by Lauren Wood
“Heartbreaker then?”
I agreed reluctantly and realized that we were pulling into a driveway. Why was I so nervous to be alone with him all of a sudden? We had been alone together a million times. We had spent I don't even know how many nights staring up at the stars together. Why did it feel so different now?
“I wouldn't go that far.”
“You certainly broke my heart.”
I wanted to ask him how that was, considering he was the one that never came back during the summer. I was back the next year just like I said I would be. He was the one that never showed up. He was the one that had broken my heart. How did he not know that?
I didn't mention any of it, obviously, because it was too real and too personal. I wondered what would have been different if he would have come back that summer. Would he have gone into the military? Would things have turned out differently between us? I guess it was something that I was always going to wonder.
When we got in the house, I could tell right off the bat that he was a bachelor. Although there were several things that didn't make sense, the rest was the general mess of men. I saw a stuffed animal on the couch, and I picked it up with a question on my face.
Frank didn’t say anything one way or another about it. I don't know how I was supposed to take that, but before I could ask anything else, he was distracting me with a drink, and I followed him into the kitchen to see what he had. It had been one hell of a day, and it was the sort of day that I just wanted to forget about. With Frank by my side and a drink in my hand, I couldn’t imagine anything else than that. Frank would help me forget.
5
Frank
“I can definitely see you making clothes. You were always the best dressed in town.”
She waved me off. It was getting pretty clear that Amber had had enough. She’d probably had enough two drinks ago, so when I said something about it, she just told me I didn't know what I was talking about.
“Maybe not, but it looks like you hold your liquor about the same as you used to. Remember when we got some beer from my dad and took it on your grandpa's roof?”
Amber agreed. “Yeah, I remember. I guess I wasn't the only one that had trouble holding down my alcohol. That would have been horrible. I remember being so scared when you almost fell off.”
“When you pulled me back up, I think that was the first time that you kissed me.”
Amber nodded, and she had that smile on her face, the one that made me want to kiss her again. How long had it been since I’d seen it and heard the tinkling sound of her laughter? Whatever the answer was, I knew for sure it had been too long. Even though I had thought about her the last ten years, I don't think I quite understood how much I had missed her.
At some point when I wasn’t around her for so long, even when I replayed the moments that I had with her over and over again in my mind, something was lost through the years. The memory faded and the feelings that I had, started to fade as well. While I knew that I missed her and I wanted to see her again, my brain had played a trick on me, somehow helping me to forget just how great she really was. Maybe it was for my own good. Maybe I would have missed her even more, and it would have changed the trajectory of things. Maybe I should have.
All of this was running through my head as I was sitting across the table from Amber. The next moment, the table was too large of a space between us. How badly I wanted to kiss her, wondering if it would feel the same as it had before. Had I forgotten that feeling as well? Had it changed just like everything else?
She got this look on her face while we were talking about the past, and for a minute, I recognized it well. She wanted me. The only problem was that she was too drunk. There was no way that we could do anything, at least not tonight.
Amber had decided at some point that I was the new mark and she was smiling at me in that way she had. It was impossible not to smile with her. It was the smile of a devil, though. I was sure of it.
“Come on, Frank. Are you going to tell me that you never thought about it, all that time we were together, and you didn't wonder what it would be like if we had done more on my grandfather’s roof? I always thought that we would have been together if you had been there the next summer. All year I had been working up the courage to be with you. I had this perfect nightgown that I thought was going to entice you. I had all these big plans for us, and then you were gone.”
I felt like she was telling me more than she wanted to tell me, and her sober self would probably be very upset with her loose tongue in the morning. It actually was a good thing, though, as far as I was concerned. I'd been so worried about what I had felt for her being one way. It wouldn't have taken away my feelings, but it would have been harder to face her knowing that she didn't feel the same way, and I had spent the last decade thinking of somebody who hadn't even thought of me. I think that would have been the worst feeling ever.
It wasn't the case, though. She had thought about me and now she wanted us to finally be together. It was something that we had talked about a lot, but I hadn't felt like she was ready back then. I had been with a few girls, but she was still a virgin. I didn't want to be that guy that had pressured her into something. Now, I didn't want to be that guy, again, knowing that she had drunk several beers and shot several shots. Things may have changed, but I doubt that her capacity for drinking had changed that much.
“I wanted to come back. Really, I did. My parents made it so that I was gone almost every summer after that. I think a part of it was my father wanted to keep me busy. He was sure that I was going to get with the wrong crowd and ruin my future.”
“Yeah, I remember. He told me once or twice that he thought I was a bad influence on you and that you shouldn't be wasting your time with me.”
That shocked me.
“Are you serious?”
I never knew.
She told me that she was and explained a little bit more about the situation. I was quite astonished that he would have said anything like that, but I didn't put it past him in the least bit. He had no problem putting his two cents in, and even now as an adult, he did it. It was easy to imagine that he would have tried to push his agenda so much when I was younger. Half of the reason I'd gone into the military was to get away from his heavy-handed dreams for my life.
“I can't believe he'd say that to you. I'm sure that it was the other way around. I was the one that would come to your grandpa's house and get you to come outside and sneak out with me.”
“You weren't that bad of an influence on me. We never even got to second base.”
It was about the third time she had brought up sex in the last ten minutes. I was starting to think that she was having a one-track brain, and I couldn't blame her. How many times had I thought about it before I had seen her at the funeral? Why else would I have brought her here for a drink? As a teenager in love, it had been enough to stare at the moon and talk about the future, but we weren't those young kids, anymore, and the future wasn’t near as bright as we thought it would be. I know for me, personally, reality had to set in at some point.
“I just thought we were too young.”
“We were pretty much the same age. You weren't that much older than me.”
“Yeah, but let's just say I was more mature.”
Amber scoffed and leaned toward me. “I would have never said that you were more mature than me, Frank. You had just been around more. I had to go to that private school, and everything was kind of kept from me from that world. But you were certainly out in it. I remember all the girls that would give me dirty looks at the beach. They all wanted you, even when you were tall and lanky. I'm sure they can't get enough of you now.”
While she was right in some respect, I had had my share of women in the past, but things were different now. As soon as Amber came back into my life, I knew that everything was going to change. I wasn't even thinking about those other girls. I had eyes for only one, and she leaned over for a kiss. I didn't stop it. I should have, knowing that
she had been drinking the way she had, but I guess I wasn't as good of a man as I thought I was. The only credit I can give myself, was the insanely hard act of pulling away when it was getting to me, and she whimpered and instantly turned me on.
“We can’t do this, Amber. I can’t. You’re drunk. You are so innocent. Are you still a virgin?”
She assured me that she wasn't.
“I’m twenty-six, Frank. It would be hard to still be a virgin. Even back then, I didn’t care about that, but you did. If I remember right, I tried to get you to be with me the last night we were together. But you turned me down. Don’t tell me that you plan on doing that again.”
She was teasing me and talking shit to me at the same time. I'm not sure what she was trying to get out of it, but it made me want to do more.
“You don't know how badly I want to do that, Amber. If you're still feeling this saucy in the morning, then as soon as those beautiful green eyes open, I will give you everything that you need and then some. I promise that we won’t leave this bed until you can’t walk.”
“So, you really won't even consider it? After all this time?”
I told her that I had been considering it since I saw her standing up there at the funeral. I would always be grateful the second chance that I felt like I was getting. It was the one second chance that I wanted. Everything that I had done, every decision that I made that turned out so horribly, the one that involved me not seeing her for the last ten years, was by far the one on top of my list. I wanted to make up for lost time, already feeling like we had been cheated out of so much.
“What if I don't want to wait till morning? I want it right now!”
She screwed up her face like she was pouting, and she leaned in for another kiss. I, of course, obliged her, because it was exactly what I wanted to do, but I also had to be aware that things were still not where I wanted them to be. Soon.
Amber was now sitting on my lap and I'm sure she could tell how much I needed her. I was rock-hard, and she was shifting back and forth on the hardness. It was impossible to ignore for either one of us.
Finally, I had to set her off of me and I was going to get up. She didn't want to have any talk about the fact that she needed to sleep.
“Come on, Frank. Stay up with me like old times.”
I groaned inwardly. I knew that the old times were not always that great. I had gone to bed next to her several times, and she had slept soundly. I had been unable to get a wink of sleep. I guess it was going to be like old times, because there was no way I was going to be able to sleep with her next to me. She wanted to lay together, and I knew that it would be torture, pure and simple. If I couldn’t have all of her, being right next to her was going to be the pits.
Because I could never tell Amber no, I laid down on the bed and she snuggled up to me. We kissed a couple more times, but I had to stop it. I had too much desire and not enough control. A dangerous mix. The only saving grace that I had was that it didn't take her long to get to sleep. I was thankful for that, considering that there was no way I was going to bed that evening. I fully expected to be wide awake when she woke up. I had to hope that she would be as turned on then as she was now.
I knew that she very well might not be. Even though it had been years and a lot had changed, I still knew Amber better than I knew any other person, definitely any other female. If she remembered half of what we talked about tonight and what she had said to me, I had a feeling that she wasn't even going to look at me in the morning.
Sadly, I was right, but even more so than I realized. I woke up alone in the bed. No note, no nothing. Amber had just taken off and I knew why.
Damn it!
6
Amber
I was completely mortified. As soon as I woke up, I realized pretty quickly that I wasn't in the bed I was supposed to be in. I had a hangover that was really horrible, so it took me a minute to fully get myself together. Once I realized that Frank was next to me, I immediately looked to see if we had clothes on. He did, although his shirt was off, and I took far more time than I should have looking at his rippled abs and huge biceps. That was definitely something different about Frank. He had never been so big before, so manly.
I couldn't focus on that right now, not when the conversation that we had the night before and the way I had been acting came to mind. I can't even think about it without feeling mortified. Once all that came back, I realized I had to get out of there. There was no way that I was going to be able to face him this morning. Not after everything that happened and everything that I had said. I think at some point he had asked me if I was still a virgin.
It was just so embarrassing. As stealthily as I possibly could, I got out of the bed and wobble-walked toward the front door. Somehow, I remembered the layout of the place, even though it was new to me. Some parts of the night I wish I could forget but getting out of there without running into something in the predawn hours, definitely came in handy.
He had given me a ride there, but it wasn't that far from the funeral home. That's where my car was, and I walked over there in ten or fifteen minutes. My head was pounding, but I tried to ignore it. Instead, I was searching my memory for anything that would explain what happened. Why had I shamelessly thrown myself at Frank? I know that I had thought about him through the years, more than one time for sure, but coming on strong like that had never been my style. Now thinking back, it was just embarrassing, so it was hard to imagine me doing something like that. I knew I had, but I wished I hadn’t.
The more I thought about it, the worse it became. I was really building it up in my mind, and I couldn't believe some of the things I had said. More than that, what kept ringing true over and over again was the fact that not only had I practically thrown myself at Frank, but the truth was he had turned me down. Again.
I was so frustrated as I drove back to my grandad's house. It took me several moments to realize that he wasn’t going to be there when I got there. Such an odd feeling to have, especially after going to his funeral the day before. I knew he was gone, obviously, but right then when I was needing some comfort in familiarity, all it did was make me miss him even more than before.
Sure that all of my plans of staying and turning his place into some kind of fashion house were done with, I had to rethink my whole strategy. How could I stay here now? I was never going to be able to face Frank again. I was too embarrassed. There was no way that I was ever going to see him again. I was just going to have to come back on the weekends and go through his things in my spare time. It was silly to think that I should stay here. I had my whole life in France and Chicago. I was already spread too thin. I didn't need a whole other destination to worry about.
Within about twenty minutes of getting home, I decided that it wasn't going to be my home. Hampton was no longer the place for me. There were too many memories, and obviously, it was messing with my head. I needed to get out of here.
I started to pack up my stuff and I knew deep down that I was running. I was okay with that, though. The idea of facing him was far worse. I could live with wondering and a little bit of regret. I had been doing just fine with it for the last ten years.
I guess in a way, I had always wondered what would happen if I saw him again. There had been many scenarios that had run through my head, though none of them would have included me getting drunk at my grandfather’s funeral and throwing myself at him, only to be turned down.
I could have seen that coming, but that's exactly what happened. It wasn't the answer I wanted, but it was an answer. I was just going to have to live with it. That didn't mean that I needed to stick around and wallow in it, though. I called Gemma, my assistant, and had her book me a flight home.
“You're coming back already?”
I agreed that I was, and I was once again thankful for her ability to read the room or at least the tone of my voice. Instead of asking me why and asking me a bunch of questions that I didn't want to answer, she just told me that it would be taken
care of, and I knew that it would be.
“Just make it the earliest one that you can, Gemma, okay? Call me when you get an answer.”
“Okay, boss. It'll be good to have you back. Nothing ever goes right when you're away.”
Her words were all the answer that I needed. Of course, I couldn't just run off and live here. I had responsibilities. I had a life. Why I had been willing to forget about that for this particular man, I guess I would never know.
But you have your answer. I needed to remind myself of that a few more times, until it really sunk in. I didn’t want to believe it, but that’s what had happened. I was just going to have to move on.
The doorbell rang, and I wasn't sure who it was, but I wasn't expecting Frank to be standing there with coffee and donuts.
“I got the white cream eclairs that you like. I bet you haven't had one as good as Sal's in a while.”
I was stunned. This was the breakfast that he had brought me so many times, so long ago. Why was he making this harder than it had to be?
“What are you doing here, Frank?”
He looked at me like I had gotten knocked in the head one too many times.
“I'm bringing you breakfast. Didn’t you hear me about the eclairs?”
“I'm not really a breakfast person, anymore, Frank.”
“Yes, you are. No one turns down Sal’s eclairs. The girl I knew used to love them. Don’t tell me you turned into the girl that is dieting all the time. You look great.”
“Isn't it obvious, Frank, I'm not that girl, anymore?”
He shook his head and smiled. The way that his blue eyes stared so intently into mine made me wonder why he was so happy. Frank was not reading the room.
“No, you’re not a girl, anymore, Amber. You're a woman and you're damn magnificent. I've missed you so much. I am glad that you’re back.”
My heart melted, and even though I was at that very moment packing to leave, he was saying all the right things that made me never want to go. Damn it. Why did Frank have this hold on me?