by Elle James
Jake took his time brushing the animal’s coat, letting the animal get used to him. When he was satisfied with the time and effort, he returned the brush and curry comb to the tack room.
He selected a saddle blanket from a stack in a corner, a bridle and saddle that was large enough for a man his size and carried his finds out to the horse.
“I wish I knew your name,” he said as he spread the blanket on the animal’s back. It had been at least ten years since he’d saddled a horse, but the motions easily came back to him.
After the blanket, he slung the saddle over the animal’s back and reached beneath his belly to fit the leather strap through the metal ring on the girth and pulled tight. Looping the strap back through the saddle and again through the girth, he tugged until the girth was good and tight. He didn’t want to place his foot in the stirrup and have the saddle slide around the horse, dumping him on the ground.
With the horse still tied securely to a post, Jake placed his prosthetic foot in the stirrup, reached up, grabbed the saddle horn and pulled himself up into the seat. So far, so good.
Sitting in the saddle felt as natural as it had when he’d been a teenager riding through the hills with his friend. In the saddle, he didn’t limp. He was on almost equal footing with any other rider. It felt good. Empowering.
Hope dared to swell in his chest.
How long had it been since he’d felt anything other than despair?
Jake sat for a long time, overwhelmed by what he was feeling and glad he’d come out to the barn by himself to practice before he set out on a trail ride the following day. He was absolutely determined not to slow down RJ in any way. If he wanted to be effective as a bodyguard, he had to be right there with her at all times.
Dismounting turned out to be less of a success than mounting. A noise near the door made the horse sidestep in the middle of the dismount.
Jake’s boot on his prosthetic leg slipped too deep into the stirrup and kept him from pulling it free.
The horse danced sideways and nickered.
Thankfully, Jake still had hold of the saddle horn. He hopped on his good foot until he could get the horse to settle and he could pull his prosthetic boot free of the stirrup. The device had turned cock-eyed and required him to hike his pant leg up to readjust it and get it on straight again.
Once he was back on track, Jake slipped the bridle between the gelding’s teeth and up over his ears, adjusting it to fit. This time, when he mounted, the horse wouldn’t be tied to a post. Jake had to be able to mount in the open.
He practiced several times, still having to place his foot in the stirrup, careful not to let the boot slip too far in. After several times up and down, he felt better about his ability to manage on his own.
Jake removed the saddle, bridle and blanket. Brushed the gelding and led him back into his stall. He found a bucket of feed and gave him a little extra for putting up with his practice session.
He’d be ready for the trail ride the following day. He couldn’t be worrying about mounting or keeping his seat in the saddle. Not when he had to keep an eye out for someone who might attack RJ. The pretty rancher had escaped death once. Jake would be damned if someone got past him to finish what he’d started.
RJ eased away from the barn door and retraced her footsteps back to the lodge, Striker trotting alongside her, keeping pace.
He made a low rumbling sound deep in his chest as a warning.
He hadn’t needed to. RJ knew who was out there. She’d seen him leave the lodge shortly after she had.
“I know you’re following me,” she said as she climbed the steps to the wide back porch. “You don’t have to hide.”
Kujo emerged from the shadows and followed her up the steps. “Did you see enough?” he asked.
RJ paced the length of the porch and back. “Why didn’t he say something?”
“And what would you have him say?” Kujo leaned against a post and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m missing a leg? I was kicked out of the Navy SEALs because I can’t meet the physical standards that include two functioning arms and two functioning legs? That my whole life has changed, and I don’t fit in with the civilian world?”
“No, of course not.” RJ stopped in front of Kujo. “But he could’ve let me know. He doesn’t have to come on the trail ride tomorrow.”
“Are you kidding? The last thing Jake needs is your pity. That man is out there practicing his mount and dismount so that he can perform his job without showing weakness. Don’t take that away from him. He can do anything a man with two legs can. He just has to figure that out for himself.”
RJ’s chest tightened. She could only imagine the shock and devastation of losing a limb and how hard it must be for Jake to find a new normal.
Kujo straightened. “Here he comes. Are you going to say anything to him?”
RJ wanted to ask Jake about his injury. To do so, she’d have to admit she’d spied on him in the barn. And what did one say to someone who’d lost so much?
Sorry you lost your leg seemed so banal and useless.
Kujo was right.
“I’m not going to say anything,” RJ whispered. She studied Jake as he crossed the yard, limping slightly. She would never have suspected he had a fake leg. He hid it well.
As he approached the porch, he frowned up at her. “I thought you were going to bed?”
RJ shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep.”
Jake nodded to Kujo. “I’ll take over from here.”
“Thanks,” Kujo said. “I need to phone home and see how Molly’s doing without me. She said the baby’s been really active at night, keeping her awake.”
“Go,” RJ said. “I don’t plan on being out here much longer.”
Kujo lifted his chin toward Jake. “Goodnight, then.” He entered the lodge, closing the door behind him.
RJ stared at Jake for a long moment, wishing the man would open up to her and tell her about what had happened. That way everything would be out in the open, and she wouldn’t have to walk on eggshells, avoiding the obvious.
“Still thinking about the attack?” Jake asked.
“That and everything else that has happened today.”
“You know we’ll do the best we can to keep that man from getting to you again,” Jake said.
RJ nodded. “I believe that.” And she did. She’d read articles and watched shows about Navy SEALs. Those men were badass tough. Not only did they go through hell in training, they also deployed often and into some of the most dangerous and hostile environments imaginable.
Many lost their lives in the line of duty. Despite losing his leg, Jake was one of the lucky ones to return home, and not in a body bag.
RJ wanted to tell him that. Knowing he’d lost a leg explained the shadows in his eyes and the fact he didn’t smile much.
Kujo said he was still trying to figure out how he fit into the civilian world. The man had probably been in the Navy since he’d graduated high school. Most likely he didn’t know any other life but the military. And he would be missing his teammates.
RJ’s hand went automatically to Striker’s soft head. She relied on the animal for more than protection. He was her friend when she didn’t have time for the human kind. The dog was her constant companion since she’d adopted him. Jake could use a companion like Striker. The dog laid on the porch and rested his chin on his paws. Sometimes, RJ wished she had Striker’s life. Work when you needed to and nap every chance you got.
Striker still had issues from his time serving in the military. He was missing his back paw and loud noises frightened him. He’d come a long way from the dog she’d picked up at the kennel at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs.
RJ’s friend Emily worked with men and women who suffered with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They’d been exposed to trauma most civilians would never encounter. She worked with people who had trouble assimilating into a life without the military. Many didn’t make the transition and opted for suicide
.
RJ’s gut knotted. Jake had every reason to want to end his life. That he hadn’t didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about it. And he’d gone the extra mile to practice getting up in the saddle and back down, just to prove to himself he could do it without falling flat on his ass. He wasn’t ready to quit.
Her estimation of Jake Cogburn jumped up several notches. The man was trying, which was a lot more than some folks who hadn’t been hit with everything he had.
“You’re very lucky,” Jake said.
His words pulled RJ out of her internal musings and back to the man in front of her. “How so?”
“This place is amazing. Everywhere you look, you see mountains and nature.”
“And work.” She sighed. “Lots of work.”
“Like Kujo said, the Brotherhood Protectors will help when we can.”
“So, does that mean you’re going to take the job?” RJ realized that if he did, she’d be seeing a lot more of him. Her pulse fluttered.
He stared out into the darkness. “I haven’t made up my mind.”
“Sounds like Kujo needs to get back to his wife. I can’t imagine her letting him go so far away when she’s pregnant.”
“From what Kujo’s told me, she’s pretty tough,” Jake said. “She’s a special agent with the FBI.”
“Well then, she can handle things on her own.” RJ shook her head. “I do a lot of things around here, but I still think that, if I were pregnant, I might want my spouse to be close by.”
“Kujo won’t say it, but I think he’d rather be back in Montana with Molly. But he has great respect for Hank Patterson and the Brotherhood Protectors.” Jake shook his head. “I don’t know why they think I’m the man to lead the Colorado Office, but here I am.” He raised his hands, palms up.
“Sounds like you’re fairly impressed with what they do.”
His lips twitched at the corners. “I’ll let you know after your current dilemma is resolved and you’re still standing. In the meantime, the stars seem to be brighter here than anywhere else in the world.”
“Probably because you’re closer to them, and there isn’t a lot of light pollution out here.” RJ leaned against the porch rail and stared up at the night sky. “I love this ranch and Colorado. My father thinks I need to leave here and explore the world.” She turned to him. “What do you think?”
“I think you need to be where you’re happy. Only you can decide where that is.”
“Agreed. I’m a firm believer that you are the only person who can make yourself happy. Places are just a part of the equation. Anyone can be happy, if she sets her mind to it, no matter where she is.”
Jake chuckled. “Look at us being all philosophical.”
“Maybe that’s what a brush with death brings out in us.”
His brow furrowed.
RJ realized her mistake as soon as the words left her mouth. To retract them would only draw more attention to them and make Jake question what she knew. RJ purposely stared out at the night sky as if nothing was amiss with what she’d said. He didn’t know she knew about his leg. When he was ready, he might let her in on his secret. In the meantime, RJ enjoyed standing out in the cool night air with the quiet man.
“How do you feel?” Jake asked into the night.
“Okay,” she responded.
“No lingering effects from the attack?”
RJ redirected her gaze to the man who stood beside her, staring into her face in the light from the front porch. Her pulse quickened. “No. Not really—other than my backside is a bit bruised from landing hard on the ground. But I’ll live.”
Jake touched her chin with his finger, angling her face toward the light. “You might have some bruising where he held his hand over your face.”
“I’ve had worse,” she said, her voice breathy. The closer he stood, the less air she seemed able to draw into her lungs. “You should have seen my face after Topper kicked me while cleaning his hooves.” She gave a shaky laugh. “I had a huge shiner for weeks.” RJ raised a hand to the location of the shiner that was now long gone.
“Horses can be dangerous,” Jake said and brushed his thumb across her cheekbone.
“Fighting a war can be a lot more dangerous,” she said. “Were you afraid?” Her hand came up to cover his, pressing his warm palm against her skin.
“We didn’t have time to be afraid,” he said, his voice quiet, his breath fanning across her lips.
His callused hand felt so good, making her sway closer, her body craving the touch of his.
Never had she felt such an intense longing. And this man was a stranger. She glanced up into his face, her brow wrinkling. “Why do you make me feel the way I do?”
He stared down at her, his gaze going to her lips. “What way is that?”
“Confused.”
His thumb brushed over her cheek again and then lowered with her hand on his to sweep across her mouth. “Confused?” he whispered.
“And…and…needy.” She shook her head slightly.
“What is it you need?” Jake asked, his head lowering until his lips hovered over hers. “This?”
He brushed his mouth across hers, sending a shock of electricity throughout her body and heat coiling at her core.
“Yes,” she breathed against him. “But I barely know you.”
“Same,” he said. “Yet here we are.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “And this isn’t where we should be.” Jake straightened, drew in a deep breath and stepped back. “This shouldn’t be happening.”
“What shouldn’t be happening?” When he’d moved back, the heat his body had produced went with him. Even so, RJ’s internal heat burned fiery hot.
“This.” He waved a hand between them, shaking his head. “Please. Accept my apologies. I crossed a line that I shouldn’t have.”
With her body ignited and her head spinning from his kiss, RJ blinked up at him. “What line?” She looked around them. “What line?”
“I’m working for you as your bodyguard. I can’t get so involved with my charge that I lose sight of why I’m here.” He took another step backward. “Go to bed, RJ. Forget tonight. It shouldn’t have been.” He strode to the door, opened it with his key card and held it for her. “Please, go.”
RJ schooled her face to poker straight, squared her shoulders and marched toward the door. As she passed him at the threshold, she paused and looked up into his eyes. “You can’t undo what happened here. Nor can you wipe it from your memories.”
“You’re right,” he said. “But I can make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
Anger flared inside. RJ lifted her chin. “Maybe I’ll be the one to make sure it doesn’t happen. You’re just a bodyguard. I’m just the body to be guarded. The job. Soon enough, you’ll move on. And so will I.” RJ passed through the door and sailed up the stairs and into her bedroom, closing the door softly behind her when she really wanted to slam it.
She’d be damned if she showed Jake any kind of emotion. He didn’t mean anything to her.
RJ climbed into her bed, pulled the covers up to her chin and steamed. After a few minutes, she shoved the blankets aside and lay there, letting the mountain air cool her heated skin.
The man might just be a bodyguard to her, but damn. He’d made her come alive in the few short hours she’d known him. How the hell was she going to ignore what her body couldn’t? And it was highly likely he’d be at Lost Valley Ranch, underfoot, for an entire year.
At that moment, RJ wished her mother were still alive. What she was feeling wasn’t something she could talk to Gunny about. And discussing it with JoJo would only make her friend want to push her and the Navy SEAL closer.
Sweet Jesus, help me.
Chapter 6
After RJ went up to bed, Jake stepped back out onto the porch, willing his pulse to slow and the tension to ease.
What had he been thinking, kissing the woman? He had no right to come on to her. She was the job. Not to mention, she deserved someone be
tter. Someone who could keep up with her on the ranch.
Jake still wasn’t convinced he could hack the rancher life on one leg. Just because he could mount and dismount a horse in a barn didn’t mean he could do the same out in the open when the horse would be distracted and likely to dance around with Jake’s prosthetic foot caught in the stirrup. Wouldn’t that be great?
No.
For a long while, he paced the porch, half-wishing Hank hadn’t found him and that Kujo hadn’t come to drag him back into the real world.
On the other hand, he felt more alive and useful than he had since he’d woken up in the hospital and was told he’d lost his leg.
And that all had to do with the woman foremost in his mind.
RJ.
The woman had all the experience of a seasoned rancher. But Jake would bet she had little experience with men. Which was all the more reason to keep his hands and lips to himself. She didn’t need him hitting on her and…what was it she’d said?
Oh, yeah.
Confusing her.
Hell, she confused him.
An hour later, he reentered the lodge, locked the door and climbed the stairs to his room beside the one RJ had gone into. He lay for a long time on his bed, his prothesis within easy reach, his handgun on the nightstand, listening for any sound of distress on the other side of the wall.
Eventually, exhaustion claimed him, and he slept. Several times during the remainder of the night, he woke suddenly, thinking he’d heard something. After listening to the sounds of the old lodge settling, he was reassured and went back to sleep. By five in the morning, he was awake, strapped into his leg and dressed for a day of protecting RJ.
He descended the stairs and followed the light to the kitchen, where a pot of coffee brewed, filling the kitchen with an inviting aroma.
RJ stood with two baking pans in her hands, trying to use her foot to open the oven door. “Would you open the oven for me?”
He hurried forward and pulled open the door of the oven. “Biscuits?”
She nodded and placed the pans on the shelves. “Homemade.” After closing the oven, she set the timer and stood back.