As we near the halfway point in our meal, an older gray-haired lady approaches us just as Cora stuffs her mouth with another bite of pancake. She looks vaguely familiar.
“I’m glad to see you eating, my dear.”
“Ms. Trousseau,” she coughs out.
“You look well rested as well.” She gives me a wink and I nod back. “Looks like it’s your big brother I need to be talking to when it comes to your health. Your parents are much too weak to handle your stubbornness.”
I want to chuckle. Surely Cora can't best Donovan when it comes to stubbornness, but why hasn’t Aunt Presley brought her out if things were really getting that bad.
But then my mind focuses on another phrase, big brother? Is that how this looked?
Of course that’s how it looks. A seventeen-year-old dating a fourteen-year-old would never be accepted. And once again the pit in my stomach was back, and I was no longer hungry.
“Eat well and be ready for Monday evening. I will also need your music for the winter review as well.”
Cora takes a sip of her orange juice and clear as a bell gives a ‘yes ma’am’ before Ms. Trousseau walks away, patting my shoulder as she leaves.
Neither one of us knows what to say. I just sit back and watch as her head hangs low. The gray cloud that was just over my head now seems large enough to drift over hers as well and I watch as she moves the remaining food around with her fork, never taking another bite.
“I’ll have your review piece by tomorrow night.” I offer her, but she shakes her head.
“No. It’s okay. I think I’ve already found one.”
“I don’t mind, Cora.”
“I know. But you graduate next year and then you’re off to bigger and better. Eventually becoming that famous musician you’ve been working hard for.
“I need to do this for myself.”
I open my mouth to say something, but she slides out of the booth, “Can we go home now? I’m tired.”
I look at her standing there waiting on me. Eyes downcast looking completely heartbroken. Something had gotten to her and taken my happy girl away.
“Yea. Sure thing, Buttercup.”
We don’t talk on the car ride home.
She curls into herself, feet on the seat, arms locked around her knees, head resting on the window. Subtle hidden sobs taper off to nothing as she falls asleep.
It was only nine-thirty, but after all she had put herself through, I wasn’t shocked when she fell asleep, I just wished I knew what it was that changed her demeanor so drastically.
I text Aunt Presley when we get home so she can open the door for me as I carry Cora inside, stopping just before her bedroom to hand her off, but Uncle Robert nods and gives me permission to go in. I lay her down, slide off her shoes, and cover her with one of the extra fuzzy blankets she likes, and then before I leave, I give her what I knew would be our last kiss. “I’m sorry things can't be different, Buttercup. Always know that I love you.” My lips work across her skin, the heat from my breath hovering above her.
Eventually, I make my way downstairs to a living room full of parents. I’m sure they are all expecting me to challenge them, to fight tooth and nail, but it would hurt too much.
“I get it.” I simply say. “I’ll wait. I won't tell Cora anything. But I need to know, give me something to one day look forward to, what’s the age?”
Dad embraces me and I shake under his touch. “Twenty.” I grip tight to his shirt. That’s six years away.
“Jax,” Uncle Robert’s timber seems to offer some comfort to the blows I’ve received tonight. “We don’t want you sitting around waiting for her. You need to live your life. Go to college. Meet people. Date. And if you find someone else, then you need to explore that avenue.”
“We just want you to be happy, Jackson.” The shake in Aunt Presley’s voice matches my pain. “We don’t know what will happen in the coming years, but you both need the opportunity to grow up the way you should.”
“I love her.”
Mom wraps her arms around me and soaks my shirt with her tears. “We know, sweetie. Which is why this is so hard on us. We want you both to have fulfilling lives.”
I wipe my tears with the back of my hand and wish back the new tears, “Deal.”
“And you won't tell Cora?” I know what Aunt P and Uncle Robert are asking is a lot of me, but I won't cause her this pain.
“No. Maybe one day, but not now. It won’t do her any good.”
“Thank you. You know we wish things were different Jax...”
“But they’re not.”
I’ve got to get out of here. I’ve got to start moving forward, making something of myself so that in six years I will be someone that Cora’s proud enough to call hers. Someone that can give her the world and after some time, someone she will gladly accept a ring from.
“I’ll be home by midnight.” Mom runs her fingers over my cheeks and Dad gives me one final hug.
“Be safe please.”
“I will. Love you all.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
A warm golden glow penetrates my closed eyelids, and the sound of the triplets fighting over some toy downstairs seems to be my alarm. I slept in my bed all night, a first in months. As I stretch, I realize my body doesn’t hurt as much as it did yesterday, but I’m broken by the fact that I seem to be alone. I would take sleeping on the floor every night if it meant waking up next to Jackson.
I look at my bedside clock, two-thirty; well at least I’m up earlier than yesterday.
These last forty-eight hours have been confusing as hell, but I’m so glad that Jax is back. I guess I needed him more than I realized, and probably more than I should.
Whatever hope I had of us possibly dating soon was squashed last night when Ms. Trousseau called him my brother.
I don’t want to put him in that situation. To make him feel like he has to defend our relationship.
Next year wouldn’t be too bad, we’d both be in the same school at least, but then he’s leaving for college. He deserves someone closer to his age, but that doesn’t mean I have to like them, but I’ll try...for him.
I can tell this is just as hard on him.
I roll out of bed and quickly get dressed in a sports bra and a pair of joggers. I need to pick my music for the winter review and have basic choreography outlined for tomorrow. I also have homework that I need to finish and a test to prep for.
I’ve begged Mom and Dad to just let me home school, but they insist on me actually going to school. It’s such an inconvenience and I’m beginning to realize I don’t fit in as much as I used to. I don’t get the kids in my grade, and they definitely don’t understand me.
Even Emma and Becca seem different. Becca is wrapped up with soccer and hanging out with the jocks and she and Uncle Trey usually spend their weekends in the garage restoring the 1969 Skylark Convertible. I heard Aunt Liv tell Mom it’s her sixteenth birthday present. Em would have gotten a car too, but she doesn’t like getting dirty and greasy like Beccs.
Emma seems more into the performing arts. She hangs around with the drama kids and is in this year’s school play. She doesn’t have a huge part, but she loves it. Occasionally she’ll come down to the studio to run lines in front of the mirror trying to get over her stage fright. We’re not super close, but she’s an occasional friend and the reason I don’t have to eat lunch alone.
“Good afternoon,” I chirp as a meander down the stairs. “You know you little pip-squeaks could keep it down a little.”
“Hi Cora-bora.” I roll my eyes at the newest nickname the triplets have given me as they giggle high-pitched little squeaks. I won't ever let them know this, but I really do love them better than the other three, maybe because I know they’re the last.
“Glad to see you sleeping again,” Dad chuckles and Mom breaks a banana away from the bunch before handing it to me.
“And eating.”
I take it from her outstretched arm and grab a bo
ttle of water from the fridge.
I can't believe how much I ate last night. I’m almost embarrassed at myself, but I was starving and Jax didn’t seem to care. I highly doubt other guys would have been okay with my order. I work hard, I train daily, my muscles are long and lean, and they need the energy, but something tells me other guys wouldn’t be as understanding.
I know I’m not allowed to date yet, but if I were, I don’t think I’d want to just for the simple fact I wouldn’t know how to eat in front of a guy that wasn’t my family.
Boys are confusing.
“I’ll be down in the studio. I need to pick my music for the winter review today.”
“Didn’t Jax write something for you?” Mom almost seems shocked that I don’t have my music turned in already.
“No. Ms. Trousseau reminded me about it last night. She needs it tomorrow. Besides, soon Jax will be too busy with college and his own music.”
Dad clicks his tongue and shakes his head. “I highly doubt he will ever be too busy for you.”
I can't rely on Jax for everything. It’s not fair to him. He has a life outside of me. It’s just better if we separate things now.
“What time is dinner?”
“Six-thirty.”
“Okay. Be back then.” I kiss both my parents, and wave to the rug rats before heading down the hill to my studio.
After what seems like hours and hours of searching and scrolling through Christmas music, I throw my head back in frustration and let out a loud scream, running my hands through my hair before falling back onto the hard floor. All I want is something calming and melodic. Something that stands apart from the traditional songs and isn’t in the same category as the overplayed pop stuff.
The only thing I’ve found that comes remotely close is an acapella piece, but when I try to put movement to it, it feels lacking in a way. Lacking...the farthest one can get from captivating. Maybe this is what my life has come to. Lacking because Jax couldn’t be a part of it, or at least in the way I wanted him to.
But who was I kidding, I was a kid, and he was, Jax. Safety, and happiness, the one that gave me butterflies, and called me Buttercup. He was my North Star, and soon I would have to say goodbye to him.
This was right. Not relying on him was right. Keeping him away was right.
I growl as I pick my phone to continue my search through the databases of Christmas songs both old and new when the sound of Jax’s voice scares the bejesus out of me.
“One, did you really just growl at yourself and two, I thought I told you to lock the door when you’re here by yourself.”
I look towards the sound of his voice to find him leaning in the doorway with a sexy smirk on his face. How was it possible for one person to look that yummy.
I was going to kill Sophie for corrupting my mind this past summer.
“But,” I say while trying to seductively smile back. Judging by Jackson’s laughter I’m sure I looked more like some crazy lunatic than a temptress, “if I did that, then how would you get in?”
Was I flirting? Cora! Stop. It. You need to let him go. Not get attached to him. Bad Buttercup. What the hell is wrong with you.
He laughs as he approaches me, sitting down on the floor and taking the mp3 player from my hand.
“You’re not gonna find your piece on this thing.” Well no shit, Sherlock. Hours of searching already told me that.
“I’m not?” Oh jeez. Really Cora. If you bat your eyes like a lost puppy you’re an idiot.
“Nope.” He flashes a hot boy cocky smile and I feel my cheeks turn red. “Listen to this. I still need to get Jace’s help with it, but this is what you’re looking for.”
He picks up his guitar and starts to strum. No more than five seconds pass and I’m pulled to my feet and begin to paint my Christmas picture. A few words are mumbled here and there, but the chorus is strong.
“I remember a new guitar and little pink shoes,
A million stars underneath that moon,
Santa Claus and Rudolf too,
No other Christmas compares
To my first Christmas with you.”
Every now and then I catch a glimpse of him in the mirror and it causes my heart to race.
I don’t remember things as clear as he does, but I knew this piece was about our first Christmas. These aren’t just random words strung together, he wrote about us. I close my eyes tight against the tears, finishing the dance blind only to feel his arms wrap around me at the end of the song.
“You’re right,” I whisper. “I wouldn’t have found that in my library.” I rest my head against his chest, pulling deep breaths of spicy hot boy cologne. Bad Cora. Bad. Bad. Bad. The sound of a quiet laugh gives me strength to move away from him. “It’s perfect Jax. Thank you. But I’m going to pay you for this.”
“No you’re not.”
“Yes I am. I pay for my arrangements up in New York. It’s only fair. You’re a great musician and it’s time you start taking yourself seriously.”
I feel the sting of my words the minute they leave my mouth and I open my eyes just in time to catch his anger.
“I do take myself seriously.”
“Jax...that’s not what I meant.”
“I’m out at every open mic night performing. I send demos out every month. So don’t tell me I don’t work hard, Cora.”
I can't look at him. His anger comes at me like a weight holding my gaze down in submission. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
His growly yell turns soft and he makes his way back to me, brushing his hands along my arms, “If I want to do something for you, let me. Writing for you isn’t work. Just please let me do this.”
I nod my head yes. I want more from him, but it wouldn’t be fair. “Fine, but I’m still—”
“You’re not paying me. The minute you do I’m officially working for you. That’s not how our relationship is going to be. We’re friends.”
Friends. I hate that stupid little word. But I can't ask for more.
“Now when’s practice tomorrow?”
“Five.”
“I’ll try and have it done by then.”
I prepare myself for his embrace but am left cold when he drops his hands and walks out the door leaving me to process his words alone.
Chapter Thirty-Four
That was harder than I imagined. I wanted to say fuck our parents. Fuck society. Fuck everything and everyone that would dare to get in our way, but what would that do to her. I had to get out of there before I did something I couldn’t take back. And to call her a friend...I wanted to retch in on myself.
I call Jace to get the final touches put on Cora’s piece and provide myself some distraction.
“Hey man are you still any good on piano?”
“It’s been a while, but I can try. Whatcha need?”
“I need backing added to Cora’s song for her winter review. Think you can help me out?”
“Yeah. Come on over.”
“Thanks. See you in a few.”
Quickly I throw my guitar and some recording equipment into my car and make my way to Jace’s where I’m greeted by his mom at the door.
“Jackson! It’s so good to see you. We’ve missed you around here.”
“It’s good to see you to ma’am.”
“Jace is in the music room already.”
“Thank you. Hopefully this won't take too long to figure out.”
“Oh don’t you worry about it. You still like pepperoni and jalapenos on your pizza?”
I chuckle, “Yes ma’am, but whatever you order is fine.”
“And I see you are still just as polite. Try and teach Jace some of those manners would you?”
“Ha. I think he might be a lost cause. Thanks again for having me over.”
I make my way back to the music room and play Jace Cora’s song. He dabbles on the keys while I set up the recorder.
“Alright, what about something like this...”
He starts to play and
soon I join in. “Yea. I think that would work. I hope she likes it.”
“So what’s up between you two anyway? And please don’t say you’re just friends. I’ve listened to that lie long enough.”
“Ain’t nothin' to tell. We’re friends and that’s the way it’s gotta stay till she’s twenty.”
“What! Whose rule is that?”
“Our parents.”
“Wait—your parents are in on it too? Why do they have a say?”
I explain the last forty-eight hours to him, and he looks the way I felt last night.
“So all along they knew how things would end up and they just went along with everything?”
“Pretty much. I tried to see a different way around it, but it’s pretty much a lose-lose for me.”
“But why twenty? She’s legal when she turns eighteen.”
“She’ll be eighteen and midway through her senior year of high school and I’ll be twenty-one, in college, and away from home. Not exactly sure her parents are even okay with that thought alone. Robert would probably have a massive coronary just thinking about it.”
“Well, you definitely don’t want to be tied down at that point either.”
“I’m tellin' ya, they thought this whole thing through.”
“Well, sucks to be you, man.”
“Don’t remind me. I told her parents I’ll wait, and what do I go and do, write her a fucking song. I’m so fucked.”
“Dude how are you gonna handle her dating?”
“I don’t even want to think about it. Hopefully she’ll be too busy to date and then I won't have to deal with it.”
“Well good luck with that.” We sit there in silence as I contemplate how my life became so messed up when Jace breaks the silence. “So she’s definitely off limits to you.”
“Yep.”
“I don’t know man. I’ve always thought she was kinda cute. I might take her out once or twice, you know, just to say I’ve dated a freshman.”
He can't be serious. What the hell does he think he’s gonna do with her? I can’t even read him well enough anymore to figure out if he’s joking or not.
Tag Fight For Me Page 27