by Nia Arthurs
I stare outside as the silence stretches out between us. I rest my forehead against the cool glass, trying to calm down and think rationally.
Morgan did save me.
Howard deserved to be punched.
I’m just… I’m ashamed that I put up with it.
With him.
With being violated.
My explanation fell apart beneath Morgan’s patient reasoning.
I might have gone about that situation the wrong way.
I glance over at Morgan. In profile, his jaw remains a sharp, ridged line. Dark eyebrows slant over stormy green eyes.
His frustration is palpable.
Understandable.
But restrained.
I… was wrong.
Damn.
But I hate to admit it.
Which is strange for me. Fighting isn’t my thing. I’d bend myself backward to keep the peace. With Miles, I caved to whatever he wanted so he’d quit screaming at me.
But with Morgan, it’s different. I express myself easily and he listens and counters me. There’s still butting heads. Heightened tensions. A few terse words. But they’re not… hurtful. I feel like he’ll respect me even if he disagrees.
And I appreciate that.
Treasure it even.
But what can I say that would make this less horrifying? You’re right that I let Howard cop a feel because I’m a spineless woman caught in another world who’s too afraid to stand up for herself.
Morgan would never understand.
He can’t.
No one can.
I huff out a breath and sink lower in my seat.
Morgan flicks the indicator. The car coasts into the driveway of a small clinic.
I straighten. “Why are we here?”
“You need to get your check up,” he mumbles.
“I thought…”
“What?” His lips tug up. “That I forgot?”
“That you were disappointed.”
“I’m worried.” He corrects me.
“That I might die?” I joke lightly.
He gives me a surveying look, like a puzzle he’s trying to figure out. “You bother me.”
“You mentioned that.”
He parks the car. “If you want me off your case, don’t be sick.” He reaches out and presses a gentle hand on my forehead. “And don’t let people mistreat you. For any reason.”
My heart thumps as I stare at him.
His eyes draw me in. Like a magnet to my soul.
I get lost in it.
In him.
In an overpowering tug that feels at once warm and dangerous.
Morgan glances away first. He reaches for the handle of his door and pulls. “Come on.”
He opens the front door of the clinic for me and a cool blast of air hits my face.
A smiling woman greets us when we walk in. “Back for your test results?”
“Not exactly.” Morgan gestures to me.
“Ah, right.” She turns. “You must be Kaz.”
“Y-yeah.” I give Morgan a questioning look.
“This is Monique. She’s a friend.”
“Morgan made an appointment after his check-up yesterday and asked us to lay out the red carpet.” She gives him the side-eye. “As if this is the spa.”
“Funny.”
“I’m hilarious.” Monique grabs a clipboard and rounds the counter. “Why don’t you follow me, Kaz?”
I glance back at Morgan.
“I’ll stay here.” He points to the waiting room chairs. “Get some work done.”
“I didn’t agree to the hospital.”
“But we’re already here.”
I wiggle my finger in his direction. “I’ll stay because you punched someone for me.”
One corner of his lips tilts up. “Then I’m glad I did.”
My heart flutters again.
Monique watches me intently and I feel exposed somehow. Heat burning my cheeks, I scurry down the hallway.
Monique hands me over to another nurse. She gives me a hospital gown and takes my blood pressure.
After the tests are done, I go into another room and get scanned through a big, white machine. It’s a long and boring process where I stare up at nothing and can’t move. I’m glad to get out of there when it’s over.
A few minutes later, I change back into my uniform and meet the doctor in his office.
I’m surprised to find Morgan sitting there when I enter.
He nods at me. “You don’t mind if I sit in, right?”
I shrug and fall into the chair beside him.
The doctor is short and pudgy with ruddy cheeks and a shock of brown hair. He beams at me behind his glasses like we’re old friends. “Kaz, it’s a pleasure to meet you. When Morgan called and begged for this favor I was—”
“Ehem. I didn’t beg, Doc.”
“Well, you certainly didn’t take no for an answer.”
Morgan rolls his eyes.
The doctor adjusts his glasses. “Let’s get to your tests, huh?” He shuffles some papers around. “This all looks good.” Putting the scans up on a light panel, he bobs his head. “Yes.”
“Check properly, Doc.”
Brown eyes zip up. “I know how to do my job, young man.”
I nudge Morgan in the side. “Relax.”
“I am relaxed.”
My gaze falls on his hands that are clenched in his lap. I grab one up and pry his fingers until they’re loose. “You’re so tense. Are you gonna punch the doctor too?”
“You think you’re funny?”
I toss my hair over my shoulder. “I know I am.”
Doc grins at me.
“What is?” I ask.
“Nothing. I just… I'm glad to see Morgan moving on.”
Morgan’s face goes dark. “Doc…”
“Moving on?” I lean forward, intrigued. “From who?”
Morgan snatches his hands back. “No one.”
Doc squirms. “Aren’t you two…?”
“We’re not together,” I explain. “We’re just friends.”
“I thought—” He hands over my necklace that I removed when I entered the machine. “So this isn’t an engagement ring?”
My eyes fix on the diamond. Then go straight to Morgan. “Uh,” I blink rapidly. “Well, it is. But I’m engaged to someone else.”
“How… wonderful.” The doctor forces a pained smile.
Awkward silence pinches the air.
“I’ll go check on your other test results, Kaz. You two wait here while I go see about that.” Running a hand down his lab coat, Doc lumbers to his feet and speeds out of the room at a pace that should be impossible for a man of his girth.
The door slams shut.
I turn the diamond around and around in my grip as the air gets tenser. Morgan is staring at my ring. I wonder what he’s thinking.
Why do I feel so guilty all of a sudden?
I clear my throat. “I wanted to tell you—”
“Ashley told me,” he says quickly, his eyes averted.“And besides, it’s none of my business.”
“It’s been a while. We got engaged as kids.”
“Kaz, you don’t owe me anything.”
“I know. But I wanted to tell you. I just… I didn't know how.”
He finally looks at me. I can’t read his green eyes. I wish I could. I’d give the fifty dollars and thirty-three cents in my bank account to peel back the layers and have a tiny peek into Morgan’s thoughts.
“He’s, uh, he probably doesn’t even notice I’m gone, huh?”
“Your fiancé?” Morgan shakes his head. “I doubt that.”
“There’s someone else in my place.”
He sets his fingers beneath my chin and lifts my head. “No one could take your place, Kaz.”
My heart stutters.
He drops his hands and shifts back. “Why do you wear that on a chain instead of on your finger?”
“The ring doesn’t fit right. There’s no way i
t would have stayed on while I was working.” My voice drops to a whisper. “Not that I need to worry about that again.”
“Does it bother you so much? Losing that gig?”
“It wasn’t the best job.” I pick at the hem of my ugly pink uniform. “And I wasn’t that good in the beginning.” I laugh softly. “You should have seen me that first week. Awful.” I shake my head. “But I didn’t give up. It was my first time trying so hard at something. I earned my place.”
Morgan looks thoughtfully at me. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It is what it is.”
“Another version of ‘accept what you can’t change’?”
“See, you get it.”
He smirks.
The door opens. We both glance up expectantly when the doctor walks in, but Doc’s easy grin is gone. His fluffy eyebrows form a deep ‘V’.
I straighten in alarm as I take in the sober expression that seems out of place on such a jovial man. My eyes drop to the test results in his hands and the somber expression on his face.
Something is wrong.
15
Morgan
Silence thickens in the room. My eyes bore through the scans in Doc’s tight fists as a horrifying thought sears my head.
The machine found something.
It’s the last thing I expected.
The last thing I wanted.
I brought Kaz here because, deep in my heart, I thought nothing was wrong with her. There was no harm in being extra sure but…
I was naïve.
Foolish.
I scan Doc’s face. I’ve seen that expression before. Once.
It was a hot day. The air conditioner had been broken and there were three standing fans pointing right at us. The scent of Lysol and sweet perfume had filled the air.
Her perfume.
Vanilla.
She liked subtle things.
Not too flashy. She was never one to stand out.
I’d held Grace’s hand tightly as we waited to hear what our future would be. I still remember the way Doc looked at us. The way his voice had trembled with finality. He cried before he could finish. Sobbed out the words.
Old man wore his heart on his sleeve.
Or maybe it was Grace.
She had that effect on people. She was bright. Sweet. Caring. Never met a stranger.
Doc managed to get the words out.
He doomed us with his diagnosis.
Tore my world right out from under me.
Right in this room.
And he’s about to do it again.
“I’m sick, Morgan.”
It’s Grace’s voice.
Damn.
I can’t do this again.
Can’t hear a damning diagnosis about someone I care about.
An invisible hand grabs ahold of my stomach and ties it into knots.
The pain increases.
Builds and builds.
Sweat pops around my collar.
“Morgan?” Kaz softly touches my shoulder.
“Morgan, let me go.”
I grit my teeth.
“You’ve been experiencing that for a while?” Doc asks.
“What?”
He nods to where I’ve got my hands pressed against my stomach.
“It’s nothing.” I try to straighten and cry out when the pain almost slices me in half.
Kaz jumps out of her seat and grips my shoulders. Turning, she bawls at Doc, “Do something!”
Doc rounds the table. “Can you hear me, Morgan?”
I nod. The tight fist on my stomach unclenches and relief trickles into my system.
Damn.
That was intense.
“This,” Doc sweeps the scan off the table and holds it up to my face, “is yours.”
“But he didn’t take any tests today,” Kaz says.
“I came in… yesterday, remember?” Panting from the pressure, I ease to a sitting position and pin my eyes on Doc. “What does it say?”
“You have a stomach ulcer.”
My eyelids flutter together. “So Kaz is okay?”
“Is that really the issue right now?” Kaz snaps. “You have a freaking ulcer, Morgan.”
“Is. She. Okay?” I growl.
“Y-yes. Kaz is fine. But you, sir, are not.”
I let out a breath of relief.
Doc frowns. “Are you taking pain relievers?”
“No.”
“How about the sleeping pills I prescribed?”
“Yes.”
“How often?”
I grip my chair tightly. “Every night.”
Kaz raises both eyebrows.
I meet her eyes and shrug. “I suffer from insomnia. It helps.”
The silence that falls is awkward, but I don’t flinch. I’ve got nothing to hide. Kaz can see my weaknesses. It doesn’t bother me to admit that I’m broken. Not anymore. Not after everything I’ve been through.
“How many?” Doc asks.
“Pills? Two or three.”
Doc gives me a scolding look. “That’s above the prescribed amount.”
“Doesn’t work any other way.” I need to rest to function. I tried running on fumes and I ended up dragging myself through the mud everyday.
Showing up to work after being awake for thirty-two hours is a recipe for disaster. It took making a huge miscalculation that nearly threatened the lives of four excellent astronauts to get myself in gear.
Sleeping pills were my savior. Sure, every dream is a nightmare, but at least I can get one to two hours of rest at night. It’s better than what I can get without pills—which is nothing.
“Has the pain always been this severe?”
“It’s gotten worse recently.”
“But it started when you took the prescription?”
I think about it. Nod.
Doc rubs his chin.
“Do I need surgery?”
“Not at this point.”
Kaz exhales. “That’s good, right?”
“Right. But if it continues to get worse, we’ll have to consider surgical treatment.”
Kaz chews on her bottom lip.
“I’ll be fine,” I tell her.
“Don’t be so flippant.” She glares at me. “If you get hurt, who’ll take me home?”
“Pavel.”
She rolls her eyes.
“Home?” Doc blinks in confusion. “You’re not from here, Kaz?”
“Not exactly.” She glances at me. Frowns. “Since all my tests check out, I’ll wait outside.”
I nod.
The door closes softly behind her.
Doc peers at me. “She seems nervous. Did she… lose someone too?”
“She lost her entire world.”
He gives me a puzzled look.
I sigh. “Thanks for taking her on, Doc.”
“Of course. You’re always welcome here even if Grace…” His words trail. “I’m just glad to see you’re doing alright, Morgan.”
I shake my head, tell him not to worry about it and leave the room to find Kaz.
When I get to the lobby, Monique jumps out from behind the receptionist’s desk. “Hey, Morgan.”
“Where is she?”
Monique points to the door. I see Kaz leaning against my car, head tilted to the sky and dark hair fluttering in the breeze. Every so often, she kicks rocks and glares into the hospital, waiting for me to show.
“Is she okay?” Monique frowns. “She seemed upset.”
“She’s a handful is what she is.”
“Do you like her?”
I scowl. “Don’t meddle, Mo.”
“It was an innocent question.”
“We both know that’s not true.”
She giggles. “I think she’s great. And if she’s unattached, I might set her up with someone.”
“Don’t bother. She won’t be in town for long.”
“Where’s she going?”
“Home.” I throw Monique a backward wave and
leave before she can ask more questions.
The door slams closed.
Kaz frowns at me as I draw near.
I stop in front of her. “Why’d you run? We were almost finished in there.”
She straightens and watches me intently. “You lost someone, didn’t you?”
I skid to a stop. Loose rocks skitter away from my sneakers. The world snaps to ice.
“In there.” She juts her chin at the clinic. Warm brown eyes fall on me. “You lost her in there, didn’t you?”
I try to swallow but find there’s a lump in my throat and a big fat rock landing heavily in the middle of my stomach.
“No one told me,” she mumbles. “So don’t think Monique or the other nurses spilled your business. Doc just confirmed what I was already suspecting.” Lifting one shoulder, Kaz says, “I saw her that night in your house.”
“That’s impossible.”
“Not her ghost.” Kaz smiles a little. “In the furniture.”
“What?”
“Unless I got it wrong and you are a ‘fluffy rug and assorted pillows’ type?”
I let out a hoarse laugh. “I’m not.”
“At first, I thought maybe your mom decorated the place, but I remember you told me your mom passed a long time ago.”
Sorrow steals my breath. “Cancer.”
“I’m sorry, Morgan.”
I shrug. It was the first of many losses. I’ve become immune to it all now. Nothing else could faze me.
“Is that what she had too?” Kaz asks.
Stepping away from her, I pull out my keys. “I’ll take you home.”
She moves closer to me. “I lost my home, my parents and my fiancé, but I know they’re still out there. They might not recognize me, but I can see them and touch them. When I get back, I’ll hug them and tell them I love them.”
I glance away.
Her voice gets quiet. “Worst case scenario and I never go back, I know they’ll be alright.” She stops directly in front of me. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, Morgan. And the truth is…” She throws her arms high. “You bother me too. Okay? You bother me.” She shakes her head. “I care about you. That’s why I ran.”
Her words drift over me.
Standing here, with Kaz, reminds me of something I had once and lost. Something I’m too afraid to have and lose again.
Sunshine glitters in her eyes.
Sparkles in the brown iris and the black pupils.
Over her dark skin.
In her sweet, trembling lips.
Reaching out, I pull her to me and wrap her in my arms.