She nodded. “I see.”
I didn’t like talking about kids. Rather, I didn’t like talking about me having kids. Other people’s kids were fine. Jace was fine. I just didn’t want to think about having my own kids. She sipped the water, her jaw set. She almost looked angry.
“How is Jace doing in school?” I asked casually.
“He’s good. No more bullying so far this week. I don’t know that he would tell me even if there was.”
“I think you would know,” I assured her.
“So, the taffy was a hit?” she asked, that same weird undertone to her voice present.
I smiled. “It was a huge hit. I just reviewed the packaging. Sawyer is scrambling to get it into production. We’ve had to stop making some of our other flavors to make room for Pinkstonberry.”
She smiled. It was the smile I loved to see. Her eyes twinkled, and her entire face moved with the response. “Good for you. That is amazing.”
“Jace helped. His input on what worked and what didn’t work for him on that first run of samples was great. I usually do it alone. Sawyer runs everything through some consumer testing things, but it’s nice to have someone in the lab, so to speak.”
She nodded. “He enjoyed himself. It made him feel valued and important.”
“Good. He is.”
She offered another tight smile, the sparkle in her eyes gone. We ordered our meals and waited in awkward silence. I wondered if we had run out of things to talk about. Was it over?
“What do you do now that the festival is over? Do you take time off and relax, or do you jump right in for next year?”
She shrugged. “It depends. For now, I’m taking it easy and mulling over my options.”
“Doing more festivals?”
“Yes,” she said curtly.
I got the feeling she was irritated with me. Maybe she was pissed I waited two days to call. I had thought I was giving her space. Clearly, I had been wrong to do that. I would make it up to her—if she gave me the chance.
“Would you like dessert?” I asked with a smile.
“No thanks. I should be getting home.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I’m a little tired. I suppose I’m still recovering from the planning.”
I nodded. I didn’t believe her excuse, but I certainly wasn’t going to call her out on it. “All right then.”
I paid the check. As we walked out of the restaurant, I reached for her hand. She suddenly had to dig something out of her purse. I knew the signal. She didn’t want me holding her hand.
I drove back to her place. I was going to give it one more shot.
I walked her to the front door and waited for an invitation. She paused at the door and looked up at me. I leaned down, giving her a kiss that I hoped would ignite a flame. She kissed me back, her hand going to the back of my head and holding me close.
Then, as soon as the hope bloomed, it was killed. “I’ll give you a call later,” she said, pulling away from me.
I blinked. “Oh, uh, okay.”
“I’m tired,” she said, sounding truly exhausted.
I smiled, reached my hand to her cheek, and gave her another quick kiss. “Get some rest.”
She waved and went inside. I stared at the closed door for a second and then heard the lock engage. She wasn’t going to invite me in. I walked back to my car feeling truly dejected. I got behind the wheel, watching as the lights went off in the house.
I couldn’t help but feel like something was off. I wasn’t sure what I had said or done to make her upset, but I wasn’t a complete moron. I knew when someone was irritated with me. I put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway, mulling over everything that had been said between us tonight.
It had to be the kid conversation. I was beginning to wonder if Sawyer had been right. Harper wanted a family. She wouldn’t want to be with a man who didn’t want that. Maybe I would explain to her I liked Jace and I was cool with spending time with him.
I nodded. That had to be it. She probably thought I was only interested in a short-term thing with no strings attached.
I would call her tomorrow and try to explain it wasn’t all kids I was against. It was just me having a kid of my own to screw up. I would tell her Jace was a great kid, and I was ready to commit to a serious relationship with her and Jace.
Feeling resolved in the matter, I breathed a little easier. There wasn’t too much damage. I could still fix things. I could make it right, and we could go back to the way we’d been over the weekend. I liked hanging out with them. I liked being a little family with them.
“It’ll be okay,” I assured myself. “You can fix this.”
I hoped it wasn’t too late. I debated turning around and pounding on her door, demanding she hear me out. I hated leaving things unsettled. I didn’t want her to make any decisions about our relationship until she gave me a chance to explain what was going on in my head. I felt she knew me well enough to know I wasn’t great with communication.
Chapter 30
Harper
I woke up earlier than usual. I lay perfectly still in bed, not wanting my body to know my brain was awake. The last two mornings had consisted of me rushing for the toilet and puking my guts out. I didn’t want to do that anymore. I decided I had enough of that. It was mind over matter, I had told myself.
I was psyching myself out and making myself sick because I had it in my head I was pregnant. I had been trying to convince myself I wasn’t, ever since Kylie had first put the idea in my mind. I couldn’t be. It just didn’t seem fair.
I put my hand over my stomach, wishing I had the superpower of x-ray vision or something. I wished I could know for sure right then. I had an appointment with the doctor to get the results of my blood work. I was a little irritated her messaging service had called last night after the doctor had gone to schedule the appointment, and they sure as hell weren’t going to tell me.
My body realized I was awake and decided it was time to visit the porcelain god. I got out of bed, moving slow, hoping I could somehow prevent the inevitable. It didn’t work. I rested my arms on the toilet seat and went through the usual ritual. I couldn’t go through months of puking, could I?
I showered and started the process of getting Jace up for school, making him breakfast, and loading up his backpack. I was dragging ass. I had no energy, which could easily be attributed to the morning puking. I was also skipping coffee until I knew for sure, which was wreaking havoc on my caffeine-addicted body.
“Let’s go,” I said to Jace after he’d finished brushing his teeth.
I dropped him off at school, going through my usual routine and trying to pretend like my life wasn’t going to change within the next couple of hours. I bounced back and forth to accepting and acknowledging the pregnancy to denying it and refusing it could be true.
By the time I got to the office, it was time to visit the bathroom again. I walked in, waved at Kylie, and headed for the toilet. When I emerged a few minutes later, she had a can of ginger ale for me, along with a sleeve of saltines.
“Thanks,” I murmured, taking the can and opening it.
“I was going to ask how you’re feeling, but I guess that’s obvious.”
I nodded. “Yep. Still sick.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I have an appointment in about an hour,” I told her.
“With the doctor?”
“Yes.”
She clapped her hands. “We’re going to find out for sure!”
“Yes, I suppose we are,” I mumbled, sitting down at my desk.
“How was your date? When I dropped Jace off last night, you didn’t look like it went well.”
I shrugged. “I asked him if he wanted kids. I already knew the answer, but I had to know for sure.”
“And?”
“And he doesn’t. He’s adamant he would make a horrible father and doesn’t want a child. Ever. He’s decided the shitty father thing is contag
ious or inherited, and he doesn’t want to do that to his own child. Therefore, no kids for him.”
“Did you tell him that isn’t how it works?”
“I tried, but what’s the point? He already made up his mind. I told you I’m not going to guilt him into staying with me because it’s the right thing to do. The last thing I want to be is an obligation. If he doesn’t want a child, so be it. Like you said, I can do this on my own.”
“I did say that, but I do think you need to give him a chance. I’ve only talked with the guy a few times, but he seems good. He does really well with Jace. I think he’s probably afraid of the idea. I’m afraid of being a mom, but that doesn’t mean I would run in the opposite direction if it happened.”
I rolled my eyes. “You can’t run from it. It kind of sticks with you.”
“You know what I mean. He might not think he wants a baby until it happens.”
I shook my head. “I’m not interested in being a test subject.”
“What if he wants a baby? What if he is over the moon about it?”
I shrugged. “I doubt that will happen.”
“What do you think Jace is going to say?” she asked.
I smiled. “Honestly, I think he’ll be excited. I’ve always wanted to give him a little brother or sister. I never thought it would take this long, but I think he’ll make a good big brother.”
“I know he will,” she said firmly.
Reality slammed into me. “My god. I would be a single mother to two children. Two children would be solely dependent on me. I thought I was struggling with Jace. What am I going to do when he hits puberty and I’m dealing with a kid going through what Jace is going through now? Oh god.”
“Hey, it’s going to be fine.”
I groaned, rubbing a hand over my face, uncaring if I smeared the minimal amount of makeup I had on. “This isn’t fair to the baby or Jace. They didn’t ask to be born into a family with no father figure.”
“Hey, Jace had a father. You can’t be blamed for what happened there.”
“But I could have at least settled down with another man before I got knocked up,” I said. “What kind of example am I setting for my kids?”
She grinned. “Mom isn’t a virgin, and mom likes to have fun.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Not helpful.”
“Sorry. You know, if you truly are pregnant, you have options.”
I looked at her. “I can’t.”
“I didn’t think so, but I just want you to know I would support you in either situation,” she said gently. “This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. A baby is love and joy and so much fun.”
“And sleepless nights and worrying and vomit in your hair,” I complained.
She grimaced. “Yeah, that’s all you, but I will happily babysit during the day, as long as it doesn’t puke in my hair.”
I laughed. “If only there was a button you could push to limit the puking and pooping. Shit. Diapers. Back to diapers and wipes, and oh geez, what am I doing? I struggled with Jace. I was overwhelmed all the time.”
“But you were young, and he was your first. You’ve got experience this time. You’ve got money to buy all the things your baby needs. I think you will find this will be a much easier go than the first time.”
I sighed and nodded. “I think so too.”
“Good. Does that mean we’re over the freak-out stage? Can we start shopping for the baby?”
I laughed. “No. I don’t want to do any of that until I know for sure I’m pregnant and that everything is okay.”
She groaned. “Fine, I’ll send back the catalogs I ordered.”
“What?”
She laughed. “Hey, I’m living vicariously through you. I don’t necessarily want to go through what you’re going through. Seeing you pale with a tinge of green is enough to remind me to take my pill every morning.”
I rolled my eyes. “So glad I could be a learning lesson for you.”
“Me too.”
“All right, I need to try and focus on work. I’ve been putting off all these people until I know for sure what my future holds.”
“Everything is going to work out just the way it’s supposed to,” she said.
“Did you read that in a fortune cookie?” I snapped.
“Actually, it’s a new motto I’m embracing. I’m giving control to the universe.”
“Let me know how that works out for you.”
We both sat down and got to work. I had started to do some research about Easter events, trying to get an idea of what we could do that would attract a strong audience. I knew it was crazy to be thinking about taking on such a big endeavor when my life was about to change, but I needed the distraction.
I had a feeling I would want the distraction over the coming months as well. I didn’t want to dwell on the idea of being a single mom. I didn’t want to think about my relationship with Theo coming to an abrupt end. I refused to think of the child as a mistake. It was a product of what I felt was a very good relationship—even if it was brief.
“It’s time,” Kylie said.
I looked up from the screen. “What?”
“It’s time to go to the appointment. Do you want me to go with you?”
“Yes! Absolutely!”
She grinned. “Good, because I was going to go anyway.”
I laughed, almost excited to finally hear the news. I was telling myself I would not be disappointed in the slightest if the test showed I wasn’t pregnant. Oddly enough, I knew I would be. I couldn’t begin to explain why. I shouldn’t want to be pregnant.
When it was my turn to go back, I made Kylie go along. I was going to need her moral support either way. We sat down in an office instead of an exam room. My stomach was a jumble of butterflies. A million thoughts raced through my head. It was snippets of my future and long lists of things I needed to do and visions of Theo walking away.
The door opened behind us, and the doctor walked in carrying her tablet. She took a seat behind the desk. “How are you feeling?” she asked me.
“Nervous. Anxious.”
She tapped on the screen, read for a few seconds, and then looked at me with a bright smile on her face. “Congratulations. You’re pregnant.”
The air whooshed from my lungs. “Oh.”
“I’d like to get you started on some prenatal vitamins right away. You’re a little anemic, but we’ll get that fixed with some supplements and maybe a few changes in your diet. You’re in good health, and I see no reason for this not to be a healthy pregnancy.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I felt like I was in shock. I heard the words, but it was just noise. I sat through the rest of the appointment. Thankfully, Kylie took charge and set up another appointment for me to begin prenatal care.
We walked out of the office. Kylie led me to a bench that faced a pretty fountain. “Sit,” she ordered.
I sat down, staring at the water trickling down. “Wow.”
“You had to have a pretty good idea about how that was going to go,” she said.
“I did, but actually hearing the words, I’m just, wow.”
“You have some decisions to make.”
I nodded. “I suppose I do.”
“Are you going to tell Theo?” she asked.
I looked at her and shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t have any idea of what I’m going to do. I know what I should do, but I’m not sure I’m ready to do that. Not yet. The minute I tell him, everything changes. He might stay, but I’ll always wonder if he’s staying because of obligation or staying because he wants me. Hell, I don’t even know if I want him.”
“That’s not true. It was pretty obvious from almost the very beginning you wanted him. Trust the universe. You were brought together for a reason. I know things are complicated, but sometimes, we need complicated to make us see the good in things, to appreciate the good stuff a little more.”
“Kylie, this is real life. This isn’t mystical forces at work. This is w
hat happens when two people have unprotected sex. It happens every day. I don’t think we can honestly say that’s cosmic planning.”
She smiled. “I don’t know, can’t we? Think about what the products of those joinings produce. Those kids grow up and have an impact on the world. You have to take a step back and just accept things for what they are.”
“I wish I would have smoked more weed in my youth. Maybe then I could have your very Zen outlook on life.”
She giggled. “I didn’t smoke. I just choose to accept things instead of fighting against it every step of the way. It certainly makes my life easier.”
I sighed. “I’m Type A.”
“Maybe, but you’re a very spontaneous, fun Type A. You are lighthearted and carefree. Don’t get yourself worked up over this. Embrace it. Embrace your little nugget growing inside you. You’re a good mom, and this is going to be an amazing experience.”
I looked at her, wanting to drink the Kool-Aid she was offering, but I was going to give myself a few days to freak out. I would bounce back. I knew I would, but I had a feeling I was going to be suffering a broken heart when I did.
Chapter 31
Theo
I looked at Sawyer, letting my expression do the talking for me. He nodded, telling me he understood. My eyes moved back to the phone on my desk, where the harried voice of the factory manager in Florida was carrying on about an equipment failure. Apparently, one of the machines had been down for days, and he was backlogged on his production.
“I’ll stop you right there, Gene,” I said, leaning forward to speak directly into the phone. “Sawyer and I need to get a few things in order here. I’ll call the pilot, and we’ll be on the plane soon. We’ll be there by tonight. Move the crew to another area to work. Ask for volunteers to go home for the day. If no one wants to leave, have them clean. There is always cleaning to be done.”
All About The Treats Page 19