The state controls every single detail of my life. They can even make me wear clothes I don’t want. But no one…not a single soul can force me not to be quiet. I choose to speak…if and when I chose to and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
In a world where you have no control over anything in your life, I have chosen to control this… my voice. Maybe it’s childish and without real reason but I don’t care. I hang on to the last sliver of control I have at all costs.
Most days I don’t even get to five words, but I never, ever go over five. Teachers have long since given up on trying to make me talk and are now satisfied with me writing everything down. I like sitting in the back of the room, where it’s quiet and safe. It's not only the comfort of not being noticed that draws me into dark corners and quiet places, but it is also the power that comes with it. People never seem to realize the advantage it gives me because while everybody else is busy talking, I am busy observing.
Most sixteen-year-olds spend their days with their friends, talking on the phone, going to parties. They live a carefree life because they are blissfully ignorant to the real world around them. I am not. I can see people for what they really are.
At lunch, I sit in the corner of the cafeteria as far away from everyone else I can get when I see my caseworker Denise walk in. Her being here is either very good… or very bad. I slowly wave my hand so she can spot me better. When she finally sees me, she walks over with quick steps and a big smile. As soon as she sits next to me she slams a folder on the table and words start coming out of her almost like a floodgate had just been opened.
“Oh Eliza, you won’t believe what happened. I have been on the phone and in meetings all morning. I’m so excited for you. It is finally happening. They said they fell in love with you as soon as they saw your picture. She is so nice, really the sweetest woman and he, he is a lawyer, a lawyer!” She repeats like I didn’t hear her the first time.
“They live in a big house in an upscale neighborhood not far from here, so you wouldn’t even have to switch schools. Oh, Eliza, they are just perfect. I couldn’t believe when they said they were looking for an older girl. You know how rare that is right?”
She is looking at me questionably like she expects me to do a backflip or something.
“Are you hearing what I’m saying, girl? This is amazing and because he is a lawyer and knows people so they can fast track the whole adoption process. Do you understand how amazing this is?”
I do understand just fine. This is good, too good and if something seems to be too good to be true, it usually is.
After school Denise waits for me in front of my school. I was hoping I could go home first and talk to Brad and Christine, who have been my foster parents for a while. Foster parents I actually like. Having Denise pick me up and bringing me over there right away is raising another red flag. She drives me to a fancy neighborhood that is fifteen minutes away. I could never get over how some people live. Just ten minutes from here is a neighborhood where people can’t pay for electricity and water. This neighborhood has landscaping and a water fountain at the entrance gate that looks like it cost a few hundred thousand dollars. When we stop in front of one of the nice houses Denise turns to me and starts to straighten out my long blond hair with her fingers.
“Don’t worry, they are perfectly fine with you not talking”
She looks so hopeful and relieved; I can tell she is happy for me. I give her a little smile and squeeze her hand.
“Thank You.” I use up two of my words instead of just one by simply saying ‘thanks’. I don’t plan on saying another word today. I have too much observing to do.
The door opens and Mr. and Mrs. Coleman are standing hand in hand with big smiles plastered to their faces in the doorway to greet us. They are dressed and styled in what I can only describe as proper clothing, looking like they just stepped out of some catalog selling perfume.
“Hello Eliza, we are so happy to meet you, please come in and sit down.” Mr. Coleman says.
We follow them to a room that looks like a living room out of the showroom. Everything about the Coleman’s and their house is perfect, too perfect. The couch I sit down on is so soft, I think I might melt into the cushion and never get back up. The first twenty minutes they spend telling me about themselves and ask me questions in between. They carefully form those questions in a way I am able to answer with yes or no. I haven’t said a word yet, choosing to only nod or shake my head in response.
Now they are talking to Denise about legal arrangements. I sit back and look around the room pretending to not pay much attention to them, but of course, I do. I have done so the whole time we have been here. Mrs. Coleman has not stopped smiling since we got here, although her smile seems somewhat rehearsed. Her voice sounds like a songbird, high and smooth. She walks and acts with confidence but when she talks she sometimes seems hesitant like she is scared to say the wrong thing. Scared to disappoint.
Mr. Coleman does everything with confidence. He is a guy who is sure of himself in every way, like he doesn’t have a care in the world. He is very polite and understanding about everything. Too much so, if you ask me. His smile seems less rehearsed than that of his wife but there is still something off about it. His smile never seems to reach his eyes. I try to just concentrate on his eyes and blur out his smile. Just when I do he looks in my direction. A shiver runs down my spine because all I see are cold, dark eyes staring back at me.
“Alright then, everything looks good.” Says Denise “I will tell your foster parents to gather your belongings and bring them by sometime tomorrow. That way you can say goodbye.”
Wait… what?
Surprised, I look over to her. No one has ever tried to adopt me before but I know this is not the way it usually works. This is moving way too fast. Denise looks at my shocked face and gives me a big reassuring smile.
“I’ll see myself out, thank you again…I am so happy for all of you. Eliza, I know this all happening fast, but you are going to love it here.”
No, I won’t.
I can’t bring myself to say it out loud, but somehow I know that I won’t like it here at all. I don’t feel safe here but I don’t say anything about that to Denise. What would I tell her anyway? That I don’t want to stay here because I have a bad feeling and he didn’t smile with his eyes?
Denise gets up, gathers her papers and heads out leaving me alone with the two people who want to become my parents. When she leaves they both turn to face me.
“Please call us Robert and Susan… I mean you don’t have to call us anything. If you don’t want to talk, then that is perfectly fine.” Susan smiles one of her fake smiles.
“You must be getting hungry, I’m about to cook dinner if you want to help?”
I nod and follow her in the kitchen. When I walk by Robert he gives me a smile, but this one is neither rehearsed nor cold, it contains something else entirely… lust.
Bile rises up in my throat. The different smells of the food Susan and I prepare for dinner are not helping. I’m sick to my stomach from worrying alone. I need to get away from this place. I have a feeling that I don’t want to be here when Susan is not home. Luckily, she doesn’t seem to have any place to go for the rest of the day, which means I should be safe here tonight. In the morning I’ll leave for school and I will not come back.
The rest of the evening goes by fast. I help in the kitchen and we sit and eat dinner together. They are making small talk while I sit quietly, eating a few bites to appease the Coleman’s. I help with the dishes afterward and then point to my school bag letting them know I need to do my homework. Robert shows me to my room.
“I’ll come back later and check on you,” he says as he touched my lower back. The touch makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I can’t bring myself to look at him as he leaves the room. I don’t want to see the expression in his face that comes with his promise to check on me later.
I do my homework at the desk under the
window of my pretty new room. I don’t think I have ever been in a room as pretty as this one. The bed seems inviting, huge and fluffy, but I don’t sit on it. I can’t get comfortable here, can’t let down my guard. When I use the bathroom connected to my room I notice another unsettling fact. The door to my bathroom doesn’t have a lock. Neither does the door to my room, I observe with unease.
I look out the window. I’m on the second floor but I could probably make it down without breaking anything. When I try to push the window up, it doesn’t give way even a little. I don’t see anything keeping it from opening, but It feels like it is bolted shut. I come to the dark realization of my situation. I’m definitely trapped. It’s getting dark outside now and with each passing second, a rock is added to my gut feeling. I’m in trouble. My last chance now is to somehow make it through the house. I open the door as quietly as I can manage and peek my head out the hallway. No one is out there. On my tiptoes I walk down the hall to the top of the staircase, that’s as far as I make it.
“Where you going, sweetie?” Robert coaxes, leaning on the doorframe I just passed. I’m about to run down the stairs but he quickly grabs my wrist in an iron hold and pulls me back to my bedroom.
“Come on, I’ll tuck you in. Susan took a sleeping pill a little while ago so she won’t be bothering us.”
The bad feeling that has been plaguing me all day suddenly turns into a gut-wrenching fear. My eyes start burning and I know I’m about to cry. When the first tear runs down my cheek, an evil smile tugs on Robert's lips.
“You can cry all you want sweetie, but you are going to stay quiet.” He closes the door softly behind us and then turns to me, a smile spreading across his face. He looks smug and proud of himself that he was able to orchestrate this whole thing to get me here.
His eyes are dark and filled with lust as he roams over my body with them. I’m fully dressed but I feel naked and exposed. He grabs my breast with his free hand and starts squeezing it. I jerk away, disgusted by the touch, but he pulls me right back.
I’m not used to people touching me, especially not men and no one has ever touched my breast before. I don’t know if it's the shock or instinct when I push away his hand and start fighting. I try to hit his groin with my knee but only hit his leg. My fighting skills are nonexistent so I randomly move my hands trying to hit or scratch him. My efforts are futile and I ultimately stop after my face explodes in pain.
He backhanded me full force and he looks like he is about to do so again. There is a vein bulging on his forehead and his hands are balled into fists. I can taste the coppery tang of blood in my mouth and feel my face swelling up. I start crying so hard my whole body is shaking. My chest is heaving and I feel like I can’t get enough air into my lungs. Even through my tears, I can make out enough to tell that there is no remorse in Robert’s expression. I touch my face with one hand and hold my chest protectively with my other.
“See what happens when you misbehave, now be a good girl and take off your clothes.”
5
Jaxon
I’m out the door as soon as I get the call that tells me where she has been moved to. If Coleman touches her, I will kill him. He might look like a nice guy on the outside but I know exactly what kind of guy he is on the inside. I’ve dealt with enough dirtbags in my life to know he is as dirty as they come. I have seen him at the club before and I know he has a thing for young girls.
Ever since I found Eliza again three years ago, I’ve been keeping an eye on her. I've been working my ass off so I have enough money to do so. I’ve spent thousands on paying off people working for the state, making sure she was only placed in good foster homes. So far, it's never been a problem. As soon as any paperwork was started to move her to another foster home, my guy at the CPS called and I had plenty of time to vet the home and make sure she would be safe there. This time everything happened so damn fast. I don’t know if I can make it there in time. It’s nine o'clock and I might already be too late.
Please don’t let me be too late.
I’m sure I leave skid marks on the asphalt when I stop in front of the Coleman’s house. I head straight to the back door. Most people leave it open, especially in a nice neighborhood like this and even if it's closed, it's usually easier to kick in. It’s locked but the door has a window so I smash it in and stick my arm through to unlock the door from the inside. There are no lights on anywhere on the first floor, so I head straight up the stairs where I find Coleman. He is coming out of one of the bedrooms breathing heavily. He is dressed but his shirt is unbuttoned and he clearly has a boner hiding under his slacks.
“Who the hell are you and what are you doing in my house?” He yells at me accusingly, not knowing what’s about to hit him.
I don’t answer him, I’m too mad to even get a single word out. Anger is filling each fiber of my body and the only thing I can think of is smashing his face in. I close the distance between us in one large stride. His arms fly up in defense but I’m too quick for him. My fist makes contact with his jaw and his head snaps back. I can see his eyes roll back before his body falls back and hits the hallway carpet with a low thump.
Seeing his unconscious body on the floor reins in my anger substantially, but not enough for me to unclench my fists. I want to keep hitting him until his blood coats my skin and the only thing that gives me the strength to walk away is knowing that Eliza is in that room probably scared shitless.
Taking a calming breath I turn away from Coleman and step into the room. I find her in the corner, the sight of her makes my chest ache. She is almost naked, sitting on the floor with her legs drawn up to her chest and her small arms wrapped around them. She is quiet, not making a single sound but her eyes are wide, scanning the room. Just like she did when she was a little girl… always watching.
I want to rush over to her and wrap her into my arms, but I don’t want to scare her, so I pace myself. Slowly coming closer, holding up my hands to signal that I won’t hurt her while I scan her shaking body. Her cheek is red and her lip is split open but besides that, she looks uninjured. She is still wearing her panties so maybe I’m not too late. I take my jacket off and drape it over her shoulders. I expect her to jerk away at my touch but she just sits there, her eyes never leaving mine. She is probably in shock. I don’t think she could remember me from the last time she saw me. I was only sixteen then and the last three years haven’t been easy on my appearance or me. Small scars are decorating my face and my nose has been broken one too many times to be perfectly straight. She can’t possibly recognize me…but the way her eyes bleed into mine, so trusting…maybe she does.
***
6
Eliza
I’m huddled up in the corner of the room while shaking like a leaf. The guy who just knocked out Robert in the hallway walks in like he’s some kind of avenging angel. I’m shaking so hard now that I think I might shatter some of my teeth if I don’t get a grip. He steps closer and for some reason that I can’t explain that calms the maelstrom of emotions raging inside of me.
He crouches in front of me. Familiar dark blue eyes are scanning over my body. Even though I’m almost naked he doesn’t look at me with anything besides concern. He takes off his jacket and covers me with it. When his fingers brush my bare shoulders, I don’t shudder away like I did when Robert touched me. Somehow his touch gives me comfort and calms me down even more. It only takes me a moment to remember where I have seen him before. It’s the boy who fed me and walked me home one of the nights I was starving. It’s not something one forgets easily.
He looks older now, his face more defined. He was tall then, but is even taller now, more muscular as well. His hair is shorter, shaved on the sides and he has some three-day-old stubble on his face, which only makes him look more handsome. His eyes are the only part of him that has not changed. They are the same turbulent dark blue I remember.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did he hurt you? “
I honestly don’t know how to answer an
y of his questions. I don’t know how I feel right now. I don’t think I’m hurt, not really hurt at least. Not in the sense that I need to see a doctor.
I normally choose not to speak but right now I don’t speak because I can’t, even if I’d tried. The lump in my throat is too big to get a single word out, so I do the only thing my body allows me to do right now and that is to keep staring at him. In a way, I am back at that campfire, three years ago. I’m in trouble, I’m scared, helpless, and then out of nowhere this guy comes. I’m looking into his dark blue eyes, hoping that he takes me home just like he did back then. Maybe he isn’t an avenging angel at all, maybe he is my guardian angel…maybe a little bit of both.
A noise coming from the hallway snaps me out of my little trance. Robert lets out a pained moan and starts to roll to his side. I pull my legs closer to my chest, making myself as small as I can. I don’t want him to touch me or even see me. I just want to leave and never come back here. My blue-eyed savior gets up and strides into the hallway.
Don’t leave me here. I scream in my head.
He kicks Robert in the ribs. “Wake up, asshole.”
Robert turns his face up, still looking dazed.
“In the morning, you are going to call Denise and tell her it didn’t work out. Tell her that you dropped Eliza off at school and that you decided not to adopt after all. Got it?”
Robert just gives him one defeated nod and then lays his head back down. My mystery savior starts picking up my clothes from the floor and stuffing them in my school backpack, then he turns back to face me.
“We gotta get out of here. Don’t worry. I’ll take you somewhere safe.”
That is all he had to say to get me moving. I can’t get out of this place fast enough. When I walk by Robert who is still lying on the floor, I make as big of a circle around him as the hallway allows. Pushing my back flush to the wall, sliding alongside it, until I make it to the staircase. I run down the stairs, hearing loud footsteps behind me. My legs are not working at a hundred percent right now and I almost fall after missing a step. A strong hand grabs my shoulder, steadying me.
The Quiet Game (Pushed Aside Book 1) Page 3