by Nia Arthurs
David’s confession a few days ago came completely by surprise. It was the first time any guy had been brazen enough to step to me. Although I didn’t like David like that, I had to admit, it was flattering.
Miles leaned back and studied me. “He’s a good guy. You don’t want him?”
“No.”
“Not even for a second?”
“Mm-mm.” I shook my head.
His gaze softened. “Why?”
“Because I love you.”
“Just me?”
“Only you.” I took his hand. “And no matter where I go or what I do, I’ll always love you.” I rubbed my fingers over his knuckles. “And no matter where you go or how far you wander, you can always come back to me.”
He smiled and picked up my hand to kiss it. “You are something else.”
I took that as a compliment, but now I’m starting to wonder if he was making fun of me. His lips had quirked the way it did before he called me ‘stupid’ or ‘embarrassing’. There was dark amusement in his eyes, as if he was pleased that a dog had remembered its place.
I poured my heart out for him, but I was alone in my devotion. Looking back, Miles never returned my declarations of love—not once. He never assured me that I was someone he cared about.
In the past few days, Morgan has shown me, not just in his words but in his actions, what love is supposed to feel like. There’s a part of me that’s even begun to believe that I’m worthy of such pure devotion, a part of me that’s starting to crave being treasured, appreciated and seen.
Can I go back to Miles’s cold treatment?
Can I go back to the life I knew before?
It’s not like Morgan is asking you to stay.
I huff out a breath and roll my engagement ring around and around. If he wanted me so much, Morgan would have mentioned it, but he didn’t.
Isn’t it better to go back to the life I knew, even if it wasn’t the best life? It’s smarter than placing my bets on something beautiful but temporary.
Change what you can, accept what you can’t.
But when is it time to fight for change?
Tortured by my thoughts, I scoot out of bed and cross the room to the kitchen. A voice softly calls my name. Whirling around, I scream when I see a man standing in the middle of my living room.
He’s wearing a long-sleeved shirt buttoned to the top of his thick neck. Black slacks drape over his long legs. His familiar brown eyes bore into me with a new level of intensity and I almost choke on my own spit.
“Kaz, relax. It’s me,” he says in that deep rumble that I fell in love with.
“M-Miles?”
He flashes me a lopsided grin. “Yes.”
I draw in a deep breath that makes me feel lightheaded. “What—how…?”
“How am I here?” He spreads his arms wide, making his biceps flex beneath his fitted shirt. “It’s a long story.”
My voice is low and breathless. “Are you… real?”
“Yes.” His smile turns pleased. “Have you been dreaming of me?”
“I can’t believe this.” I move closer to him.
“Wait.” He steps back. “Before you touch me, you must know something.”
“What?”
“I’m not really… here.”
I scrunch my nose. “But I can see you.”
“Yes.” He licks his lips. “Think of me as a message that got delivered through time and space.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Like I said. It’s a long story.”
I lean back. “Have you done this before?”
“This?”
“Shown up in front of me?”
His lips twitch knowingly. “The club…”
“That was you?”
“Yes. I’ve been trying to reach you for a long time. I spent”—he rolls his eyes to the ceiling—“an incredible amount of money and time to get here. It wasn’t easy, but we got this far when nobody believed it was possible.”
“You went to all that trouble… for me?”
“Of course.” His eyes widen. “I love you, Kaz.”
Surprise sparks inside me. “You do?”
“I always have.” His eyes devour my face, starting from the top of my curly hair down my toes and back again. It’s the gaze of a man used to getting what he wants. The gaze of a man who wants me. “You’re the most exquisite woman I’ve ever seen in my life.”
My heart starts beating quicker. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear Miles say. This moment, him confessing his love to me, it’s what I’ve dreamed about since middle school.
But it’s not hitting me the same.
Something feels… off.
My distrust must show on my face because he reaches out to me. “What’s wrong, my love?”
“Nothing. I just…” I look him over. “You seem different.”
He smirks and runs his fingers over his strong chin. “Better?”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
He laughs. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”
“I guess I’m still trying to understand how this is all possible.”
“You can’t believe it’s possible to travel through time and space or you can’t believe I would do that for you?”
“Maybe both.” The words I’ve been holding back for all these years come bursting out. “You would never do that for me.”
His eyes soften. “Kaz…”
When I left—“ I cross one arm over my stomach. “You were seeing some other girl.”
His lips press hard together. “I was?”
“I saw her coming out of your house.” I swallow hard as the pain and betrayal of that moment creeps into the forefront of my mind and tinges my voice. “When I saw it, I was so angry, but I would have believed anything you told me. If you’d lied, I would have let it go. I trusted you that much.” I tremble as tears creep into my eyes. “But you didn’t assure me. You sent me away and went running after her. You hurt me, Miles. It wasn’t just that night. You’ve continuously mistreated and disrespected me. How can I believe you now?”
He charges toward me, stopping just short of touching me. Even though I know he’s nothing but a projection, I still step back in fear.
He leans into me, his face close to mine. “Kaz, that was the old me. But these few weeks without you have been torture. No other woman can compare to you. I can’t live without you.”
My chest heaves. “Miles…”
“Come back to me, Kaz.” He reaches out and lets his finger hover above my face. “Come home.”
28
Morgan
I can’t fall asleep, so I end up in the workshop working on the very thing I was tempted to destroy. Pavel finds me there the next morning, my head on the workbench and the computer at my elbow.
“Morgan,” he shakes my shoulder, “wake up.”
I open my eyes, sitting up suddenly. A stiff pain in my back warns me that I’ve passed the age of falling asleep at my workstation. Straightening slowly, I stretch and meet Pavel’s dark brown eyes.
“What were you doing?”
I yawn. “Perfecting the calculations.”
“You’ve decided to send her?” His eyebrows hike.
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then…?”
As the haziness leaves my mind, I point to the laptop. “There was another flux last night.”
“Someone was trying to get into our world again?”
“Yes.” I swerve the computer so he can see the numbers. “But I don’t think they were trying to get in this time. The fluctuations were consistent rather than aggressive. It’s almost like they did exactly what they wanted to do and left.”
“How strange.” He rubs his chin.
I stretch my arms above my head, my jaw cracking on a yawn. “Kaz thinks it’s the boy.”
“I doubt that. The boy would appear and disappear at will. Almost like he was just walking from one room to the next.” Pavel gestures to our por
tal. “This doesn’t feel like him.”
“I’m starting to feel uneasy about this,” I admit.
“You think the person trying to break through from the other world has bad intentions?”
I shrug. “There’s really no way to know for sure, but the not knowing…”
“I understand what you mean.” Pavel pauses. “And what about Kaz?”
I blow out a breath. “Not now, Pavel.”
“I feel I might have been too harsh in my delivery yesterday. I don’t want to hurt you or her. I just want to return her to where she belongs. I feel like I owe it to her and to myself to get one thing right after so many failures.”
“I understand.”
“And you’re still considering another option?”
I shrug. “She could stay.”
“Do you really think you could make her happy if she stayed?” Pavel asks. “She would be giving up her family, her friends, her fiancé, everything she knows… for you, a man she met a week ago.”
Has it only been a week? It feels like so much longer. Like I’ve been waiting an eternity to find her.
“It’s a big risk to stay,” Pavel continues. “Have you thought about it from that perspective?”
I grit my teeth. “Just get to work.”
Pavel sighs and sets his satchel down by the computer station. I leave him behind, heading inside my house to make myself a fresh pot of coffee.
Sunlight splinters through the windows, gliding over Grace’s paintings. I turn away from them and set the water in the decanter. In the stillness, Pavel’s words latch onto me like a blood-sucking bug.
Have you thought about it from her perspective?
Would it be right to ask Kaz to give up everything because of my feelings for her? She’s lived her life being told what to do. Her choices were stolen from her. She had to sacrifice continuously in the name of love. The last thing I want to do is be another Miles to her.
She deserves more than that.
She deserves the world.
And what do you deserve, Morgan?
It’s Grace’s voice again.
Damn.
I need to get an exorcist, a priest, someone to pry her voice out of my head and away from my thoughts.
As my eyes creep to a painting, a memory bursts into my head.
“I never wanted my life to turn out this way, you know.” She stirred a hot mug of tea and stared at the counter top. “I had so many dreams, so many plans. And it all got dashed.”
“What are you talking about? You still have those plans.” I smiled at her.
“No, Morgan. I don’t.”
“Grace…”
“But you do.”
“Not this again.”
“We can’t keep pretending that we have all the time in the world. The more we hold on, the more it’ll hurt when we have to let go. I want you to be happy. It’s my dying wish.”
My eyes narrowed. “Don’t joke like that.”
“I’m not joking. You keep saying I deserve to live, but what do you deserve, Morgan?”
I shake my head and turn around, only to inhale sharply when I notice Kaz standing across from me.
Her lips curl up in welcome. “Pavel let me in.”
My breath catches in my throat. Magnificent. That’s the word that fills my mind as I study Kaz. She’s wearing a simple white T-shirt and leather shorts. Her hair is full around her beautiful face.
Her presence drags the sunshine closer so it feels like I’m standing in the sun.
Ever since Grace, I locked myself up where no one could touch me. But Kaz pierced the veil with her slender fingers. She pushed right through my defenses and touched me in a place that was longing for her. Only her.
Let me go, Morgan.
Kaz eases closer, her eyes glittering like dark jewels. “How should I interpret that expression?”
“I’m just… surprised.”
She laughs softly. “You thought I’d avoid you?”
Her laughter is a sweet and sultry sound that I want in my ears for the rest of my life. The urge to drag her into my arms and taste those sweet lips sends a hum thrilling through my veins. Something cold stops me.
She points to my coffee. “Can I have a cup?”
“Sure.” I pour us both a mug and settle around the table.
Kaz sits across from me.
Her smile is bright, but I get the feeling it’s just a front. Her eyes keep darting away and she keeps tapping her legs beneath the table.
My fingers twitch, eager to reach out and take her hand in mine. To pull her into my lap and wrap my arms around her waist. To inhale her scent and absorb her into me.
“Pavel said you worked all night on the doorway.”
I hear a note of something else beneath her voice. What is that? Disappointment? Uncertainty?
“There was a fluctuation. I wanted to track it.”
“Someone trying to get in to your world?”
Your world?
I clear my throat. “Yes.”
Her fingers dig around her mug. “What did you find out?”
“Nothing definitive.” I tilt my head. “How did you sleep?”
“Not well.”
“I’m sorry. I should have—”
“No. You made the right choice.” She ducks her head. “I’m leaving. Tomorrow. There’s no sense dragging out something that’s doomed.”
I wince. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“We knew where things would end before we started, so there’s no need to be immature about it.” Another forced smile strains her lips. “Right? We can be friends.”
Friends?
I’m…
My feelings are way past that point. I felt something real when we were together. Was I wrong?
My voice thickens with frustration. “I can’t be friends, Kaz.”
“Morgan…”
“No, it’s—“ I sigh. “You’re right. You are leaving, so forget I said anything.” Pushing back from the table, I try to calm my quickening breath. With just a few words, she crushed my heart.
Gathering my courage to ask her to stay would be a fool’s errand. Just like Grace, it won’t move her. I’ll put my life on the line, I’ll hand over my world to give her everything, but if she’s not willing to fight then I have nothing to fight for.
“I’m confused too,” she mumbles.
“But you're still leaving,” I say softly. “It’s what you want, right?”
Kaz’s chair scrapes the tiles as she gets up. “What do you expect me to do?”
“I’m not asking anything from you.”
“Exactly.” Her voice climbs. “Exactly, Morgan. So why are you staring at me like I betrayed you?”
“Why don’t you tell me, Kaz?”
“No.” Her eyes blaze. “Don’t you dare turn this back on me. You knew I was leaving. You knew it wouldn’t last.”
“Damn it, Kaz, would you stay if I asked you?” The words ring loudly in the room, sucking out all the air and leaving a taunt, tumultuous tension behind.
It feels like we’re standing on the precipice of something great. But I know, from personal experience, that great potential could turn into a great tragedy in the blink of an eye.
“Would you?” I whisper desperately. I hate myself for hoping, but as I meet her big brown eyes, all I want to hear is ‘yes’.
Kaz stares at me and whispers, “Are you asking?”
She turned the tables right back on me.
Opening my mouth, I try to find the words, but nothing comes out.
There’s Grace, sitting on the bed, handing me back my ring after I begged her to stay and fight with me. Willingly abandoning her treatment and leaving me behind. Just like my mom did.
“I—” Just then, I catch sight of something shiny and golden around Kaz’s neck. My entire body seizes when I recognize the engagement ring.
She sees where my gaze has gone and her eyelashes flutter down.
“Do you still ha
ve feelings for that jerk?” I ask firmly.
“We were together for a long time. I…”
A bitter laugh slips out of me. “Accept what you can’t change, right?”
“It’s not…”
“You two will be very happy together.”
“I’m different now.” She stalks toward me. “I changed. He can change too.”
"You believe that?”
“Morgan—”
“Leave if you’re going to leave, Kaz. Don’t drag me into these hypothetical conversations when your mind’s already made up.”
Her lips tighten. “Screw you, Morgan.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“This whole time, there have been three people in this room—me, you and Grace.”
“That is not—”
“You keep comparing me to her. Even before we slept together, you already made up your mind that I was exactly like her. But you know what, Morgan? I’m not Grace!”
“No, you’re not,” I snap. “You’re nothing like her.”
Kaz reels back as if I slapped her across the room. Hurt pools into her brown eyes and I know she’s taken it the wrong way. Regret steals my anger and replaces it with distress.
“Kaz…”
Her nostrils flare and she bites out, “No. You’ve made yourself very clear.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
She lifts her chin and bats away a tear. “I’m sorry I couldn’t hold up to your perfect fiancé.”
“No, that’s not…”
“Thank you for all you’ve done for me, Morgan.”
My chest rises and falls as I watch her cry. It feels like I’m being shredded into pieces. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever experienced.
Take it back. Ask her to stay.
The words get stuck in my throat. I keep seeing Grace and that stupid engagement ring on my dresser, sitting hopelessly. Abandoned. Forgotten. Cast aside. I can’t put myself in that position again.
Kaz sniffs. “I’ll ask McCarthy to take me through the portal tomorrow. You don’t have to see me off.” She grabs her purse, whirls around and stomps out of sight, leaving me in an empty kitchen with a hollow ache in my chest.
29
Kaz