“That’s the ticket,” Richard muses. He’s still wearing his broken glasses and looks off into the distance happily, obviously day-dreaming. “Make it a six-pack.”
Too bad no one had thought to pack alcohol as an essential item, although we had pretty much run through the supply already. I did have my bottle of vodka I won in poker, and a couple of bottles of New Zealand wine in my suitcase, but I didn’t think to take them.
“Anyway, I don’t think this is the island from Castaway,” Richard says. “More like Gilligan’s Island. Hey Tai? You’re Gilligan and I’m the Skipper.”
Tai gives him a wary look. “Excuse me?”
“Well, Daisy is obviously Ginger,” Lacey says. “She’s got the boobs and the hair and the attitude. I’ll be the Professor.”
“You’re Mary-Anne,” Richard protests.
“Mary-Anne isn’t a blond, and anyway, how sexist do you have to be to assume that I can’t be the professor just because I’m a woman? I am a professor, Richard.”
“So am I.”
“And you’re definitely not the Skipper,” Tai says, adjusting his seating again.
“So then who am I?” Richard asks woefully. “The professor’s wife?”
“You’re Gilligan,” Lacey tells him.
He seems more offended than he should be. “I am not Gilligan. Gilligan is the hapless imbecile that keeps screwing everything up.” He jerks his chin at me. “Daisy is Gilligan.”
I gasp. “I am not! I’m Ginger! One hundred percent.”
“Well, this whole thing is your fault,” Tai says under his breath.
No. No. He. Didn’t.
I give him the sharpest daggers I can muster with my eyes, hoping they’ll burn holes right into his sexy head. “I said I was sorry a million times. What do you want me to do? Get on my knees and beg for forgiveness?”
He tilts his head thoughtfully, trying to weigh that option.
Jerk.
“Okay, so maybe it’s not Gilligan’s Island,” Lacey says quickly, trying to calm the volcano that’s about to go off inside of me. She knows that look I get. I’m already Tomato Zone 2.
“It’s the island from Lost,” Richard interjects. “No, better yet, The Blue Lagoon.”
“Ew,” Lacey says, scrunching up her nose. “That movie is about incestual cousins screwing each other.”
“It’s the island from The Baby-Sitter’s Club: Super Special Four,” I tell them, just as Tai lets out a low moan.
We all turn to look at him.
“What on earth is it, Tai?” Lacey asks.
He seems beyond uncomfortable.
He shakes his head and then gets to his feet awkwardly.
“Tai?” I ask.
He looks at me, then looks to Lacey.
Then he goes to Richard, leans over to whisper something in his ear.
Lacey and I exchange a glance, having no idea what’s going on.
“Oh,” Richard says, eyes going round as Tai tells him something obviously shocking. “Oh my.” He suppresses a smile, and then gets to his feet and whispers something back into Tai’s ear. Tai nods, and then Richard eyes Lacey. “Lacey Loo, could you come here?”
I guess the use of the nickname means they aren’t fighting anymore.
“What is going on?” I ask, getting to my feet too.
The three of them start whispering, ignoring me.
Finally Richard runs off to the bushes.
“Can you show me?” Lacey asks Tai.
Tai looks revolted. “Hell no.”
“I am a doctor.”
“Of plants!”
“Which is part of the issue!”
“What the hell is going on?” I practically yell, putting myself in between them. “Is this the Island of Secrets?”
Lacey gives me a steady look.
“We think Tai wiped his ass with some poisonous leaves,” she says bluntly.
“For fuck’s sake, Lacey!” Tai yells at her, his face darkening.
I burst out laughing.
“He did what?” I cry out, tears nearly falling down my cheeks.
“Ah shit,” Tai mumbles, covering his face with his hand and turning away from us.
“Speaking of shit,” Lacey says. She’s trying to bite back a smile. “We’ll have to see what leaves you used. This will help us treat your, uh…”
“Oh, please stop,” Tai whimpers.
I’m still laughing. Like the kind of laughing where I slap my knee and can’t breathe. I don’t know if I’m going insane or what, but I literally can’t stop. This is the funniest thing.
“I’ve got the book,” Richard says, holding a flashlight and a botany identifier book that I always see my sister flipping through. “We just need to see the leaves.”
Lacey reaches out and grabs Tai’s arms. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Show us the leaves that did this to you.”
Tai groans, avoiding looking at me. He walks off to the jungle, Lacey and Richard following.
“Do you want me to come too?” I call after him.
He shoots me a warning glance over his shoulder. “Don’t you dare.”
I giggle and sink down into the sand again, wiping the tears from my face. I’m glad I packed my diary. Once it’s dry, I’m making another log.
Log.
And I’m giggling again. I think I’ve regressed back in age about twenty-years, but as my father used to say, if you’re not laughing, you’re crying.
Or, doing both.
* * *
The next morning I wake up just after dawn. I barely slept at all.
We had unzipped the two sleeping bags, that were unfortunately still a little damp, and laid them out side-by-side. Since it’s so hot and humid here, we didn’t need a top sheet, and it was nice to have the layer of fabric between us and the ground.
I slept at one end, Tai at the other, with Lacey and Richard in the middle. When they returned from their mini jungle expedition last night in search of Tai’s evil toilet paper, Tai did a great job of ignoring me. He was embarrassed, of course, and it was quite obvious he wanted nothing to do with me.
Meanwhile, Lacey and Richard were lovey dovey all night, making up for their fight. They didn’t have sex, thank god, but the cuddling and sweet talk was enough to make me sick and wish I had the foresight to pack earplugs.
Regardless, as soon as the sun was up, I was up too.
I roll over and look at the row of bodies. Lacey and Richard are snoring away, as usual, and Tai is gone.
I get to my feet and quickly get changed into my shorts, bikini top and flannel shirt, bring my ratty gross hair into a ponytail and stick on a ball cap. Oh, my kingdom for a proper shower.
I need to brush my teeth and do my business, but after what happened to Tai, I feel like I need a little advice.
Stepping out onto the beach, I spot Tai crouching down by the charred logs, trying to get a fire going again, the morning sky fading from fiery pink to pale blue.
I especially like what he’s wearing this morning, a rich aqua shirt that matches the color of the lagoon, framing his muscles very nicely. I take a moment to appreciate his hands as they adjust the logs. Part of me wishes that Richard had never interrupted us that night, though if that were the case, we would have barrelled right into the reef while screwing each other senseless.
But what a way to go.
“Hey,” I say to him. “Did you watch the sunrise?”
He glances up at me briefly and grunts in response.
“So very caveman like,” I comment. “You haven’t been in the wild very long and you’re already reverting.”
“That’s funny,” he says mildly.
“I’ve been told I can be,” I say, hugging my arms across my chest. Even though the heat and humidity are starting to creep up, there’s a bit of a chill out here, the wind blowing lightly. “How are you feeling?”
He gives me a look that tells me to back off, but of course I don’t.
“I’m just wondering what
leaves I can use,” I add. “You know..”
“Use a book,” he says, gesturing to the torn-up pages in the fire. “Makes good toilet paper and good kindling.”
I’m horrified. He’s torn up a book? That’s sacrilegious.
And then I get a closer look at the book.
“Oh my god!” I cry out. “Where did you get that?”
He bites his lip, avoiding my eyes.
“Tai! Is that my book? Is that The Devilish Rake?”
“Look,” he says defensively. “I saw it lying on the beach, I didn’t know it was yours.”
“Yes you did! I had put it on the beach along with all my other stuff, trying to signal for help!”
“It’s just a book,” he says, and I gasp even louder. “You already read it, I saw you read it!”
“We’re on a deserted island, it may be one of the only books I’ll ever get to read again!”
As if to make his point, the pages catch fire and start burning.
“I can’t believe you did that,” I practically whimper, watching the pages curl.
“Give me a break,” he says with a roll of his eyes. “Do you want to wipe your ass with poisonous leaves or not?”
I gesture to the jungle. “I’m sure there are other options!”
“Suit yourself,” he says, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out the copy of the paperback, a lot of the pages already torn out. “Here, you can have it back. Probably did the book a favor by making it shorter.”
“Now you’re just trying to be a dick. Book burner.”
“Boat sinker.”
Asshole. He knows he’s got me with that one. It hits deep, right between the ribs. I don’t even have anything to say to that except sorry and I know my apologies are worthless to him.
So I turn around and start walking off, down the beach to my SOS sign to see what else he ruined.
It all looks fine.
Until I realize he replaced the book with my vibrator, making up part of the S.
Dear god.
I whip around and storm back across the beach to Tai, who is trying not to laugh.
Asshole again.
“You found my vibrator!” I yell, knowing I’m probably waking up Lacey and Richard, and boy, what a way to wake up.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, rubbing his lips together. His poker face is still terrible.
“Yes you do! I hid it in my shoe!”
“Gingersnap, there was no hiding that thing. Sweet Jesus, way to give a guy a complex.”
“You know perfectly well that your, uh, that it’s comparable.”
A dark brow arches. “Oh is it?”
“I’m not comfortable complimenting you right now.”
“I see,” he says, taking a step toward me. “It’s hard not to do, isn’t it?”
“Shut up.”
“I am curious as to why you had to pack that for the life raft. Were you going to use it as a paddle, or…?” he trails off, licking his lips.
Ugh. Can he please stop being sexy for like one second so I can be mad at him?
“I panicked, okay?” I smile wickedly. “Don’t tell me you’re threatened.”
“Whatever makes you sleep at night,” he says, heading back to camp.
“I didn’t sleep!” I yell at him. “Lacey and Little Dicky were being nauseating.”
“Don’t be jealous!” I hear Lacey yell from beyond the palm trees. Guess they’re up.
I sigh and look at the book in my hands. Well, since it’s already been ripped apart, if you can’t beat them, join them.
It isn’t until after breakfast, which is tomato soup and crackers, not the worst of the meals but not the best, that Tai announces he’s going to go on an expedition across the island.
“I’m coming,” Richard says, raising his hand like he’s in class.
“You’re not,” Tai says. “You can barely see. You’ll be a danger to yourself and I am not carrying you back here. Maybe later, when I get a better look at the terrain.”
“Then Lacey should go,” Richard says. “She knows the fauna here.” He adds in a low voice, “You obviously can’t be trusted around it.”
“I’m not leaving you,” Lacey says. “You’re still a bit dizzy from,” she gestures to his mangled face, “all this.”
“I’ll go!” I say, jumping to my feet.
Tai’s brows knit together. “You? Gilligan? I don’t think so.”
“Stop calling me Gilligan,” I tell him, following him as he walks back to camp. “I’m going with you.”
“Only if I can call you Gilligan,” he says, drinking from a bottle of water. He hands it to me. “And only if you don’t talk to me. I’m not really in the mood.”
“You’re never in the mood,” I tell him, taking a sip. “Thanks.” I eye the rest of the water supply. “We’re going to run low soon, aren’t we?”
He nods grimly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Another reason to head inland. This place is big enough, and the elevation over there high enough, to have a stream, maybe even a pond or a lake. Don’t know how long it will be until the next weather system passes through and gives us rain. Least if we find some water, we can use the purification tablets.”
“So what should I bring?”
He glances down at my flip flops. “Those won’t do. Wear your running shoes, or those water shoes I found your dildo in.”
“It’s a vibrator, not a dildo. A dildo doesn’t vibrate.”
“Don’t think you bought the waterproof version, Gingersnap.”
“I thought it was Gilligan.”
He waves me away and starts walking off into the jungle. I quickly shove my tennis shoes on, still soggy from having worn them the night of the wreck, and run after him. Squish, squish, squish.
With Tai leading the way, the jungle isn’t so bad. If there are any spiderwebs in the way, he deals with the brunt of them, and he deals with them a lot. To his credit, he doesn’t flinch or complain. The only thing that’s separating him from Michael Douglas in Romancing the Stone is a machete.
I’m sure Lacey and Richard would have a field day in this jungle, with all the different ferns, and trees with hanging vines and twisting bark, a million shades and shapes of green leaves. But for me, it’s all just one hot, sticky blur of vegetation. You can barely see the sky in places.
“How do we know how to get back?” I ask him, staring at his back, the way his shirt is sticking to his skin, the sweat at the nape of his neck.
“I have a compass, I’ll get us back,” he tells me without turning around. “How are you holding up back there?”
“I’m fine. Just hot. Sweaty. Tired. Have a crazy amount of chub rub happening.”
He stops in his tracks and I collide right into him.
“I’m sorry, what?” he asks, turning around. “Chub rub? Is that some wankfest innuendo?”
I laugh. “No, it’s when your thighs touch and it’s sweaty and well…friction happens. In other words, I shouldn’t have worn shorts.” I point at my legs.
“But then I wouldn’t be able to ogle you,” he says, totally deadpan, and turns around and starts walking again.
“Yeah right,” I mutter. “Where’s the ogling?”
He doesn’t say anything to that.
We keep walking.
And walking.
It’s not all horrible, there are a ton of colorful birds singing pretty little songs.
Pretty soon I’m humming a song of my own.
“Please stop that,” Tai says, still marching forward.
I hum it louder.
It’s the theme song to Gilligan’s Island.
“Can’t,” I tell him. “It’s stuck in my head.”
“Well, can you keep it in your head?”
Then he stops suddenly and shushes me.
“Don’t shush me,” I cry out.
“Listen,” he whispers harshly.
So I stop humming and listen.
I think I hear the sound of running water.
We both look at each other with wide, hopeful eyes.
Tai even manages a quick smile.
“Come on,” he says, leading the way, heading a little more to the left, and following the sound.
It’s not long until we come across the source.
It’s not just a stream, but a large pool of water, complete with a low waterfall on one end, and a stream running off on the other.
“Oh my god!” I gasp, wanting to cry tears of joy.
It’s beautiful, like something out of a movie. Cue the uplifting music.
The water is a deep blue-green and fairly clear where the sun splices through the open canopy above and lights up the depths. The rocks are slick and black, volcanic, and flowers and ferns grow along the sides of the pool, framing it like a picture. The smell is earthy and green and wet and wonderful.
Tai doesn’t even hesitate. He drops his backpack to the ground and immediately starts to tear off his clothes until he’s completely naked.
I mean all of it, off.
I don’t even have time to react, my eyes glued to his gorgeous round ass, a couple of shades lighter than the rest of his bronzed brown body. It bounces firmly as he runs right into the pool, disappearing into the water.
He dives under, and then pops his head up, shaking his hair from side to side. He’s smiling so wide, it pulls something out from under me, like I’m suddenly unstable, unprepared. For what, I don’t know, but it has something to do with him.
“What are you waiting for?” he yells at me, treading water in the middle of the pool. “Get in here!”
“How do I know what’s in the water?”
“I’ll protect you,” he says with a wicked grin, which tells me he will do no such thing. “Come on. You shy?”
“You know I’m not,” I tell him. “I just don’t want my feet nibbled by mysterious water things.”
“Mysterious water things, huh? Didn’t you want to be a marine biologist?”
“That’s the ocean! Marine!”
I sigh and start undoing my shorts, taking off my tank top. I’m wearing a bikini top and blue underwear that does nothing to cover my generous ass, nor my boobs. This isn’t the time to be insecure though. When I was younger I used to let body images dictate the activities I did. Nowadays, I don’t let that stop me, even though I haven’t been to the gym in weeks.
Lovewrecked Page 15