by Rita Hestand
"You have so many," she chuckled when he returned.
"Si, we have all we can eat, and we feed some of the poorer people in the area when we have too many." Pedro said proudly.
"That's wonderful." She smiled. "I had chickens, but the cat got them. I raised mine mostly for eggs."
"I am sorry, senora. The cat, he is a mean hombre."
He handed her the feed and watched her take such care with them. Pedro was very impressed with the way she handled them.
When she finished, she handed him the pail and told him that everyone was invited for supper.
"The boss does not mind?" Pedro questioned.
"Not at all, it will give me a chance to get to know you all. I don't like living around strangers. I'd rather us all be like family."
He smiled. "You are good for the boss. And see, like family. That is a good thing."
"Am I good for him?" She paused and looked at him. "In what way?"
"In many ways, Senora. Many ways. The boss smiles more now, for no reason. He has much gusto too." He walked away with a smile on his face.
She knew Cole thought she didn't want to be alone with him, and he was right to an extent, but she also loved cooking for a large group. And the men seemed to really appreciate it last night. Her and her father had seldom had any company, and she quickly realized it wasn't right to have isolated themselves from people so much. She'd have been a much wiser woman, if they had invited people to eat with them. Of course, many times they simply didn't have enough for guests.
She wandered along the back pasture and found a lovely spot by a running brook and many large pecan trees. This was a perfect place for her to talk to God. She smiled. Maybe living here wouldn't be so bad, at least as long as she was welcome.
She sat on the ground and prayed. "God, being a wife is a new experience. Please, let me do it right, as I'm not sure of myself. And if you can, make my husband like me a little."
She got up and moved away, a smile on her face.
She told Cole about the place when he came in that evening and he was pleased she'd found herself a place.
"You'll have to show me," he told her.
"You really want to see it?"
"Sure."
"Do you pray?"
"Not as much as I should." He grinned. "I guess I end up praying more when something goes wrong, then when things go right."
"It's funny, talking to the Lord came natural to me. Even without hearing a preacher. I guess because I've been alone a lot in my life. I don't pray like some. No certain prayer, just whatever is on my mind. But I know he listens."
"You're an amazing young woman, Gabby. I've never talked about religion with anyone. Never knew anyone could be so open about it. I like that. I got a feeling that you and I can talk about anything."
She smiled, "To me God's church is the prairie the trees, the animals, nature itself. I feel close to him there."
He looked directly at her, "Maybe, you'll have to take me sometime."
She busied herself with supper while Cole washed up and talked to his men. She told him she had cooked for everyone, eager for a good meal they didn't waste any time getting to the table.
Cole introduced them to her formally. "It may take a while to put the right name to the right cowboy, but I'll learn." She told them, they chuckled.
She'd fixed chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, gravy, fresh green beans, and corn on the cob. The men were more than pleased. She felt confident cooking, she'd done it so long now. "When I get used to my way around the kitchen, I'll be making home-made bread for you all, but right now, biscuits will have to do."
"It all looks great to us," Slim said digging into the potatoes and gravy. Gabby was tickled the way he helped himself.
They all talked to her, but none asked too many questions, they simply accepted her. She could easily understand why Cole picked these men to work for him, they all had such manners. They were honest and open, talking to Cole like a regular cowboy.
Later, she sat out on the porch and Cole joined her.
"So, how do you like it here?"
"It's very nice. Anyone would love it here." She told him. "You have a beautiful home."
"I don't mean the beauty of it. I want to know if you are comfortable here."
She studied him a moment, "I'm very comfortable here. The men are all nice, the place is lovely, and I guess there is a certain peace here, too."
"I'm glad to hear it. I know I keep asking you the same question, but I want you to feel at home here, Gabby.
"Can I invite Martha out here?" She blurted.
"Of course, you can." He told her.
He grabbed her hand, "Gabby, I want this to be your home now. You don't have to ask permission, this is your home, understand? And there's nothing wrong with it being your home too. We're married."
"It'll take some getting used to. But I want to ask you, do you think my place, a bad place?"
"No, of course not." He laid his hand on hers as he sat beside her on the step. "It's just dangerous, you being here alone. If something happened to you, I might not know it for days. I often get tied up in my work and its best you are here, for you and for me. I'd worry more. But I do want you to like it here, and you sure seem to get along with all the men. We've never had a decent cook that I can remember."
"They are nice, all of them. I'm glad they will eat with us. It makes it more of a real family."
"I trust them, or I wouldn't have them on the place. My dad taught me early on that having good workers on a place made all the difference. Everything runs smoother. I trust my men."
"Is this your house or was it your parents?" She asked, admiring the huge oak that sat majestically to the side of the house and provided immense shade.
"No, my folks lived in a house about like yours. When they died, I tore the place down and built this one. It took me a few years to be able to fix it up like I wanted, but I've been in the cattle business for some time. I'm not a poor man, Gabby, so if there is anything you want, just tell me. I'll see you get it."
"I don't have a lot of needs. I guess you saw the gifts that Martha brought. I wasn't expecting anything like that. I never had that many dresses in my life. But she refused to take them back. Has she ever married or had children? She told me she had a true love, but he died."
"Yeah, that was a long time ago. I think she sort of gave up on love after that. She got that job. And no, she never married or had any children. And she loves children, she should have had a houseful. She's the most giving woman I know, aside from you."
"Me? What have I given?"
"You invited my whole crew in here to eat, and that's a treat for them. And they all like you. I can tell that. It's important to me too, that they like you. Pedro is already very protective of you. I like that. He tends to most things about the house, the barn and corral, him and Juan."
"They are all so nice to me, I like them. You know, it might sound strange to you, but being around people, well, most people, I get nervous, afraid I'll do something stupid. Afraid they'll laugh at me, for not knowing better. But your men accepted me, the way I am. Why?"
"It's because they are all good people. And they all liked your father, and they can see he raised a very sweet lady."
She smiled.
When it got quiet between them, she looked at him.
"How did your parents die?" She asked curiously.
He was quiet a moment, as though remembering them. "My dad died in the war between the states. He fought for the Union, not a popular choice considering this is Texas. But he died just before it ended. In some ways that was a blessing as he might have had a hard time coming back here. My ma lived a few years after, then she died of consumption."
"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"Got three married sisters, one lives in Louisiana, one in Kentucky, and the youngest in south Texas. Don't see them very often, they write. They are married and have children of their own."
"Are t
hey older or younger?"
"Two are older, one is younger. Do you have any brothers or sisters?" he asked. "I never asked."
"No, ma had a heart condition, she was lucky to have had me, the doctors told her." She said quite finally.
"So, it was just you and your dad since you were seven."
"Yes." Her answer was like an echo of the past.
"I guess it must have gotten a bit lonely at times."
She looked at the porch, her mind going back to those days and shrugged. "Sometimes. When dad was away, I'd talk to the animals, like they were people. Good thing no one was around, they would have thought me daft."
"I miss him too, Gabby."
"Who?" she jerked her head around to look at him as he was sitting beside her on the steps.
"Your father."
"Why did you like him so?" She mused, waiting for his answer.
"I guess it seems a bit funny to you. But, to tell the truth, I didn't realize how much until close to the end, but without him there at those poker games, it just wasn't the same. He'd sit there after he lost all his money and tell stories of the old days of Texas. Most of us enjoyed them too. Some we'd heard a dozen times or so, but we enjoyed it. He didn't just tell a story, he put heart into it."
She nodded trying to force the knot in her throat away. To some, her father must have looked like a poor struggling man, but to her, he was the strength within her.
"Why'd you agree to marry me, Gabby?" He asked softly. "The truth I know you weren't any more for it than I was at first."
She sighed heavily. "For his sake,"
He nodded, but she could see disappointment in his face, then she added, "and…I thought you were very handsome. If you'd have been ugly, I might not have married you." She chuckled.
He chuckled too. "So, you think I'm handsome?" He lifted his chin proudly, then laughed.
"Very much so. But I'm sure you've been told many times. So, why did you marry me? I mean the real reason."
He stared into her eyes now, "I'm not sure, I mean for your dad's sake at first, but I don't know. I like you, Gabby. You are amazingly easy to talk to. I've never met a woman I could sit and carry on a conversation with for this long. And you sure are pretty. But I gotta admit, when your hat flew off your head that night, and those red tresses of yours fell to your waist, I couldn't take my eyes off you. I've never seen hair like yours. Even in those dirty clothes and flop hat, when you let that hair down, it sort of took my breath. I haven't seen many beautiful red-heads."
"You like me?"
"Of course, I do…. Your very honest. I like that. You say what's on your mind. I liked you telling me I could get an annulment if I wanted. Giving me choices. Or a divorce. Like I had options. I like your spunk. And you've got the prettiest hair I've ever seen. I guess I've said that, but I've never seen such beautiful hair in my life." He reached to touch it now and she drew breath.
"Are you afraid of me?" He asked earnestly.
"No…I know you won't hurt me. I'm— afraid of me." She admitted.
"What do you mean? In what way?"
"It's hard to talk about. I know about life, about a man and a woman, and although I know, I'm curious as to what it might be like too. I'm afraid of my feelings. I’m afraid in that way, you could hurt me easily. I don't know what to expect, or what I should feel. I only know I do have feelings."
He scooted closer, "What feelings?"
"Like when you kiss me, I sort of lose control. I've never done that before. Of course, I never kissed anyone but you and my father on the cheek. That's much different than the way you kiss me. I get these feelings all over. I can't control them. My knees they weaken, my heart pounds. I've never had such feelings. Is it normal? I mean I've been around a few men, friends of dad's, but none of them kissed me, nor wanted to. Of course, I usually didn't look my best."
"Your feelings are very normal. It's part of what makes you a woman. I'll bet you've been kissed often?" He asked.
She blushed, "I'm sure you can tell I haven't."
"Actually, I couldn't. You are an excellent kisser." He grinned. "In fact, it's even better than your conversations."
"Your teasing me now…"
"No," he crooked his finger and turned her chin, so he could stare into her eyes. "I'm not. I enjoy it as much as you do." And then he added, "Every time."
"You do?"
"Yes. And I get a little weak-kneed myself." He leaned toward her and feather touched her lips. She sighed aloud.
She pulled away and laughed.
"What's so funny?"
"You know so much about women. I'm curious of course. I want to learn all things I should already know. You've had Polly and she knew everything I suppose. It must be wonderful to be a woman and know exactly what pleases a man. I know nothing about pleasing a man. I feel inadequate. I have nothing to offer you as a wife, you must know that. And yet the good book says a woman should submit to their husband, cleave to him. I'll submit, if you ask me to."
"Yeah, I kind of figured you might. But submission isn't what a man seeks. Not entirely at least."
"Then what does a man seek?" She asked breathlessly.
He took a deep breath, he held her face in his big hands, his thumb working a quiet magic all its own. "A woman that really cares about him. Going up those stairs a thousand times isn't comparable to one woman who really cares about you. A woman that misses you during the day, can't wait to see you in the evenings. Those kinds of things. A woman that can make his knees weak too! A woman that does things for you without asking. And…with love."
"Women don't have the luxury of finding a man to learn these things with. Men do. Men know. Maybe if my Ma had lived, I'd know more. I could never be your wife in that way…." She stood up and moved away from him suddenly. "When you've had a woman that knows all the things that please a man, how could you possibly be pleased with a woman who doesn't know? I mean common sense tells me that."
He stood up and followed her, "That's not true. A man doesn't want a whore for a wife. What goes on in the bedroom is one thing, but there's more to marriage than just the bedroom. I guess I should tell you, I don't expect you to make love with me, unless it's something you really want."
"I'm human." She blushed. "I have needs like anyone else. But I couldn't please you like Polly, anyway. Oh, I can cook, clean, help work in many ways. I know animals and I can work as hard as a man." She hung her head. "I've even birthed a colt before."
"You're wrong about the pleasing, but some things do take time."
"I'm not an idiot. Dad said Polly was the prettiest girl in the saloon, that all the men desired her."
"Maybe, on the outside, she was beautiful. But do you know what makes a good lover and a beautiful woman at the same time??"
"No…" She chuckled. "How could I?"
"It's not knowing Gabby, it's feeling. And it is as simple as that. That's what makes the difference. That's why I could walk away from Polly and have no regrets. She had no feelings for me. What she did, was like a man going to work in the fields. Making love is nothing more than pure instinct, wanting to please another. But what I shared with Polly wasn't love. You've got to understand that. There's a big difference. A man doesn't want a woman just for lust. Oh, maybe for a while, in his youth, but not later, when he's ready to settle down."
"I've had a little education. I know a few things from doing them, like sewing, cooking. I can love a chicken, or I can wring its neck. I'm good at farming and ranching, but I don't think I could please a man. That's why you should get an annulment. You'd be much happier with someone who could be a real wife to you. I've still got a lot to learn."
"Maybe, but how do you think you learn those things, Gabby if you don't try?"
She looked at him now, as he stared deep into her eyes. "I guess like you said, you have to let your feelings guide you."
"Then maybe it's time you let your feelings guide you."
He was very close, and her hand fell on his chest. It s
eemed to burn. She moved it. "I like you…" She admitted. "I think a little more than like, sometimes. I keep getting these feelings, I can't control them either. That's what scares me. I mean, if I dared to reach out, and you didn't reach back, how could I live with myself. I guess I got too much pride to try to please you like that. Ignorance is not a good thing."
"You're not an ignorant woman, Gabby. By far. The fact that you can share your thoughts and feelings with me makes me confident that we have a future together. So, when you're ready to try, let me know. And maybe by the time you're ready, I'll be ready, and we can share those feelings." He kissed her nose. "We got married without benefit of a courtship. And that's important to a woman, I'm told."
"I've heard the word, but I'm not sure what it means." She whispered.
"It's a shared time when a man and woman get to know each other better. You know, like what color you like best, what's your favorite food. So, we put the cart before the horse so to speak. I like you Gabby, a lot. But I don't want to scare you or rush you. And I certainly don't want to hurt you. So, every Sunday we'll set aside some time to do something together. How does that sound?"
"Is this a test?"
"Yes, it is. To see how much we like each other."
"And if we don't?"
He smiled warmly at her now, as he stared into her eyes, and pushed her hair from her face. "We already like each other Gabby. The way you kiss me back tells me that. You know that as well as I do. I don't think we'll go backwards from that. This is to see exactly how much. We need to learn things about each other, so we know each other. You have to know someone to love them."
She shrugged, "Alright, why not." She smiled. "Maybe I can learn a few things."
"Gabby making love is a natural thing. When you love someone. It'll come as natural as the animals, only much more pleasurable. And you don't have to be an expert, you just have to want to be with someone badly enough." He told her. "Those feelings you get are natural and when you love someone, you won't even have to think about it. You loved your father, but that's a different kind of love. When a man and a woman come together…"