The Inner Self: The Prophecy

by Raqurra Ishmar

  “Had sex?” I helpfully supplied.

  “Yeah, when you two had sex, was there anything specific you were thinking?” he asks.

  My face catches on fire at his question, but I take the time to pause and think back on that amazing night. I don’t remember thinking anything specific or important, besides the fact that it felt good and I wanted to do it again. I may have thought that ‘this is perfect’ but I don't think that’s what he’s looking for either.

  “Specific how?” I ask.

  “Like something that you thought over and over again?”

  “Uh… yeah?”

  “What was it?”

  “You can’t be serious? You really want me to sit here and share my most intimate moment with someone who openly despises me for no fucking reason? Yeah, no thank you.”

  “Renee,” he sighs. “I know that we’re not the closest, but I don’t despise you.”

  “Yeah, could’ve fooled me.”

  “I don’t. Now, it’s important. What were you thinking?”

  I glance over to Titus, hoping that he’ll back me up. Instead, he’s staring at the fire with his hands clenching and unclenching as if he’s waiting to take a punch at something. I take a deep breath and keep my lips pressed tightly together. I just don’t feel like going through this with him in the room. He narrows his eyes at me before turning to Titus.

  “Maybe you should wait outside,” Caylen suggests to Zavid.

  Zavid shoots a nasty look to Caylen before he turns and walks out the door. My shoulders relax a little bit, but not a lot, because I still have to go through with this conversation for whatever reason. I don’t see what that night with Titus had to do with anything.

  “Now, Ren,” Caylen says tentatively. “Can you tell me and Ti what it was that you were thinking about while you’re having sex?”

  “Uh… well…” I clear my throat. “I was thinking about how great it felt.” My eyes flit to Titus’ face to catch his small smile before going back to my clenched hands.

  “What else? Anything you thought with conviction? That pertained to you and Titus outside of what you were doing? Anything that you thought was different than what you thought sex was like?” he coaxed.

  “Um, I thought how we fit perfectly together? Like we were made to be together?”

  “Damn this is awkward,” Sheya exclaims.

  “Who are you telling?”

  “Was that all?” he asks.

  “Um, yeah?”

  “Well, then there’s nothing we should be worried about,” he sighs. I glance up in time to watch him smile at Titus, but Titus wasn’t looking at him. He was staring at the fire as if he wanted to disappear into it.

  “That’s good, right?” I ask. “What was it that had you guys so worried?”

  “We, uh, thought that maybe you guys have begun forming the mating bond,” Caylen answers. “When you said you were feeling echoes of an emotion, we thought you were feeling Titus’ emotions. But if you didn’t unknowingly start the bond, we should be ok.”

  “Ok… but why do I feel dejected, even though it’s not coming from me or Sheya?” I ask, causing Titus to snap his steel gaze back to me.

  “What do you mean?” he asks.

  “The echo? It’s dejected. I feel that louder than I felt the anger. Maybe I am losing my mind?”

  “No,” he mutters. “That’s not it.” His eyes flit to Caylen’s before landing back onto mine. “Are you sure you didn’t feel anything? Like a metaphorical merging of souls or something?”

  I feel my face flame up and I suddenly feel embarrassed. I don’t want to talk about the sickly corny thoughts that slipped through my mind during that time. Because I definitely recall feeling like my last orgasm merged us together or something.

  “Ren, we’re not going to make fun of you or anything like that. You should feel completely safe with me and Ti here. If anything, I’d love for you to always feel comfortable with us both being present during times like now and like the other night.” He winks at me at that last part, and I can’t help but feel my face burn hotter at that thought. Not because I can’t imagine it happening, but because I can clearly imagine it happening and I want it to happen soon.

  “My second orgasm was different,” I mutter under my breath.

  “What?”

  “I said my second orgasm was different!” I stand up, feeling a little vulnerable with having this conversation while they tower over me.

  “Different how?” Caylen asks.

  “Well, we’d just finished the first time and we were talking and stuff. It was pretty intense. Anyway, we ended up going for a round two, only this time, it felt like we were closer.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Titus asks.

  “Like something in me was reaching for you? I just thought it was my imagination because I never had sex before and the second time felt like more… than… sex?” I trail off when Titus stalks to me and slams his lips against my mouth. I don’t think, I simply respond to his lips with my own vigor. He wrenches his lips from mine and stomps to the far corner of the room, muttering to himself. I’m stunned against the wall as I stare at him. “What was that for?” I ask breathlessly.

  “I’m assuming it’s because you started forming the mating bond with him,” Caylen says.

  “I, what?”

  “That reaching feeling? That was you, trying to bond your souls together.”

  “No, I wasn’t trying to do that at all,” I argue.

  “You may not have tried to do it, but that’s what you were feeling. Since it wasn’t a full ceremony and Titus wasn’t aware of it happening, the bond is just an echo of what it should be.”

  “So… the feelings… they’re Titus’?” I ask.

  “Yes,” Titus mutters. “They’re mine.”

  “Can you feel mine?”

  “No,” he answers.

  “You’re lying,” I say confidently.

  “How do you know?” he asks.

  “Because I can feel your guilt.”

  His shoulders tighten and he doesn’t answer. I’ll take his silence as confirmation that he can’t feel mine.

  “So, what does this mean?” I ask. I look pleadingly into Caylen’s eyes, hoping that he holds all of the answers.

  “It doesn’t have to mean anything,” he says while walking over to cup my face. “In time, without performing the ceremony, the echo of his feelings will fade away.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” I direct the question to Titus, gently pulling away from Caylen and stalking over to him. “When did you start feeling my emotions?”

  “When you woke up,” he answers. He looks at me as if he sees something amazing. “I thought maybe it was wishful thinking.”

  “What?”

  “We don’t get a mating bond. They are only formed between two Blessed or a Blessed and an Unblessed. We can have a mating ceremony, but it’s just like getting married. No intertwining of souls, just a union. They’re important, but it’s not transcending. I… I’ve never felt anything like this.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like having someone else share my soul,” he whispers. I reach out to cup his face, but he turns away from my hands. “But this is only temporary. It shouldn’t happen.”

  I take a step back as it feels as though he just slapped me. “What do you mean? Do you regret sleeping with me?” I choke out. He looks at me with a tortured expression before closing his face off to all emotions.

  “Yes,” he whispers. “If it means we started a bond that will lead to nothing, then yes, I regret it.”

  Tears spill over my cheeks and it feels like a fissure cracks over my heart. I try to catch a full breath, but it feels as if a vise is constricting over my chest. Titus grimaces as he looks at me, but I can’t feel his emotions over the drowning pain that I’m submerged in.

  “Get out,” I say. “Get the fuck out!” Titus grabs the left side of his chest at the same time as a piercing pain shoots through my
heart. He takes one last glance at me and then he leaves through the door.

  I refuse to let myself cry any more about this, but it’s so hard to stop the tears from falling. Strong arms wrap around me, and I inhale the scent of fresh rainfall and snow. I bury my face into Caylen’s chest as the sobs I was holding back finally break free. He softly rocks me back and forth as he rubs his hands up and down my back.

  He doesn’t say anything as he holds me, and I’m forever grateful for that. Once the sobs have calmed down, I take a small step back so that I can look into his troubled blue eyes.

  “Why is he acting like this?” I ask. I’m still struggling to get my breathing under control, and I doubt he clearly understood what I was asking, but he looks sadly at me anyway.

  “He doesn’t regret having sex with you, Ren,” he finally says. “But forming a bond with him isn’t something that’s possible.”

  “Why? Is it because I’m not from here? Is having Sheya not good enough?”

  “No, that’s not the reason. It’s because our paths aren’t meant to cross like that. We have a goal to do that doesn’t include you and Titus mating.”

  “Like what? He clearly wants to bond with someone. He just doesn’t want to bond with me?” I wipe the tears from my face as anger takes the place of my sadness. “I won’t beg him to bond with me. This is what he must have meant by me regretting giving him my virginity.”

  “Uh, yeah.” He looks uncomfortable as he rubs the back of his head. I shake the rest of the sadness from my limbs and march over to my pack. I grab it and throw it over my shoulders. I retrieve the bag of dried meat that Dee gave us, and I grab a piece from there. I don’t give a fuck about Zavid’s rations. If I’m going to get through this trip in the amount of time I’m planning, I’ll need all of my strength. I munch on a delicious piece of meat and slowly dry my face.

  Fine. He wants to regret sleeping with me, that’s on him. But I won’t let him taint that moment for me and I definitely won’t sit here and cry like a little bitch.

  “Good,” Sheya comments. “Because this whole thing has pissed me off.”

  “Don’t let it. Between the both of us, we’ll be able to make this trip in a quicker time than predicted.”

  After I finish my breakfast, I wash it down with half a bottle of water. I only have two left, and I won’t be sharing it with anyone. These guys have shown multiple times that they aren’t reliable. I’ve gotten emotional whiplash from each and every one of them multiple times during this trip and I won’t allow them to keep taking me for a ride.

  After putting out the fire, I turn towards a silent Caylen with one eyebrow raised. “Well, what are you standing around for? We have a lot of walking if we’re going to be getting to Kor in the next day.”

  “Day? It’ll be at least another two days before we even get to the outer wall.”

  “That’s counting sleep?” I ask.

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, guess we won’t be sleeping.”

  28

  Renee

  I march out of the shelter and bypass a scowling Zavid and a surly Titus. It’s still dark outside and the snow has begun to fall again. I pull Dee’s berrot over my head and brush past the two. Thinking of the fire inside and how powerful it was, I try to summon the flames on my hands. After stumbling in the dark and into trees for several minutes, I finally manage to light my hands up again.

  Breathing a sigh of relief, I easily find the path that we were walking on and continue in the right direction. I walk ahead of the brothers, knowing that Zavid will have to get in front and lead us. Right now, I’m sure they need my light as much as I do.

  We walk in silence for hours, and it takes another couple of hours for the suns to rise. Either we slept for only a few minutes, or the nights are long as hell. I extinguish the light when it’s bright enough for me to see, and predictably, Zavid brushes past me to take lead.

  I don’t allow for us to take any breaks, even as my legs turn to jelly and my feet feel as if they’re going to fall off. I keep walking even as the suns begin to set. I keep walking even as my bladder feels as if it’s going to explode.

  “Ren, we need to stop or you’re going to fall out again,” Caylen says from behind me.

  “I’m fine,” I bite out.

  “You’re dragging your feet and it’s getting dark. We should camp out for the night.”

  “I said I’m fine. And what does it matter that it’s starting to get dark? That didn’t bother any of you when we left out in the middle of the night last night.”

  “It’s different now. We don’t know how close we are to that village Dee warned us about. It’s not going to benefit us if we walk through their village in the middle of the night.”

  “I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” I say.

  He wisely keeps his thoughts to himself after that, and I’m grateful. If I feel as if I’m about to pass out, I’ll just bond with Sheya and keep it moving.

  Night fully falls and I light my arms up with my flames again. Zavid falls back and lets me take point since he’s not able to see anymore. When I walk past him, he cuts his eyes to me but doesn’t say anything. I’m sure Titus has updated him on our almost bond, but I’ve purposely focused on this trip so that I don’t pick up on any of Titus’ emotions.

  “Do hotels or inns exist on Relvaria?” I ask no one in particular. I’m tired of building little shacks throughout the woods and I would very much like to sleep in a bed.

  “Yes,” Zavid answers. “In the bigger villages, there are keeps. They have the same system as your hotels and such, but it’s going to be difficult to get one without money.”

  “That won’t be an issue,” I mutter. “Let’s hope that this upcoming village is of a good size.”

  We walk well into the night, my glowing arms the only light to lead us. I stare aimlessly in front of me at the solid wall of darkness, putting one sore foot in front of the other. My mind numbs as we tirelessly trek through the forest.

  I was just about to give up on ever making it to the village when the trees break to allot a clear view of the village in the distance. I extinguish the flames so as not to give myself away as a Blessed. I drop back until Zavid is walking on my right, with Caylen and Titus behind us.

  “How does this work?” I ask him. “Is there a receptionist or something waiting for us?”

  “Typically, yes. But seeing as there’s still a few hours until dawn, there may not be someone there,” he replies. “There’s also an issue of payment.”

  “Don’t worry about it.” As we venture closer to the village, I can see what Dee means. Almost all of the homes and shops are square, and their colors are dull. There isn't anyone on the streets as we walk through the past the boxy homes. This village is about three times as big as Dee’s village, from what I can see. There are kieranella seeds strung up throughout the streets, but these are huge. About the size of my fist. They cast a nice glow that causes the streets to be well lit.

  “There’s a keep,” Zavid points out. I follow his finger to where he’s pointing and I see a nice three-story building with a swirl and an arrow shot through it as a sign. Light filter from behind the curtains and that’s a good sign. “What are we going to do about the payment,” he asks.

  “I’ll handle it.”

  “Do you have any Relvarian currency on you that we don’t know about?” he asks.

  “Nope. You know about Sheya.”

  “You can’t tell them that you’re a Blessed,” he snaps.

  “I won’t.”

  We walk through the door and I’m immediately greeted by the smell of cinnamon. There’s an empty desk against the far wall directly across the door and that’s a little disheartening. There’s a little door to the left of that with a curtain as a door.

  “They must be sleep,” I sadly say. “What do we do now?”

  “Just wait,” Caylen says from behind me. A minute or so later, a small fair skinned man with black hair wa
lks from behind the curtain and smiles at us.

  “Hello. You must be travelers,” he says in a smooth voice. We walk to the desk and we wait for him to settle behind it on a chair. “The day is about to begin, so you’re in luck.”

  “Thank you,” I easily say. “We could really use two rooms.” I tap into my bond with Sheya.

  “Can you use your influence trick on him?” I ask them.

  “Hell yeah! I’ve been itching to try it out since we’ve gotten here.”

  We merge together and the clerks eyes widen when he sees the faint burgundy glow of our eyes. We release our energy and let it crash over the poor clerk. He doesn’t stand a chance. His pupils dilate as he falls under our thrall and a small smile crests our lips.

  “Two rooms, please.”

  “Yes. Follow me,” he says as he leads us down a hallway. We pass several doors until he pauses outside of a door with a flower carved into the door. “Here is one room. This is the other.” He points to the door behind Titus, which has a waterfall carved into it. He hands us a pair of keys and turn to walk back to the front.

  “Thank you so much. Please don’t mind us. We will leave the keys on the beds when we leave.”

  “Right... That’s perfectly fine,” he mutters as he walks away. Zavid waits until he disappears before he rounds on us. We stumble until our back is against the wall. We drop the bond until it’s just me staring back into his furious gaze.

  “Don’t you ever fucking do that again,” he snaps. My heart is hammering in my chest as I take a look at the pure rage burning on his face. All this time I thought he hated me, but this is the first time that I truly felt like he did.

  “Do what?” I timidly ask.

  “Don’t you ever take away an Unblessed’s free will just because you fucking can!”

  “Hey, chill out. She didn’t mean any harm by it,” Caylen says, coming to my defense. Zavid doesn’t take his raging gaze from my scared one as he barks at his brother.

  “I don’t give a fuck if she meant any harm by it or not. She took advantage of someone simply because she had the power to do so. That doesn’t make you any better than the Blessed that abuse their power everyday.”