by Nicole Fox
“You were falling for each other,” I whisper. “Yeah, I know the feeling.”
I watch as Molly presses closer to him. It just reminds me of what I’m going to lose if Andrei dies. Everything is such a jumble in my head right now, but not that.
I love him.
I need him.
Our child needs him.
I’m just glad the doctor told me the baby is okay. All that mayhem didn’t hurt it in any way, thank God.
I remember how I felt when I shot Declan. Not good.
I’d fantasized about it enough times, but, when I actually pulled the trigger, I just felt sick with the violence. It was like he’d dragged me down in the dirt with him. I’m glad he’s dead. I’m just not sure I want to be the one who did it.
Dad’s dead, too. I think that sentence over and over, trying to make myself feel something.
Dad’s-dead-Dad’s-dead-Dad’s-dead .
But I just feel numb. I just want Andrei to wake up.
We keep waiting.
I must fall asleep eventually, because one second I’m staring at yet another stale hospital coffee on the table, and the next …
I’m sitting in my studio with a little bundle of joy on my knee. Andrei is sitting across from us, but his back is turned, and he’s breathing strangely. Our baby is crying, but, no matter how hard I try to move to comfort them, I can’t.
I’m trapped.
And then Andrei turns.
I wake, screaming, jumping to my feet and shaking away the dream. I don’t want to think about how messed-up his face looked.
Garret pushes into the room, eyes narrowed. “Jamie?” he says, glancing around, hand near his hip. “Is everything okay?”
“Just a nightmare,” I tell him. “Garret, would you mind sitting with me for a while?”
Molly and Egor must’ve snuck out when I fell asleep. I’m in the small waiting room by myself. I wonder what they’re doing, but I don’t really mind. Let them enjoy their love. I know that if Andrei was here, it’d take an army to drag me from his arms.
Garret doesn’t even answer. He doesn’t need to. Instead, he wordlessly pours me a plastic cup of water from the machine and sits down next to me.
“No news,” he sighs. “Andrei is still unconscious. They’re saying you’ll be able to see him soon. But I’m not sure how soon.”
“What time is it?” I ask.
“Half past two.”
The room is filled with sun. Outside, birds are tweeting. Things seem way too morbid for the weather to be so nice. If this was a movie, it’d be storming and raining. And it’d be nighttime, constantly. The sun would never rise.
I feel Garret watching me as I gulp the water. He has a strange look in his eyes.
“Is something wrong?” I ask. I laugh awkwardly. “I mean, you know, apart from everything.”
“It’s just … I have something to tell you, Jamie. Something I wish I’d told you before the exhibition. But I don’t know if it’s the right time for it.”
I remember before the party, when he brought this up. It’s nothing. It can wait. “It’s waited long enough,” I tell him.
He winces, and then laughs. “You have no idea how long it’s waited.” He looks at me meaningfully. “Twenty-five years, Jamie. I’ve waited twenty-five years to tell you this.”
I hold his gaze for a long time as my sluggish, sleep-deprived mind tries to puzzle this out.
“Twenty-five years, I’ve watched you grow up. Proud. As proud as a father.”
“You’re not…” I stutter. “Why would you say that? Garret, you’re not my dad! Are you?”
He sucks in a breath through clenched teeth. “If I were, would you want to know?”
“Stop playing games with me!” I yell. “Just tell me what the hell is going on.”
I leap to my feet, pacing up and down. Suddenly, I feel frantic, manic. “Well?”
“Okay.” He leans forward. “But it will be easier if you just let me tell you all of it at once, without interrupting me.”
“Fine. Just start talking.” I can feel tears pricking at the corners of my eyes.
“Sit down, Jamie,” he whispers. “Please.”
I deflate into my seat. On top of everything else, this can’t be happening. Maybe I’m still asleep.
But then Garret tells me the whole story: the affair, Dad being sterile, Mom keeping it secret. And I start to think back through my childhood, how it was always Garret there to put the Band-Aid on my scraped knee, to get me ice cream when I’d been to the doctor, to help me with my homework.
I remember wishing that Garret could be my dad. And now, decades later, that wish has come true.
I’m crying my eyes out by the time he’s done, hunched over, hugging my knees. I just can’t stop shaking. So many emotions are washing over me. Garret touches my shoulder tentatively. I reach up, gripping his hand, gripping my father’s hand.
“All this time!” I sob. “Jesus Christ, Garret. All this time!”
He nods seriously. Tears are sliding down his face, too. But he’s doing a better job than me at holding back sobs.
“I know,” he whispers. “But it was too dangerous to tell you when Cormac was alive.”
“So that man wasn’t my dad,” I whisper.
“He … raised you,” Garret says weakly. “He paid for you to be raised, I guess you’d say. He paid for your college.”
“Yes, he did,” I say. “But he was never a parent. He was never there for me. But you were…”
I almost call him Dad, but it feels too awkward. Maybe, one day, I’ll be able to, but not yet.
I bite back another sob. “Do you think Andrei’s going to be okay?” I whisper.
Garret’s face tightens. He sighs. “A shot like that … it’s difficult,” he says honestly. “I could tell you he’s strong, he’ll make it. I could tell you that his chances are good. But I think you were lied to enough by Cormac. So I’ll tell you the truth: I don’t know.”
I squeeze his hand. “Thank you, Garret. For being honest with me.”
“I’ve heard talk, Jamie,” he says after a pause. “An alliance between the remaining Irish and the Bratva. But the only way that alliance will work is if everybody still believes you’re Cormac’s daughter. It’s up to you, but I think we should keep this between us. There are far more lives at risk than ours. Civilian lives. Children’s lives.”
I swallow. “That’s a lot to take in,” I admit. “An alliance? What does that mean? Like, a marriage? Isn’t that our decision to make? And aren’t you tired of hiding this?”
“Of course I am. But I’m even more tired of seeing innocents caught up in our business.”
Two days go by. Maybe the worst two days of my life.
Scratch that—definitely the worst two days of my life.
Molly stays with me almost the entire time. Or Garret. But it doesn’t really make much difference, because I sort of retreat into myself. They keep telling me Andrei is being operated on again. He’s in intensive care. I can’t see him. He’ll be okay. He’s in serious danger.
On and on and on, so many contradicting messages my head starts to spin.
Garret is right about the alliance, though. Toward late afternoon of day three, Egor approaches me in the waiting room, looking awkward. I expect to see him in his bloody shirt, but of course he has changed. Now, he wears a suit, his hair neat.
He sits down beside me and we kind of just stay like that for a long time. Finally, he says, “I have something I need to discuss with you, Jamie. But it’s difficult. And I don’t want to upset you.”
“What is it?”
“There is still a contingent of Irishmen loyal to your father,” he says. “They are saying that they will follow us if the Bratva and the Family are united in some concrete way, not just words. They are asking for a marriage alliance.”
“Marry Molly, then,” I argue. “Her uncle is in the Bratva!”
I’m feeling argumentative, easily annoyed.
It’s just so ridiculous, not knowing if Andrei is even going to wake up and yet here they are basically planning our wedding.
“Her uncle has been disgraced by running away,” Egor points out. “Our marriage wouldn’t mean anything. Except to us, of course.” He adds that quickly. I can hear the emotion in his voice. “But you and Andrei, if you married … it would mean a lot, Jamie.”
I huff. “Well, maybe we will get married. But it will be on our terms, okay? We won’t be dictated to. I’m sick of being told what to do.”
“You’d be saving dozens of lives,” he says. “I’m sure you heard about how terrible it was before, what your father was doing to innocent Russians. I’m sure you don’t want to repeat it.”
“Of course not! But I’m also sure I’m fed up with being in a pawn in this fucked-up life. The last time I checked, I didn’t ask to be born into this Family. So why does everything I do have to be affected by it in some way?”
He sighs. “Just consider it, please.”
“Don’t you have to ask Andrei, anyway?” I tell myself to calm down. I’m getting overly emotional. But I can’t help it. I feel taut, ready to snap. “You know, if he ever fucking wakes up!”
“He will,” Egor says with certainty.
“How do you know?” I whisper.
“Because he has to. Because he’s Andrei Bakhtin.”
With a nod, Egor rises and leaves just as Garret returns with our coffees, Molly trailing close behind him. She and Egor exchange some quiet words in the doorway and then, after a kiss, she walks into the room. The three of us sit there silently, except for the occasional pointless comment: about the weather, about some big football game that apparently happened yesterday, about nothing.
Really, we’re just counting down the minutes until we learn Andrei’s fate.
I excuse myself and go into the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet, I let my hand fall across my belly, wondering if my baby can feel how tense I am.
“Don’t worry,” I whisper, wondering if it’s even remotely possible he can hear me. I choose to believe he can. “Everything is going to be okay. You’re going to have a mommy and a daddy. And—” I feel silly, talking like this. But I press on. It’s strangely soothing. “And you’re going to be the happiest kid alive. Deal? Deal.”
My voice breaks. I think of all the fun deals Andrei and I made during our time together, our whirlwind romance. I think about how we might never make a deal again.
But then, finally, I get the news.
Garret shakes me awake, his hand on my arm. His face is serious as I sit up, rubbing sleep from my eyes.
“What is it?” I whisper. “Is he …”
“Alive, awake,” he says. “He’s asking for you.”
“Then why the long face?”
“I’m just tired.” He smiles weakly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“No, no,” I say quickly. “It’s my fault. I’m just anxious. So I can go and see him?”
Garret nods. “Yeah, he’s asking for you alone. He doesn’t want to see his men yet.”
I leap to my feet, the last remnants of sleep drifting away. I can’t walk quickly enough as I follow Garret to Andrei’s room. When I walk inside—Garret waits outside with the Russian guard—I’m shocked to see that he’s hooked up to machines.
But he’s sitting up in bed, and, even in a hospital gown, he looks every inch my Beast.
“Andrei!” I cry, unable to contain myself any longer.
I run across the room, about to throw myself at him. But then I remember his injuries and drop into the chair, taking his hand, squeezing it in both of mine. I bring my face to his knuckles and kiss them, sobbing.
“Printsessa,” he whispers. He shifts his hand, touching my chin, and then wiping the tears from my cheeks. “I dreamed we had a home and a child. I dreamed I came in one day and you were taking photographs of our son. Or daughter. I can’t remember. But I remember that you were pregnant again. And I remember I was happier than I’ve ever been.”
I giggle through the tears. “Thinking about baby number two already, huh?”
He smiles. “Yes, I am. Come here.”
I lean over the bed and find his lips. He kisses me softly at first, but then the hunger ignites in him and he growls, kissing me more passionately. I wrap my arms around his neck, careful not to hurt his injuries. But then, with a savage grunt, he yanks me onto the bed. I giggle, smiling, as I slide on next to him.
We break off, both of us gasping. “I don’t think we can, can we? Not with your injuries?”
“Soon,” he whispers. “But no, not yet.”
I nod. “This is enough.” I lay my head on his chest, comforted by how powerful his heartbeat feels. “I could lie like this forever. I love you, Andrei. I don’t know if I’ve told you that yet.”
“I love you,” he tells me, kissing the top of my head. “I never would have believed it, the night I walked into The Clover for that meeting with your father. But I would tear the world apart for you and our child. I want to protect you. I want to help you fulfill your dreams. I want you to be there when I fulfill mine. I want us to create new dreams together. I want—I want you, Jamie. Always. I want you to be my wife.”
My breath catches. Tears sting my cheeks. I really can’t stop crying, no matter how hard I try.
“Really?” I whisper.
He tenses. “Of course, really. Why would you ask me that?”
“Maybe I’m paranoid.” I tell him about Egor’s suggestion: the arranged marriage. “What if you’re just asking this for an alliance? Or maybe the pain meds are making you all funky.”
“Funky?” he chuckles. “Jamie, you’re the first person I’ve spoken to except for Garret. And I only called him in here first because I wanted to get his blessing.”
“So you knew,” I say in wonder. “That he was my father?”
“For a little while, yes. But that doesn’t matter now. We do. Our relationship. Our child. And I’m telling you, this is not politics. This is just me not being able to imagine living one second of my life without you. If I was able to, I’d get down on one knee. But, for now, just let me ask you: Jamie Elizabeth O’Gallagher, will you marry me?”
“You know my middle name, too!” I laugh. Elizabeth: my mother’s name.
He pokes me again, teasing. “Are you avoiding the question?”
“No.” I lean up, kissing him. “The answer is yes. Of course it’s yes.”
Soon, we’re kissing each other. Even with only one hand, he knows all the best places to touch. But we don’t let ourselves go too wild, because right now it isn’t about sex. We let our passion come to a natural end, both of us hot and panting, looking at each other with the promise of more to come.
Then I settle down in the crook of his arm. “I should go so you can meet with Egor,” I whisper. “I’m sure you have a lot to handle.”
“I do,” he admits. “Shifting our focus to our legitimate businesses. Ensuring that nothing like this ever happens again. Ridding the city of the sort of filth that kills innocents. But let’s just lie together for a little while. Deal?”
I laugh, closing my eyes. “Deal.”
“And Jamie?” he says.
“Yes?”
“I just want you to know, I am never going to let anybody like Declan hurt you again. I know you can take care of yourself. I’m not saying you’re helpless. But, if you will let me, I will kill any man who tries to hurt you like that again. You’re mine. And nobody gets away with causing you pain.”
Intense passion has entered his voice. “That sounds like a deal, too,” I whisper. “But don’t worry, Andrei. We have each other now. We have our child. Nothing can hurt us anymore.”
Epilogue I
Jamie
Two Months Later
“I’m nervous,” I tell Garret as we wait outside the chapel doors.
He’s going to walk me down the aisle, but we haven’t told everybody that he’s really my dad. And I hav
en’t started calling him Dad yet, either. I guess it just feels too weird. But I will, one day, and I know for an absolute fact I wouldn’t want anybody else at my side in this moment.
“About the walk or the wedding?”
“The walk! I can’t wait to be standing up there. Well, to be married, I mean. But there’s almost seven hundred people in there!”
Garret nods. “It’s an important event, Jamie. The union of the Bratva and the Family.” He grins mischievously, letting me know he’s just joking. “Although I know what you think about that.”
“I think it’s important for other reasons.”
Andrei. Our love. Our baby.
The ringbearer and the flower girl finally make their entrance. The organ music grows louder, shaking the walls. I feel flushed. Just like our romance, the wedding planning has been whirlwind to an extreme. Only two months since he proposed to me in hospital—since the Family and the Bratva wanted their oh-so-important alliance—I’ve been working at it nonstop.
Now, standing here in my simple, strapless dress, I’m looking forward to the reception more than anything else. Hell, I’m looking forward to the honeymoon suite, really. It’s not that I’m not going to have the time of my life, but seven hundred people? That’s a lot.
I put my hand over my belly. The bump isn’t showing yet. But it will be soon.
“Do you love him?” Garret asks.
I roll my eyes. “You know I do.”
“Is he going to be good to you?”
My eyes roll even more. Any further, and they’ll tumble straight out of my head. “You know he is. You’re just teasing now.”
“So then relax.” He moves forward, taking my arm. “And enjoy yourself. You’re only going to do this once … hopefully.”