knew she couldn’t see.
“That’s because it’s the best medicine out there, the cure to what ails ya.”
“Why did I call you?”
“Because, despite the fact that you think you hate me, I’m your best friend. And Percy’s close-minded. Trust me, have some X-rated fun with your boyfriend, and then make your decision.”
“You’re so unhelpful.”
“I’m incredibly helpful because I’m right.” She sounded smug. And while her opinions were all based on sex, she was a bit right.
I’d never been more relaxed and my wolf more subdued than when I’d woken up in the kennel with Doug. Maybe she was right. Not about the sex thing, not exactly, but I did seem to be calmer when I was getting some. And the only way I was sleeping with him again was if I married him.
Crap, I had to say yes.
“I have to say yes, don’t I?” I grumbled into the phone.
“Thank god I’ve learned how to understand your mumbles, but probably yeah. You’d feel guilty as hell, for some strange reason, if you slept with him without those rings on your finger. And that’s how you’re wolf is going to be happiest, fulfilling your mating and all that, having a pack. Which means, everyone else gets a chance to be happy too. If Gretchen’s not happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
Lacey knew me well.
I groaned into the phone.
“Feel free to let him stew a bit, it might make you feel better about saying yes. It’s not like he’s going anywhere,” she said.
“He’s certainly not. Oh, and the freaks have moved into our backyard, by the way.”
“Freaks, as in the circus freaks?” asked Lacey.
“Yup, as in pretty much everyone except Demothi, since he’s not actually fae. Apparently simply being albino doesn’t get you into the inner circle.”
“No shit.” Her voice contained amazement.
“Yes shit. I’m not exactly thrilled about it. And they have poor Caleb shoved away into the tack room, while everyone else roams around the property and forgets about him. I ate supper with him last night so he could have some company, and I could get away from everyone else.”
“Which one was Caleb?”
“He’s the fish kid. They’re moving him into the library today, so it’s at least easier for us to visit him.”
“How’d they get him into you’re changing room? That’s one tiny door, you barely fit through it.”
“Haha,” I said. “Magic, how else? Which is how they’re gonna have to get him back out. I hope I get to watch.”
“It’ll drive you batty to be exposed to that much magic,” Lacey said practically.
She was right, of course. “It’ll still be mind-blowing to watch.”
“True. She didn’t do a whole lot of magic around us, maybe because we’re not real fae?”
“Or maybe because she doesn’t think it’s all such a big deal.” I was a little more practical than Lacey. Who was still grumbly, as always, about hiding what she was.
Percy rarely flaunted what she was, only in her real form in the late evening, the rest of the time, she wore her customary glamour.
“Anyways,” I continued, “I’ll let you get back to sleep.”
“Yeah, thanks. It was good to hear from you, mutt.”
“Later, sucker.” I pressed the little red disconnect button and dumped my phone back into the drawer.
Now, how long to make him stew?
I could have been a total bitch and made him sweat for a week, but I didn’t think I should put my wolf to the test. Something inside me leaped when it occurred to me that my human half could make Doug and me work. Now, I just had to track him down. Having not asked his plans for the day, I had no idea where he’d be.
First things first though, I gobbled down my breakfast, before it got too cold. There was no use accepting a marriage proposal on an empty stomach, and the first place I planned to check for Doug was the kitchen.
I licked off my fingers, having used them more than the fork that Sabrina had provided me, then gulped down the rest of my still hot tea.
Thus fo
rtified, I headed down the back stairs, which luckily decided to end just outside the kitchen at that given moment. Thank goodness for small kindnesses.
Sabrina had finally abandoned the stove and was attending to pots and pans in a big sink full of soapy water.
“You know you can put most of that in the dishwasher, right?” I asked, eyeing the counter full of cups, plates, knives, and forks.
“Hadn’t occurred to me. What do I do?”
I pulled on the handle, loading up the dish racks with plates and cups, and filling the utensil containers as needed.
“Okay, then you go under the sink and get a little soap thingy.” I demonstrated, opening the oatmeal container that held dishwasher detergent, and opened up the little packet. “You place it in with the little ball doodad facing up, I think.” I wasn’t really clear on that point.
“Then you push this button.” I did so after shutting it. “And presto, clean dishes without getting pruney fingers.”
The house hadn’t been wildly happy about having a dishwasher installed in its kitchen, making it explode bubbles for a good two weeks before it became resigned to the fact that the dishwasher was staying.
“Thanks, that seems simple enough.” Sabrina left some pans to soak and wiped her hands on a green dish towel hanging from the stove handle.
“It is. Have you seen Doug lately?” I asked, finally getting to my point.
“He grabbed some food and headed out the door about 20 minutes ago, he seemed out of sorts. Why?”
“I need to talk to him.” I didn’t need to fill Sabrina in on the details.
“Thanks for the help.” She raised a cup of coffee to me in salute.
I waved her off and headed out the door.
It hadn’t been too long, so I could still smell Doug’s scent lingering along the ground, which wafted up from time to time, as a breeze sprang up.
His trail led to the woods, his clothes flung about willy-nilly, accompanied by the strong smell of wolf magic. He had gone for a run, to clear his head, like I had a tendency of doing.
I sat with my back against a tree to wait, hoping it wouldn’t be too horribly long. I could have changed and gone after him, but I figured he wanted his space. That, and I really didn’t feel like adding another shift to my day.
The change can be exhausting, painful, and hunger-inducing. The exception being right at full moon when the wolf is in charge and the adrenaline covers everything.
I was tempted to go through his pockets and see if he was still carrying the ring around.
His scent had faded into a gentle hum and would remain so for the remainder of the morning, or until he came back and it became a symphony.
I began fidgeting my foot and shredding dead leaves with my claws.
I switched positions, drawing my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them.
I opened and shut my jaw, clicking my teeth together, almost biting my tongue.
Okay, so sitting probably wasn’t my best option. I guess I wasn’t a good stationary person. I got up and paced around the little clearing until I couldn’t take it anymore.
Doug’s jeans hung off a branch by one of the belt loops, just begging me to snoop. I’d already seen the ring, so it wasn’t exactly like I would be spoiling a surprise.
I reached my hand into his right front pocket and closed my fingers around the fuzzy, velvet box. Without any more hesitation, I drew it out and popped it open to admire the shine of the diamond.
It really was beautiful, and while I didn’t wear jewelry normally, I was willing to try and make this one work. I pulled the ring out of its little slot and shoved it over the knuckles of my left-hand ring finger, holding it out to admire.
The setting was deep enough that the little prongs holding in the stone wouldn’t catch in people’s hair while I worked, or scratch them, which I was bound to do from time to time.
The dappled sun caught hold of its carefully cut facets, making it sparkle, and I smiled.
The wind shifted, and I caught hold of the wet dog and magic smell that meant a werewolf was approaching. The smell intensified, carried along the breeze until I could positively identify it as Doug’s smell. Not that I suspected any other wolf, as far as I knew Doug and I were the only two in the state of Maine.
The hairy beast that was my boyfriend broke through the foliage and quickly began to change back into a very naked man. It was perhaps midway through the moon cycle, so Doug wasn’t exactly at his hairiest.
I turned, hiding my blush. It wasn’t like I hadn’t seen a naked man before, but this one I actually cared about. And I blushed every time I caught a glimpse of him without a shirt on.
His change happened way too fast, even I took a good 15 minutes to shift back and forth, and his yelps of pain were cut short by the swiftness of it. Completely non-dominants don’t experience as much pain. It’s why dominants require a pack, to absorb the pain, and to keep them sane.
Hilarious. I wasn’t doing too hot on either front.
I listened as he zippered his pants, then turned back around.
He was standing there watching me, with his red t-shirt clutched in his hand.
Red is a dominant color, a primary color, one that I usually am drawn to. Seeing him there holding it made me wonder. How dominant was he?
“What are you doing?” He spotted the ring box lying on a bed of pine needles.
He snatched it up and popped it open.
“What did you do? Where is it?” The depth of his tone ripped through me. There was no denying that Doug was angry.
I held up my hand, the one the ring was settled on, but he couldn’t see the stone, as it was facing me.
It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, he wasn’t paying attention to my hands.
He was getting hairy.
Shit, he was changing back.
I didn’t have much time to think, I just started flinging clothes in every direction as I hurried to change. Whatever his reaction turned into, I’d rather face it as a 400 pound wolf, than as a human.
The magic of his change hung in the air, speeding up my own process. His change was gasoline to my fire, and I burned with it.
When he landed on all fours, I just finished growing a tail, and he was on me. Part way through the change, I was defenseless until I gained control of my limbs.
Where my fingers had shortened and expanded, I felt intense pain as the ring was forced off my finger, flinging it like a slingshot.
I didn’t have the wherewithal to know which direction I’d launched it in. I was busy trying to survive as Doug clamped his mouth around my muzzle.
Finally, I finished my change and was able to fight back. I threw my not inconsiderable bulk from side to side until I felt his fangs rip loose.
I skittered sideways, keeping my footing solid and my center of gravity low. I prepared for his next attack even as he launched himself through the air.
I threw myself sideways at the last moment, grabbing at his throat, missing and muckling onto the side of his face, and yanked.
Kicking and scuffling, he got his feet back underneath him and tried to pull away, but I was holding on for all I was worth.
I hadn’t actually seen Doug’s wolf lately and was shocked by how much he had changed. he’d put on muscle from frequent changes, as new wolves do, and seemed to have gained a couple hundred pounds.
In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was right around my weight.
We grappled as he tore loose, each trying to find a hold on the other while trying to avoid being bitten.
I pushed away, then launched myself upwards, to land on top of him. He flipped around, trying to use my momentum to sink his teeth into my soft underside.
Kicking, biting, smashing each other into trees and rocks, and deep-throated rumbles coming from both sides.
Being mated had put us on equal footing. Him, gaining dominance from me, and I, feeding off his testosterone. My wolf being at war with my human pride had festered withi
n me, until I became a poison to us all. Deep down, below that pride, below the wolf, pooled the love for Doug I’d locked away after his first full moon. I destroyed my pride and dove into it, united with my wolf at last.
I threw him backward, then quickly rolled over onto my back, tail between my legs, and throat exposed.
I’d used this position once before, as a ruse to free myself from a pigheaded alpha that wanted to claim me as his mate. But instead of attacking when Doug approached, he lowered his head. I licked his muzzle in my final sign of submission.
While he stood over me, I shoved my wolf forcefully away, screaming as I changed back into human form, comforted by Doug’s bulky warmth as he lay down next to me, just shy of touching. Any excess contact would have been extra pain, and he was kind enough not to put me through that.
He stood and turned his back, playing the gentleman as I searched out my much-scattered clothing.
When I was fully dressed once again, he picked up his own clothing with enormous jaws, then hid behind a small stand of pine trees to change back.
When he reemerged, he was pulling his shirt over his head, hiding his hairy chest.
“What did you do with the ring, Gretchen?”
“I put it on my finger.” I glanced down at my empty hand. “It went flying when I changed.”
“Oh.” He dropped his gaze and scuffed his toes through the leaves like a child, embarrassed.
“Why did you submit?” he asked, sitting against the tree I had propped myself against earlier.
I walked over and sank down beside him. “One of us had to. You know what this means, right?”
He stared at me blankly. He was a little rusty on his wolf etiquette, as I’d taught him none.
“It means that you’re alpha. That’s how wolves pick theirs. They fight until either death or submission.” I stared down at my empty hands.
“But, you—” His face scrunched in confusion. “You’re more dominant.”
“Yes, well, apparently you draw on mine.”
“But—”
“Look, I submitted, and I accept your proposal, let’s just leave it at that, okay?” I heaved myself to my feet and began walking away.
Yes, I had more experience. I was older, by quite a lot. I probably could have bested him in the fight, had I wanted to kill him. But I had made a decision. I had submitted. It had been my choice.
Pack of Freaks: Beasts Among Us - Book 2 Page 13