by Kelly Cain
Dean Ellerson comes over next. “Hello, Rowan. Do you need any guidance?”
“I have it, Dean. Thank you. Maybe you can check on my brother. I’m not sure he’s shaved vegetables before.”
She nods and then goes over to where Wyatt is bent over a cutting board.
I slice the meat in thin sheets, almost see-through. Then I torch them ever so gently, barely breaking down the surface. When we’ve finished, we arrange the seared beef carpaccio with shaved jalapeno, mushrooms, and concentrated tomato on the platter to take downstairs. I decorate the plate with the celery leaves.
On their platter, Team Ortiz arrange pan-roasted steak with tomato confit and grilled jalapeno. It’s perfectly fine and something any home cook could serve.
I’m excited to go downstairs.
It’s interesting to watch the passersby rumple their eyebrows and try to figure out if it’s worth it to stop. Plenty do after seeing the cameras and it’s free food, so why not? By the time the last morsel is gone, eighty percent of the people like our offering more.
Back at our seats, my family marvel at our outing, all smiles.
Mama leans over and grabs my hand. “I don’t know what’s going to happen but you made me prouder today than I’ve ever been. And that’s saying a lot.”
“It’s not that big a deal.”
She squeezes my hand before letting go, her eyes misty. “You’re so talented.”
“Thanks, Mama.”
Wyatt says, “I concur. Great job. You were really in your element.”
It’s not anything more than I’ve done in school, but with cooking Lillie’s food and supporting her dream, they’ve never really seen me shine.
It felt great. I can hardly contain my smile.
*
Anxiety grips my stomach, twisting the knots already inside. I sit on the edge of my seat waiting for the results of our competition with the Ortiz family, and chance a glance at Knox. He’s perfectly still, features bland, not looking my way. Gazing at a studio wall from what I can tell. Seems like he should be happier, at least have a grin on his face. They already punched their ticket to the next round. I switch my gaze to Weston, who is smiling. He offers me a small nod, conveying his support.
When Lee and Aaron open the envelope, I look at Mama and Wyatt. She has schooled her face to a mask of disinterest and he is chewing on his lip, a little fidgety. This is the moment of truth and while I’m still euphoric over our win on the street below, the pasta mishap creeps back into my consciousness. It was not a simple mistake.
Lee says, “The family moving on to the final round of competition next month is…” She turns the slip of paper to Aaron who picks up with, “The Ortiz family. Congratulations.”
I sit in stunned silence while the Ortiz family jumps up from their seats, hugging one another. The defeated Warren family goes over to offer their congratulations at the same time Mama kicks me under the table. I blink a couple of times then look at her, a smile plastered across her face.
Right, no time for sadness while the cameras roll. I match her smile and stand. We go over together, as a family, and praise the Ortiz’s win.
I stumble through wet cement as I make my way back to our table, my heart racing a mile a minute, the roaring in my ears drowning out any conversation around me. A fog closes in and all I can do is make my way to the elevators to get outside and breathe some fresh air, my belongings forgotten. My family left behind.
There’s a line of town cars waiting to take the families back to the hotel so I dive into the first one I meet. The door closes behind me but we don’t leave the curb. We won’t until my abandoned family makes it down.
When Mama slides in next to me, she grabs me into her arms, pulling me against her breast. That’s when the dam breaks, spilling all my saved-up tears. I can’t help it; the disappointment is too big of a weight, although it should be the other way around. I should be comforting her. She’s the biggest loser in all of this even though she doesn’t see it yet.
An hour later, the suitcase and backpack are by the door to my hotel room, ready to go. Wyatt had his bearings enough to bring my backpack with him from the studio. He didn’t even seem that let down by losing. I’m just sitting on the sofa waiting for Mama to text me that she’s ready and we can go down to the car that will take us to the airport and back home.
My phone chimes and when I check the screen, Mike’s name scrolls by. I click on the message.
I’m at the airport. Just wanted to check on you.
Guilt and sorrow tangle my heart and lungs. I want to throw the phone. I want to text him back and tell him never to contact me again. None of this is Mike’s fault. I’m okay.
As okay as I can be. I have to hold it together though. For Mama. I dumped on her enough and now it’s time for me to figure something else out. I can’t afford to wallow.
You should have advanced. I’m so sorry.
I have to keep reminding myself that I shouldn’t take it out on him. I have nobody to blame but myself. Not even Knox this time. I’m the one who fucked up the pasta—a mistake so egregious, we couldn’t recover.
I appreciate it. Heading out. Ttys
Wyatt texts next. We’re ready.
I haul myself off the couch and schlep to the bathroom, giving the Jacuzzi tub a longing look. I didn’t have a chance to soak in it this time and figured I would next time, but there won’t be a next time. With one last look, I turn and gather my things by the door and say goodbye to this hotel for the last time.
Mama and Wyatt are in the hallway waiting. Seeing the sympathetic looks on their faces is almost my undoing again. Wyatt will be fine. He can get a job anywhere. He wants to go back to school and get his CPA, which he can still do, with Daddy’s help.
I can get a job anywhere too. Mama can’t. And without income and health insurance, she won’t be able to manage her lupus. The way she looks at me, with so much concern in her eyes, makes me think that still, none of this has occurred to her.
This is such a mess and I need to figure out how to get us out of it.
Rowan’s Spectacular Seared Beef Carpaccio
10-ounce beef tenderloin
Olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste
Slice tenderloin into paper-thin pieces or otherwise into 1/2-inch pieces. If cut into 1/2-inch pieces, place each piece between 2 sheets of plastic wrap and use a mallet to pound into paper-thin pieces. Pat each piece dry and very briefly torch with a blowtorch, moving flame continuously. Drizzle with oil, and sprinkle with salt and pepper.
Yield: 4 servings
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Can’t catch a break.
Over the past week since we unceremoniously exited the competition, I’ve come to a conclusion on what needs to happen in order to continue Mama’s business and keep Sue. Now it’s a matter of convincing both women how we move forward, because I don’t think either will like it, but I can’t see another way.
I sit at my desk and pull out the menu in process I’d been creating. I’ll need to put these ideas away for now but won’t give up on them entirely. Knox’s neat script is annotated in the margins, clear even in his quick scribbling. He’s called the restaurant and Wyatt several times since we left San Francisco, but thankfully hasn’t shown up. I’m not ready to face him or all the feelings that have been tearing me up inside. He was right after all—he never needs to cheat to beat me. He only needs to exist.
The coffee I left on the counter is probably cool enough to sip so I go over to pick the cup up when there’s a soft knock on the door. After peeking through the peephole, I let in Mama and Sue. I sent them a group text this morning so this visit is not unexpected.
Mama kisses me on the cheek before coming in and sitting on the couch. She seems withered and hunched. Is it because of my text? Or is her health in question?
Sue squeezes my hand and joins Mama on the sofa.
No one has uttered a single word, including me, so I go back into the kitchen
and make them both some herbal tea and bring the cups into the living room along with my coffee.
“I assume you’re here because of my text.”
“You think?” The crinkles around Sue’s eyes deepen when she frowns.
“We’ve been racking our brains for months and this is the best solution. Sue, you want a full-time gig and Mama, you like the size of the restaurant and how it is now. I realize that you’ll both have to give up something too, but I honestly can’t solve this problem any other way.”
“Baby, how can you leave our family business so easily?”
Mama’s question brings me up short. I’ve never thought of it as a family business. Wyatt and I have supported Mama’s dream for as long as I can remember, even as teenagers. It’s never been my goal to work the remainder of my life in a soul food cafe. “I want to put my degree to good use, Mama. I’m not abandoning you. Sue is just as capable, and she’ll make you a fabulous head chef. I think she’s demonstrated that the past couple of months when we’ve left her here completely on her own. You’ve never even left me completely on my own.”
I study Sue’s face. She’s glowing in my praise, but her eyes are sad. “And Sue, I know you want to expand the menu, and it’s not really possible here, but working here full time as a head chef will be much better than the other job you have on the table. This restaurant is established, thanks in part to your efforts, and isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.” I throw out my hands. “It’s head chef, girl.”
She chuckles and rolls her eyes. “Of course I want it. I just don’t know how I feel working here without you.” She turns toward Mama. “How do you feel about it, Ms. Lillie? Do you want me?”
Mama grabs Sue’s hands and squeezes. “If my daughter is determined to leave, I’m blessed to have you.”
Sue’s eyes shine and she squeezes Mama’s hands back.
They both turn to me, eyes equally glistening.
“It’s settled then.” I’ve already started the process with a headhunter. Six years out of culinary school won’t guarantee me a head chef job even though it was the best one in the country, but the last six years as head chef here at Smothered in Love should give me an edge. Hopefully I’ll be able to go somewhere that will at least let me have input. Somewhere that will let me create. Then some day when I’m ready, I’ll secure backing the old-fashioned way for a restaurant of my own.
*
When I step onto the quiet street, the morning greets me with heat I’m not quite ready for. I wipe the sweat I’ve already accrued from my forehead and prepare to unlock the front door of the restaurant. The envelope blocking the keyhole is unexpected, but it’s addressed to Lillie so I pull it off and stick it in my backpack to give her later.
I deposit my backpack in Mama’s office, and there’s a knock on the back-porch door. I peek through one of the kitchen windows then unlock the door, letting Wyatt and Hannah in.
“You two are here early.”
Wyatt slams his bag down on the counter. “I wanted to buy a new power drill and some plumbing supplies from Arrow Hardware so I don’t have to come back on this side of town on my day off tomorrow. I’ve got some projects at the house.”
Hannah shakes a warning head at me. I can’t resist though. “Okay. Why are you mad?”
“There is no Arrow Hardware anymore. It’s closed forever because they’ve been kicked out, and there’s now going to be a handy dandy vegan bakery.” He tears open a package of pecans and pours some in his hand. “Who the fuck eats that shit?”
I shrug. “I dunno. People who have dairy allergies?”
“Rowan, this is getting out of hand. Arrow Hardware has been in this neighborhood since before we were born. And now, just because some whi–” He glances at Hannah before finishing that bit of foolery. “Just because people who can qualify for bigger loans to start a business and pay larger leases decide they want a whack-ass bakery, a family-owned business that’s been a mainstay of this neighborhood for nearly thirty years is out on the street.”
Gentrification here has been a problem for a while and it’s only getting worse. Wyatt has a point, and I wish I could get as worked up as he is but the truth is, I’ve never had a reason to set foot in Arrow Hardware nor do I know the owners. I hate that it’s happening, but I have my own problems.
“I’m sorry, Wyatt. It really sucks.”
He strolls through the door into the dining room without another word.
I turn to Hannah and smile.
She grins back. “I tried to warn you not to ask.”
I snort. “As if that would have stopped him from ranting.” I wash my hands at the sink before continuing. “How’s everything else going? Have you started wedding planning?”
“Goodness no. We have plenty of time for that.” She walks into the freezer and comes back with a box. “May as well get a jump on the day since we’re here early.”
Hannah really is a great employee and I’m glad Mama will have her when I’m gone. I’ve finally gotten out of my own head and realized that she’ll make a great addition to our family as well. She’s been nothing short of life-saving since we’ve been preoccupied with all our restaurant problems as well as how much I’ve been away. She and Sue work well together and will both have Mama’s back.
I smile at her, grateful, and ask her more wedding questions while we work.
We do all the prep for lunch and are about to open when Mama finally makes it in. Already not a big woman, she appears to have lost some weight since I last saw her a few days ago. She’s also moving a little slower than usual.
“How are you, Mama?”
“I’ve been better, baby. Just so tired.” She sets her purse in the office off the kitchen, and sits in the chair behind her desk.
She vowed to include me and Wyatt in her health, but it still surprises me a little when she actually keeps it real with us. I follow her into the office. “Mama, we have it handled today. Why don’t you take it easy?”
“I’ll probably leave soon. I’m just waiting to hear back from my doctor’s office. They’re trying to work me in.”
I move closer. “Do you need me to take you? What if they can’t get you in?”
“Your father will take me. If they can’t, I’ll go to urgent care. I probably just need to have my medication adjusted.”
I nod but am not completely satisfied, although I’m not sure what I can do. She’s going to the doctor and Daddy’s taking it seriously so that’ll have to be okay. I’m not sure about her diet when she’s not around me, but when she is, it’s very heart-healthy so maybe she’s taking that seriously too.
“Hopefully that’s all, Mama. We’re about to open, so just holler if you need anything.” I pass my backpack as I exit the office and remember the mail that was on the door when I came in this morning. “I almost forgot. This envelope was taped to the door when I came in.”
She opens it as I’m leaving again and gasps. I spin around and run to her. “What is it, Mama?”
Tears stream down her face as she places the paper that was inside the envelope on her desk with trembling hands. She gestures for me to look at it.
I reach for it, but I don’t want to read it. Thoughts race through my mind on what it could be. Could something have happened to one of her parents or siblings? They would call though, not leave a letter. I rack my brain on what it could possibly be that has Mama so upset. Finally, I just read the damn thing. Then my world goes black.
*
When I get the call from Restaurant Family Feud, it couldn’t have come at a better time. We’ve been stressing all week since we got The Letter. I press End on my phone and run downstairs to the restaurant. Since we’re in the middle of dinner service, I go through the back straight into the kitchen, hoping not to disrupt Sue’s flow.
The kitchen in bustling. There’re four cooks along with Hannah and Sue, who’s barking orders and moving swiftly. I smile and wave as I pass through looking for Wyatt and Mama, moving through the door
into the dining area, but staying out of sight of the customers. The room is packed, not an available table in sight. I glance at the bar. Wyatt’s behind it with Siobhan, one of the bartenders.
I look down at what I’m wearing and pause. In my haste to deliver the news, I didn’t really pay attention to the fact that I’m in yoga pants and a holey T-shirt. I haven’t exactly been living my best life since The Letter ruined all my carefully laid plans. Maybe it all happened for a reason, and today’s news will get us where we need to be. I rotate and head back through the kitchen and up the stairs to make myself presentable, including scrunching my curls with a little water and shea butter. I don’t worry about any makeup though. I grab my purse and keys. I’m assuming I’ll need to drive to Mama’s after I talk with Wyatt since I didn’t see her anywhere downstairs.
This time I go through the front of the restaurant so I don’t disturb the kitchen twice in a row. I wave at the hostess and speed over to the bar where Wyatt is watching Siobhan mix the signature drink he finally finished creating for Smothered in Love. He looks up and nods, switching his focus back to the bartender.
I wait at the end of the bar, hopping up and down, moving back and forth, trying and failing to keep myself in check. Wyatt finally puts me out of my misery and grabs my arm, leading me outside.
“What in the actual hell, Rowan?”
“Well, I was going to tell you to sit down, but you dragged me outside so…”
“People were starting to stare. What is wrong with you?”
“The question is what is right with me. Not wrong, little brother.” I crack my neck right, then left. Then pop my knuckles. “I just got off the phone with the producer of Restaurant Family Feud. The Ortiz family had to drop out for personal reasons. We’re back in.”
Wyatt bugs his eyes and drops his mouth open. “No way.”
“Oh, way.” I scream, “We’re in.”
He grabs my arms and we bounce around in a circle laughing and crying.