by Brenda Novak
“I told her she must be drunk. Nothing has ever happened between you and Sawyer.”
Visions of making love with him in her bed, in the shower and in the kitchen played on the stage of Serenity’s mind. She wanted to say, “Not while I was married,” but qualifying it would reveal too much. “She wanted some pictures I had of Sean’s, and Sawyer came over to pick them up. She happened to stop by while he was there, so she saw him at my place, but she’s really stretching it to say I must’ve set Sean up. Sean was the author of his own destruction.”
“I know. I told her she’d better leave you alone—that I never wanted to hear from her again—and hung up.”
“I hope I never hear from her again, either. I don’t need her starting trouble. If she riles up her other two boys—”
“We’ll go to the police.”
Serenity wondered if her mother would ask if she was seeing Sawyer. Charlotte had already said she thought Sawyer had a thing for her. And Serenity had no idea how much Nina had told Charlotte about what she’d seen.
It must not have been much, though, because Charlotte didn’t seem to know or even suspect. Nina had probably led with her ugly accusation, so Charlotte hadn’t been willing to listen to anything after that. And Serenity wasn’t going to tell her. She had no idea what she was doing with Sawyer, or whether it would last. Why would she bring her mother into it?
“How’s Sawyer doing, anyway?” Charlotte asked.
“Seemed good,” she said with an indifferent tone, as though their encounter had been far less intimate than it was—as though she wasn’t going to see him again tonight.
“I’ve always liked him,” Charlotte said.
Serenity stiffened. “I didn’t realize you really knew him.”
“I don’t know him well. But we attended some of the same family gatherings, remember? And the way he used to stand off by himself—I felt sorry for him. I got the impression he was lonely.”
Not only was Sawyer particularly attractive, he had sex appeal. And he didn’t always stand off by himself. There were those moments when she’d glance up and be surprised that he was watching her with a strange sort of far-off look. That didn’t occur very often, but it was a little disconcerting when it did. More often he was trying to beat her at whatever they were doing, or he ignored her entirely. “He could be with just about any woman he wants, Mom. There’s no need to feel sorry for him.”
“Maybe he seemed restless, then.”
Serenity was nearing her house. “I can see that. Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you when I get to San Diego tomorrow.”
“See you soon!”
When Serenity disconnected, she breathed out a long sigh. She couldn’t believe Nina had called her mother.
Good thing Charlotte had taken offense and hung up on her.
After she pulled into the driveway, she gathered her bags and slid out of the X5. She was trying not to be excited about having Sawyer come over, especially after what had happened last time. But she would’ve risked just about anything to see him again.
And that scared the hell out of her.
* * *
lorelei
Lorelei hadn’t had a chance to return the money that Finn and his brothers had left for her at the restaurant. Because Mark intended to spend as much time with Lucy as possible while he was in town, he was keeping her with him. But after Lorelei got off work yesterday, he’d insisted it would be less traumatic for Lucy if they acted friendly toward each other and asked her to join them for dinner.
She’d agreed because she also believed in making their split as amicable as possible, and it turned out fine. He hadn’t talked about Francine or the baby or whether she and Lucy would come back to Florida before the end of the summer. He hadn’t brought up anything that might cause an argument. So it had been pleasant—a chance to pretend, if only for a short while, that their whole world hadn’t collapsed.
She wished they didn’t have to go through what lay ahead. She was under no illusions; she knew it wouldn’t be easy. As soon as she filed for divorce and the court ordered Mark to give her half his assets, or however much he’d have to share, he’d get angry again. That was why she considered this brief time to be such a blessing.
He’d asked her to have dinner with them again tonight. She got the impression that he was hoping to include her in their activities as much as possible. But she saw the danger in trying too hard to accommodate him. Since he was on his best behavior, she could easily get sucked in again—get her hopes up that they could put their marriage back together—only to face the immovable problems that had come between them. And with Serenity gone, she didn’t think it would be polite to leave Reagan on her own.
So she’d declined by saying she was too tired.
She was tired. Bone-weary. Her new job was kicking her butt. She was used to taking care of Lucy all day, but taking care of Lucy wasn’t the same as running frantically around a restaurant for four hours. What with the stress of her new job and having Mark in town, she wanted to crawl into bed and sleep.
It was nice to have someone who loved Lucy as much as she did step in for a while, though. She couldn’t claim she wasn’t enjoying the support. Pretending everything was okay for their daughter’s sake had been taxing, almost overwhelming at times. Right now she didn’t have to put on that show, and it was a wonderful release.
Maybe that was another reason she was so exhausted. For weeks she’d been pushing herself to act as normal as possible. Now that she had a chance to put down that burden, she was crashing.
So when Reagan asked if she was interested in going out to eat, she almost declined that invitation, too.
In the end, however, she couldn’t bring herself to say no. She wanted to be close with her new sisters, was here to get to know them, and because she had Lucy and a job that took her out of the cabin every day, she was already unable to spend as much time with them as they spent with each other.
After summoning the energy, she put on a pair of jeans and a pretty top with a lightweight jacket, since it cooled off quite a bit at night, with a strappy pair of heeled sandals, and they took an Uber to an Italian restaurant.
“How are things going with Mark?” Reagan asked after the waitress had brought them some water and they were trying to decide what to order.
The smell of pizza cooking in wood-fired ovens made Lorelei’s mouth water. She was hungrier than she’d realized. “He’s on his best behavior, so things are going fine.”
A skeptical expression appeared on Reagan’s face. She was obviously leery of Mark’s behavior. “You know why, don’t you?”
“I do.” Having decided to order the barbecue chicken pizza with a side salad, she put down the dinner menu and picked up the wine list. “Should we have a glass of chardonnay?”
Reagan looked uncomfortable.
“Reagan?”
“I don’t want to drink tonight,” she said and stuck her nose in the menu.
Slightly surprised by the abruptness of her response, Lorelei set the wine list aside. “You never want a drink these days. I’d think you don’t drink, except you had a glass of wine the first night we arrived. Does it give you a headache or something?”
“No.”
“Then why don’t you want some?”
“I’m not in the mood,” Reagan said. “But you should go ahead.”
“That’s okay. I don’t need one, either.” Reagan was acting odd, but Lorelei would’ve shrugged it off—she wasn’t all that invested in having a drink—if Reagan hadn’t closed her menu and sighed.
“I have something to tell you,” she announced.
Judging by her tone, it wasn’t good news. Lorelei was so raw from her own problems that she didn’t feel very resilient. Her stomach muscles tightened. “What is it? Do you know how we’re related? Have you and Serenity figured it out?”
“No. Serenity’s going home to get her father’s DNA. Nothing’s changed there. This is more of a...a personal problem.”
Lorelei relaxed slightly, even though she was still concerned. “It’s not about Rally, is it? You two seem to be getting along well. He texts you all the time.” She bent closer to the table. “Or is that it? Are you leaving Tahoe and going back to New York right away?”
“No.”
The waitress approached, and Reagan indicated they’d talk after they ordered. But once the waitress left, it didn’t seem to be any easier for her to say what was on her mind. “Maybe it would be smarter for me to tell you after Mark leaves. I was trying to wait, but...”
Now Lorelei was confused. Reagan had said it was a personal problem. “What does Mark have to do with it?”
“Nothing directly.” She took a sip of water. “Oh, what the hell,” she said as she set down her glass. “I’m just going to tell you—I’m pregnant, Lorelei.”
She blinked several times. This was the last thing she’d expected. “What?”
“Drew and I didn’t use any birth control. As you know, we weren’t planning on...on doing what we did, so we weren’t prepared. I know it was stupid, but par for the course, I suppose. What I did was stupid in the first place—shortsighted, selfish. The list could go on.”
Lorelei straightened her silverware. “Don’t beat yourself up. You’ve already done enough of that. But when did you find out?”
“Not too long ago.”
“Does he know?”
“He doesn’t.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“I haven’t decided, to be honest. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if I should keep the baby.”
Lorelei drank some of her water, not because she was thirsty but because she needed a second to decide how to respond. As the wife of an unfaithful husband, she couldn’t excuse Reagan’s actions. She wasn’t in the best position to offer sympathy, either. And yet she knew that sometimes even good people made bad choices. Mark wasn’t evil. She wasn’t leaving him because she thought he was. It was more about being unable to live with the consequences of his actions than trying to punish him.
But did she feel the same about Francine? Francine had broken up her family. Francine had known when she slept with Mark that she could cause a divorce, cost Lucy her father. She had to know. And yet she’d done it anyway.
Still, Francine had been acting out of her own need, a deep-seated desire that drove her beyond her ability to resist. She wanted to be loved, fulfilled. That was what everyone wanted. And she’d perceived Mark as being a good husband, a good father. She’d also been miserable in her own marriage and was even more miserable after her divorce, feeling she’d never have the family she craved. So she’d been needy when she did what she did—hadn’t been acting from a position of strength.
That didn’t mean Lorelei could be friends with her again, but it did mean that she could at least try to understand how Francine had done such a terrible thing.
“I’m sorry,” she said when she put her glass back down. “That would be so hard.”
Reagan sat taller. “You’re not upset?”
“Not really. I know you regret what happened, that you didn’t intend to do what you did. Have you already told Serenity?”
“I have. I’ve told Rally, too. I didn’t want to hide such a nasty surprise. But I hesitated to tell you because...”
“Because of Mark and Francine,” she finished.
“Yes. With what you’re going through, I didn’t want you to be faced with trying to decide whether you can forgive me for doing the same thing your best friend did. I’d hate it if that came between us. I also didn’t want you to feel you had to forgive Mark if you decided to forgive me.” She looked miserable when she added, “I felt it would put you in an awkward situation, I guess.”
Lorelei nibbled on her bottom lip. “You’re sorry for what you did. And like I said, you didn’t do it on purpose or plan to have his child.”
“I didn’t,” she said. “I’m not ready to start a family. And I definitely don’t want to do it alone.”
Lorelei scooted closer to the table. “Lucy has been the best thing to ever happen to me.” Not every mother felt that way. It was possible she hadn’t meant anything to her mother—and that fact was tough to ignore since they were talking about maternal love and fulfillment. But Lorelei was getting to know Reagan well enough to believe Reagan would love her child and enjoy being a mother, no matter how the pregnancy had come about.
Reagan offered her a determined smile. “I hope I feel the same way.”
“So you’re going to keep it?”
Reagan paused before answering. “I’ll be honest about this, too. I don’t know. That’s another reason I’ve hesitated to tell you. I understand why you’d be particularly sensitive to decisions like the one I have to make. But I might not be able to make a commitment one way or another for several months. So much about my life is up in the air right now. But if I waited until I decided what I was going to do about the baby to tell you, I could be showing, and I’m hoping you’ll be such a big part of my life that not telling you until then wouldn’t be an option.”
The last part of what she said made Lorelei smile. Maybe it would be tricky to navigate this pregnancy as close sisters, but if Reagan couldn’t use a close sister now, when could she?
Lorelei needed Reagan, too. They’d both be severing old ties and embarking on a new life—new jobs, new personal relationships.
“I will be,” she said confidently.
They purposely discussed other things during dinner. It was almost as if they’d made a silent pact to steer clear of Mark, Francine and Drew for the rest of the meal. But Serenity and Rally were safe subjects. They talked about what Serenity might find out in San Diego with her family, about how much they were enjoying Tahoe and about the fact that Rally hadn’t backed off, despite the pregnancy.
“You’re really going to go all summer without seeing him?” Lorelei asked as they had a cup of coffee with some tiramisu after the waitress had taken away their dinner plates.
“I’m afraid to see him,” Reagan admitted. “Everything’s going so well between us right now. I’m worried that any kind of change might burst the fragile bubble in which we’re currently living—that maybe if he sees me he’ll realize how crazy it is to be talking to a woman who’s pregnant with another man’s baby.”
“Don’t sell him short,” Lorelei said. “He’s aware of the situation. He knows what he’s doing.”
“We’ll see.”
The waitress brought their check. As they left, Lorelei couldn’t help being glad she’d made the effort to join Reagan tonight instead of caving in and going to bed. She felt bad about what Reagan was facing. Having Drew’s baby wouldn’t be any easier for her to cope with than it would be for Lorelei to go through a divorce. But the support they offered each other made everything easier.
“What are you going to do about Finn?” Reagan asked as they drove home.
“I’m not going to do anything about him.”
“I know you have feelings for him, Lorelei.”
Lorelei had been trying not to think about their neighbors. She couldn’t believe Finn was all that interested, anyway. She was still married, about to go through a divorce, and she had a child. Not only that, she lived in Florida and wouldn’t be able to leave the state. If she did, Lucy and Mark wouldn’t get to see each other very often.
She couldn’t imagine Finn would be willing to move clear across the country, not when his family was here in California. “Meeting Finn was good for me. It showed me that I might find someone else one day and be happy again, even though, in my darker moments, it doesn’t feel like that will ever happen.”
“You never know,” Reagan said.
As soon as they returned to the cab
in, she told Reagan she was going to bed. It was early yet, but she expected to fall right asleep. She figured she should use this time when she didn’t have Lucy to build some reserves for when Mark went home.
So she had no idea why she texted Finn. Can you meet me outside?
She told herself it was just so she could give him back the money. But she knew she could’ve returned that another time, when they wouldn’t have the chance to be alone.
28
serenity
SERENITY MADE DINNER AGAIN. She wore the new dress she’d bought, too. She knew Sawyer would see it for what it was—another attempt to please and attract him; he noticed every detail. But she’d already admitted that she wanted to see him. What good would it do to play games?
She was hoping he’d pull her into his arms the second he crossed the threshold. That they wouldn’t have to talk. She preferred he take her straight to bed, where she could work out her anxiety and satisfy her desire for him.
But he didn’t touch her. After she let him in, he watched her as though he wasn’t quite sure what to expect.
“Are you hungry?” she asked. “I made some pasta. I found a recipe online—it has olives, feta cheese and garlic olive oil. I didn’t know if it would turn out, but I tasted it and it’s delicious.”
“Sounds good.” He was still in the chinos and button-down shirt he must’ve worn for work. He looked tired but as attractive as ever. Her hands itched to take off his shirt and feel his smooth, warm chest, to delve into the silky strands of his hair...
“Hard day?” she asked as she led him into the kitchen.
“Busy. Had to be up early.”
“Your business must be doing well.”
“The real estate market is booming.”
“That’s nice—except it means you’re working long hours. You can go home right after dinner if you’d rather hit the sack early tonight.” She hadn’t taken his work schedule into consideration when she’d planned to see him, and she should have.
He paused instead of sitting down. “Whether I leave after dinner or not depends on you, Serenity.”