“Does that mean if I’m bad and need punishing, you’ll have another man do it for you?”
“Absolutely not. I’m the only one who touches you.” He rubs his thumb over the top of my hand. “I was really looking forward to touching you when I got home. I thought about it all day.”
“I know. Me too.”
Jamie comes into the bedroom and stands over Sin. “What have you gone and gotten yourself into this time, brother?”
“That fucking Neil Allaway piece of no-count shit has been dodging me for weeks. I found him tonight and he shot me when I went after him.”
“Did you at least catch the bastard?”
“Hell yeah, I got him. He’s in Sangster’s hands now.” Uh-oh. I have no idea who Sangster is but it sounds as though Neil is in deep shit. Even I know that.
“Let me take a look.”
I slide over so Jamie can move in for a better assessment. “It’s still in there?”
“Aye.”
“You told me it was only a flesh wound.” The asshole lied to me.
Jamie reaches into his bag and takes out a portable light. “When I extract it, I’ll need you to shine that on the wound so I can find it.”
What is this? Medieval times? “Seriously? You’re going to be digging into his flesh while I stand over him holding a flashlight?”
“It’s how this is done, Bonny.”
“Can you hold the light or do I need to fetch one of the goons to come in here instead?”
“My bonny one is tough.” Sin squeezes my hand. “She’s got this.”
He wants me here with him. How can I say no? “I can do it.”
I’ve been with fellow agents when they’ve taken a bullet but this is an entirely new experience. I don’t want to watch what Jamie’s doing. Each time I attempt to look away, the light moves and he scolds me, so I’m forced to keep my eyes on Sin’s wound when he injects him with local using a long ass needle and again while stainless steel pliers dig into his shoulder. “Can you not give him something for pain?”
“I did. I injected him with lidocaine and gave him a shot of morphine. He’ll be fine.”
“He doesn’t look fine.” He’s clenching my hand so tight it hurts. “You need another drink?”
“I won’t turn it down.”
I fill his tumbler and he downs it in one gulp. “Thanks.”
He sighs as he lies back on the bed. “Let’s get this done.”
“Have one of those men come in and hold the light so I can talk to him.” I’m sure I won’t be able to distract him from all the pain but maybe I can help take his mind off it a little.
The skinny one comes in after Jamie calls for him. I take Sin’s hand and Jamie returns to his previous task. “I had to have a few IVs when I was a kid and this is what my dad did. He’d kneel at my bedside, hold my hand, and talk. His voice didn’t take away all the pain but it soothed me. There’s something special about hearing a father’s voice tell you everything is going to be okay. You can’t not believe he’s telling the truth,” I say.
“I got pneumonia when I was a child and had to go into the hospital. They gave me an IV for the antibiotics and I cried because it was painful. My father told me to suck it up and stop being a baby. I think I was five.”
Sin grimaces; I look over at Jamie. He’s digging deep.
“Breathe in slow… and deep.” He does and his chest expands. “Now, blow it out slowly. Close your eyes and concentrate on breathing. Push the pain out of your mind. You can do this.”
We repeat the process through four cycles—me talking him through—and Jamie finally announces, “Got it.”
Thank God!
“That fucker was in deep.” He holds the lead slug up to the light in his gloved hand. “I’m sorry, mate. I know that hurt like a son of a bitch. I didn’t have a needle long enough to get the local in that far. That’s why it hurt more than usual.”
He still needs to suture him so I pour another whisky. He takes it without hesitation. “This part won’t be bad since the skin is numb. The deep digging is what was killing me.”
I see a huge difference in his posture. It’s more relaxed.
He continues holding my hand, stroking his thumb back and forth across my palm on the underside where it’s hidden from Jamie. “How did shopping with my mum go today?”
Jamie stops and looks at us but doesn’t say a word before returning to his suture job.
“Surprisingly well. She helped me choose this bedding.” I want to tell him he’s wrong about her but now isn’t the time.
“The bedding that I’ve now ruined.”
“It can be replaced. You’re okay. That’s all that matters.”
He picks up one of the pillows next to his head. “I want you to buy this same set again, ruffled pillows and all.”
“You like it that much?”
“You like it so I like it.”
Jamie leaves after he’s finished caring for Sin and it’s the two of us. “We should get you out of these trousers.”
“Now, you’re talking.” He lifts his hips when I pull downward. “I believe you, Miss MacAllister, are trying to take advantage of a man while he’s on the poppy.”
“You wish.”
“Aye. That is an incredibly accurate statement.”
I wrestle his pants off and decide to leave him in his boxer briefs. The morphine is kicking in. I don’t feel like dressing a giant toddler.
His breathing becomes heavy and steady. He’s asleep.
I can’t believe I’ve come so far with Sin in such a short period. It was my plan to make it happen as quickly as possible. I wanted to get the job done and return home but I never dreamed it would occur in this short time. At this rate, I’ll be inside Thane’s home very soon. And my work here will be done.
I push Sin’s hair from his forehead. “I’m going to miss you when I’m gone. I truly will.”
Chapter 16
Sinclair Breckenridge
Bleu hasn’t been happy with me in days. She thinks I should have stayed home to recuperate longer. I think differently.
We’re alike in so many ways but this isn’t one of them. I don’t know how to make her understand that this wound is nothing. It was a simple gunshot to my shoulder. I’ve been through so much worse.
“Mr. Breckenridge.” I look up to see my secretary standing at my desk. “Are you feeling all right ?”
“Of course.”
She looks puzzled. “I called your name three times before you responded.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.”
“You were looking right at me, sir.” I don’t think so. I’d remember looking straight at her while she said my name. “You don’t look like your usual self, Mr. Breckenridge. You’re pale.”
The truth is I don’t feel well. “I could be coming down with something. I think I’ll take the rest of the afternoon off.”
“Take it easy over the weekend,” Heather says. “You’ll be back to a hundred percent by Monday.”
Rest. That’s what I need. “I’ll do that. See you next week.”
I get into my car but the next coherent moment I have is when I realize Sterling is waiting for me to get out of the car. I can’t remember the drive home from work. “Are you all right, sir?” No. I’m not. Something isn’t right.
“I’m fine. That will be all.”
I go into the house and call out for Bleu. I’ve come to know better than to startle her by coming home unannounced. She’d probably throat punch me before I knew what hit me. “Bonny, I’m home early.”
She comes into the living room from the back of the house and I can tell she’s recently come home from her daily run. “Hey. This is a nice surprise. I wasn’t expecting you for a few more hours.”
She’s going to enjoy hearing me admit this. “I fear you were right, Dr. MacAllister. I believe the shooting has finally caught up with me.”
“See? Do you believe that I know what I’m talking about now
? You. Need. Rest.”
No way I’m arguing with her. “I think I’ll lie on the couch for a while. Maybe watch some TV.”
“Can I get you anything?”
I shake my head no.
“Then I’m going to get a shower. I’m stinky.” I usually love catching her hot and sweaty so I can help her out of her clothes and into the shower. But not today.
I fall onto the sofa.
“After my shower, I want to show you the pictures I took today.” Her voice fades as she walks toward the bedroom. “They’re magnificent. I think I could sell them to a travel magazine or something like that.” Or maybe she’s fading because I’m drifting.
I wake to Bleu calling my name. “Breck! You’re burning up with fever.”
“Hmm… ?” Again, I’m confused.
Hands are touching my face, moving from my cheeks to my forehead and back again. “You’re on fire.”
No, I’m not. I’m shivering because I’m so cold. “I need a blanket. I’m freezing.”
“I’m going to help you up so I can take you to the emergency room.”
I’m not confused about that. “Hell no, you’re not.”
“You’re sick. Bad.”
“I may be but I’m not going to the hospital.” My voice is stern. I’m not in the mood to discuss it.
“Something’s not right about this.”
I curl into a ball so I can get warm. “Call Jamie.”
“Excuse me if I don’t have a lot of faith in his medical care right now.”
I feel dizzy so I cover my eyes using my hand. “Just call Jamie.”
She huffs but takes my phone from my jacket pocket. “It’s Bleu. You need to come see Sin now. He has a really high fever and isn’t feeling well at all.”
She sits on the couch at my feet and rubs my leg. “He’s on his way. How long have you had fever?”
“I have no idea. I was busy today trying to finish up research for a case going to court on Monday. I haven’t had time to think about it.” It suddenly seems important to tell her about my confusion. “I’ve had a couple of incidents today. I guess you could call them memory lapses.”
Her hand stops moving. “What kind of memory lapses?”
“My secretary—she had trouble getting my attention.”
“You said you were busy with an important case. Maybe you were preoccupied.”
“She was standing right in front of me. I apparently stared blankly while she called my name three times. I have no recollection of it.”
“Oh.”
“And I don’t remember the drive home.”
“Infection wouldn’t be unusual after a gunshot wound so I understand the fever and chills but your mental status shouldn’t be affected. That concerns me.”
She isn’t the only one. “Tell no one except Jamie.”
“Not even your parents?”
“Especially my parents.” I don’t want my father to tell Abram I’m not well. He could see it as a perfect opportunity to act out against Bleu a second time. “I mean it. I have important reasons for them not knowing. Not a word.”
“I won’t.”
I lie on the couch waiting for Jamie. I didn’t think it was possible but I feel worse by the time he arrives. “Your temp is 103. How long have you been running a fever?”
“No idea.”
He listens to my chest. “Your respirations and heart rate are faster than they should be. Something’s definitely going on.” He pushes up my pant leg and squeezes my ankle. “You been pissing normally?”
“What constitutes normal?”
“Has the color or amount changed?”
I hadn’t considered that until now. “It’s darker and I’m not going as often.”
“In the very least, you need an IV and antibiotics.”
“Then let’s do it.”
He sits in the chair across from me. “I’d be treating you blindly. You need blood cultures to make sure this isn’t something worse than a simple infection. I don’t have a lab so you’ll need to go to the hospital.”
“Come on, Jamie. You know I can’t go into a hospital.” I haven’t stepped foot in one since the day I was discharged six years ago. I’m not sure I can do it.
“I wouldn’t advise you to go if I thought I could treat you here. I’m sorry but we need to rule out an inflammatory response to infection. I don’t have the things I need for that.”
“Inflammatory response? What does that mean?” Bleu asks.
“It’s a way the body sometimes responds to infection.”
I think this could be something serious but he’s not telling me. “Don’t dance around, bullshitting me with medical jargon. What do you think is happening?”
“Have you experienced any confusion?”
This isn’t good. “I’ve had two incidents.”
I’m not going to like this answer. “I think you’re becoming septic. That means you can’t wait. You must go now so a culture can be done immediately. The results will identify the antibiotic that will best treat your infection.”
This isn’t what I want to hear. I can’t protect Bleu from Abram if I’m lying in a hospital bed. But I guess I can’t if I’m dead, either.
I’m certain my condition has worsened by the time we arrive at the hospital. Jamie does all the talking when I’m being assessed, which is a good thing since I’m becoming increasingly confused.
I’m admitted and treatment is started as soon as I’m diagnosed with sepsis. The whole thing happens quickly and I’m concerned about who will watch after Bleu while I’m unable.
“Thane needs to know you’re here and what’s happening.”
Jamie’s right. I can’t keep this from him. “Aye. When you call, will you ask my mum to come to the hospital? I need to talk to her.” I need my mother for the first time in twenty years.
“Aye, I will.”
Jamie leaves and Bleu comes in to sit with me. Neither she nor Jamie mentions it but I know my status is declining rapidly. I recognize it in my inability to concentrate clearly. “I have things to say to you before I’m unable to string two thoughts together.”
She wraps her hand around mine and leans closer. “Okay.”
“If I don’t make it, you need to leave Edinburgh on the first plane out of Scotland and never look back.”
“No!” She sits up, back stiffening, and stares at me. “What are you talking about? You’re not going to die.”
I don’t want to use the last of my coherent time arguing. “Promise me you’ll get out as soon as possible if I meet death.”
She brings my hand to her lips and kisses it. “Yes. I will leave but you’re not dying on me.”
“Bonny, I’m nothing if not realistic. People die from sepsis all the time. I’ve seen it happen to brothers after gunshot wounds.”
“No.” She brings my hand to her face, rubbing against her cheek. “I just found happiness for the first time in my life. There’s no way I’m letting it go.”
“You never lifted the veil.”
“Then I guess you better stick around if you want to learn my secrets.”
“I want to know everything about Bonny Bleu.” She kisses my knuckles and closes her eyes tightly. A single tear slips down her cheek. “I’m not choosing to let go. I’m going to fight but it’s out of my hands.”
She opens her eyes as she laces her fingers through mine and squeezes. “Into me… you see,” she whispers.
I nod and bring our hands up so I can kiss hers. “Into me… you see.”
I hear the sound of someone clearing their voice and discover my parents standing in the doorway. “We can come back after you’re finished talking.”
“No. Please, come in.”
More tears spill from Bleu’s eyes. She cares for me. “I need a moment with my mum and father.”
She wipes the drops away. “Of course.” She stands and leans forward to kiss my forehead. “I’ll just be right outside if you need me.”
I
grab the back of her neck and pull her in for a kiss—a real one—since it could be the last time. “I want you to come back in as soon as I’m finished talking.”
“Absolutely.”
My mum sits at my side while Dad stands. “James tells us ye aren’t doing well.” She’s always called him that.
“He’s the doctor,” I say, smiling weakly.
“He says you can make a full recovery,” my father says.
“Or I might die. Flip of a coin.”
“You’re a Breckenridge. You’ll survive this.” I don’t think sepsis cares what my surname is.
I cut straight to why I called them in. “Dad knows about my recent quarrel with Abram but I want you to know as well. He believes Bleu is an informant. He sent Malcolm into my house while I was away—supposedly to scare her into admitting who she’s working for.” I stop for a moment to catch my breath. “I’m not sure I believe that was his true intention but it turned deadly. I led him to believe I killed Malcolm by accident because it was dark and I didn’t recognize him. But that isn’t what happened.” I stop again because my head is dizzy. “He attacked Bleu and she defended herself. She’s the one who killed him.”
“This isn’t good.” Dad sighs. “But Abram doesn’t need to find out differently. It will only add fuel to the fire.”
“That poor lass,” my mum says. “She must’ve been petrified.” I somehow doubt that since she put Malcolm in a chokehold and strangled him.
“I don’t trust him with Bleu.”
“With good reason, it seems,” Mum says.
“Dad, I promised Bleu I would protect her and I can’t do that from this bed. You’re the only one who can if Abram decides to strike while I’m here.”
“I will take care of her for you, son.”
“Mum, I haven’t asked anything of you since I was a child but I am now because I need you. Dad can’t be with her at all times. Please take her into your care. He won’t touch her as long as she’s under your roof.”
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