by Jewel E. Ann
Lila’s knees started to buckle.
Before they had the chance to look back at me standing in the doorway, completely bewildered by not only what I was seeing but what he just said to her, I took a step backward.
ASS?! He’s in her ass?!
I slid around the corner into the hallway, my cupped hand immediately flew to my mouth to keep from screaming as Ronin surprised me with his presence like Graham had done earlier.
He narrowed his eyes while mine couldn’t possibly get any wider. I shook my head frantically to keep him from speaking. Ronin’s confusion deepened, but he didn’t speak. Instead, he shifted to the side to glance into the bedroom.
Ronin looked … and looked. Eyebrows creeping up his forehead with realization. A slight smile formed along his mouth as his head cocked to the side, studying them.
Did I want him watching my friends? Seeing Lila exposed like that? Would he think differently about them? It wasn’t exactly newlyweds making love. Graham occupied his wife in every possible place she could be occupied.
I tugged on Ronin’s arm. He took a few steps back, so we were hidden behind the corner. The grin on his face continued to work its way up his face like bread dough rising in a warm room.
“How long have you been watching them?” he whispered.
My head jutted forward, eyes open as wide as they could open. He thought I was watching them? I was, but not on purpose. It was an accident.
He, however, spent way too long checking out the situation.
I pulled him down the hallway into another bedroom. “I wasn’t watching them.”
“No?” Ronin nodded slowly, rolling his smirky lips between his teeth.
I didn’t appreciate his disbelief.
“Helene sent me to get them. I encountered the awkward situation. It took me a few minutes … er … seconds to realize what they were doing. As soon as I did, I turned around to leave and there you were.”
“I see. Well … Evie, I can tell you what they’re doing. Or even give you a hands-on demonstration. It would be my pleasure.”
So much embarrassment rushed up my neck into my cheeks. I felt certain I might set off the fire alarms.
“Graham … please … Graham … GRAHAM!” Everyone at the reception must have heard Lila scream. Not moan. She screamed.
I covered my mouth. “Oh my god! He’s hurting her!” As I turned to stop Graham, Ronin grabbed my arm.
“Evie … they’re having sex. You clearly haven’t focused on your own screams during sex. She’s fine.”
“I don’t sound like that!”
“Care to let me prove you wrong? Shut the door, Evie.”
Okay. I’ll admit I was vocal sometimes. But that sounded like the scream of a woman being murdered, not a bride on her wedding night. Well … it was late afternoon.
“Ronin, I’m serious. He’s in her…” my nose wrinkled “…ass.”
“And?” Ronin gave me a look.
I frowned, knowing what it felt like to be owned like that. “It wasn’t on our wedding day. And you were gentle.”
“And you still screamed my name.”
I fought what I thought I knew and what I feared, hoping they were not one and the same.
Ronin sighed, nodding toward the hallway. “Go check on her if you’re worried. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
I trapped my lip between my teeth. The screams stopped. I didn’t want to check on them, but better me than Helene. On a huff, I tiptoed toward the other room. “Lila?” I called as a warning before I got to the door.
Graham sauntered out of the bedroom, tucking in his crisp white shirt, sporting that same stupid grin he wore on that regretful night in Vancouver. “Evelyn, you should have joined us.”
My nose wrinkled. “I’m married.”
Graham shrugged, leaning down close to my ear. “So am I. What’s your point?” He brushed past me toward the stairs.
I had a long lecture for him. When Graham got too high on himself, his job, his wealth, or his dick … I had to put him in his place. However, the only place anyone needed to be at the moment was the reception.
Lila glanced up from her disheveled dress, trying to tuck her breasts back into the bodice of it.
I rolled my eyes and gestured for her to turn around. Unzipping her dress, I helped adjust it from behind while she put everything in front back in its place.
“Are you going to be able to sit down for dinner? Or will you need a high-top table?”
“I take it you’ve been up here for a while.”
I cleared my throat, ignoring her question. “Do you need to use the toilet again? Are any bodily fluids leaking from any of your … orifices?”
Gross? Yes.
But sex had its not so glamorous parts, and I had a feeling Graham didn’t wrap it up before owning his wife.
“That’s disgusting, Evie.” Lila glanced at me over her shoulder with a sour look on her face.
“Yes or no?” I kept a straight face. I wasn’t trying to be anything or do anything but help my friend get to her really expensive wedding reception without smelling or feeling like a sperm receptacle.
She blew out a hard breath, eyes averting to the side as she returned a single nod. I unzipped her dress and helped her step out of it. Then she waddled to the toilet, sliding a hand between her legs. Men had it so fucking easy.
Without exchanging any more words, I helped her get dressed, and then fixed her hair and makeup. That’s what friends did. They overlooked embarrassing situations and had each other’s backs.
“Did he hurt you?” I had to ask, just before we got to the door that led to the reception in the Porter’s private art gallery. It killed me to ask her, but I wouldn’t have forgiven myself had I not said something.
Graham loved her. I knew that. I really did. But her cry still echoed in my ears. Ronin was wrong. There was no way I sounded like that.
“Evie …” Lila turned toward me, taking my hands in hers. “Graham would never hurt me. How can you even ask me that?”
“Because I heard you scream, and it sounded bad. Not like you were enjoying it.” God … I felt stupid and embarrassed having that conversation with her.
Her grin didn’t help my situation. “There’s a reason why we’re friend soul mates, Evie … you always have my back. Literally.” She winked and blew me a kiss before making her grand entrance into the gallery of people waiting for the bride.
I rubbed my forehead. Lecturing her on any sort of taboo sex would have been very hypocritical of me. I knew what I had done with Ronin.
But fuck … I didn’t scream like that. Only victims in my horror movies screamed like that.
The rest of the evening rebounded back to the same kind of perfection as the wedding. I expected nothing less with three wedding planners and an endless budget.
“You’re mine on the dance floor, Evelyn.” Graham held out his hand to me.
Ronin nudged me off his lap. “Go show him your moves.”
I begrudgingly accepted Graham’s hand and looked over my shoulder, sticking my tongue out at Ronin.
He laughed, sipping his beer.
“I requested this song just for us.” Graham pulled me into his arms, gazing down at me with all kinds of mischief.
Rob Thomas, “Lonely No More.”
I suppressed my scowl, pretending I didn’t get the significance of the song even though I knew. It was the song that played on MTV the night we surpassed the legal limit and had sex. Quite fitting since, aside from the alcohol, the only good reason we had for testing our friendship with a stupid decision like sex was sheer loneliness.
“Thank you.” Graham kissed the top of my head as we attempted to slow dance to a song that wasn’t really a slow dance or a dancing song at all.
“For what?”
“Lila.”
I swallowed my tiny lump of regret, still hearing her scream from earlier. “You’re welcome. If you hurt her, I will kill you.”
Graham chuckled.
“I’d expect nothing less of you.”
We swayed together as the song played on, Lila on one side of the room shooting me a big smile and Ronin on the other side of the room chatting it up with my parents while also giving me the occasional wink and grin.
As the song came to an end, Graham gave me one last hug. A tight, sincere hug. “I love you, Evelyn, more than you could possibly know.”
Peering up at him, I didn’t even try to hide the tears in my eyes. I loved him too. There was really no good reason why we didn’t end up together other than that thing. I believed for two people to fall in love there had to be a lot of definable things like common interests, goals, and the obvious attraction, but also the thing that couldn’t be defined. It had no label. It was just an invisible component of a relationship that made it work—that part of you that physically felt empty without that other person.
“I love you too, Graham. But I love Lila more … and so should you.”
He kissed my cheek, letting his lips linger against my skin as if it was some sort of goodbye. “Agreed,” he whispered. “We love Lila more.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Two years later …
Governor Graham Porter.
It’s not that I didn’t think he’d get elected. Money and influence mattered. No one had more money and influence than the Porters. Hoped … that was a better word. I’d hoped that he would choose a different path, more for Lila’s sake than his wellbeing.
“He asked me to quit my job.” Lila helped me package the bars of soap in my lab, and by helped, I meant she did it while I sat on one stool with my feet up on another stool because they were achy and swollen.
Three weeks to go until my due date. A boy … we were having a boy, just like Ronin wanted. A boy then a girl.
“He married you.” I thought back to the day of their wedding and the situation I encountered that would forever be burned into my memory.
What Graham said to Lila.
The bloody shrill of her screaming his name.
“But in spite of anything he’s ever said to you, he doesn’t own you. Not your decisions and not your job.”
He didn’t own her ass either (without permission and lube), but I didn’t go there.
With her back to me, she continued packaging the bars of soap. I didn’t feel bad letting her do all the work. My little lab was a sanctuary for her. She visited when she needed a time-out from life. There was something therapeutic about making soaps and turning herbs into essential oils. Maybe the scents that infiltrated the air calmed her. They always calmed me.
“When he’s happy, I’m happy. That’s not wrong, is it?”
I thought about her words for a bit before answering. “No. It’s not wrong unless he can’t say the same thing about you. It’s beautiful that you feel so connected to his happiness, that it fulfills something in your own life. I feel that way about Ronin. But I know he feels the same way about me. Hell, that’s one of the reasons we’re even married. He was a carefree bachelor who loved to travel the world, living job to job. I was a game changer for him. He wanted to be with me and share in my life and my happiness more than he wanted to continue down that same uninterrupted path. My happiness matters to him.”
“I’m happy.” She shrugged.
“You haven’t quit your job. If you quit tomorrow, will you be able to say the same thing in six months? And if you quit, are you doing it because it’s what you want or what Graham wants?”
“Both. I told you. He said it would make him happy to have me experience this with him, being by his side like a partner. He’s serving the people. He has the opportunity to do great things and make a difference. Why wouldn’t I want to do this with him?”
I chuckled. “I don’t know. Why wouldn’t you? And for the record, Lila, it’s me. You can speak freely. You can be selfish. It’s not wrong to choose your dreams over public service. I make soaps. Sure, they keep people clean, but I’m not exactly saving lives, feeding the hungry, or housing the homeless. Should I feel bad about that?”
“Maybe.” She turned toward me, leaning against the counter. Her lips turned up into a small grin. “Maybe you could do more, Evie.”
The wheels in my head spun because our conversation punched me in the gut with a solid dose of reality. I needed to do more. Maybe plant a tree for every gift box I sold. Or for every bar of soap someone purchased, I could donate a bar of soap. Something … I needed to do something that felt bigger than myself or my customers. The ski patrol discount (yes, that happened) wasn’t enough.
“You’re right. I’m going to do more. But I’m not going to close my shop to do it. I love my shop and my customers. I love what I do. So I’m going to figure out a way to do more by using what I love as a vehicle for change. Maybe you could do something with your job.”
“Graham wants us to work together. And he’s governor now. He doesn’t have an engineering degree.”
“But he owns businesses. You could work together in a way that incorporates both of your strengths—”
“Evie …” Lila smiled, easing her head side to side. “I appreciate where you’re trying to go with this. It’s why we’re best friends. But I’m okay with changing directions in my life. Graham won’t be governor forever. This is where our lives have taken us right now. I don’t think it’s wrong of me to seize the opportunity to use my new position to make a difference.”
She made it sound so right. I just wasn’t sure if those words were truly hers or regurgitated from Graham’s mouth.
“Then I support your decision … unless the next thing you’re going to tell me is that you won’t have time for me or to be an aunt to this little baby boy in my belly.”
“Don’t be saying stupid shit like that. You know I’m going to take every opportunity to spoil my nephew.”
“But are you going to give your nephew a cousin?” I tilted my head to the side.
Lila’s brow tensed a bit, just for a second, but I didn’t miss it. “Eventually.” She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “I think Graham would die if I got pregnant now.”
“Why would you say that? He’s ecstatic about this little guy coming soon.” I rubbed my belly.
Lila’s gaze shifted to my hand. “Because that little guy won’t wake him up in the middle of the night or demand my attention. Graham likes things a certain way right now.” She laughed. It was an odd laugh. Maybe a sad laugh? Definitely a dark sarcasm. “If I’m honest, I might be quitting my job just to take care of him.”
“He can wipe his own ass like a big boy. Don’t be ridiculous. Do I need to have a talk with him? It’s been a while since I put him in his place. Sometimes, Graham needs a kick in the teeth to bring him back in balance and remind him that he’s not the center of the universe no matter what sort of entitlement his parents bestowed upon him.”
“He’s done a lot for you. I’m not sure kicking a gift horse in the teeth is a good idea.” Lila lifted a single eyebrow.
My parents … I would never be free from everything Graham did to help my parents through their health issues. My dad had a working kidney, and my mom was cancer free with her eyes focused on remission. But that wasn’t everything. Graham owned the building where I had my business. Not because it was a great investment on his part; he did it to keep Clean Art in its spot, to prevent the original owner from tearing down the building.
“So …” I blew out a long breath. “Governor’s wife. Ambassador to all things great for the state of Colorado. You must be so excited.”
A grin crawled up her face, finally reaching her eyes. “Yes. I’m going to change the world. Or at least do good for 5.6 million people in the world. Anyway, I have to get back. Graham wants me showered and ready for bed by seven tonight since he doesn’t have any meetings.”
“Showered and ready for bed? Seriously? Is that his way of scheduling sex with his wife?”
Lila pulled on her white wool coat. It screamed expensive. It made her look rich and very impor
tant—even if beneath it she wore leggings and an old sweatshirt. “He’s busy all the time. If something’s not on his schedule, then it doesn’t exist. I’m fine with it. At least it’s …” She rubbed her lips together as if she had said too much. Her gaze focused on her leather handbag and her phone that she dug out of the side pocket.
“It’s what?”
“Nothing. The plane is ready. My driver is out front. I have to run.” She kissed me on the cheek while resting a hand on my belly. “Give Ronin a big hug for me.”
“Elbow Graham in the ribs for me,” I shouted after she was already halfway to the door.
Two weeks later, we made our way to the hospital’s birth center at three in the morning after a sleepless night of contractions. My midwife told me to relax at home. There was no need to labor at the birth center any more than absolutely necessary. Still … this was our first child. We were a little nervous and a lot anxious. I’d heard too many stories about not making it to the hospital in time. And while I loved Ronin and trusted him with my life, it was early March in Colorado, and I didn’t want to have our baby in the back of a car.
“Call my mom and Lila.” I tugged on Ronin’s sleeve as he helped me follow the nurse to our room. My contractions were less than four minutes apart and lasting close to a minute. And they hurt. A LOT!
“I already did. They’re on their way.”
“We should have called them earlier. They’re going to miss it.”
“Maybe. But we won’t miss it. At least I’m not going to miss it. I don’t know what your plans are.”
The nurse giggled at Ronin’s remark.
To say we called it close was an understatement. By the time we made it to the room, my contractions were a minute apart, and I had a strong urge to push.
“Push whenever your body feels ready.” My midwife pulled on a pair of gloves as the nurse and Ronin helped me out of my clothes and into the soft birthing gown Lila bought me.
I cringed after a contraction that left me doubled over in Ronin’s arms. “I can’t push. It hurts too much.”