by Shaw Hart
I watch Tanner as I lick the chocolate frosting off of my fingers. He’s serious. He really wants to help me decorate and hide Easter eggs.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why do you want to talk to me so bad? I’m not going to change my mind, so what’s in it for you?”
“You, Clover. I just want you.”
4
Tanner
* * *
I try to control myself as I watch Clover moan and lick frosting from her fingers. Jesus, if I didn't know better, I would think that she was doing it on purpose to try to kill me. My cock is a lead pipe in my pants, and I shift, trying to find more room in my jeans that have suddenly grown two sizes too small.
I clear my throat, trying to clear the fog from my brain and get back to our conversation. This is the longest we've talked in years, and I'm determined not to mess this up.
“What needs to be done?”
"I need to run to the store and get some more decorations and candy, and then we need to fill all of the eggs and set up everything outside so that we're ready on Sunday."
I watch as she pulls her to-do list closer to her on the desk and runs through it one last time. I saw the flyers, and I had already been planning on coming, only because I knew that my girl would be there.
“Ok, so let’s go to the store,” I say, stepping away from the desk.
“I need to wait until Eileen gets here for her shift so that she can cover the front desk.”
“When does her shift start?”
“An hour,” she says, glancing at the clock.
“Do you have the tables and everything for outside? I can start hauling everything out,” I offer.
That goes against my plan of working with her and winning her over, but I'm hoping that she'll be softer toward me after all my hard work. Besides, my girl doesn't need to be hauling tables and chairs up and down all those stairs. If it were up to me, she would never have to lift a finger again.
“The tables are by the back door already. I won’t set them up outside until tomorrow morning.”
“So, what can we do right now?”
She sighs as she reaches under the front desk and drags out three blue bins. One is filled with candy, and the other is filled with plastic eggs. The last is empty, and I smile as I pull up another chair and sit down next to her.
We work in silence for a little bit, and I relax as a few people come in and wander around the bookshelves. Clover smiles at them as they enter and occasionally leaves to help someone find a particular book in the back.
We're just finishing the last of the eggs when Eileen comes in for her shift. My heart beats faster as Clover goes over some things with her before she grabs her purse and heads toward the front door. I trail after her like a lost puppy down the steps. When she starts to head toward her beat-up old Civic that she’s had since high school, I grab her elbow and steer her toward my Audi.
“More room,” I say as I open the door for her and help her in.
The store in town isn't that far away, and the drive is short. Short and silent. We need to talk, but I'm afraid if I bring us up again, that she'll jump out of the car to get away from me, or worse, that she’ll just shut me out again. I'm starting to make progress with her, and I can't go back to her ignoring me. I just can't take her silence anymore.
Clover gets out of the car as soon as I've shifted into park, and I hop out, hurrying after her and into the store. She grabs a cart and heads down the first aisle, tossing in some table cloths and some more bags of candy and plastic eggs. I catch up to her, and we browse all of the Easter decorations, throwing some more crayons and markers into the cart.
“What about this?” I ask, holding up some bunny ears and a tail. “I bet you’d look cute in this.”
I try to smile at her but she just looks away, rolling her eyes.
“I already got my costume. Unless you meant for you,” she says, eyeing the poofy tail in my hands.
I hang the tail back up but toss the ears into the cart.
“Need anything else?” I ask.
“Yeah, the rest is up front at customer service. I had to order some more eggs and dye kits.”
I follow her up to the service desk, and we wait while Lauren digs around behind the counter and finds Clover’s order. I insist on paying for everything, and Clover begrudgingly thanks me as we load the bags into my trunk.
I drive us back to the library and help haul the bags inside. We stack them next to the tables by the back door so that everything is set to go in the morning.
“What time did you need me to be here tomorrow morning to help?” I ask her before she can ditch me and head back to the front desk.
“You don’t need to do that. I have volunteers to run the tables and games tomorrow morning.”
"I want to, Clove. Let me help you set everything up, at least," I insist.
“I’m getting here at 5 am,” she says, almost like it’s a challenge.
What she doesn't understand is that I would happily wake up at any time if it meant I got to spend time with her.
“I’ll be here,” I promise.
5
Clover
* * *
I collapse on my couch later that night, exhausted from all of the decorating and organizing I did today on top of my usual work duties. I glance toward the kitchen when my stomach growls. I know that I should get up and go make myself something to eat, but I'm tired from being on my feet all day. Five more minutes, I promise myself, and then I'll get up and make a sandwich or something.
I roll my head, trying to loosen out all of the knots in my shoulders. I’ve been tense all day after spending this morning with Tanner and I’m drained from spending the day warring with myself. My body wants to wrap around him, to feel him pressed up against me, but my head keeps going back to what I heard on homecoming night.
I swallow hard, forcing back the pain that still comes when I remember that night. I push off the couch, hoping that making dinner will help clear my head. If that fails, then I can always zone out with some TV.
I’m almost to the kitchen when there’s a knock on the front door. I frown, not expecting anyone, but head over to answer it.
“Hey,” Tanner says when I pull the door open.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, too tired to put any heat behind the words.
“I brought you dinner. I figured you’d be too tired to cook after today.”
He holds up a greasy bag from Backyard Burgers, and my stomach growls at the sight. I open the door wider, and he takes the opportunity to come inside. He takes a seat on the couch, pulling out two burgers and fries.
“Got any ketchup?”
I nod and head over to the fridge, grabbing the ketchup and two bottles of water. I take a seat next to him on the couch, murmuring a thank you when he passes me a burger. We're silent as we both bite into our dinner. I can feel his eyes on me as I chew, and I look up, my brown eyes meeting his green ones.
“I didn’t mean it.”
My brow scrunches as I look at him. “Didn’t mean what?”
“What I said on Homecoming night. I didn’t mean it. Not a single word.”
I look away from him, the mouthful of burger I just ate turning to dust in my mouth.
“Then why did you say it?”
“Cause I was an idiot. I was trying to keep other guys away from you. I had finally worked up the courage to ask you to be my girlfriend, and I planned on doing it after the dance. Then I heard Billy McGuckett talking and saying he was going to get with you that night. He was telling everyone that you were the hottest girl in school and bragging about how he was going to take you back to his hotel room after the dance. I had spent so long making sure that no one else asked you out and then I heard him saying all of that, saw the look on all of those guys faces and I just panicked.”
“MCGUCKETT?!?” I shout, disgust clear on my face. “I would never touch him, let alone sleep with him.”
>
"I know, I know. I just heard him, and my first instinct was to keep him away from you. That's why I said all that stuff about you.”
"Oh, you mean how you thought I was pathetic and ugly, and how your mom had forced you to hang out with me?"
Anger courses through me, and I jerk off the couch, breathing hard as I glare down at him.
"I didn't mean it, Clover. None of it was true. You're not pathetic; you're strong and smart. I never thought you were ugly. You're the most beautiful girl that I've ever seen, and I've always thought so. I've always been in love with you. Always.”
Tears prick the back of my eyes, and I watch as he stands from the couch.
"You were my best friend, and I hurt you that night and lost you. I've been trying to get you to let me explain and apologize for years. I'm sorry, Clover. So fucking sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I was just trying to keep you to myself, and I messed up. You're the only girl for me, and I've always known that. That's why I never tried to date anyone else, why I've never been with anyone else."
He walks closer to me, his hand reaching up and cupping my cheek.
"I love you, Clover Pendleton. I always have, and I always will. If you don't feel the same way, then I won't hold you to the pact. I just want you to be happy."
A tear slips free, and he brushes it away with his thumb. His head lowers, and he brushes his lips against mine in a soft whisper of a kiss.
“I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” he says as he kisses my forehead and heads out into the night.
I stare at the front door long after he leaves, replaying his words over and over in my head and wondering what the heck I should do now.
6
Tanner
* * *
I didn't sleep a wink last night, too worried about what Clover would decide. I know that I said that I wouldn't hold her to the pact, but I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't love me. I need Clover in my life.
I showed up at the library at 4:45 this morning, two coffees, and a breakfast burrito for Clover in my hands. I was hoping that she would show up and run into my arms. She would tell me that she forgave me and that she had always loved me too. We would kiss and live happily ever after. Instead, she showed up ten minutes late, looking frazzled. She had overslept and apologized for making me wait before she devoured the burrito and drained the coffee cup.
We've been working nonstop for the past three hours. Hiding eggs, setting up decorations and tables, getting the games and booths set up. We haven't had a minute to talk, and now that the kids are starting to show up, I know that it will have to wait until after everything is put away.
I smile as I watch Clover help some of the younger kids. We set up different sections for the egg hunt based on age, and the littlest kids are going now. They haven't seemed to grasp what they're supposed to be doing yet, but it's cute to watch them wander around. Clover is following after them, showing them to pick up the eggs and put them in their buckets.
She looks adorable in her bunny ears and tail, whiskers drawn onto her face. Her brown curls are pulled to the side in two low pigtails and tied with some orange ribbon. She's wearing dark pants with a white shirt covered in bunnies and carrots, and she looks like an Easter treat. One that every other single guy here looks like he wants to taste. I scowl at them until they turn away. I know that I said that I would let her out of the marriage pact, but I think seeing her with some other guy would kill me.
I have on a matching pair of bunny ears, and they're pinching my head, but Clover keeps looking at them and smiling softly when she thinks I'm not watching, so I’m leaving them on, even if they are giving me a headache.
I smile as one little girl tries to eat the egg instead, and my mind wanders to what it will be like when Clover and I have kids and take them to these kinds of events. I wonder if we'll have a little girl with big brown eyes and brown curls like her mom. My heart squeezes when I realize that I might not have a future with Clover. Jeez, I might never have kids. If Clover doesn't want me, then I know that I will die alone. It wouldn't be fair to be with someone else when my heart would always belong to her.
I’ve been helping out at the egg decorating table all morning. I guess I should say that I’ve been trying to help out at the egg decorating table all morning, but my eyes kept drifting back to Clover. She ran around all morning, and I know that she must be tired, her feet sore. I was going to insist that she take a break, but the place is starting to clear out. All of the events are over, and most of the kids and their parents are beginning to leave, ready to head home and start cooking their Easter dinners.
I wave goodbye to a few of the kids and some people that I know before I pick up a trash bag and start to throw all of the garbage into it, wanting to get a jumpstart on cleanup. The other volunteers break down the booths and tables, and soon everything is cleaned up. I look around, double checking that everything is done and that’s when I spy Clover coming out of the library.
I can't wait any longer, and as Clover closes and locks the library doors, I take a deep breath and cross the front lawn towards her.
7
Clover
* * *
I've been distracted all day. I thought that I had made up my mind on what to do with Tanner last night, but as soon as I saw him this morning waiting for me, I had wavered. Part of me wants to keep holding onto my grudge, but now that Tanner has laid everything out on the table, my anger seems to have evaporated.
Watching him with the kids today only made my feelings for him stronger. He was so kind and patient with them. I can’t believe that he’s still single. Then I remembered what he said last night.
Now, college and him staying in Starkville after graduation makes sense. He changed universities so that he could still see me every day, and I ignored him, refusing to let him apologize or explain. He took a job in Starkville after graduation to stay close to me, only quitting and coming back home when I did.
He never dated or had a girlfriend because he wanted me. All this time, we could have been together, but I was too stubborn, too hurt, to just give him the chance to explain everything that I heard that night. All because of my anger and dumb grudge.
I hate myself for all of the wasted time I caused. Even if we had gone to separate colleges or cities, I still wouldn't have been able to forget him. I've always been it for him, and he's always been the one for me. It’s time for us to put the past behind us and stop dancing around each other.
I watch as Tanner finishes cleaning up the last of the decorations before he surveys the lawn one last time. I take a deep breath as I close and lock the library up before I turn around to talk to him.
He's already walking toward me when I turn back around, and I meet him halfway, coming to a stop on the step above him. We're close to the same height this way, and before he can say anything, I lean in and press my lips to his. Last night was my first kiss, and I have a feeling it was his too. I want more than a simple brush of lips this time and I lick against his bottom lip.
I pull away after a minute and smile at him, grinning when I see the dazed look on his face.
“I’ve always loved you too. I’ve wanted to be your girlfriend since I was a kid. I was just too afraid of messing up our friendship to try for more.”
“I know. Me too,” he says quietly, smiling into my eyes.
"Then, when you said all that stuff, I thought that you didn't feel the same way. I think I was hurt more by the thought that you didn't want me too, than by your actual words."
“I’m sorry for what I said, Clove.”
“I know and I’m sorry for not giving you a chance to explain. If I had just let you, then we could have been together all of this time. I’m sorry for wasting so much of our time together.”
“I’m the one who hurt you, who caused this. You don’t need to be sorry. We’re together now. I’ve always wanted you, Clover. It’s only ever been you.”
“I know.”
“I love you, Clover.�
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“I love you too, Tanner,” I say before he leans in and takes my lips in another soft kiss.
We break apart when we hear a squeal over by the parking lot. Our moms are hugging each other and jumping up and down over by their cars. It looks like they just won the lottery or something with the way they’re acting. I roll my eyes, smiling when I hear Tanner chuckle next to me.
"I know the feeling," he says, and I look up to him. "Don't you think that we should be celebrating too?" He asks me, and I grin at him.
“What did you have in mind?”
8
Tanner
* * *
I help Clover into my car and round the hood, slipping behind the wheel and picking up her hand in mine as I drive us across town to my house. I can't stop smiling, and I glance over at her, grinning even more when I see the happy look on her face.
God, I've missed this. Just the two of us hanging out together. Her peach scent fills the car, and my cock jerks to life. It's been twenty-five years, and he's more than ready to sink inside of her.
We pull up outside of my house on the north side of town. It overlooks Tadpole Creek but is far enough from the resorts and campgrounds that we still have privacy. I picked it out with Clover in mind, hoping that she would like the peaceful solitude.
I was always hoping that one day she would be living here with me. We would raise our children here and grow old together in this house. It's close to our parents' home and to where we grew up and fell in love.
I park out front and let Clover take in the place. Trees surround the house, cutting it off from view from the main road. The water backdrops the house, a two-story Victorian with white siding and black shutters. The wrap around porch has two rocking chairs on it, and I can already picture the two of us sitting out there on warm nights.