by Terri Lee
Once inside, sealed behind protective glass doors, Natalie gasped for air.
“We’re in room D,” Lew was saying as he led them to the elevators, seemingly non-plussed by the tidal wave of reporters. His calmness in the face of the storm, allowed Natalie to breathe a little easier.
“We’re lucky, we’ve got Judge Burkis.” Lew pressed the button on the elevator and the doors closed with a soft whoosh. “He’s fair. Good guy.”
Natalie noticed, as she did yesterday, that Lew’s use of words was economical. A straight, no-chaser kind of guy.
Inside the courtroom they were met by another flock of vultures. The lucky few who were able to garner seats to the show in the packed house. Stan squeezed her hand as they made their way to the front row and took their seats.
Lew pushed past the swinging gate in the guard rail and crossed over to shake hands with the district attorney; just another day at the office for him. Natalie was on the edge of her seat, looking for any sign of her daughter, when a door opened in the far corner, catching her attention. There she was. Tess. In shackles, shuffling to the defendant’s table, a bailiff beside her. Hot tears ran down Natalie’s cheeks as Tess turned back to look at her parents, with the wild-eyed look of a scared ten-year-old.
“Mommy,” Tess whispered through tears of her own. She held up her hands as if Natalie had the ability to come and save her from this nightmare.
In an instant, Natalie saw another Tess. Tess as a toddler. Shuffling down the hall in her pink footed pajamas, after a bad dream. Tear-stained face and pudgy hands reaching up, waiting for Mommy to make everything alright. Back then, Natalie still had the power to slay the dragons in the night. But those days were long gone. And this was no bad dream.
She looked at her daughter now. How did that little girl rubbing the sleep from her eyes end up here in an orange jumpsuit three sizes too big.? With stringy, dirty hair and steel cuffs around her wrists and ankles?
“All rise,” the bailiff intoned bringing the hum of conversation to an end. “The United States District Court, of the Northern California District is now is session. The Honorable Judge Walter Burkis presiding.”
Legalese left Natalie with her head spinning, before she heard; Your Honor case number CR 885222, the people of California versus Tess Alexandra Graber.
“The people are ready, Your Honor.” The DA Trent Markinson stood.
What Natalie heard was; all the people of California stand behind me as I prepare to destroy this young woman’s life, Your Honor. We’re ready to take down Tess Graber.
“Nice to see this case brought out the big gun,” Lew whispered to Stanley and Natalie, nodding his head in the direction of the District Attorney. “Not going to miss a photo op like this, when he’s running for re-election.”
Natalie eyed their opponent, taking note of his expensive suit and perfectly coiffed silver hair. Great. A DA salivating over a high-profile case, that’s just what Tess needs.
Back and forth the two men sparred. Each a highly trained athlete at the top of their game with her daughter a soccer ball between them.
Tess was a flight risk, Markinson said. A spoiled child of privilege and access.
Tess was willing to enter re-hab while awaiting her trial, Lew countered. Her passport would be voluntarily surrendered. Since she was not guilty of the crimes as charged, she had no reason to flee the country. She was a young woman in the wrong place, her only crime was being gullible, believing the young man she was desperately in love with.
Tess was a druggie, Markinson rebutted. And therefore, her word meant nothing. Tess’s previous re-hab stay was brought to light. And as far as he was concerned in his quest to provide justice for the people of California, Tess would be receiving special treatment, simply because of her name.
There it was.
The crux of the DA’s case. Tess was guilty, because she was rich and indulged and was the daughter of Natalie Hampton.
Lew smirked. “We ask that this defendant be treated no differently than any other defendant. Just last month, Your Honor remanded a young man to Drug Rehabilitation while he waited for his trial facing the same charges. Should Miss Graber be penalized because she has famous parents?”
Natalie watched the judge for any indication of which way he was leaning. A master at concealed body language after years on the bench, he appeared to be listening carefully to both sides, taking notes and looking over the docket as the men boxed. At end of the third round, Judge Markinson said he’d heard all he needed. Clearing his throat and preparing for his moment on the six-o’clock news he spoke up, loud enough to reach the seats in the back.
“After weighing the arguments put forth this morning, I find no reason to deny bail to Miss Graber. The defendant has no prior history of trouble with the law. She is a student in good standing at Stanford University and if she surrenders her passport, there is no worry associated with skipping the country. Regarding the severity of the charges, bail in the amount of five hundred thousand dollars shall be granted along with the stipulation that Miss Graber be remanded immediately to a drug rehabilitation facility, to be determined. Upon completion of said term, Miss Graber will be remanded to her mother’s custody until her trial date.”
The gavel resonated throughout the room as the judge solidified his decision.
“Thank you, Your Honor.” Lew was gathering up his paperwork and giving his assistant instructions.
“We’ll see you as soon as we can, baby. Everything’s going be alright.” Natalie waved and blew a kiss to her daughter who was already being hurriedly escorted back to the door from which she’d entered. Tess barely had time to nod in agreement.
Lew turned to Stan and Natalie. “That went as expected. Although the bail is a little higher than usual. Are you two ready to put up bail? Fifty thousand will be required. If you need a bondsman, let me know. We’ll have her in re-hab by this afternoon”
Stan shook his head. “No. We’ve got this.”
Do we?
Stan took care of everything. He wrote checks to the court, to Lew, and one to Whispering Pines, the rehab facility to which Tess was assigned. She would be taken from the jailhouse to the treatment center, where she would be immediately immersed in the program. No visitors for two weeks. Except for her attorney.
Hold on, baby girl. I’ll be there in fourteen days.
56 Peanut Butter and Jelly
Two weeks.
A flurry of activity swirled around Natalie, yet time still crept across the calendar in slow motion.
There were things she was contractually obligated to handle, like wrapping things up with Sandra, all while trying to answer questions as best she could. Or more accurately she listened to herself answering questions. A voice that sounded like hers, albeit with much more confidence, assured Sandra that Tess was innocent of the worst of the charges and that everything would be revealed soon enough.
Sounding like every attorney in the history of time tasked with representing a celebrity, her little speech fell flat. “My client looks forward to her day in court where we’re confident she will be exonerated on all charges. There has been a grave miscarriage of justice involved in this case, not the least of them being, an over-zealous District Attorney.”
But the book was out of Natalie’s hands for now. She’d handed off the boxes of notes, clippings and photos to Sandra, who with a team of faceless professionals would somehow pull it all together and deliver a bestseller. Most of it in Natalie’s own words. At least that was the plan. Unwittingly, Tess’s latest escapade had provided the publishers with a windfall of publicity and Monty said they were already talking about moving up the publication date.
The cover photo shoot was scheduled for next month, but until then she had nothing to occupy her days. And nothing to keep her thoughts from running wild at night.
Funny how life turns in circles. She’d walked away from Hollywood because of the intrusive press. In the years that followed her self-imposed exile, t
he feeding frenzy had only worsened. More magazines. More tabloids. And a seemingly unending appetite for dirt, leaving so-called journalists digging through the garbage, hoping to find a gemstone of a headline.
Now, after a decade away she’d be wading back in with a fresh set of headlines trailing behind here. Who knew how the case against Tess would end up?
One day at a time, Natalie reminded herself.
Whispering Pines was in Monterey. But it could have been in LA or Seattle. There was a sameness about rehab facilities. Not the least of it being dreamy names like Whispering Pines or Glendale Pines. Interchangeable. As if soft and romantic names, zen music, and lots of greenery could blur reality enough to fool one into forgetting where one was. A rehabilitation facility for drug abusers.
Two weeks had swept the worst of it away. Natalie remembered the drill. By the time they saw Tess, she'd lived through the restless midnights where sleep teased just out of reach. The pacing. The anxiety. She had her feet back under her. Maybe not strong enough to run, but she was walking.
When Tess came through the doors, in a pair of gray sweatpants and white t-shirt, she looked like her old self again. She hurried to her parents. Natalie engulfed her in a hug.
“I'm so sorry,” Tess whispered through tears. “I'm so sorry.” She searched Natalie's face as if looking for confirmation there was still a space for her in the inner circle.
“Shh... baby. I know.” Natalie pressed Tess's head to her shoulder, stroking her hair.
Though they'd been instructed not to coddle Tess or wave away any properly placed guilt due to actions or in-actions, there would be time enough for I told you so's later. First things, first.
The threesome made their way to a little table tucked beneath a tree at the far edge of the patio.
“You look …good, Tessie,” Stan fumbled, but Tess helped him pick up the ball and carry it across the line.
“Thanks, Dad.” She reached across the table for his hand. “I know I must look a hundred times better than the last time you saw me.” Stan's large paw seemed out of place tucked inside Tess's small white hand. “Did you guys bring cigs?”
Stan nodded after looking across at Natalie for support. “Here ya go.”
Tess shook a cigarette from the pack, lit it, and took a long drag, turning her face to the sky in a slow exhale.
“Sorry.” Tess looked across at her mother.
Natalie lifted her shoulders in a weak shrug.
“It seems like I just keep apologizing,” Tess said. “It's crazy, but it's the one bad habit we're allowed in this place. Everyone smokes. Helps keep your hands busy, I guess.” She offered a shrug of her own, knowing it didn't have to make sense.
Hair pulled back in a sleek pony-tail and fresh faced, Tess hardly looked twenty-one. Sans make-up she could barely pass for eighteen. Natalie sighed with the weight of what lay before her daughter, this young woman exhaling a ribbon of smoke like a child playing dress up. Cigarettes were the least of her worries.
The three of them batted around conversation for a bit, the food, the grounds, the counselors while Tess pointed out interesting characters as they walked past, before they could set the small talk aside and make room for more serious topics.
“You do know Brad didn't intend to shoot anyone, don't you?” Tess slipped the lighter inside the cellophane wrapping of the cigarette pack and slid it away from her. “He went over there that night to get the money he was owed. He was the one who was afraid for his own safety.”
“Lew said you told him that Brad took the gun to scare the guy.” Stan lobbed the ball back over the net.
“Yeah. That too, I guess.”
“You have to make sure to tell Lew the truth about everything. You can't hold anything back, even if you think it will make you look bad. Lew can't form a proper defense strategy unless he has all the facts.” Stan was all business.
“I know. I will,” Tess promised.
“So why don't you walk us through it, baby,” Natalie urged.
Tess took another long drag on her cigarette before beginning. “I mean it's pretty cut and dried. This guy Chuck owed Brad money. Brad had given him a couple of chances to come up with it, and Chuck kept stalling. Brad was counting on that money to pay someone that he owed, so it was this vicious cycle. The pressure was heating up on Brad and he said that he was going to get the money from Chuck one way or another. I drove us over to Chuck's apartment. Stayed in the car while Brad went in. He said he'd only be a few minutes. Well he was longer than a few minutes. I was just starting to get worried, when I saw Brad running towards me yelling that we had to get out of there.
“Next thing you know cops pulled up blocking me in. Someone had already called the cops when the fight broke out, so they were on their way before shots were even fired.”
“And you were in the car the whole time?” Stan asked.
“Yeah. I had the radio on. I didn't hear anything. And then the cops swarmed in. It was like a movie.” Tess slumped against the back of her chair. “I kept waiting for the director to yell, cut!”
“Oh my God,” Natalie whispered.
Tess looked back and forth at each of her parents. “I have no more idea what happened inside that apartment, than you do. I haven't been able to talk to Brad since the arrest. But I know this much, he didn't go there with the intention of shooting, let alone killing, anyone. I know Brad.”
“How well do we really know anyone?” Natalie stared into her daughter's brown eyes, past the years of lies piled up on the table between them.
You couldn’t have drugs without lies. Lies and cocaine, went together like peanut butter and jelly. Natalie and Stan had had their fill of both. Of course, served up alongside the peanut butter and jelly , came a heaping helping of promises and the promises were received with an equal measure of hope. All parties sticking to their prescribed roles, reading their lines from a stale script no one believed in anymore. The only thing that kept Natalie moving forward was the little whisper in the back of the room… maybe this time.
57 Slip of Paper
February 1989
“This cover is gorgeous, baby.” Monty held the book over his head like a trophy.
“Yeah, I’m really pleased with how it came out. Sandra did a great job, yet somehow it still sounds like me.” Natalie took the book from Monty, her fingers sliding across the glossy cover, then thumbed through the pages, stopping to look at the selection of photos in the center. The shot of her placing her handprints in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater caught her eye.
“I can’t believe it’s really finished.”
“You’ve done the hard part, now it’s time to reap the rewards.”
“The hard part was living it.” Natalie laughed.
“No shit.” Monty took Natalie’s hand in his. “I’m so proud of you, Natty. You not only took the bull by the horns, but you climbed up on his back and rode that sucker all the way down Hollywood Boulevard. Everyone is going to love it; early reviews are already pouring in, saying as much.”
“I know, my editor called yesterday. They're thrilled. I think you might need to pinch me.”
Monty squeezed her upper arm and Natalie swatted him away. “Ouch, dammit.”
“Let’s celebrate.” He winked.
“What do you suggest?”
“I’ll take a cabana boy and a dry martini. How about you?”
Natalie rolled onto the couch in a fit of laughter. God it felt good to laugh. Lately it felt as if her life was cordoned off in compartments. This goes here, that stays over there. Don't let them bleed into one another. Joy could only dance so far at the end of the chain.
So much in her life was going well. The book was due to launch in a few weeks and Monty came today bearing news of a start date for So Be It.
Yet, alongside the compartments overflowing with good news, were the boxes with Tess’s name on them. With still so much left undecided, they were boxes without labels.
“How’s Tess?” Mo
nty asked, always reading her thoughts.
“She’s good, Mont. Really good.”
Thirty days in rehab left Tess changed. Softer. Some of the sharp edges had been worn down allowing room for the old Tess to step into the light. She entered the room with a new sense of self-awareness. Taking responsibility for her own decisions and actions, she no longer acted like the obstinate teenager. She was older, yet not as weary as before.
Natalie wrestled with her own responsibility. Blame puddled at her feet for the times she wasn’t there; for the important dates she’d missed while attending to other commitments which in the end meant nothing at all. So many hours spent juggling dueling obligations and someone or something always suffering from the lack of hours in her day.
Perhaps she’d sown the seeds that became weeds in Tess’s garden. Her daughter’s search for acceptance led her to a group of strangers with whom she had nothing in common but a love for cocaine.
“She looks healthy. Glowing, actually. It looks good on her.” Natalie smiled with the image that had seemed a long time coming. “She’s taking a couple of classes, her other classes she’ll have to pick up again next semester. If…”
Her voice trailed off and she didn’t want to follow.
“No, no. No ifs,” Monty interrupted. “Everything is going to be fine. I feel it in my bones.”
“I know those old bones.” Natalie grinned. “They’ve been steeped in alcohol for years. What do they know?”
“They know all,” Monty cautioned. “Never doubt the bones.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“So where do we stand with the case?” Monty asked.
“We’re in limbo until we go to court. It’s been seven long months that this thing has been batted back and forth. Lew still feels that she’ll get off without any jail time, just a stiff probation. He’s still working on a plea agreement. Fingers crossed. We’re counting on him. But you just never really know.”