I want to be with Leith again. Feel his mouth on mine and our bodies pressed together. Him inside of me.
It’s been so damn long. Too long. I wonder if he would still know my body and everything that it longs for.
“Yeah, I guess we should get back.” But it’s not what I want.
“Is everything okay with you?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure? Because it seems like you want to say something else.”
I have so many things that I want to tell him, but how do I? I couldn’t bear rejection by him again. “I do have things I’d like to say, but I’m afraid.”
“Tonight has gone well. Why don’t we agree to leave things where they are for now? And the conversations we need to have… let’s let them happen naturally and at their own pace. We’ve tried to force them in the past when neither of us was ready, and it didn’t go well. I don’t want to repeat those same mistakes.”
Leith hears what I’m saying even when I don’t say the words. It’s how things have always been between us.
“I say that sounds like a brilliant plan.”
“The baby’s crying.”
“He’ll be all right. Give me just a few more minutes.” Leith wraps his arm around my waist, holding my body in place, thrusting into me from behind. Harder and faster. “You feel so fucking good, babe.”
I try to move with him, but he’s holding me too tightly. “Make me come.”
Leith’s hand leaves my waist and moves between my thighs, rubbing the sensitive area between my legs that craves his touch. “Is that what you want, babe?”
“Yes. Right there.” His touch is perfect—just enough pressure, just enough movement, and in just the right direction. I can never get enough of it.
“I love you, Lorna.”
Leith has never said those words to me before. “I love you too. I can’t even tell you how much because words aren’t enough.”
“Lorna…” That isn’t Leith’s voice. “Lorna, don’t you hear the baby crying?”
Don’t open your eyes. If you do, all of this will be over. Leith won’t be here. He won’t be touching you. He won’t be moving inside of you. Everything about this will disappear.
Pound. Pound. Pound. “Lorna! Wake up! That brat is screaming his head off!”
I open my eyes and Leith is instantly gone. Because he was never here.
I slide out of bed and go to the door, opening it to find Rona on the other side. “Sorry. I guess I was in a deep sleep.”
“Andrew needs a bottle.” She turns and walks toward her bedroom. “And don’t shut that door again.”
I slip into my robe and go to Andrew’s nursery, lifting him out of his crib. “Hello, little angel. Why are you awake and fussing so early? It’s still dark out.”
His crying stops the moment that he’s in my arms. “You aren’t hungry. You just want some attention, don’t you?”
Andrew loves to be held and rocked. I’ve spoiled him in that way but only because he needs to feel safe and loved. And God knows that his parents aren’t going to give him any attention.
Rona’s detachment from her son is strange. Her interactions with this precious little boy are few and far between. She refuses to nurse him, and I suspect that the only reason she pumps breast milk for him is because it’ll help her get back into her former shape sooner.
Andrew’s delivery was difficult and she hemorrhaged after his birth. I thought that her medical complications were the reasons they decided to hire a nanny. And maybe they were in the beginning, but she has fully recovered now, and yet there has been no improvement in the bond between her and her son. He depends entirely upon me to mother him.
“Your mother said that you needed a bottle, but I don’t think that’s what you want at all.”
I change his nappy and bring him into my room. And I know that I’m right about what he wants when he settles in beside me in the bed and goes right back to sleep.
This. This is what I want for my life—a precious little baby tucked into the bed beside me, except I want it with my own child. A child that I share with Leith. And I want us to sleep late on Saturdays and listen to Leith complain about how much he doesn’t want to go to work at the pub because he’d prefer to stay home and spend the day with us.
That’s my idea of happiness. I don’t need a man in a leadership role to be happy. A bartender who loves me in return is all that I ever need or want.
I close my eyes and think about the future that I want with Leith. Marriage. Children. Growing old together. Grandchildren.
My bedroom is still dark when I’m awakened by the feel of movement at the foot of my bed.
“Rory?” Even as I say her name, I know that her tiny little body wouldn’t cause that kind of shift in my bed. And neither would Kenna’s, who is even smaller.
There’s no reply but the movement continues.
“Who’s there?”
My legs are pushed apart by fingers that painfully dig into my flesh, and the sudden weight on top of me presses my back into the mattress.
“No. Stop.”
“Don’t make a sound, Lorna,” Wallace whispers against my ear.
His assault upon my breast is painful. “Stop. You’re hurting me.”
“Come on, I bet you’re a lass who likes it a little rough.”
Leith warned me that Wallace would try to fuck with me, but I shoved his warning aside. I thought Leith was overreacting because of his dislike for Wallace. But I’m seeing now that Leith was right. I greatly underestimated Wallace Meyrick and gave him far more credit than he deserved when I said that he wasn’t stupid enough to make a move on me.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“As if you don’t know.”
“Get off of me.”
My mouth and jaw are squeezed so tightly by his hand that my teeth feel as though they’re going to cut through the skin inside my cheeks. “Shut your stupid gob. Now.”
Esters, aldehydes, phenols. He reeks of whisky and halitosis.
Stitches snap as he pushes downward on my sleep trousers. If I wasn’t already certain about his intent, that just confirmed it.
I push at his chest and shoulders, but he doesn’t budge. Kneeing him is impossible with my legs shoved apart, but to my advantage it also makes pushing my pants down more difficult.
What do I do? How do I defend myself?
I clear my mind and think back to a group of women gathered in a vacant warehouse. I recall lying on a mat, Debra dressed out in a self-defense suit, and on top of me. I summon the memories of how she and Bleu taught us to defend ourselves during a situation like this.
Wallace Meyrick may believe that he has the right to do whatever he likes to me, but he is wrong. And he’s about to feel just exactly how wrong he is.
I wrap my hands around the sides of his head, covering his eyelids with my thumbs, and I push until he yells out in pain. And then his fist hits my face.
“No! The baby!”
I jolt upward when Wallace moves off of me, reaching out for Andrew so I can prevent him from being injured. I pull his tiny, fragile body to mine, tucking him safely beneath me.
“Stop! Andrew is in this bed.”
Andrew squeals and I sit up, bringing him to my chest, rocking him back and forth. “You fucking idiot. You could have injured your son. Or worse.”
I reach over and turn on the lamp. Placing Andrew on the bed, I inspect him from head to toe.
“Call Jamie. He needs to come and examine him.”
“Would you shut your squawking gob before Rona hears you?” he hisses through gritted teeth.
“I don’t care if Rona hears me. She should hear me. Your son may be hurt.”
“Bairns cry. He’s fine.”
“You’re drunk and in absolutely no condition to determine if a baby is injured or not.”
Even if Wallace weren’t drunk, he would have little concern about Andrew’s safety. He’s worse than Rona when it comes to
parenting the children.
I bring the baby to my chest and scoot across the bed, moving away from Wallace. “Get out of my room now, or I will scream bloody murder, and everyone on this block will know what you’ve done.”
“This isn’t over, you crazy whore.”
“I’m not crazy and I’m not a whore.”
“Right. Because all proper wives work as barmaids and strippers before they marry.” He chuckles. “You’re out of your mind if you think Fellowship brothers consider you anything more than fuckable.”
“Get out.”
He gets up, stumbling as he leaves my room. When he’s gone, I lock the door behind him and push the chair in front of it. And then the tears come.
I’m trembling. Mostly from anger but also from fear. Wallace did exactly as Leith predicted. And I didn’t listen.
I take my phone from the nightstand and choose Ellison’s contact. One, two, three rings before she answers. “Hello?”
“Ellison,” I whisper and then sniffle.
“Lorna? What’s wrong.”
“I need you. Can you come to Wallace and Rona Meyrick’s house?”
“Yeah, but what’s going on?”
No time for explanations. Andrew needs to be examined as soon as possible. “I’ll explain when you get here.”
“Okay, but Jamie is going to want to know what’s going on. I can’t leave in the middle of the night without telling him why.”
“It’s Andrew. I need you to look at him and tell me if he needs to be taken to the infirmary.”
“Should I wake Jamie and have him come with me?” Ellison worked in an emergency department for years. She’s very experienced when it comes to taking care of injured people. I trust her to examine Andrew and tell me if he needs further attention.
“No. I don’t want Jamie to know what happened.”
“You’re scaring me, Lorna.”
“Don’t be scared. I’ll explain everything when you get here, and you’ll understand why I don’t want Jamie to come.”
“All right. I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes.”
“Text when you get here, and I’ll let you in through the back door.”
“Okay.”
I go into the kitchen and fill a plastic bag with ice. I don’t have to look at my face in a mirror to confirm that my cheek is swelling. I can already see it puffing out when I look down.
Ellison texts and I go to the back door to let her in. Her eyes narrow when she looks at my face. “What the fuck happened to you?”
I hold my index finger over my lips. “Shh.”
I lead her through the house to my bedroom and lock the door after we’re inside. “We have to be quiet,” I whisper.
“What happened?”
“Andrew was crying so I brought him to bed with me. When Wallace made it home tonight, he was drunk. He came into my bedroom, and you can take a guess at what happened next.”
“Did he rape you?”
“He tried. Things got violent, and I need to make sure that Andrew hasn’t been injured.”
Ellison takes the baby from me and places him on the bed. She undresses him down to his nappy and looks him over from head to toe, paying special attention to his eyes and reflexes. She pushes and pulls on his arms and legs and gently pokes his chubby abdomen.
“Do you think he was struck during the struggle?”
“I don’t think so, but it all happened in the dark so I can’t be certain. That’s why I wanted you to look at him.” I would feel horrible if Andrew was hurt and didn’t receive medical attention.
“He’s fine, but unfortunately he suffers from a bad case of having an asshole for a father.”
“I’m afraid it doesn’t stop there. Both of his parents are assholes. His mother is no better.” Which makes her even worse in my book because I can’t understand how a mother doesn’t love her children.
“That’s such a shame.”
The real shame is that I love being Andrew’s nanny. And I’m crazy about the girls too. “I can’t continue working here after this.”
“It probably won’t be possible to continue working for Wallace because Leith is going to kill him when he hears about this.”
“Which is exactly why Leith can’t know.”
“He has the right to know.”
“We aren’t together. There’s not a reason for anyone to tell him.”
“That man loves you and would do anything in the world to protect you. He’ll make that bastard sorry for putting his hands on you.”
I don’t want Leith to lash out against Wallace and face punishment, especially after he warned me and I didn’t listen.
“I’d prefer to tell Thane and let him deal with the situation quietly. I don’t want anyone speculating about why Wallace was in my bedroom.”
“You didn’t ask for this and no one will think otherwise.”
Ellison has only been part of The Fellowship for a short time. She still has a lot to learn. “You don’t know the brothers the way that I do.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. No one can hold this against you.”
They can and they will. “Trust me. The best thing for me to do is leave this job quietly.”
“And let him win? No way. That’s not right.”
“He’ll pay penance. Trust me. He won’t be winning.”
“What will you do for work now?”
“Don’t worry. Not the gentlemen’s club.” Being dragged off of the stage by Leith once was enough for me.
“I already knew that.”
I shrug and shake my head. “I don’t know yet, but I’ll come up with something. I always land on my feet.”
I smile, hoping to assure Ellison that I’m going to be okay. But the truth is that I’m not okay at all. I have no idea where I’ll go or what I’ll do for work. Or where I’ll live.
Leith would take me in if I asked him, but that’s not the way I want things to be between us. I need to know that any progression in our relationship is authentic. I don’t want him acting upon some silly notion that he feels obligated to look after me.
He’s spent the better part of his life acting like my big brother. And while that’s nice, it’s not what I want from him.
I want more.
So much more.
Chapter 3
Leith Duncan
It’s been a week since the twins’ birthday party. Seven days and nights since I’ve seen Lorna. It shouldn’t feel like an eternity considering the much longer stretches of time that I’ve gone without seeing her, but I swear that last Friday night feels like forever ago.
My brain hasn’t stopped thinking about all that we could be. Not even for a second.
I had hoped that she’d contact me this week. To say that I’m disappointed because she hasn’t is a gross understatement. I considered reaching out to her but decided against it. Pushing Lorna when she doesn’t want to be pushed is always a bad idea. I finally feel like we’re in a good place, and I don’t want to fuck it up. But I also don’t want to let her slip through my fingers again because I’m too scared to make a move.
“Hey, Leith. How are you?”
I stop in the doorway as I enter my leader’s house, hugging Bleu and kissing the side of her face. “I’m good.”
Her left brow lifts. “Only good? Come on, you can do better than that.”
I can’t stop a smile from spreading across my face. “All right, you’ve got me. I’m actually great.” And in a much better place than I’ve been in a long time.
“I thought you might be feeling pretty awesome after spending some time with Lorna.”
“It was amazing.” And out of the blue. I wasn’t expecting that to happen. “Nothing about it felt forced or strained. Being with her felt like old times.”
Of course, I thought about what it would be like to take her back to my flat. I’m a man. That’s going to happen, but spending time with her without having sex was deeply satisfying as well.
�
�She was happy afterward. Very happy.”
“Did she say that?” Please say yes.
“She did but words weren’t necessary. Her smile told me everything I needed to know, same as yours did just now.”
“She isn’t the only happy one.” But I would feel better if we’d had some kind of contact this week. I won’t bring it up to Bleu, but I’m troubled about that.
“I’m thrilled for you and Lorna.”
“I have you to thank. After so many failed attempts to talk to her, I don’t think that I would’ve had the nerve to try again if you hadn’t encouraged—or ordered—me to.”
Bleu chuckles. “Call it whatever you like. I’m just happy that the two of you are talking again.”
I scan the house, hoping to see Lorna, but she’s nowhere in sight. Damn, I had hoped that this invite might somehow be related to her.
“Mum… mum… mum.”
Harrison toddles over to Bleu and wraps his arms around her legs. She picks him up, placing him on her hip, and tickles him beneath his chin. “I love hearing you say that, sweet boy.”
“Hearing your child call you mum or dad… I can’t imagine what that must feel like.” But I want to know.
“It’s wonderful, Leith. There’s nothing in this world like it.” Bleu grins. “You should try it sometime.”
“Hopefully one day.” With Lorna.
“Sin is waiting for you in his office.”
He wouldn’t ask me to come to his office for a friendly visit. It’s reserved for important Fellowship business. What could be going on that would involve me?
“Is everything all right?”
“That all depends upon you.”
My most important decision of the day is what Duncan’s daily lunch special is going to be, but I get the feeling that this is going to be something more significant. “Is it related to Lorna?”
“That’s for Sin to answer. Go on and take care of this business with him, and dinner should be ready in about thirty minutes.”
“Is that an invitation to stay?”
“You know that it is.”
“Invitation accepted. Thank you.”
I tire of fending for myself; I’m not the best cook in the world. I typically end up eating at the pub. The food is exceptional, but I get tired of having one of twelve things over and over.
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